Sunday, December 31, 2017

New Year and the biggest most important resolution of my life

This New Year is the most important of all.  The year ends and brings with it the relief of knowing that the worst is over.  It was a tough tough year, well, past two years...and I for one am glad that the new year is coming with the feeling of excitement.  A new time for a fresh start and to pursue what I want and what and who truly makes me happy.
This was something I should have said before to you and even though it's a little late, I am going to take now to say it.
I am sadly not holding you in my arms at the moment but believe me I am doing everything I can to feel like I am.  We celebrated the new year down there together and at the time I was grumpy and messed it up and I feel so bad because your big beautiful eyes were looking up at me with such love. Well darlin, I want to say all of this to you now.
This New Year I promise to be the best me that I can possibly be.  I know that I am capable of so much and can accomplish anything that I put my mind to.  I am talented and creative and will always shoot for the stars no matter how many people tell me it's crazy.  This new year I vow to grow and follow my heart.  There is a beautiful brunette with the prettiest eyes.  She is a cute shortie who is smart, educated, funny, and is the only person who has truly made me feel not only like I could do anything, but that I was cherished and wanted.  Someone who actually made you feel like a team and work at making the other have a great day no matter how cloudy.
I haven't been myself for a little bit and have tarnished a reputation that I was proud of.  I'm in love with a girl who to this day makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world.  I hurt her and not a day goes by that I don't regret that and feel terrible about.  She is so kind and caring and the exact angel that I prayed for.  I don't want to be without her and know that she is out there still thinking and hoping and I am too.  This new year I don't want to go without her and my resolution is to make her happy.  I've messed up too much and don't deserve someone as special as her but if given the opportunity, my resolution is to make sure she smiles every day and laughs more than she ever did.  I wasn't grateful enough for the things she did when we lived together and acted like a child throwing a tantrum when I wasn't comfortable or liked what was going on around me.  Through the thick and thin and the worst of times she still believed it was us until the end, forever soul mates.
I believe it too.
My resolution is to make things right.  Correct all the wrongs that I have done and be the man I was always meant to be.  I know she is still hoping, the same way I know she still looks and waits and hopes.  Two lovers miles apart looking out at the sunset wondering if the other is doing the same and mentally talking to the other in hopes that they hear.
I was terrible.
I feel bad about being so rude and not helping enough and not doing everything and more in my power to take advantage of the gift that was presented to me when she was here right in front of me ready.  It's hard to get up in the morning knowing the pain I've caused and the things I've messed up.  But I can always sleep with a smile in the back of my mind knowing that she is still out there and one phrase keeps going through my head.
The door will never close.
A simple phrase from a hand written letter that I look at almost every day.
That is my hope and what keeps me going.  The end is so close that it can happen any time now and it's about time.
My new years resolution is to love you like nobody else ever has.
I still believe it is us and love you so much it's crazy.
I'm making everything right and the light at the end of the tunnel is right there.  The wait has been unfair and greedy and well, just plain shitty.  But, I promise with all my being that I will make it worth it and spend the rest of my life making you the happiest girl, woman, wife, mother that I can possible manage.

Still true to this day.
Happy New Year dew drop Megels
It is closer than every before and my new years resolution is to make everything right and finish all of this as fast as I can so that you are in my arms.
I hope your New Years was nice and sweet and I cannot wait to take the next steps.  Have a very wonderful night and Happy New Year,   I love you dew drop  <3 p="">

Thursday, December 28, 2017

The Oncoming of New

The New Year is quickly approaching and brings forth the most exciting time for me.  The plan and path ahead has been going better than ever and the upcoming new years eve will see me spending it with my parents by myself for the first time in a few years and it provides a nice open space of breathing air that labels yet another step to the immediate future.  Christmas came and went rather quickly and as posted before, felt a little empty and just not the same.  True it was spent with the family...sans one...and there was dinner and gifts and a general cheer but the feeling of you by my side had never felt more missed.  I stand by my Christmas wish and am so close to putting it into action I find myself having a giggle here and there throughout the day.  Making sure nobody sees me, short nerd giggling to himself looks oddly suspicious.  The Christmas gifts went off well with the ever present double gift rearing its head.  I had bought a new Tim Burton book at half price and was excited to show it to the parents and halfway through my gift opening lo and behold I open that Tim Burton book.  I always feel bad when that happens because the person is so excited for the reaction of the giftee and I felt like the wind was taken out of the sails with that one.  The rest of the gifts were great from a small little tin Star Wars lunch box to various video games and movies, one of note being the remastered all on one disc Lego Harry Potter saga for Playstation 4....I maaaay have asked for that one specifically for you to play  :)
There is a girl who sits in the cube next to mine who looks just like you and came from Florida, her boyfriend is here with her up here and it is just so crazy how all of that is and right there next to me as a sign.  I've had a number of dreams that involved you with a few notables being me at some sort of banquet and I didn't want it to start because I didn't know where you were.  The seat in front of me was empty and all I could think was where are you?  We can't start the dinner without Megels.  A more recent one I can't remember but the one thing that did stick was I asked you what you thought about what we were looking at.  No idea what we were looking at but I wanted your opinion.  They range from us going somewhere or me looking for you, every time.
The dreadful cold stinks and I've just been head over heels for you more than ever.  The year is just about over and I couldn't be happier.  I want it out of the way and the new one to come.  New everything and the long awaited super excited can't wait to start it end of this ridiculous path that I"ve been working through.  I want to show you the world and have a blast making every day something you look forward to.  The only time I feel butterflies in my tummy is when I think of you.  What I would give to have the spider monkey maneuver happening on me right now.   You really make me happy, in a way that is true and real.  There's just so much about you that is real.  I keep thinking about that image you took of me drawing while we watched tv and you wrote that you could watch me draw forever.  Or that night we spontaneously played a bunch of rounds of old school Mortal Kombat.  Or when we watched Under the Stars and the ending made us hug with serious love.  Being with you made me feel accomplished, like I had the most gorgeous award and that I had a worth.  The only thing I love more than you is making you smile and feel that love.  It's so close it hurts.
You are what happens when a shooting star lights up a sky.
You are the inspiration that fuels the creative fire in an artist like me.
You are what happens when love becomes tangible.
Holding your hand is the most fun I've ever had.
Miss and love you so much.  Nighty night dew drop

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Christmas Wish

This Christmas will be the last I spend feeling the emptiness of being without you.  We have missed too many and the ones that I have spent with you have been the most memorable.  True there are memories of growing up and waking up in the morning to see all the gifts under the tree and trying to guess what they were before the parents woke up and we could tear them all open.
A few notable memories are watching cartoons on Fox Kids in the morning while waiting for parents to wake up, getting Star Wars on DVD and almost dieing, and of course having Christmas Story on while we did Christmas....that's right, your favorite movie of all time.
But the ones that stick out to me are the ones that you were a part of because it felt truly special and like it really meant something.  Whether it was a small tree that we got while working at Limited and taking a nap in the Home Depot parking lot, the one we decorated under the Christmas lights one beautiful night with the penguin ornament that stuck around every year or the adult sized one that the cats liked to be in and leaving needles all the way up to our apartment door.  We took photos that one night that I have yet to ever take better of, this one being my absolute favorite that gives me so many feelings and a yearning to do it again.

There is just something  about it that takes me back to that moment and even now still puts me back in the mindset of being in the holiday season and sharing such a wonderful moment and looking at you more than the tree we just decorated.
The holiday continued to deliver even in Florida where we got ourselves a real tree and decorated it while having on Scrooged and some random youtube videos of Christmas specials and the Bob Hope Roasts...of all things.
I miss laying with you while you played back the specials that you grew up with like Garfield's Christmas and the best of all
It felt like I was accepted into the most famous private club being able to watch those with you and it was so adorable how well you decorated the apartment for the holiday, even down to the mistletoe hanging above the hallway so we could kiss right before bed every time, not like we needed an excuse.  The cold weather was always an angry villain to you and I cleaned your car off when I could and was even rewarded one night when cold little Megels came over in a buttoned up coat and made her way down to my room only to take the coat off to reveal a sexy naughty outfit that not only took me by surprise but actually made my heart skip a beat.
With this Christmas I am graced with knowing that the nightmare that has eaten two years of my life is finally clearing and I wish upon the holiday star to be able to make a trek down to what my heart seeks.  Christmas just feels empty without you, like a vital part of my being is missing.  There is no holiday movie viewing with a cutie next to me singing along to White Christmas or seeing your face brighten when you unwrap Luigi's Mansion, Supernatural autographs, or a Supernatural Jane Austin book combo.  Don't worry I won't bring up the Casino....i mean, other than that....did I just fail?  ahem
This Christmas I only ask Santa for one thing.
I don't want to experience any more Christmas' without you.  I did like I said, get you something that is very meaningful.  Also trying my damn hardest not to see Star Wars without you, avoiding spoilers is a nightmare.
So Santa, if you are listening.....I've made a lot of mistakes.  I've hurt people and hurt the person I love the most.  I've been blind and clouded like I've been addicted to a bad drug that has changed my mind and body to unhealthy states that I found it so hard to kick while those around me saw me going down and tried to rescue me.  I've been a fool and an idiot and am ashamed and embarrassed that it took me this long to get it straight.  It taught me a lot and while painful, it did help me to grow up where I needed to.  There is a life that I know is for me and know where I can flourish and achieve great things and I had that life once.  I also had the best other half anyone could ever dream of.  I remember looking out my window at night when I was younger and asking God to please help show me my one.  Lo and behold he made due on his promise.  Santa, I know I can't take back the mistakes and pains that I have caused but, if you'd give me just this one wish I will spend the rest of my life making up for everything and more.
All I want for Christmas is you.
Merry Christmas dew drop   <3 p="">

