Scary Month Made Better with Love

Halfway through the month of Halloween and I haven't had the heart to do anything Halloween-y without you.  I loved watching a scary movie a night with you and continue to recall the way you decorated the apartment.  My feet are being warmed by the blankets while I type away to you, the one thing that I look forward to most in the day.  A truck drives by outside and the familiar sounds of the highway behind our place echoes through my head.  A alphabet themed rundown of the scares is at the edge of my thoughts of you tonight.
A for the Amityville house that drove Ryan Reynolds crazy.
B for the blanket of Marilyn that we laid under while we watched the movies.
C for the Conjuring to spook us with a clap in total darkness.
D for dead spider girl coming back to life to scare me in the Evil Within.
E for Evil Dead watching with your Edward
F for Frankenstein and showing you one of the classics.
G for Grudge and watching the original Japanese version together.
H for watching Halloween every year on the holiday and not the Rob Zombie version.
I for I love you darlin dew drop.
J for the journey of watching a movie a day and posting it online after we watched them.
K for kissing you every moment I could through the whole scary month.
L for Little boy Dalton being searched for in Insidious
M for watching Mama in Megel's room in the dark to get in the atmosphere.
N for showing you Night of the Living Dead for the first time.
O for only one I want to spend every Halloween with for the rest of my life.
P for prettiest girl named Megels I could ever hope to meet.
Q for quickly watching something fun and happy after each movie.
R for the Ring with the scary long haired girl coming out of the television.
S for Sinister and the scariest thing we've ever seen making you jump out of your skin.
T for Tusk as being the one movie you couldn't get through at all and left halfway through.
U for underneath the covers we would hide if the movie was scary enough.
V for very scared to turn off any lights after watching the scary movies.
W for Woman in Black starring our favorite Harry Potter kid.
X for x-tra snuggles taking place those nights when we went to bed with you.
Y for you are the one my heart continuously beats for day after day.
Z for zombies that tried to eat my brains when I would walk to your house at night.

Halloween and the month of October holds such a special place for me.  Not only is it bday month for Megels, but it reminds me of watching movies with you and all the different ones we watched.  Seeing your decorations in the apartment and my favorite picture of all time.  You in your witch outfit waiting for the kids to come by to get the candy.  None came and I had to work so it was all a fail but that pic is amazing.  I miss you so much and continue my hopes to hold you again.  The outdoors may be cold but the thoughts of you keep me warmest of all.  Happiness is a Megels and my heart is happiest when it thinks of you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox

Beautiful Starts with an M

Tonight I thought of you while toiling away at work.

The many things I imagined we would do afterwards just you and this nerdy dork.

I counted down the hours of the day even though you wouldn't be here after.

Never matters to me, our many memories kept me going and full of laughter.

I miss you so much that I can still hear you saying darlin in my dreams.

My heart beating so hard for you I'm afraid it'll burst out of its seams.

The cold weather is nobody's favorite, keeping warm under a blanket.

As we game the night away we are surrounded by snacks as our own little banquet.

I think about what it would be like me and you in our own place.

Tidying up the dishes and making sure the door is locked before seeing your pretty face.

The rituals I would do in our apartment became a happiness associated with you.

I'd give anything to not be here under the blanket alone, nothing I wouldn't do.

The distance to you is far but not one I would think twice about making.

The closer to you and your beautiful smile would cure my heart from aching.

The radio played the theme from Harry Potter at work today and I just about cried.

Floods of memories of Universal and the games came in from every side.

There are so many of my interests that so closely remind me of us.

A new coworker's name is the same as yours so I still get to hear your name which is a plus.

The temperature recalls back to us keeping warm with your white spaceheater at home.

Having to get up to turn it off in the middle of the night it was so hot it could melt chrome.

I wonder if our memories still swim around in your head.

I'm ready to make more from comic cons to all our our inside jokes we said.

I want to make up for all the pain I have caused, hear you proclaim love again.

I would build a time machine just to go back to the night way back when.

Your letter keeps me going day in and day out no matter how awful I feel.

Your handwriting so personal, the way you call me dew drop making it all heal.

My heart knows that we are meant to be in so many ways and never be sad.

Way better than an opposite that doesn't share interests and looks like your dad.

I accept the pain and karma for all that I have caused, asking for forgiveness nightly.

You are a gift that angels are jealous of, wings displaying so brightly.

I miss hearing your voice on the phone and making faces to each other on face time.

