I dream of you clothed in white
Wearing wings that shine with golden light
Your hair is fine like that of an olden wife
Your eyes hold a vision of the road of life
Your whispers of love travel through the winds
Then rivers of love flow to my heart and my spirit ascends
I grow embraced by heavenly heights
Then glow rays of warmth and light
I wait only for your touch of the purest
I fall to your holding of love, of spirit
We become one in loving presence together
In love, we come to heaven forever
Like two doves we sing and dance
Love of a queen and king
Love will forever last
I'll be the warrior to fight for our love
We'll fly together, fly higher than the dove
I'll be your wall and shield you from danger
I'll take all the pains, for to me they are no stranger
You'll be the queen in the kingdom of my heart
And then I'll be the king, so we'll never be apart
You'll be my majesty, I will serve you forever
And for all of the time, I will leave you never
You came into my life like a star
And filled my heart with joy
You took my pain as if it was yours
And gave me love that no one could
You gave me a shoulder to cry on
You were my pillar when I was falling
You were my strength when I felt low
With your smile, you made my living on Earth worthwhile
A smile is such a lovely thing especially upon your face
Hiding all the sorrows or simply taking their place
A kindly spoken word means so much when from you
It comforts my weary heart or when I'm feeling blue
A song can make our hearts dance in pretty fast-paced clips
When we hear the melody of our loves' unconquerable grips
Words could lift my spirits and sweet compassion find
Put your hand in mine alone and peace will fill my mind
A smile, a word, a song, a look -- seem small little things
But when love sparks an action, what blessings they bring
I miss you Megels with all of my heart inside and out
Being with you is my future's true route
My love for you is never ending day after day
How long I will want to be with you is what I consistently say
Always.
Love, Your Edward
oxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxo
Friday, November 30, 2018
Thursday, November 29, 2018
God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You
I will always love you
As long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
As long as there are seas around you
The feel of the sun on you
Not a day could go by without you
The way you make me feel about it
I feel the best around it
God only knows what I'd be without you
Every piece I create has a piece of you
As long as I can dream they're about you
Until the last breath escapes me
I can always smile when I think about it
The twinkle of the shiniest stars in the sky above
God only knows what I'd be without you
Your hand in mine on the coldest days
The heartiest of laughs on the darkest
Every day I'll make sure you hear it
Just how lucky I feel being with you
The prettiest flower in the whole field
God only knows what I'd be without you
With every beat my heart knows it
An adventure that generations will write about
Close to you I feel the most from it
There's nobody that could ever replace you
The world needs way more just like you
God only knows what I'd be without you
The world seems complete with it
More vibrant and warm inside it
A future with you is my favorite
Waking in the morning to you is the best dream
A night without you is the worst nightmare
God only knows what I'd be without you
Missing you like crazy alone out there
Loving you with every cell inside me
Every flower I would give to you
Every moon I would lasso for you
There's nobody quite like you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God knows who I'd be with you
All of my love to you
Every single day
Always
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooox
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
The Colorful World of Love
It was a normal day like all the others before it. The world was stable in its monochromatic glory with everything standing out in blacks, whites, and grays. Everything resembled an artist's rendition that made the world look like one big drawing. The birds chirped overhead as a couple walked hand in hand through the grass admiring the other with smiles on both of their faces. Edward with his cap on and laced up shoes proudly sharing his time with the beauty next to him. She was the prettiest thing in the world, also donning the same shoes but with a shirt on that loudly express the words Hey Listen. Their walk was the same as they always took, pointing out all the familiar sights and just enjoying the other's company. This day was to be a very unique day though as once they reached the top of their favorite hill, they noticed something that they had never seen before. At the very top was what looked like a big circle almost resembling a window to somewhere else. Approaching it cautiously, they peered into the large circle to the other side. On the other end looked just like what they would find on the other side only everything about it looked different. For one, there was color everywhere. From the green tops of the hills to the bluest sky, everything they thought they had committed to memory looked brand new and in colors they had never seen before. It was a little scary at first, nothing like this had ever been found in their world. There was something else off about it too. Upon closer inspection, they noticed that instead of looking like moving pieces of art, it had a natural hyper realistic look to it that they had never seen before. Their eyes were glued to the spot taking in everything they could. He got up the confidence after a few moments to take a chance and reach his hand through the gate. She was cautious and worried and immediately pulled him back before he could touch it. Reassuring her, he put his right hand through and saw it come alive with color and life that he couldn't wrap his mind around. They both stood eyes wide open having no idea what it was they were experiencing. She was worried still and looked frightened. He looked at the world on the other side and with a deep breath he jumped his self through the gate and on to the other side. When his feet touched the ground he looked around and at himself and he fit in like everything else. Color and texture was all over him from his red cap to his brown pants. It was so much to take in and felt so warm and comforting. His hair was softer, clothes were comfier. Looking back through the circle he saw his love scared to come any closer and shocked at what she was seeing. She began to run away in fear before he leapt forward and reached his hand back through the gate. Seeing it come through like it was before gave her pause. His newly blue eyes looked back at hers and there was a comfort she never felt before. His fingers reached out towards her.