Friday, December 22, 2017

When Growing up Matters Most

2-  While the flu attacks my body and I do my best to keep up with Etsy orders, my mind is full of memories and fantasies that are filled to the brim with your smiling face.  Agreements and plans have been settled and the future that I know was meant to be is drawing near.
There is a commercial running now for Star Wars toys and it follows a little girl training dressed as Rey with her friends and at the end graduates to earning her lightsaber.  She strikes it up and the look on her face fills me with such tear filled joy and a big heartwarming feeling of why growing up has changed my outlook on having a child.  It's crazy to think back that just a few years ago I never wanted any believing they would take up all time and be way too much work to now wanting to have that connection and legacy where you pass things on, share experiences and grow with your child.  Being able to do the things parents did, being on the other side.
I have been nonstop thinking of you and my mind has been running wild.  What comes to mind most are the experiences that I relive daily to put me in a happy hopeful mood.  Seeing the big Audrey Hepburn frame hanging on the wall and the black and white polka dot sheets.  The way your hair smelled so good and infused with the fruitiest of shampoos.  You playing Mystical Ninja eagerly and trying so very hard to defeat the robot boss and the look on your face when you whipped around at me in shock saying I Did It!

I still think back to just watching you.  Watching you drive with one hand on the wheel and the other out the window, the sun reflecting off of your skin and your voice singing along to any and every song.  The way you would be on your laptop doing homework and choosing which ones mattered more than others and the Powerpoints that you had to create, your eyes scanning over every little thing as your fingers typed away.  I love the way your hair hangs over your eyes and the feeling of it slipping through my fingers when you would lay on my lap on the couch while we watched TV.  I admit to having looked at you sleeping a few times because you looked so peaceful, during a rough time that you were going through it felt good to know that there was some relief in there that you were able to get to.  I loved watched you out of the shower because the water laid on your skin in a way that screamed to be photographed.  You looked adorable and sexy at the same time when we would go to Universal and you would wear the leggings or pants that only went down to just under the knee leaving your calves exposed and wearing your sneakers, there is just something about you that every single time I look at you I feel the same feeling of when I saw you for the first time.  No matter how you felt about your self or what diet you would try, you always looked gorgeous and have the most beautiful eyes mine have ever laid themselves on.
I don't have to imagine or fantasize what kind of mother or wife you would be because I see and saw it every single day.  You are a very unique and rare breed of person who has a heart that is like lightning in a bottle.  I learned a lot from you, esp now.  Growing up and knowing exactly what you want and what you want and need to do is very important.  I want to be not only the man you love but the man you can depend on.  I admit that I wasn't there before, I don't know what inside me didn't want to grow up or felt that I had all the time in the world for that later.  I see someone who is my exact soul mate and has been there through the thick and thin of it.  When I see you I see future and while hard to describe, I see right.  That feeling you get almost like fung schwei, where you just feel it.
The girl who lays in bed and gets you to call off of work to spend the day with her and you are so glad when you do.  The girl who kisses a piece of notebook paper and leaves it on the counter for you to see in the morning and plays Trivia Crack with you all week.  The girl who doesn't care what is being watched or played just as long as she is able to sit next to you and just be near.  The girl who buys food for a homeless person and their dog and offers her place to friends and family who have nowhere else to stay.  The girl who dresses as a witch and fills a bowl of candy in a halloween decorated apartment even if nobody comes.  The girl who works her ass off to make sure everything is good and continue an educational career that most don't even bother to pursue.  The girl who has the confidence and bravery to take chances and believe deep down what she wants.  The girl who crinkles her nose to get a smile and sends star wars reaction pictures through text and zooms in on her nose on facetime and watches Netflix together on skype and comments on twitch stream of any game I play.  The girl.
She told me her vampire dream and I began to write it for her, she told me about the ghost of a woman she sees that I always wanted to see too, she told me all the places she has worked and the friends she made and how she believes that it's us in the end.
The special kind of girl who gets tipsy and punches someone because of how much they love you and want to show it even if you aren't even there and then comes home to tell you about it and proceeds to have you go get steak and shake milkshakes and 2 boxes of tacos from taco bell.
I love this girl with all my heart and more.  When I saw her come out of her car earlier this year after not seeing each other for a long time, it was like no time had passed and was the most amazing feeling I had felt in a long time.  One of the many moments with her that I wished could've stopped time so the moment never stopped.  The preparations are being made and at the end of every day I still hold a pillow in bed like it is her and feel an almost psychic link to her like we could talk through our minds.  I know where my true happiness lies.  A lot of people can't say that but it's why I will always believe the meaning of life to be....Love.

and this:

<3 nbsp="" p="">

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Early morning yearning

Woke up early after dreaming deeply.
Missing you a lot and am excitedly working towards the days I have been dieing for.
The snow is cold but I am warm to the bone with thoughts of you.
Your embrace and beautiful eyes.
A small P.S. as my heart yearns more and more.
Love you dew drop, I can always feel your hand in mine.  Warming me and my heart.  <3 p="">

Friday, December 15, 2017


3- The future continues and we've now hit a stage where we are firing on all cylinders.  We've gotten in shape, don't worry about bills, our careers are exactly what we want, and Maniac Mansion is being seen by a lot more than I thought and picked up by websites writing about it.  This gets me noticed by the creator of Maniac Mansion who commends my work and may offer me a job after my suggestion of remaking the maniac mansion game for current consoles with my art and style.  Meanwhile you get promoted at your job which you had been campaigning for and are in a position now where you feel you can breath and really achieve great things.  I celebrate with you and your ideas for expansive dreams grow as you tell me all about them and it fuels such excitement.  We continue to visit Universal but taking time to go to Disney now that star wars world has been built and opened.  During the course of the years and the upcoming ones, we start to cross off states on your bucket list for visiting all 50 states.  Being kids so much eventually puts the thought in our heads for maybe looking into bringing a kid into our world as well.  We kick around names again as long as it fits with getting stuck in the dishwasher and decide to try this year.  I secretly hope our first is a girl and we name her Layla (spell?) and I get daddy crazy thinking of taking her around with me to shop and putting hats on her.  It doesn't take much trying and we are lucky with a positive test and a creative way to break the news to all while I feel the utmost confidence that you will be the most amazing mommy.
We take that long talked about road trip with Mike and Sarah driving to Universal and spend a few days there laughing and having the best time ever as two couples enjoy the best amusement park there is.  It's an adult couple dream that we've always fantasized about where two married couples have a blast with the loves of their lives and you wonder how the hell everyone isn't doing the same thing, but secretly glad they don't as we have captured something special and we'll be damned if they take it from us.
A chance opportunity comes along where I can be a part of a game company as a character designer based on what they saw of my movie.  I take it on the condition that I am able to work from home as my wife has a nice round baby tummy growing and I don't want to be far from her so I am able to be there for her, esp when lil baby decides to make their way out into the world.  While the apartment was a good deal and helped when needed the most, we also look for a new place to live as to start our family in our own house.  We celebrate our yearly trip early by going to Europe where we chase down Italy, having seen a lot of the beaches in the US at this point.  The year goes along well with youtube episodes being put out that are far beyond our best and later in the year prepping for the delivery of what we find out is our little girl.  You go baby crazy too and have me paint a room to resemble the most amazing kids room there ever was.
Meanwhile since we can't keep up a youtube show forever, we have evolved Geek Sense into a brand at this point with a perfect venue for me to sell art pieces and with your clever ideas and help, develop a store that offers a wide selection of unique pieces of nerdiness for others to enjoy.
We continue to laugh until we fall asleep nestled in bed and I finally beat you once in harry potter scene it but it's very close.  I don't let a day go by where I don't let you know I love you and you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.  You request naked man and watch me play games and help with hints on what to do....and tell me I"m the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, it's strange but I appreciate it regardless.
The future looks very bright and the next few years brings with it a lot of growth, challenges,smiles, and happiness and with the excitement right around the corner, me not seeing the Last Jedi unless it's wit you and saving so so much to catch up with, my mind can think of a few notable events and plans that I envision with us including the following.............