Sending packages for holidays and writing things to you making sure it'll all rhyme.

I can honestly say the best and happiest time of my life was living with you.

Being through the worst has made me a stronger more confident person with a clear view.

The person I want on this journey with me through every moment in time.

Is the short nerd Megels, that darlin dew drop that makes me feel like my prime.

I love you so much and nothing has ever changed that no matter how much I stumbled.

When I left you that day, my heart has done nothing but crumbled.

I write these letters to you every single day.

All the things that if you were here with me I would say.

You are my soul mate, my best friend, my partner, my player two, my love.

A sea full of darkness and out of it flew you, my wonderful dove.

We fit so perfectly and I will never give up hope.

That someday the answer to could you ever be without me will be nope.

I love you Megels darlin, that will always stand true.

My heart still dreams of that day where I will be lucky to hear you say I do.

I miss you darlin, and I hope these words reach you.

I will be here for you every single day and every single night too.

Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxooxoxo

Cold Night for Warm Hearts

The temperature dropped overnight and the morning brought with it a chill that wasn't very welcome.  Inside, the heater tried its best to warm the room where the two of them slept.  The seasonal snow hadn't started falling yet but the light had that certain wintery look to it as it did its job during the day.  The room while not a living thing, eagerly awaited the two of them returning from their jobs and spending their time together while in the room.  He got home first and promptly made sure that the place was cleaned up and vacuumed because he liked to put a good impression on for her even though she had been over there a bunch of times.  The first time she had come over always went through his head while he was cleaning as a reminder of how much he cleaned for the first time.  She was so adorable and chills went through his body remembering how it felt when their arms rubbed together while he was showing her his art.  The way she looked at him was something he had never seen anyone do before.  Sure, actors in movies did it but this was the real thing.  He spent that whole night trying to put it all into words and was never able to.  Happy to be in a warmer indoor environment, he made sure to keep it that way by turning on a small heater that he kept close by the bed for the colder nights.  It was impossible not to giggle or skip around his place anticipating her arrival later.  He was glad he didn't have to close at work and was able to open up more time that night to spend with her.  When he did close, she would come visit him for a  little on her way home from work and seeing her come around that corner near the end of the day was the best reward for putting up with customers all day.  She would lean over the counter and talk about their days and what they wanted to do that night.  His coworker would come out periodically to joke debate about how Lord of the Rings was better than Star Wars.  An argument he had no chance with.  She was absolutely beautiful with her new coat and she wore a white winter cap that looked like it was made for her.  All he wanted to do was close up shop right there and spend the last moments of his work day just staring at her.   Making sure not to lose track of time, he finished up the cleaning and prepped what they would do that evening.  He had a little thing of putting up Christmas lights around the top of his room so that they were the only lights and it gave a calming seasonal feeling to him.  Tonight would be fun, they would play some Mario Brothers on the Wii and maybe even watch a movie.  The time was almost there and he tried to contain his childlike excitement.  He would say things out loud to hear how they sounded.
You look beautiful Megels.
I love you Megels.
I missed you so much today Megels.
He couldn't wait to see her smile and just be near her.  She let him know that she had arrived and parked outside and his parents had let her in.  It was only minutes before he heard her coming down the stairs and greeted her there.  She was wearing a big winter coat and looked excited but nervous.  He led her in and they kissed and he was super excited to start their night.  But the surprise was on him.  She told him to sit on the bed, she had something to show him.  He did so and watched her unzip her coat revealing the sexiest lingerie he had ever seen.  He quickly noticed that the room got much warmer than before.  She had never been able to wear something like that before and had bad experiences with it in the past so that explained the nervous look on her face.  But that was nothing to him, all he saw was a sexy, gorgeous girl in front of him.  She climbed on top of him and they kissed, his hands feeling all over her.  It wasn't long before the outfit was tossed aside and they made love under the rainbow of lights.  The rest of the night was a mix of fun, laughs, and more kisses.  They played Mario until her eyes were giving her too many issues and they finished the night watching a movie.  Laying in bed he held on to her until he heard her sleeping and then spent the rest of the night just holding her. 
Moments like that are priceless.
Moments like that are what I would give anything to experience again.
He misses her greatly, writing to her every single day.
He knows that she is the perfect half to his odd nerdy self.
He makes a habit to ask forgiveness for the pain he caused every night before bed.
Hoping that one night she hears his call and her heart beats once more for those nights under the lights.
I love you Megels darlin.
The game isn't fun without player two.
You are what hearts are made for.
You are my one.
I will never give up hope for us to continue the funnest adventure there is.
My heart is yours.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Struggling to Block the Pain