"Join me Megels."
Even his voice sounded warmer.
She was frightened and a million thoughts ran through her head. As his hand stayed reached out, her heart began beating in funny ways. She loved him and if this was something new she wanted to experience it with him. Hesitantly she walked over and reached her hand into his. He pulled her slowly, letting her go at her own pace, putting one foot in at a time. Once she was through she felt the warmth of the world and took a long time admiring her own self. Her brown hair was silky smooth, shoes a color of pink she never knew before. Before her stood her love and they both looked like they never had before. A three dimensional real version of themselves that seemed more solid and real than they ever had before. It was a little scary at first but she knew that if he was there it was going to be okay. He held her hand and led her to the top of the hill where a lone tree stood, all of its green leaves blowing in the breeze. They sat under that tree looking out over the world of color that they could not keep their eyes off of. He sat behind her with his arms around her waist and she leaned back into him. She thought she had known perfect before but this was something truly transcendent. Feeling him kiss the top of her head, she smiled and with the sound of leaves in her ears she closed her eyes.
"I never want to leave here."
"Then we will stay, as long as your heart loves mine."
"I guess we're here forever then."
"Sounds wonderful to me."
"Never let me go, be mind under this tree forever."
"Always."
Closing their eyes, they laid happily in each other's warm arms as the birds chirped and the clouds strolled by, truly in love.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxxooxxooxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxox
"Join me Megels."
Even his voice sounded warmer.
She was frightened and a million thoughts ran through her head. As his hand stayed reached out, her heart began beating in funny ways. She loved him and if this was something new she wanted to experience it with him. Hesitantly she walked over and reached her hand into his. He pulled her slowly, letting her go at her own pace, putting one foot in at a time. Once she was through she felt the warmth of the world and took a long time admiring her own self. Her brown hair was silky smooth, shoes a color of pink she never knew before. Before her stood her love and they both looked like they never had before. A three dimensional real version of themselves that seemed more solid and real than they ever had before. It was a little scary at first but she knew that if he was there it was going to be okay. He held her hand and led her to the top of the hill where a lone tree stood, all of its green leaves blowing in the breeze. They sat under that tree looking out over the world of color that they could not keep their eyes off of. He sat behind her with his arms around her waist and she leaned back into him. She thought she had known perfect before but this was something truly transcendent. Feeling him kiss the top of her head, she smiled and with the sound of leaves in her ears she closed her eyes.
"I never want to leave here."
"Then we will stay, as long as your heart loves mine."
"I guess we're here forever then."
"Sounds wonderful to me."
"Never let me go, be mind under this tree forever."
"Always."
Closing their eyes, they laid happily in each other's warm arms as the birds chirped and the clouds strolled by, truly in love.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxxooxxooxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxox
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Nothing Can Compare to You
There is no rose more beautiful
No sun providing more warmth
No bluer sky over the greenest hills
There is no softer blanket wrapped around
The greatest gust of wind on the most humid of days
No more refreshing drink
No amount of adrenaline can compare
No more beautiful painting ever created
The most emotional of any symphony
The final few steps of a marathon
No shinier star ever to grace the sky
A first place finish in the longest race
The greatest hug when you need it the most
No comfier slippers on cold feet
Getting into bed after the hardest day of work
The first taste of ice cream on a summer day
The feeling of breaking in new shoes
Getting a message by a professional
Accomplishing any dream you set out to do
No sunset filled with color could ever compare
No day full of laughter
Traveling to the highest point to view the horizon
No more gorgeous view of under the sea
The sweetest words to the ears
No feeling of being swept off your feet
The first step into the freshest snow
The way the ocean crashes over your bare feet
The highest hill on the funnest roller coaster
The sound of a baby giggling
No amount of lottery that could be won
No feeling could ever compare
To the feelings that I feel when I think of you
No other Megels in the world could ever replace you
While the world may try
Nothing can ever compare
You are unique and amazing and special in all the best ways
I miss you with all of my heart
More than all the best feelings that life can throw at me
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo
Monday, November 26, 2018
Message in a Bottle xoxo