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Middle of night, can't sleep, visions of you

Middle of the night and can't sleep and just wanted to add a P.S. to the last post before the next countdown.
I miss you and think about you so much.  Bought you something that has meaning with it.  I am going to fast track this countdown because I just can't go without you.  Sweet dreams dew drop, love you like crazy.
Back to our regularly scheduled Final Countdown.

Monday, December 11, 2017

The Final Countdownnnnn da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaa do do do do dooooo

We decide to save a bit and take a big overseas trip, we spend most of the year planning it and I get the romantic ideas back in my head and suggest like always a trip to London/Paris/Rome.  We are able to make this happen even if it takes a bit more money than we'd like but we vowed to do this and off we go, more excited than we ever thought possible.  Once over there, we are overwhelmed with culture and have a blast never heard of before.  Paris is where I propose and at last we take the big step that was missed so many times and long overdue.  We are looking up at the eiffel tower and being the super tourists that we are and the beautiful scene is without description.  I fumble around with the ring in my pocket and my heart beats hard making my mouth dry and excited to speak the words I had been rehearsing over and over in my head for months.
I was going to write down exactly what I want to say at that moment but that would take all the emotion and surprise out of it, bad enough I already have said where I wanna do it. It was here and re-reading it, yes it's what I want to say but you'll just have to wait  ;)
I'm down on one knee and people in the crowd around pause and watch, excited and curious.  You with tears in your eyes accept and jump into my arms as the onlookers around us clap and cheer.
Even though I'm sure we aren't the only people to ever do it in that spot but in that moment we are the only people that exist in the world.  Paris will forever be a magical place in another world that means more than anything.  The rollercoaster of emotions and hell of previous years finally pay off and we return home reborn.  We end the year with more new movies to watch like Star Wars Episode 9 and plan our own christmas party that we invite people to.  We do ugly sweater days, gift exchanges, and watch as many Christmas movies as we can with hot chocolate, ginger bread Hogwarts that we made ourselves, and finally ice skating together holding hands while the holiday music plays over us.
The youtube show grows into an actual weekly show that we have a blast making and it is starting to generate income and popularity.  Maniac Mansion is in the final stages and almost ready to be released and a trailer is created for it and released online which creates some very nice buzz and views.  This excites us to the max.  The plan for the movie is to not only use as practicing my skills and making something I am excited for but hopefully getting me noticed or at least get me somewhere in the art field as a very wonderful business card of sorts.  The goal is to be able to do the art and videos full time and not need a full time job with punching in and being on time and hours and calling off and dressing up.  We become that couple that has little get togethers where we watch the harry potter movies with friends and dress the parts and have snacks with themes from each film, we find all the mini golf places and beat our scores, and take so many silly pictures that we actually develop a following online.  We have people over and go over people's houses and utter phrases that are cheesy but for some reason are so exciting to think about.  "That was nice, we should have them over again."  "we should all check that out some time"  "thanks for having us, can't wait to go to the show with you guys"
We read together or to another in bed going through the various books we think the other would like and game together to not only try and catch your little buns up on gaming history but have the most fun we can and eventually start careers that we not only love but prosper from and for the first time be able to love what we do for a living.
A wedding is planned and done in the very best way and follows all the steps planned and researched so many years ago on pinterest even down to the nerdy little quirks all over the place.
Our strength reaches new levels and the upcoming year looks to be the best yet, which speaking of......

Friday, December 8, 2017

The Final Countdownnnnnn

5-I see 2018 starting where I am able to finally breathe and clear my head, really get things in order and figure out just what art path I want to go down.  The time to do whatever it takes for your hand is approaching quickly and it really gives me reason to get up in the morning.
I fantasize about the future just like how I would text you during dinner a few years back.  I imagine being close to you and feeling your energy just like how it was when you came over that first time in my parents basement to my room and I showed you my art.  In this we being to sketch out ideas for the Youtube show that I've been sketching out for a while now and I put my two weeks in at Half Price because while neat, it is a dead end and not worth having it in my way while I pursue what I really want to do.
The youtube show being various monikers of M.E. (Megels and Edward) such as Game with M.E. where we play games, travel with M.E. where we make video travel blogs, watch with M.E. where we review movies and create with M.E. where we make something.  It's insanely fun and we build up an audience and new friends and are the cutest damn couple on the internet.  It is an outlet for me to not only be creative but really pursue what I want and gain experience while having the most fun with my best gal.
I love knowing that you felt like you could actually be yourself with me.  It meant a lot and might be the most important thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've already got so many ideas from movie reviews, game playthroughs, animations, and art videos where I draw a bunch of things in real time and record it and then put them together and speed up the film and put music to it. Then begins planning out the ground work and figuring out how best to tackle bills and other such issues while attending  comic cons instead of concerts, seeing Star Wars as I am making a vow to not see it unless I'm with you.  Singing in the car at the top of our lungs and playing Mario Kart and letting you kick my buns because if I really tried i mean, come on  ;)
The bills will quickly see a dent and the Maniac Mansion movie will really pick up development steam, the added time at home without two jobs really helps the cause and the nightly game streaming and posts online add a fun community element to our life.  It's exciting and fire igniting working on the film and seeing you practice voices and my art start to evolve to a passion that I missed so so much.  We're able to save enough and plan well enough to visit Universal and Disney and are finally able to go to Ocean City for a week that summer.  I show you all the things I grew up with and it gives us the travel bug to plan to go somewhere every year that we've never been.
I've always had the beautiful moment of us holding hands on the beach ever since the first time we did it.  The hair blows through your hair and your sun dress floats around you and you take on an almost angelic appearance while I stand in awe that someone as beautiful as you actually likes a stupid nerd like me.  The bills begin to lower and relationships across the board grow with new careers happily being discussed.  We see Avengers 3 part 1 and our minds melt.  You single handedly bring me to a happiness that I haven't felt in a long time.  I find the perfect moment and ask you the most important question I'll ever ask of a person.  I had gone through hell and responsible for causing some hell and pain and with forgiveness I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.
2018 closes beautifully and then 2019 comes along and.....

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

The final countdown creates excitement the closer it draws near

You always see movies or read books that say head over heels or infatuated and growing up I always wanted to experience that.  Little did I know all I had to do was not be successful in art after college and hang around a grocery store for a while to end up running into that feeling one weekend.  It's crazy to think that one person can create such a permanent home within someone else and give reason after reason as to why life can be the greatest adventure conceived.  Every minute that goes by in a day has some print of you instilled into it.  There are moments where almost reflexively I want to go out and dust snow off your car or make sure I vacuum before you come home and put a blanket over you when you've fallen asleep watching TV.....or playing a game, yeah i've seen you.  So many things and factors finally falling into place and ending bring a feeling that I have only felt with one person in my growing life.  You.  There is a future and life that I see with you that I remember texting snippets of to you while I ate dinner and you would read and ask back 'and then what' with a smile I'm sure even if I couldn't see it.  While it all finally ramps down and I put together my plan, I definately want to do that again for you.  I'd be lieing if I said I hadn't already thought of it and maybe even wrote it down.  We've lived seperate lives apart from one another and gone through a lot and while there were moments of good times during those periods, there is a reason that the only person I have even been able to construct a future in my head with almost on a year to year basis has been you.  As you will see in these last upcoming posts, I see quite a detailed happy life.  But Edward, wouldn't that require you to take the step and find me?  Why yes.  Yes it does.  It's been hell and I can honestly say that it's all ready to come to a close and my feets will be a moving towards the most beautiful woman I've ever set eyes on.  What would I do with said woman?  Well, allow me to take you on a magic carpet ride.  Show you the world.  Shiny, sparkling splendor....ahem, i my heart's dreams for one special person.  God does things for a reason.  You are my soul mate and I believe that I was meant to go through what I have to show me growth, maturity, and to clear my mind and set me on the path of exactly what I should and need to be doing.  To which I will gladly pontificate here.