The days are starting to get colder but my heart still burns a fire for you.
The pain and sadness are particularly bad lately.
From the weather to the time of year, bringing memories of you.
Where is my gamer girl  in love with Star Wars.
Sleep never feels fulfilling without you next to me.
I would pay any price just to feel you laying by my side.
It is getting tougher to get through the work days without hearing your voice.
Each day a longer and bigger struggle than the last.
Where is my Harry Potter girl in love with Supernatural.
I cannot stop thinking about you from sun up to sun down.
The things I want to do with you and share with you.
It is getting very difficult for me to deal with such sadness constantly.
Where is the girl who said the door would never close no matter what.
Where is the girl in love with all things pop culture wearing Marvel shoes.
Trying to suppress the pains of what I have done and lost is unbearable.
The happiest feelings I've ever experienced were being with you.
Our days were ours and each day was a new page of our book.
I still believe firmly that we are truly perfect for each other.
Two nerds who share more interests and fun than most people could ever claim.
I cannot for a second believe this one shares as much as me and you.
Where is my girl who loved playing Lego and Banjo and Sims and Luigi.
Where is the girl who wore gamer shirts and had turtle pencil toppers.
I know you are behind that door and I choose to sit in front of it waiting.
My heart feels empty and cold the farther it is from yours.
I hate that I brought this on myself and would give anything up to pay the price.
I refuse to believe this one compliments your personality perfectly.
I miss you so much.
Every work day I still go outside to walk the lot hoping today is the day we talk on the phone.
Every night I lay in bed with the phone within view hoping tonight is the night we facetime.
Every time I visit family I hope you'll be standing there as the biggest surprise of my life.
Wishing that one day I'll wake up and it would all have just been one big long dream.
We'll be back in our bed and you'll have gotten up already.
The sounds of the xbox turning on from the other room.
I don't want to spend this life without you.
I miss the way you make me feel.
I miss the way I could get you to giggle with just one text.
I miss the words that you would say to me.
That we share so many interests and won't find anyone like that.
That you know we'll achieve everything we both want being with each other.
That in the end you always hope I choose you.
I cannot apologize enough for what I have done and the pain that I have caused.
If there were any way or price to pay to take it back I would pay it without thinking.
The pain of being without you has come back to me in spades.
Many nights it is almost too much to handle.
But I never ever give up the hope that one day our hearts will reunite.
I cannot tell if my words are being read by your eyes.
It's like screaming into the wind.
But know that I would give anything to be with you again.
To prove myself to you and earn you back.
I miss you so much.
I continue to read your letter every day.
You're the candle in the dark.
My only source of clarity.
It hurts way too much otherwise.
I love you Megels.
Always.

Love, Your Edward.
Yours.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

A Perfect Night with a Perfect Girl

I dream of that place, the place that we made our own.
White walls and soft carpet, curtains swaying with the vents.
The sound of a pencil sketching away filled the air.
Shared with sounds of controller taps in rhythmic fashion.
I sat with my pad and putting my imagination to paper.
My muse sat by my side watching while playing her favorite game.
The business had started it just needed legs.
Her suggestions were plentiful and I didn't see the opportunities at the time.
She said light switch covers, I said coffee tables.
Our toes spent the night entangled together underneath a blanket.
Drinks in our own special cups joined our company.
Her eyes wouldn't let her play long until she needed to don her glasses.
Mine already on and focusing with accuracy at the line work in front of me.
Anytime I would get stuck or be devoid of ideas, all I had to do was look at her.
With one smile she could ignite my creative juices like no fuel ever could.
I'll write a book and animated it too I would proclaim out loud.
After a few chapters were written she would exclaim how into it she was.
I watched what she took notice of and tried to incorporate it into my work.
It's one thing to make art, it's another to hide things only your soul mate can find.
The night tired us out, each of us needing a break from our hobbies.
Out onto the balcony we went, two chairs awaiting us in the night.
We plopped ourselves down and she put her legs up into my lap.
Just being out there with her in our shared moment was bliss enough for me.
I could already feel the creativity brewing up inside of me.
It started with paintings of game characters on square wooden canvases.
Expanding to Youtube geek review shows starring me and my talents.
Nothing compared to the hard work she put in with her college studies.
While I just had to draw, she presented the real brains and smarts every day.
Going for a masters wasn't easy and I was lucky to watch the path to success.
She deserved every accolade coming her way, she earned it with all the hard work.
Through it all she always found time to present an idea or encourage my own dreams.
Who was this angel who sat next to me on what I called the Couch of Gaming.
You could define her by brown hair, adorable smile, and captivating eyes.
I would add in the truest most wonderful heart you could ever find.
Truth was, she was the hero in all of my stories.
It wasn't a coincidence that all my protagonists were women on an adventure.
They were all modeled after the love of my life and always the most beautiful.
As if the night couldn't get any better, our weary selves put down our work for the night.
The television switched the ninja turtles cartoons and we snuggled up together.
Under the sheet our hands held on, fingers curled around each other's.
As I felt her head grow heavy and lean down onto my shoulder, I couldn't help but whisper.
Goodnight sweet darlin Megels, sweet dreams, I love you.
Fact is, I say it every night still because my heart is still hers.
I miss my best friend, my partner, my player two, my other half.
The night may be at an end with darkness filling the rooms.
But with you in my heart it is always a bright and shiny day.
My heart wishes and hopes out to you on this night full of stars.
I hope you hear it dew drop.
I love you so very much.
The last thought on my mind before I drift off to sleep.
The greatest single sentence I could ever hear in my life.
She said yes.
My heart continues to hope in that doorway of love that that sentence come to fruition.
For not a day will go by without me wanting to hold you again.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