I sit and I write, day after day. The sounds of piano music filtering through my ears to calm down my stress, anxiety, and depression. The music takes me places and even just for a few minutes I feel as if I have been taken out of my body and able to breathe in ways I can't anymore. I am afraid to close my eyes because I'll see a memory of us and break down. The way we stuck together for so many years was a bond I can never see breaking. Two people could never be a better match than us. Each note produced by each key of the instrument evokes more emotion than any word, film, or action. It's surprising just how much almost PTSD-like the feelings are for me when I think about the things I loved most about our life together. The Spider-Man ride at Universal, spending nights together in our apartment, sharing our inside jokes, seeing your face after a hard day.....that one I miss the most. Most days are so hard anymore. I made so many mistakes and in that blindness I never thought I wouldn't be able to hear your voice again. So many days and nights have I made sure to write you anything and everything every single day. The words you would look forward to every day shouted out into the air with nothing echoing back. My throat is hoarse from how loud and long I've been screaming. Eyes are constantly red from the streaming of tears that follow me around from day to day. I'm having so much trouble seeing through anymore. What I would give for another car ride with you. Another dinner by your side. The feeling of your skin against mine. To hear about your day and watch you get ready in the morning. I miss my partner so so much. I never ever thought I would know true happiness in my life. Growing up I would always dream and yearn for it but never believe I was someone who could be that lucky. But when I was with you, I couldn't believe my luck that I was able to feel it. I don't know if I didn't tell you I loved you enough or was ever strong enough for you but I would've and still would die for you. Living a life of constant pain is worse than anything you could imagine. You were the only person to make me want to buy a wedding ring for and want to have a baby with. Stupid self righteous me always was in the mindset that a child would make doing anything as an adult difficult and was more trouble than it was worth. But being with you I saw it from a completely different angle. As something truly special you shared with someone. A step in my life I had no idea I wanted so badly. I went from wanting to travel and create art untethered with nothing holding me down to someone who wanted to dress their daughter up in a cute outfit to take her to Disney for the first time just so I could hear her laugh. I want to be married and start my family so badly and you were the only one to crack open that heart of mine and have those dreams pour out. I truly love you for all of that. Through all of the times you left me to work on yourself and figure your own things out I never gave up hope, never moved on, never disliked you for that. There was always something really special between us. No matter what happened or how far apart, we always made our way back. I miss you more and more with the ending of each day that goes by. My heart and my hands feel so empty anymore, I struggle to get through even the simplest of days. It's so hard to live like this. My heart still beats for you, getting louder and louder. If this is to be my path for the things I have done to hurt you then I shall walk it and never give up hope. In this life, the next life, to be yours again will be worth the wait and the pain. Never have I met someone quite like you. Never will I not love you. I miss you Megels. The sun just doesn't come out anymore without you. The piano keys get softer, the notes more meaningful as I stand on the edge of the pier in the rain waiting for you to return. Every day writing a letter into a bottle and releasing it to the sea hoping one day one will come back with your beautiful words. Hope and Love are the strongest most amazing emotions we can experience. Ones I attribute to you every single day I am on this Earth.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Saturday, November 24, 2018
Love is All I Have Left
What is worth any period of time of waiting
You
Every single mountain conquered no matter how tall for who
You
Every dream that I have every night has one thing in common
You
When I write stories or movies the main character is always inspired by one person
You
Traveling the world there is only one companion I want with me
You
Who knows all there is to know about Harry Potter
You
The person who gets just as excited for Star Wars as I do
You
The girl with the biggest heart I have ever experienced
You
Years spent together through all the ups and downs with one person
You
Reliving our childhood through all manner of pop culture with the best partner
You
Anytime I play a game, there is only one person I want as my player 2
You
Anytime I smile from an inside joke it is always sprouted from one person I shared it with
You
When I walk along the streets in a cool afternoon or snowy night I think of one girl
You
I've only given a nickname, Megels, to one special person in my entire life
You
Every day I write a letter to the love of my life without fail so that someone will read it
You
When it rains I think of walking the river walk with Sammy and one beautiful girl
You
Reading at night I pretend I am reading to a special someone while they lay on me.
You
There is one person who was in love no matter how much money we had
You
One person who would stick by through thick and thin
You
One girl in my life who said they would always love me
You
There is one future for each of us and only one I'd like to spend mine with
You
I sit here wondering where my best friend went as I need her more than ever.
The one person I could talk to
The one who would always be there
The one girl who I would give anything in my life just to hear again
You
I miss you so damn much
Love is all that's keeping me going
It's all that I have left
It is all for you
Always
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxx
Friday, November 23, 2018
Have I Told You Lately That I Love You
When I lay awake at night it is you that I think about
The sounds of my breathing and the cars driving by outside the only sounds I hear
I think about all the time and experiences we have shared
The ups and the downs and our vows to always be there for the other
Difficult not to fall asleep with tears running down the sides of my face
How I wish it was still us in our apartment sharing laughs and love again
Writing to you every single day when you may not care to still read
Your voice echoing in my head of the sayings that have kept me going day after day
You would always love me and we could achieve everything we both wanted together
Your letter burning a hole in my pocket as I read it every day
Am I truly doomed for the bad choices that I have made in the past
Would you have been relieved if I wouldn't have left that one afternoon
Why did you let me leave at all and not talk it out
I've never had someone love me as much as you have
I remember when you sent me the picture of Cher playing on your car radio
How you teared up when I brought you flowers home
The smile on your face as we talked on the phone every night
I don't want this nightmare to continue any longer
You made sure we talked without anger last and said you were just going to focus on you alone
I miss those nights where I would text you what our future was going to be
Where we would travel and where we would go
The ways I would kiss you and when we would start our own family
You said it would kill you if I were to live a shell of a life
That you always hoped it was me in the end
That we had everything in common and all the same interests
So I wait and I wait even if I can't see the light any longer
Because you are the light and always shined ahead
Was I too boring or not have enough money
Did I really ruin it that badly that everything you said in our twitch chats was erased
Is it really better than us?
I lay here and think of these things every night as I fall deeper into the darkness
Where is my beautiful nerd to share in new adventures together
I miss you so very much that every night is a struggle without you
I love you dew drop
You are my Megels, just as I am your Edward
Always
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo
The sounds of my breathing and the cars driving by outside the only sounds I hear
I think about all the time and experiences we have shared
The ups and the downs and our vows to always be there for the other
Difficult not to fall asleep with tears running down the sides of my face
How I wish it was still us in our apartment sharing laughs and love again
Writing to you every single day when you may not care to still read
Your voice echoing in my head of the sayings that have kept me going day after day
You would always love me and we could achieve everything we both wanted together
Your letter burning a hole in my pocket as I read it every day
Am I truly doomed for the bad choices that I have made in the past
Would you have been relieved if I wouldn't have left that one afternoon
Why did you let me leave at all and not talk it out
I've never had someone love me as much as you have
I remember when you sent me the picture of Cher playing on your car radio
How you teared up when I brought you flowers home
The smile on your face as we talked on the phone every night
I don't want this nightmare to continue any longer
You made sure we talked without anger last and said you were just going to focus on you alone
I miss those nights where I would text you what our future was going to be
Where we would travel and where we would go
The ways I would kiss you and when we would start our own family
You said it would kill you if I were to live a shell of a life
That you always hoped it was me in the end
That we had everything in common and all the same interests
So I wait and I wait even if I can't see the light any longer
Because you are the light and always shined ahead
Was I too boring or not have enough money
Did I really ruin it that badly that everything you said in our twitch chats was erased
Is it really better than us?
I lay here and think of these things every night as I fall deeper into the darkness
Where is my beautiful nerd to share in new adventures together
I miss you so very much that every night is a struggle without you
I love you dew drop
You are my Megels, just as I am your Edward
Always
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo
My Heart Beats for You
You are beautiful
You are kind
A smile that I would climb mountains to see
My favorite anything always involves you
No holiday is complete without spending it with you
You are sweet
You are clever
You are smarter than anyone I've ever known
Days with you are like winning the lottery
I would gladly go back in time to experience it all from step one again
You are always the first thing on my mind when I wake up
Always the last thing on my mind before I dream
The best dreams I've ever had are ones where I get to see you
You are adorable
You are thoughtful
You are funny like nobody else is
Anytime I need a pick me up I think of you
I want to travel to new places with you at my side
Experience new things together while holding your hand
Every night I want to make you laugh so you sleep with a smile
I want to dance while cleaning the house
Sing while driving to a new adventure
I could never deny what my heart really wants in this life
You are what every author writes about
Every love song
You know exactly how to bring about an amazing number of butterflies
When I think of the future it always involves you
You like all the same things that I do in the best of ways
You are tolerant
You are sweet
You are the biggest supporter of any dream I pursue
I miss how we would talk and share our days
I miss looking forward to you
There's been only one person I would fight giants and dragons for
My best ideas come when I am with you
You bring out the best in me to which I want to do the same