<3 all="" love="" loveliest="" lovely="" most="" nbsp="" of="" p="" the="" to="">

Sunday, December 3, 2017

The little things that made big impressions

As I feel the rush of adrenaline thinking of you and the time that is coming together nicely I am constantly reminded of a slew of little things that at the time were second nature and part of us, were moments that left such indelable impressions in my heart that not a day goes by that at least one plays through again.
You wanting a back massage or rub before you fell asleep and me always trying to lower the blankets far enough to expose your bum in bed.  The way we would fall asleep on the couch and floor at night while Netflix played and just saying oh well and staying there until morning.  Me trying to make you your favorite eggs before work in the morning and coming home on my lunch to see you when you worked from home.   Coming home from Limited one morning after you stayed over to find you awake in my room with your cute little glasses on playing Banjo-Kazooie.  Your little blutooth speaker that you had on with your music while you got ready for work in the morning and always trying my hardest to join you in the shower....with a little too much emphasis on hardest.  When I got us the Wii U and let you open the box and showing you that I got you Ducktales on xbox when it was remastered.  It gives me the biggest smile when I think of you playing Mystical Ninja and trying so hard to defeat the big robot boss and when you finally did your face spun towards me with such victorious glee like you had finally conquered a hurdle you had been trying to your whole life.  I would sit outside dressing rooms while you tried on clothes with fantasies of making sneeky love in one of the rooms.  Tiny reflexive actions that in my head were descriptions of you.  The way you had a charger in your car and would plug in when you drove.  The watch and earrings and necklace you would put on in order in the morning and walking Sammie outside until he sat down in the grass all done.  You on your laptop cruising Pinterest while I gamed and the way you looked absolutely gorgeous whether you had your hair up or down and wearing any of my clothes.
I've never been this head over heels for someone and as the path draws ever nearer to the end, my excitement only raises.
What gets me every time is the little nose crinkle that you do.  Every time.  Adorable, beautiful, cute, sexy, all in a small little package.
Why is the song Sisters in my head?  you.  Missin you and running my path quickly, you are why life can be the greatest adventure.  Love you so much  <3 p="">

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Her eyes were windows to a world worth more than gold

The path traveled grows even brighter and faster and the smile that it causes is hard not to light every room.  My mind regails me with memories that I can still feel to the touch.  Standing in the cold while you smoked and seeing the snow flakes fall before we went back inside to finish a movie.  Sinister scaring the ever living out of you one scary night.  The way I could just look at you and watch you do anything from crafting a powerpoint for college or the way your fingers moved over the buttons while you conquered Mystical Ninja.  The plans and roadmap are being drawn up now and I am every night floated on a cloud of love of you and how you make me feel.  Being lost in a million mile road to find Ikea, a slow headbang to lionel ritchy, a picture sent of a key broken in a lock, and an infected bug bite being tended to by a hot nurse who enjoyed cutting it out of me more than she should have.  The rain may be falling but it is music to my ears and a symphony of hope and excitement that I haven't felt in some time.  I will be that phoenix rising and bringing with it all that I have to offer and all for a one and only.
<3 p="">
and also this because we are seeing it and I will need someone to carry my body out of the theater once I pass on from viewing it.


Tuesday, November 28, 2017

The brightest star in the darkest sky

When I look out of the window I see a star shining brighter than all the others.
I look out there and know that the star is out there and that I am closer than ever before in leading my way out of the tunnel towards that star and happiness.
Agreements have been made and talks gone through and for the first time in a while I find myself smiling and excited with day dreams of my vast ocean of ideas I've wanted to share and spend with you.  From youtube shows to speed art to charity work to family to being able to achieve full potentials in both of us.  The path that I set out for myself to fix everything, make it right, and follow my dreams with your smiling face has accelerated and I can feel the energy grow.
The smile spreads across my face while I work with the visions of your silky soft hair, smooth skin, weak in the knees smile, and infectious laugh dance through my head unbeknownst to all those around me.  The cold air bites at times but I walk warmly being heated from the inside out with the fires of hope and redemption that yearn to reach that beating of my heart that only one person has managed to conquer like Frodo and his global walk to the fires of Mt. Doom, oh yes lord of the rings reference.  I remember your adorable white winter hat that let out just the right amount of hair while the flakes surrounded us like we were in our own little snowglobe cut off from the rest of the world and happy in our little bubble.  The world is huge and the best playground in existence to have fun in and you are the one person I want to hold the hand of while we take over the world.  Call me crazy, call me stupid but it wouldn't be true love if all of it didn't feel that exact way.  And so happy.  <3 p="">

Friday, November 24, 2017

Thanksgiving Love

This year I am thankful for someone truly beautiful and smart and having the ability to really open my eyes.  You've always been the angel on my shoulder and the one i am always thinking of and working to be with.  In my heart I know what is meant to be and know that being thankful for the holiday is also a time to reflect on one's self to know how to be better and the mistakes made.  My excitement for activities and adventures and a life with you is growing almost making me giddy.  I'm not proud of myself and have a high level of shame but I know that that is something I can change and construct into something truly strong and worthwhile.  You always bring that out in me and the best way I can repay you is to show you that I am the rock to which you can rely on and know contains the strength needed.  To do whatever it takes to make my path right and make the highly sought after happily ever after part two become a reality.  You are my reason and growing up the last few years and hearing people say that I need to mature and cement my future always made me feel like they were attacking me for my hobbies and what I enjoyed when I've finally understood exactly what it all meant.  For the first time in my life, the course I want my life to be is crystal clear.  I know the top most important things I want in life.  A career in the field I love whether it be an already established company or one I create on my own showing my art to the world and inspiring and telling stories while growing my talent as I go.  A life of joy, travel, fun, and family where my passport gets worn out and my experiences can fill a book I will write before I die late late in life. And you.  You only get one life and this Thanksgiving I am thankful that in my one life I have on this Earth, I bumped into an angel, soul mate, cheerleader, teacher, partner, and lover who took my heart places the gods would be jealous of with just a phrase.  Hey darlin.
I am thankful I have family that cares and is worried and watches out for me and thankful that I was lucky enough to find jobs to keep myself afloat through the war that has been the last years.  I am thankful that I have the right state of mind to know what I want and what I have to do to achieve it and I couldn't be more excited to chase it.  You are the best example of not needing to be asleep to have someone who makes every day a dream.
Happy Thanksgiving, the one day where it actually is normal for a Turkey Leg.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

A Part of Me

No one person has gone through my head at a constant like you.
every second of the day.
I miss everything about us and will do whatever it takes to prove it's everything I want in life.
I'm very unwell without you.
Just a mental picture of your smile gets me through an otherwise black day.
Never do I want to be the demon of the nightmare but the knight that brings the light.
Words are nothing but these feelings are real.
The pain and true depression are unbearable, I must make this right in a way that I've never had the strength to before.
Love is the strongest and most real feeling in existence and there is only one person I've ever encountered that has earned that feeling in spades.
I carry with me a letter that I read constantly and her words are my wings.
My solace.
My peace.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 24


You goofy little turkey leg <3 p="">

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 23

I really loved and still love the fact that you have a bucket list.  I'm sure most people do but you never seem to hear about it.  I remember the first time you told me a lot about yours.  We were at the mexican restaurant on McKnight Road by the FedEx office and we sat at a table near the back and you started telling me the various things on your list and ones that you've been lucky enough to have crossed off.  Riding in a hot air balloon, getting married on the beach (although now stolen), visiting Paris, go skinny dipping mmmm
You are of the rare breed that they don't seem to make anymore.  Smart people with goals and ambitions and interests and hobbies.  To have a list of things you want to accomplish is very inspiring and to be a part of that list is a wonder, privilege, and part of my own bucket list.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 22

I love the time you were dabbling in photography.  You take really great pictures with your phone and are always making funny faces.  You took great pictures of our little Christmas tree and when you got a hold of my camera camera you did a full photo shoot with the little kittens.  It was very interesting and neat to see what in your eyes you saw as something interesting to photograph.  Being an artist it is always interesting to see things like that and maybe what I didn't see before or a view or situation from a different angle or view point.  This computer here still holds so many pictures that aren't just a memory in time but a story and colors and feelings.  Your photos always evoked more than a snapshot to me and let my mind wander to that moment in particular as well as transport me somewhere else on an adventure without even leaving the spot I was in.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel part 21

You're soothing.  You are someone anyone can come to for advice or just as shoulder.  While it wasn't the most fun i've ever had, you proved that you are someone to be counted on to be there when Ellen stayed with us for a time.  You won't leave someone somewhere if they could get stuck or somehow hurt and will always volunteer yourself as someone to watch someone or a pet if the others need to go somewhere. You give off a soothing sense that you won't retaliate or use that against them for a favor down the road.  Even if it doesn't work out in your best interest and you may complain while you do it, you still earn points for it and it makes you such a much better well rounded person.  To this day I have yet to meet or even just see someone who radiates with such a feeling of calm love.  You are so beautiful that my heart still gets butterflies like i'm back in school scared to ask out the hot girl in class and when I am near you I can feel worry and the rest of the anxiety filled world melt away.  If you were a superhero you would be Megels the Calmer, while not the most scary or dangerous or heroic name, it's hard to destroy the city when you are too calm to fight   :)