Middle of Night Missing You

xoxo

Would You be the One

When I sit at my table and put pen to paper, all I think about is you.
Would you be my muse in the driest drought of artist's block.
Would you be the one I share all my favorite moments with.
When I sit at my table and the silence joins me, all I think about is your voice.
Would you sing to me again to every song I put on.
Would you be the one that I talk to every day and night.
When I sit at my table I look to our pictures and can feel the butterflies.
Would you smile at me the way you used to, that gives me tingles.
Would you be the one that we can be ourselves with and share all our interests.
When I get up from my table to take a walk, I always expect to see you waiting.
Would you forgive me for my wrong choices that hurt those I care about most.
Would you be the one that I prove my undieing love to night after night.
When I walk past our memories, my feet can't help but skip in love.
Would you hold my hand again and join me in traveling the world.
Would you be the one that I can make giggle no matter the situation.
When I lay down at night I can't sleep unless I think of you next to me.
Would you latch on to me again and lay your head on my chest.
Would you be the one that I wake up to every morning, a beautiful gift from God.
When I get ready in the morning I still picture you blow drying your hair next to me.
Would you spend the weekend with me and see all our favorite places.
Would you be the one that knows the true me and falls once again.
When I drive to work I can't help but put on the songs that we share moments with.
Would you slow head bang with me and worry about being pulled over for it.
Would you be the one to to go comic cons with me to be inspired and dress up as characters.
When I hear or see anything from Harry Potter or Star Wars, goosebumps spread over my skin.
Would you accept when I broke free of the worst decisions of my life.
Would you be the one to share a place with that we can call our own again.
When I see a new movie I can't help but think that I want to see this with Megels.
Would you be the one I tuck in at night and kiss before bed.
Would you be the one I cook for and make sure the house is vacuumed.
When I play a game I feel guilty because you are not there to watch it.
Would you be my player two in this game of life.
Would you be the one that reminisces about gaming moments and memories of the past.
When I see the perfect sunset, hear the perfect melody, read the perfect chapter, I think of you.
Would you let me take your hand and prove to you that you are my happiness.
Would you be the one that grants me the honor of taking your hand.
When I type every single day I never give up hope that you are still reading.
Would you check that door you promised would never close to see me waiting there.
Would you be the one I travel any distance just to hold and whisper I love you.
When I think of the happiest moments in my life, they all contain you.
Would you be my true love until we grow old together and become ghosts.
Would you be the one I stop using I and always use we.
When I think of you I see true love, my soul mate.
Would you forgive me for getting lost and making mistakes.
Would you be the one to see us being pulled together throughout the years.
When I'm asked who I think would be the perfect wife and mother, I always answer you.
Would you be my nerdy short beautiful girl for the last time.
Would you be the most amazing example of love for all to see.
When I'm sad I think of you and miss you so much.
When I sit alone at night I think of the fun we would always have.
When I lay down I send out a wish of hope to the stars out my window every night.
Would you hear my words no matter where they are.
That I love you.
I truly love you.
My heart belongs to one special person.
That person is you Megels.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo