Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I kissed a girl and i liked it

Feelin a bit cheerier this morning.
Side note right away......a really good song is Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie

anyways. Last night I had a great laugh fest at Eat N Park with Joe where we discussed a lot of things and had some great laughs.......More speed jumping to dive off of a cliff.
Today if my parents get up at some point i'm gonna vacuum the house. Adam just about has my website ready to go....right now its just a coming soon page.
It's snowing...not much, bunch of crazy flurries. No job responses from anyone message from word from Mike...
I guess i'm just going to have to accept that everyday now is just going to be me and music and games alone...constantly.
I have to start eating better and sleeping at better times. I keep saying that and i was actually starting to do it a week ago but i fell off that.
I work 5-930 today at Petco. I dont even care anymore. I mean really.
I can never think of what to write in here anymore.
I wonder where life is going to take me. I really would like to get a decent job and just work until I have a steady enough money intake to start paying things back and move into my own place and if possible.....just go away. Move away from here altogether and just start a new life. Just start everything all over and begin from scratch. New places, new discoveries, new people, new job, new surroundings, new home. My heart yearns for more and I am just stuck here because I am not able to do the things i want to do or accomplish things i've wanted to accomplish.
I've said before that my dream is to move away somewhere city-like that is beautiful and friendly and decorate my apartment in the theme of marilyn monroe, james dean, humphrey bogart, and have somebody there to share it with. Someone to fall asleep in my arms on the couch while we watch late night talk shows and someone to have playful video game matches and to go shopping with who when i'm not around knows what I want and can suprise me with something she found and bought because she knew i was looking for it. I want to take road trips with friends and travel the states and take pictures along the way. Go to New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Florida, and even Canada. I would also like to visit Rome, Germany, Italy, and even Japan and Australia. To be able to work at home would be great as well. Although i'd still like to go the office every once in a while to get out of the house and feel more important to the job. I've always loved waking up in the morning and seeing your other sleeping next to you all cute and innocent. Then they wake up and smile and roll over and make that little noise like they are trying to wake up but really dont' want to. This is all possible but the first thing that needs to be fixed is the money problem. I have to start off slow and build it up but i dont' have the patience. I want a job now and I want to be paid well now and i want to pay off my loans and my car now but it just isn't instant like that.
I miss the old days because every single day someone called to do something. Hell they used to just show up. Now it is so quiet. So i call and text but never get responses.
I'm really hoping that this website attracts more attention for jobs because once it is done i'm going to put myself up on craigslist with my website and then people can find me while i am looking as well.
I am not happy at all. I hate both of my jobs. I dont even like the employees anymore. Petco was okay but now i just don't care for them anymore. Nobody except like 2 people are my age and it is just becoming annoying, especially with the Kathy thing. Giant Eagle is worse. I dont want to talk to anyone there and i dont want anyone to even look at me. The manager is just pushing me closer and closer to just up and quitting and it is just way too boring there. I need work to do, and not busy work, actually work to the effect that i'm accomplishing something and it in turn is making money.
Just keeps reminding me of a phrase that Stewie in Family Guy once used.
The winter of your discontent.
I feel that way. To be honest, a girl would not make me feel any better or fix the situation. Yeah, i'd feel better and be happy but the money and loan and job situation is just a bigger problem to me that is much more important. I can't be confident and feel better until I feel safe and secure in the financial department.

I just don't think I have any idea what I'm doing anymore.

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