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 20

I love how hard working you are.  I've said it before but it stands to be heard again.  I don't know anyone who works and has worked as hard as you.  Not just from the jobs you've had but the way you handled those jobs and more.  You've worked in a variety of places that when said one after another are so different it's almost as if it's made up.  From caretaker homes to restaurants to bridal stores to grocery store. You've had to put up with a lot from those places and even taking a moral stand at the Bridal store when you discovered shady things going on.  You always worked your sexy little bum off to make sure the boat could stay afloat too.  When I was unemployed you made sure we had a place and food.  I should've tried way way harder so that you were able to be home relaxing and happy while I brought home the bacon.  I still feel bad for not trying extra hard so that the burden wasn't all on you.  You weren't happy with the jobs but you still worked hard at it so that you could catch yourself up too.  Your plan and spreadsheet of bills and how you would pay them off is something I want to and am adopting because you proved it could work.  You did all this even while going to school and dealing with a man child playing his games and buying movies.  You are someone to look up to and admire and be like.  Someone I know is the brighter light and solid proof of the phrase Better Half.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 19

Little comments you make that are not only positive but very confidence boosting.  You once said that I was a good driver.  There was nothing to make you say that but it was something you just wanted to say and it felt really good because there aren't a lot of times that happen where a comment comes out without it being forced or a part of an event or situation.  You find things in my art or pieces I've made that you personally like that may not be what everyone chooses to like or one that maybe I just brush off and you comment the level of talent that needs to be harnessed for a future in a career I want.  You always let people know the good and positive things in their lives and whether it is meant that way or not, you offer everyone a confidence booster every day and that goes a long long way if you don't realize it.  You appreciate what people make you as well, talking from experience of course with my paintings and art I did for you like the Be-You-Tiful above the couch and the day of the dead pieces for the walls.  You care and know how it feels to have a good comment and you share it with others so we can all experience a day with a smile.  <3 p="">

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 18

You have a spectacular sense of humor.  You don't rely on or find it necessary to be very dirty or swear a lot and understand that that isn't what makes something funny.  You are smart and clever enough with jokes to make any situation have any kind of levity or humor and act upon something that you know the other person is picking up on as well.  You can recite movie quotes with just as much wit and even are able to encite fits of laughter by just a picture or GIF in a text.  The biggest comes to mind when I wasn't sure if I liked Force Awakens and the pictures you would send as a response had me rolling and when you broke the key to the apartment and just sent a picture to me at work saying 'so this happened'.  There is a subdued not overdone quality to your humor that is very skilled and raises whatever it is you are saying or doing to a level of humor that few can do without having to rely on swearing or making it very very dirty.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 17

I love the many silly faces you do when you are on facetime or just want me to laugh during the day when we are both elsewhere.  Puffing out your cheeks or putting the phone camera extremely close to your nose so that I could possibly see inside of it.  This usually led to our goodnights.  You laying in bed all snuggly, sometimes sneakily trying to flash me some boob all the while we both would do our closing statements of the conversations we were having.  It became sort of a tradition with us to fall asleep together no matter where we were, I can't even count the number of times I left the facetime on while you fell asleep and just stayed with you until I myself fell asleep.  There was a feeling of guarding you and watching out to make sure you slept okay without any danger or nightmares and if something did occur and you woke up I would still be right there.  Even if you fell asleep before me I would mute myself and keep you on with me just in case my noises might wake you.  This led to some fun times as well with you waking up here and there or rolling around and one night even trying to get a bug that was on the ceiling, trapping it and running out of the room like it was on fire.  You would tease a little when you changed into your bed clothes and I would wait on the nightstand for you while you got ready and brushed your teeth.  The security and love of our nights was unrivaled and always something I looked forward to, no matter what I was doing from painting tables to gaming to watching Addams Family together over Netflix.  :*
<3 p="" u="">

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 16

The times when I would sit with you in the morning while you did your make up and got dressed before work.  You would put on your music and sit at the little vanity in your mom's room while I sat on the bed behind you and I would just watch you get ready.  You never needed any makeup or fixing up at all and have a natural beauty to you that few people get blessed with.  The same playlist that then seeped into a much louder seperate speaker that you set up in our room down south floated over the morning airwaves.  From the makeup to the dressing.  All the way down to your watch, necklace, earrings, and a pair of the many lines of shoes, even if they hurt your feet.  Through all times no matter what it was, you always donned the necklace with the heart, always a reminder that you had my heart with you at all times.  Not that you needed anything to remind you of that.  Sometimes depending on the weather I would go out and get the snow off of your car while you got ready or in another place I would make you your morning breakfast of eggs and toast before you ran out the door. The place was always so quiet and empty once you left like you took the sun with you and I had to watch camp while the darkness threatened with sounds of wolves and owls.  But it was always worth it when, and Sam can attest to this, we heard that car beep when you secured your car and we both came running to the door.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 15

I love how short you are.  I know it's a small little comment, no pun intended but I love that our heights sort of compliment each other.  You can wear my clothes a lot easier and make what I wear look a lot sexier.  We can look each other in the eyes and not have to crane our necks.  Plus, it makes you so much more adorable.  I love how your body looks and we can hold and snuggle so much easier being a closer size.  We understand the real struggles of being short and also revel in it because we can fit in much better places and wear feety pajamas and not have to worry!  Height is something that attracts me and you are perfect in that regard, I love the fact that you are my height so much it's crazy, us little nerds will conquer the world.

Monday, October 23, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 14

I love the night rituals we had in our place.  Once we got super tired or woke up from passing out....when we didn't end up just sleeping on the couch....You would go to the bedroom and lay down while I shut the curtains and fixed the couch with the Marilyn blanket and pillows.  Tidied up the kitchen and finished any dishes while putting the rest in the washer.  Turned off the multi-outlet to conserve electricity behind the tv.  Shut off the light, checked the door to see if it was locked, then made my way into bed.  You rolled over into spidermonkey position and I listened to the outside noises with you attached on to me.  Mr. Doggert eventually joining under the sheets to be covered and begin the foot licking.  The more that memory flies around my brain the more I see just how relaxed, happy, and complete I felt.  I also loved when we went to bed on time and we either read or you played some cooking mama and did all your recipes while I looked up dumb stuff online.  Always reminds me of when you woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night or when we would make love at 4 in the morning in the dark seemingly both waking up then to do just that.  Sleeping was more than recharging and peaceful with you close by my side.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 13

The times when we shared together.  I would go through all of my movies when putting them away and tell you what each one was and introduce you to movies that you never heard of but were interesting.  The fact that you now look at special features and behind the scenes now is such a great feeling.  You would share your books and pictures and tell me a story behind every single one from your favorite book (Pride and Prejudice) all the way to your favorite film (tie between Breakfast at Tiffany's, White Christmas, and Sound of Music).  You always treated me with respect and never like a child or just to appease me.  Book suggestions continued and I read through your Misery and you took a crack at Scott Pilgrim shhhhhhhhhhhhh
You're someone who growing old with would be more than sweet, it would be fun.  The kind of old couple who still hold hands and dress up to go to movies.  I genuinely don't feel embarrassed to share things I enjoy or like because with you there is a connection of interest and it goes beyond the objects but to the person themselves.  There is a reason I still collect and buy things for us and you.  Just the interest and kindness isn't all there is, there is a feeling and a look that you give off that while difficult to put into words, I can say that it is a warm welcoming feeling that even if it is something you aren't interested in, you'll stick by it for me.  We share to include and introduce and never to show off or feel uncomfortable for said interests.  I have a Christmas morning excitement every time i see your face to share anything and everything that I procure or do until we're ghosts and even then we'll be spooking around comic cons watching new movie trailers for Star Wars in the front row because we don't need no tickets when we are ghosts.  <3 p="">

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 12

I love how you always treat me like your equal and other half.  With you, you felt like we were actually in this together as a team and there was a genuine feeling about it all.  It was my own shortcoming if there were times when maybe I felt a little less reliable and should've been there more.  You always did a lot of the heavy lifting and I still feel bad about that. But no matter where we were or what we were doing you always made me feel like I meant something important.  You have a great ability to ensure that those you are with have meaning and carry significance.  It was almost as if you had eliminated the word I and lived from that point on as We and Us.  It meant a lot to me and affected me to a level where minute things upset me.  You are a beautiful example of what it means to fall for someone and start a path with them as one, not against one another or exhibit any kind of power over the other in any way shape or form.  You make me feel like I matter and that's something I want to devote the rest of my life to making you feel too.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 11

You don't push change in a person.  Everyone has differences and little things that may not mesh perfectly but you have the kindest heart that you embrace those things and they become something unique, special, and quirky to you especially.  Clothes that may look silly or old are all kosher as long as they are comfy.  Movie and hobby interests can range from Pez dispensers to Tusk to collecting little paper towel rolls for an art project and instead of being called out as weird or stupid and being made fun of, they are turned into a charming aspect of the other person.  You are the embodiment of the phrase 'Never judge or criticize something that someone else enjoys'.  You were able to take all of those aspects of both of us and mold them into something we not only shared but we actually turned the other person on to and ended being more educated and enjoyable with them ourselves.  You are someone I cannot wait to share anything and everything with like a little kid who runs home from school wanting to tell all about what he did that day.  And the best listen.  You actually care and listen and actively participate.  That is more special and rare than you would think.  The look in your eyes and the interest in your voice is unparalleled.  Truly beautiful.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part Ten

Those little quirks and actions that you or we would do without pointing attention to it or verbally expressing how much we love it.  When we would be out on the balcony, you would bring out your blanket and put it over your feet and put your legs on to my lap.  How I would tidy up and clean up the living room and kitchen before bed and shut the blinds, fix the couch, tend to the dishes.  Your smile when I would look at you while you drove somewhere with your shades on.  Bringing out an in joke or past memory when one of us was down and stickin around one another when we took that sick time at home.  That time when you were cleansing and kept having to run to the bathroom or just needed to catch up on sleep, I would lay right under you and draw or do whatever, play a game on low volume, just so I was close to you.  Knowing I was watching you in the morning get ready for work naked and leaving messages on the fridge with the magnetic letters.  Having our little Star Wars backpack filled with our rations for a Universal trip.  Getting you the volumes of Supernatural and Vampire Diaries every Christmas.  We know each other like a pair of gloves we wear every single winter.  I still think about the little "nooo" when I see anything Sherlock Holmes related and it gives just a little bit more sunshine in my day.  :)

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 9

I love the set of circumstances that led to our meeting up again and again.  Understandable to meet at a workplace that was in the area for both of us and near our high school, but even then, you came into that place for just a moment and left an impact that had me wanting to see you and talk to you more than who I was even with at the time.  Then you went away and seeing your beautiful face for a quick moment in passing left another mark and wonder that planted a seed in my fertile brain that began to yearn for you without even knowing it.  To try and get an art job and just about make it and interview and ultimately not get it left me in the same position and the closing of that position to move me to customer service.  The fact that you didn't come home every single weekend and happenstanced to decide to shop that day, that hour.  Me having to work that same day, same hour and wait on you.  The events that led up to that were serendipidous in so many ways.  Seeking you out online and starting a conversation that led to me meeting someone who no matter what happened or how far away or anything humanly imaginable, I knew deep down in that planted seed that you were someone incredibly special.  I could respeak that story over and over and it would still blow my mind at how everything lined up in both of our lives to have us intertwine on that one day, one hour, one meeting.  Reliving that moment always makes me giddy and while you may not be aware, that moment kept happening to me with you.  Every time I saw you it was like the first time and I should've started wearing a parachute that's how often I fell for you.  I love that our lives are worked in such ways that divine intervention proves itself real in showing and proving that there is that one perfect special someone for everyone and I never thought when I was younger that I would ever find someone like that.  But, I was happily proven wrong on one special day, one special hour, one special meeting.
hey darlin  ;)

Monday, October 16, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 8

You know when to push me a little out of my comfort zone when we are out together or more specifically when we would go to Universal to certain rides.  You know when I should step a little outside my safe circle and when that step is too far.  You never push too much and when you know it's too far you let it be and it doesn't bother you or ruin an experience.  If it wasn't for your confident pushing, I wouldn't have ridden the Hulk coaster ever and I never would've tried my hand at an online store.  You know exactly what's needed and just how much little push is necessary to make me try things that always turn out fantastic.  I'm sure a lot of it comes from personal experience of your own and doing things on your own past adventures.  I'm always glad you made me do certain things in the end because not only does it introduce me to a new experience, you are right there next to me as my safety blanket.  I honestly can saw that I took more out of comfort zone steps at the Universal park with you than i ever did with anything.  I may have kept a little quiet about them, shhhh.
The Jurassic Park ride fall at the end scared me completely and I was always scared of roller coasters and there I was with your little prods, riding a bunch!  My love for you and your infectious safe personality helped so much when I tried out these various things and I always felt like I was going to be okay.  Plus, holding your hand during each one helped me drift off into the clouds on every ride, so that def helped too  ;)

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 7

I love the way you feel in my arms.  The way your skin feels softer every time my fingers went over it.  Your hair was and always is silky and beautiful and when I run my hands through those strands it's like weaving gold.  I can never keep my hands off of you and even got you annoyed at how much I would spank you.  Your legs when locked around me make me feel like I'm a God in my own world and I've earned you in the greatest ways possible.  You hug with all of you and the pressing of our bodies is a hug of which I never felt with anyone before.  Just the touching of elbows ignited a passion in the beginning down in my basement room and giving you massages in bed was more a treat for me to feel you all over than it was for you to receive.  That's not even including the physical type of the way you feel, from the outside of your body, the feel of your curves and breasts to the taste.  All the way to the inside of you and how you move when we are together moving as one.  Your body and you as a person meld together in ways that feel pleasant, dreamy, beautiful, and pleasurable, no matter where we are or what we are doing.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 6

I love how much I would miss you during various points of any day or situation.  During work I would think about you and being back near you to feel you or just be around you.  When I didn't have work and you left for the day it would feel so empty and alone without you around like you took a part of me with you and I wasn't going to be whole again until you returned.  Once you did return I was excited for the night whether it was laying on the couch playing with your hair while watching a series or you doing your homework while I gamed away at your side.  Even when things went bad and I was on the couch for the night I could feel the missing from the other room.  There was an incredible sense of security and happiness knowing that looking over to the left or right I would see you there.  One of the reasons I would always try and visit you at work or bring you lunch, I missed you and it was a chance to see you.  I still remember certain pics you'd send me during the day, like the one after you did a workout and were sweaty and beat and I was so happy to see your face.  It brought my heart closer when i finally got to see you, feel you.  Missing you was a rare feeling of sadness and happiness combined in one little package that always felt the same every day.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 5

I love your imagination.  You are able to come up with hilarious little comebacks and memes and pictures and even little stories that you imagine.  Your reaction to my inital watching of Force Awakens has stayed with me giggling and I even remember a little story about vampires that you had come up with from a dream that you wanted me to write.  Even if you aren't the one who starts it, you are great at keeping up and shooting right back.  Your 'fear' when I would walk to your house at night telling you how I was being chased by zombies or using your imagination to help craft a little makeshift tent in your room from bedsheets.  You aren't afraid to act young and be open and create fantasies.  It's so healthy for the imagination and using it to personify and give voice to game characters and Funko pops is creative and hilarious at the same time.  Just thinking of those moments now has me smiling and recalling the greatest hits of moments in my head.
Turkey Leg!
and of course, naked man  ;)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 4

I loved how you are able to turn any situation into a good fun one just by being you. If it is a situation I don't want to be in, I can at least look at you or be near you and it's like i'm somewhere else.  From a house party or bar that I don't want to be in to a crowded place or even just a shopping trip.  We found ways to make it our own.  Also goes for places I enjoyed too, you made it that much more unique and special to us like it was just ours.  Memorizing and creating our own map for Universal, knowing our path and what to get at the supermarket, and making cleaning weekends into something I actually looked forward to.  When it's raining it's shining near you, when it's dark it's bright near you, when i'm sad i'm uplifted near you.  You have a contagious goodness about you that feels so good and I felt it the second you said hey at that Giant Eagle counter.  Perhaps even before that at a little restaurant job as well  ;)

PS, got the SNES classic  :0

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 3

I feel a connection and a bond that I've never felt with anyone else.  The biggest example I can think of was when you took your little trip down to Florida and we had the evening before you left together.  We laid in your bed while you tried to sleep and I watched Clerks.  Not wanting the night to end and hoping something would happen for you to just stay.  You drove off in the rain and there was such a connective feeling like it wasn't goodbye and a very strong bond feeling that you carried with you.  Talking and facetiming and just spending what time we did together while apart showed a lot of example of those qualities and when you came back it was like you never left at all.  There was an instant lightning in a bottle feeling that began when you stepped foot into that Giant Eagle to the Marilyn Monroe book to that crazy serendipidous feeling that it was just plain right.  I've never felt that before or since and even from the outside it could be seen.  A day at the beach with friends and we went down to the water and fooled around and laughed and you could just see it in the faces of the people on the sand that they could see two people who were crafted in the same mold together.

PS omg if Rey turns to the dark side and don't let Luke die and why is Kylo questioning things and omg starwarsicantwaititssocrazyomgleiawillprobablydieandsomanyquestionsahhhhhhh

Monday, October 9, 2017

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 2

If you were going over your parents house for the weekend you would make sure you called me before you left and we got some good chatting in because your talk time would be limited while you were there.  It was a very sweet caring gesture that I always looked forward to but also made me sad because on the one hand I got to hear your voice and brighten my day but on the other hand the weekend meant less of you and two days of waiting until it was back to the talkin time.  The sound of your voice was very soothing and cheerful in ways that no matter how bad or boring the day was, just the tone of your vocals was able to lift it.  There was a genuine sense of appreciation and excitement that it was time to talk and a moment that didn't want to be missed as it was a moment that could've been lost in the ether.  Even the calls that you were on your way home so I could start my famous chicken dinners were exciting.  The voice that just keeps on bringing the excitement.

and seriously.....seriously....this....i can't even....this is like.....the excitement.  The questions.  The the the the....

i mean.....sweet jesus

Things I love about you while I make what's right: The Sequel Part 1

I love your past life experiences.  They always bring with them a great story and gave me the impression that you had almost a second life before we began talking.  I particularly enjoy the stories of when you worked at the home/hospital and you running down the hallway in fright and the ghosts that inhabited the place.  How you lived in Ohio when we started talking and seeing your little photo you sent of you watching television while Sammy laid on the couch.  You had real life experience and seemed to be all over and it fascinated me and made my imagination go wild.  I had to know more and every time I heard something new I left with a big smile on my face, looking up to you.

PS Star Wars Last Jedi Trailer will be out when this is read.  ;)  Love you darlin

Friday, October 6, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #1

The number one thing I love about you is that you are the most perfect example of an other half.  You compliment in the best of ways and challenge in even better ways.  A yin to the yang is not descriptive enough.  For every Star Wars reference there is an equal Supernatural reference.  For every video game played is another beaten.  You share common interests in ways that don't just compliment but they open new doors once thought all opened involving sharing, introducing, and expanding.  Lists are made to watch television shows and movies to discuss.  Games are played and watched to experience new worlds and shared experiences down race tracks, watery depths, worldy travels, and neverending skies.  When a future is discussed it isn't with fear or trepidation, it's with excitement, wonder, and an optimism shared only with that certain someone that you know in your deepest of belly that there is a fire that burns for only that experience. There is and always was something that I saw when I looking into your eyes.  It was always too difficult to put into words but with deep thought and much recollection I now know what it is.  It's right.  With any other situation or person, the thought of a future with marriage and offspring was a scary thought that I never thought was something I would even have the capacity to manage but looking into your eyes I see it working and not just working but thriving.  The future is made of bright colors and page after page of a book that in anyone's hand would be the journey of a lifetime.  The safety of knowing that the other half not only had my parachute but made sure to check the safety belt frequently to ensure that nothing would become of it's passenger.  Five minutes with you is all the reminder needed that you are a unique special once in a lifetime person.  I've made more mistakes than I care to count or remember but as I climb this path into what's right and meant to be I am opening my eyes more and more.  Typing these qualities every day cements what I had already inside me and brings out more and more to fill in every single gap.  I was a fool and made decisions that were laughably stupid.  I hurt people, esp the ones I love and while there is no way to erase those from history, I can avoid more.  As I type these, the path to what's right has been moving along.  Ashamidly not as fast as I would like but way way more solid than it has in the past.  The cliche light at the end of the tunnel is finally visible on the horizon and thoughts of a reborn Christmas season brings a smile to my face unlike anything else.  So, without numbers I will continue my musings to the one I truly love while I continue to get myself into gear and push down this path that I should've a long time ago and a lot faster than before.  There is someone out there who was born today in ye ol' 1987.  I wish you the happiest of birthdays and while I am very upset I am unable to see you on it, I am very glad that you are the light at the end of my tunnel that keeps me running in the right direction.  I love typing things I love about you daily and I hope you don't mind if I continue because I feel as if it fuels my fire to make what's meant to be.  The steps are all  there and I've begun my descent, I'm excited as ever and i hope and wish you have a very very wonderful birthday.  I love you.
Yours exclusively forever (part two)  Me.

I've had a little playlist that I have been listening to lately that I crafted that reminds me of you with each and every track.  Feel free to adopt them for yourself as a sort of coded message of love through the speakerbox.  They make me smile and knowing it made you too would make me do it even more.

<3 nbsp="" p="">

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #2

You are real.  You are a very real person with some of the best qualities and honest personalities that I have ever run into or even heard of.  You aren't greedy or full of yourself or even demanding of anything.  You know who you are and have very good smarts where it counts.  You are dependable, showing a will to be with or around and someone extremely reliable in any situation.  You care and use your heart more than anyone and those around you feel it like a gravitational happy field.  There are few truly nice, caring, honestly pure people still out there and it is not only refreshing but downright beautiful to behold.  The absence of revenge or self righteous bones in your body is immediately noticable just by seeing your face.  There is a safe feeling that you emit that the closer you get the better you feel.  You invite sharing and openness in ways that make any outsider feel like we are speaking with someone who is going to make it all better.  Life events are never missed and celebrated in fun and interesting ways and some of that is attributed to the personality you have combined with the never grow up nature in yourself.  You know how to be real and fun.  A knockout combination of someone you can trust, be open with, depend on, talk to, and open yourself up to in the safest and most relieving ways coupled with someone who will sing until you laugh, dance while they clean, walk down a theater aisle like they owned the place, game until they fell asleep, and dressed up like Princess Leia to walk proudly up and down a comic con.  One of the best qualities and rarest personalities making you the most real person I've ever seen.  Being real will always rise above any form of fake that can be conjured up at any time.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #3

You are knowledgeable about an immense amount of subjects to make yourself a brilliant conversationalist.  I could, and have, talk to you for hours on end and still have more to discuss, talk, and share.  You are smart and well versed enough to have either an opinion or stance on a variety of subjects.  We could talk film and tv, growing up around the same time period and seeing the same things.  We could talk music, even though you annihilate me in that subject and like the same music, bands.  The fact that we grew up in the same time period opens doors to conversations that we can share and remember all the same things.  It is insanely interesting to see what you remember and your opinion on it and there is an electricity to a convo with us when one or the other bring up something we remember and you can see the light bulb above the others head in excitement.  Plus you have a beautiful voice.

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #4

You are very cute and unpredictable with surprises.  There is a quality in you that pays attention to what people like or are into and you do a good amount of research into what is out there and what that person likes to surprise them with something that they personally will get the most out of.  Speaking personally, I have been surprised with games such as Lego Batman 3, passes to Universal Studios, 2 little kittens, and a day full of adventure on the first bday I celebrated with you.  It shows not only an interest and attention but a care that is rarely seen in a lot of people.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #5

I love that even though horror movies scare you, you are still willing to watch every single one with me anyways and jump right along with me.  There were a lot watched, even devoting every day in October to it but I shall never forget the experience that was Sinister and your reactions to the jump scares.  The way the title popped up on the screen for every Insidious movie in the loudest music cue in history.  I was very grateful and excited and proud when you were up for and interested in the older films all the way back to black and white and musicals.  The openness and genuine wanting to share meant worlds and continues to be a thought in my head when any movie enters my field of vision.
Where's Dalton!?!?

Monday, October 2, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #6

I love the way that when I think about you, it's always a good feeling or daydream.  There aren't many people that you meet throughout your life that can have that effect on you.  Just a mere thought transports you to a memory full of smiles and a future vision that will bring with it another smile.  Any argument or upsetting situation is always overruled by a thousand other good memories and thoughts.  You leave a fantastic impression that is intoxicating like the best drug there could ever be.  Making you feel so very good and wanting more and more.  Not a day goes by that something becomes a reminder that puts a little pep in my step or something is procured that invites fantasies of future events and plans that energize the body and mind.  If ever there were inspiration, excitement, and drive transformed into life, it would be you.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #7

You brought me with you on adventures.  The biggest adventure was to a new state to start from scratch and you wanted that to be with me, you chose that with me.  Such a huge step and decision and I was someone that was wanted to be a part of it.  It is very touching and still feels so good that I was that important and cared for to be a part of something big and unsure.  The bond with something like that is immense.  The little adventures too.  Going to stores and other little touristy spots and wanting to join me.  There was a certain feel of being on tv or the spotlight of everyone, a proud feeling that you knew you were doing something right.

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #8

I love the ways you act like the kid who never grew up but at the same time showing the grown up where it counts aspects as well.  You are someone who can wear footie pajamas and dance and run around like a kid being more hilarious than ever and then the next moment unzip down the front revealing your naked body in the sexiest way with a tantalizing cleavage reveal to the slipping off of the outfit.  You can sing along to Ducktales and give voices to Funko pops while also showing how to run a company, take care of all the bills, and get very risque on a balcony.  The combination of adult where it has to be with the sexiness of the naked woman and fun having kid is a combo that is the most attractive and perfectly balanced.  Nowhere else can you meet someone who can yell at clients, dance to Cher, and quiver with orgasms, all in one perfectly balanced package.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #9

You have the ability to calm and reassure and have a demeanor of such that makes, me at least, feel very safe and trustworthy.  You have a warmth about you that calms any nerves and makes the heart beat with a sense of security and completeness.  Could be the way your eyes look at someone or your body language that says I'm fun yet firm.  Being around you there's an unspoken air of feeling like you are capable of more than you thought possible and any dream you could conjure up was always achievable.  An almost unexplainable angelic quality to you that makes those around you want to be better people.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #10

The way you hold hands.  There is a very real amazing feeling of holding another's hand especially when there is a strong connection of love involved.  You feel each other's energy through that touch and form a almost a literal link between one another.  You are joined and you use your thumb to caress my hand when you hold, it's a small thing but it shows just that little extra meaningful gesture that there is something really special here and I want you to know it.  No words needed and no attention needing drawn to it, just a moment so special that it almost goes unnoticed but speaks volumes.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #11

You dance when you clean.  Never had I experienced a Sunday afternoon clean the house dance party before and now I can't think of any way to clean the house that doesn't involve either music or a podcast playing.  You made cleaning fun and something that would've taken time and annoyance and turned it into something we shared as a fun time that felt so much better once it was all done.  Even if there were breaks to put on specific songs.  You even elevated it to a new level by singing along to the various tracks in your own high lovely voice.

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #12

The way I can make you laugh.  You have a very cute laugh and knowing that I can cause it is such a great feeling.  Whether it's a cheesy joke that is so lame it's laughable or I make a little fool out of myself to get a smile, it's always worth it.  Seeing your eyes scrunch up and hearing your laugh feels like such an accomplishment esp if it brings with it tears of joy.  A weird Italian accent, a slow motion head bang, or playing a clip from star wars of Vader yelling noooo, anytime I can elicit a genuine laugh feels like I've accomplished something wonderful and it is music to the ears.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #13

You love to watch and listen to me.  The way you could just watch me draw for hours or play a game but cutest of all, you enjoy hearing me read.  There were and still are a few books/etc that you liked to hear me read to you or want to or suggested.  There is something about reading to you, not like a child before bed, but something that takes the situation to a different setting where you aren't where you are and are invested in a story with someone else like it's being retold from personal experience.  The sharing of a moment or act that only the two of us are partaking in and nobody knows about holds a certain special quality that is immensely enjoyable.

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #14

The way you take care of your looks.  You barely have to do a thing to look beautiful and the way you've taken care of yourself only makes it better.  Your hair is silky smooth and your skin soft to the touch, you always smell so very good and you are one of the rare girls who need not any makeup and are naturally adorable, cute, and pretty.  Couple that with how you dress and you get a complete look that is impossible to resist and just look at to take in all the beauty.

Friday, September 22, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #15

You have a bucket list.  I know most people probably do but you keep track of yours and actually try and mark them off as you go.  I think it is very amazing and promotes you to do so many things in life so that it is lived to its fullest.  I've checked off things off of mine, of which I haven't written down, that I did't even know I would've put on my list.  You are the kind of person who make people want to do more and accomplish more because of the kind of person you are, you are a intoxicatingly fun person.

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #16

Your height is a combination of super adorable and also full of toughness and fun.  It is extremely attractive and makes you look as cute as a button while also being just the right size for who you are.  You never let it get in the way and always remain tough when need be to show that height matters not.  There's  a lot of attractiveness in that little package inside and out and the most visually appealing package with the prettiest of bows.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #17

You are a fabulous cook.  You know how to make a lot of different meals and even when struck with very little to work with, you find ways to make it work and invent new dishes that taste just as good as anything with a ton of ingredients.  You are a wizard with ramen and make the best chili I have ever had, the stereotype of a woman always being in the kitchen I may not agree with but if you happen to wander in there, you craft some amazing tasty meals.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #18

You have the confidence to make things happen and to have dreams fully realized.  Dreaming of going to Harry Potter world one day seemed like something that would never happen and then it did, a lot.  You set your sights out to graduate with a masters and work hard to catch up on your bills with a spreadsheet and you did just that.  It's admirable and strengthened the motto of what you want you get, which sounds pompous but has proven to work.  Now if only Jensen Ackles would show up to hang out one day...

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #19

You were so amazingly the perfect example of lightning in a bottle.  You have a quality about you that is immediately intoxicating.  The way your eyes look at me and the way your body moves in an almost wiggle when you are close.  You show love in the best ways possible.  It isn't over the top or super noticeable but the subtlety of how you show it is so sexy and more attractive that it elevates it to new levels.  Almost like we are sharing a very dirty secret that the world would kill to find out.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #20

You are a crazy hard worker with a great work ethic.  You will do your very best no matter what position you hold and prove that it isn't the title that makes the person, it's the person themselves that make the title.  You've proven yourself at taking on long hours, odd days, constant middle of night calls, low wages, unprofessional practices, uncooperative coworkers and customers, and so much more that you never deserved to even have to face but you did and you did it with such determination and strength.  True there was some breaks in the process that ran emotions high but in the end you always conquer and inspire others including me to work as hard as they can in the job they have so that no matter what the position is, you're the best at it.

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #21

You are cultured and a reader.  It is so attractive to see you interested in books and reading, your love of Jane Austin and putting on your glasses and sitting reading a book.  There is a very attractive intellectual nature about that image that shows a smart and creative feel that is very appealing.  It helps develop into being better at writing too and reading some of your work is very fascinating and inspiring as well.  A good book with a good girl are a perfect match.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #22

You are a family person who cares and will always be there for family.  You always support them and celebrate them and make sure that they are important and mean something.  With that, they believe in you and trust you and the bond is made stronger.  You are very good at making sure you always call or visit and have great memories and stories that you share among one another all the time.  It is a very great family bond that more people should have.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #23

The way you play video games is so endearing to me.  You have a very crystal clear recollection of past games from when you were younger and it is fascinating to see you remember chunks of a game and memorize various parts of them.  "Ouch my balls hurt"   from Banjo Kazooie always pops into my head.  You also let out a little gamer rage every so often to show that a game can get under your skin like it does me.  Diddy Kong Racing had a few such moments and any game that needed the camera to be controlled with the right stick on the controller or....the final boss of banjo, my goodness was there rage.  But, you are invested and show great interest in gaming, even if it is just watching me and being my guide throughout.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #24

You were always truthful and honest and let me into your ideas and thoughts.  You are a very passionate person and someone who you can confide in with all of your thoughts and dreams and secrets.  You tell it like it is but in a way that is easy to swallow and motivational.  You make those around you, esp me, want to be a better person.  You are a role model, someone who just by adopting some of your ideas and ways of life, I have become a better, more organized, and more conventional person.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #25

The way you enjoy pop culture of many varieties and time periods and it makes you so much more fascinating.  I love that you can regail me in all kinds of Supernatural lore and then bust out a dvd set of I Dream of Jeannie and enjoy those episodes just as much.  To really love Star Wars and Spider-Man and then enjoy White Christmas and Sound of Music just as much.  You get such joy out of playing new gen games like Lego Harry Potter and Portal and have the same if not more amount of fun holding an NES controller playing Ducktales or Mario 2.   You are very well rounded and open minded and it always fascinates me and leaves me wanting to share and experience more.

Monday, September 11, 2017

45 Things I love about you while I make what's meant to be #26

You have a very great eye for for fashion sense and can be the most attractive girl in the room with silky smooth hair, sexy makeup, high heels (one pair of 48 around the closet), and clothes that show a sense of beauty and you can also be super adorable nerd with cool kicks (I esp like the Marvel ones), a t-shirt for every occasion from Stark Enterprises to a cute Chewbacca, and leggins going down to leave your shins bare....the newly shaved ones where you feel the smoothness and go wooooooooo.
You've always looked gorgeous and can put an outfit together while allowing me to stand next to you looking like a bum....with glasses.