I save experiences just so I can do them with you
Not a day goes by where I don't see or hear something that reminds me of you
You are the greatest lover
Shared so much of your past and life with me
You are real
You are inspiring
You are what drives me to be the absolute best
You are who I will follow my heart to every single time
You are love in its best form
I miss being yours
I miss the way you feel
Most of all I just miss you
I love you darlin
I want to take on that adventure with you for the greatest time
I am yours and that is what my heart beats for.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox
You are kind
A smile that I would climb mountains to see
My favorite anything always involves you
No holiday is complete without spending it with you
You are sweet
You are clever
You are smarter than anyone I've ever known
Days with you are like winning the lottery
I would gladly go back in time to experience it all from step one again
You are always the first thing on my mind when I wake up
Always the last thing on my mind before I dream
The best dreams I've ever had are ones where I get to see you
You are adorable
You are thoughtful
You are funny like nobody else is
Anytime I need a pick me up I think of you
I want to travel to new places with you at my side
Experience new things together while holding your hand
Every night I want to make you laugh so you sleep with a smile
I want to dance while cleaning the house
Sing while driving to a new adventure
I could never deny what my heart really wants in this life
You are what every author writes about
Every love song
You know exactly how to bring about an amazing number of butterflies
When I think of the future it always involves you
You like all the same things that I do in the best of ways
You are tolerant
You are sweet
You are the biggest supporter of any dream I pursue
I miss how we would talk and share our days
I miss looking forward to you
There's been only one person I would fight giants and dragons for
My best ideas come when I am with you
You bring out the best in me to which I want to do the same
I save experiences just so I can do them with you
Not a day goes by where I don't see or hear something that reminds me of you
You are the greatest lover
Shared so much of your past and life with me
You are real
You are inspiring
You are what drives me to be the absolute best
You are who I will follow my heart to every single time
You are love in its best form
I miss being yours
I miss the way you feel
Most of all I just miss you
I love you darlin
I want to take on that adventure with you for the greatest time
I am yours and that is what my heart beats for.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox
Thursday, November 22, 2018
Thanksgiving Words to You
Thanksgiving is about a time when we give thanks to anything and everything we are truly thankful for. I've only given a small little speech on being thankful once in my life and it was my first Thanksgiving in my new life with the love of my life. It was all still a little new to me but it was also an exciting time in my life. I was extremely excited to be starting a new chapter of my life with my new family. Being with you Megels was without question, the best Thanksgiving I have ever experienced before and since then. The last few holidays since then have been some of the worst I have had. Between sadness, missing you, fights, and just seeing my bad decisions play out in front of my eyes, it made me pine for a holiday with you that much more. That time of year has come up again and I find myself once again without you, only this time without a lot more. I'm by myself this time and more than ever I think about spending that Thanksgiving with you, my new family. I miss you more than I ever thought I could miss someone. Spending every day with you was a dream I never thought I would find myself lucky enough to have. The way we fit together and just how many of our interests, likes, and hobbies were the same matched us up so perfectly. This year, I want to sit once again at that table with you amongst the dinner and familiar faces and hold your hand in mine. As the others go around and speak about their own thankfulness, I ready myself and try to hold back what I'm sure I will lose once I start speaking. My turn to speak comes up and I take one look at your beautiful face before closing my eyes and facing the table.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for being shown that miracles do happen. Suffering and darkness don't have to last if you truly believe. I was misguided and made some poor decisions that led to many situations that not only hurt me but those I loved. I fell from being on top of the world to buried underneath it. But one thing through all of it, the one thing that kept me going, that always made sure that there was a light to go to....was Megels. I put her through the ringer and I deservedly lost what was essentially the perfect chance to be with her. She was right in front of me, arms wide open, and I let fear take the wheel. I am thankful that I was able to break free from that and free from the toxic relationship that was poisoning me inside and out. That there were people like my family and Megels always showing and telling me that happiness lie away from where I was. Living with the regret of leaving our apartment, hurting you, and ultimately putting myself into years of depression, pain, and destruction has not been easy. If it wasn't for Megels, I would not be sitting here with you today. I'm thankful from the bottom of my heart and soul for this beautiful girl that sits here next to me today. Megels is the purest and kindest heart I have ever met, someone who would give the clothes off their own back to those in need, human and animal. Her smile can take away any pain and her warmth can heal any wound. I am beyond thankful that everything in our lives lined up so that we met again that one afternoon at Giant Eagle in customer service. So very thankful that before she turned that corner to leave, she looked over and we locked eyes. I haven't been the best person in a lot of situations and she was always there to make me not only feel better but see just how I was from the outside. With Megels I always felt like I had a real sense of purpose and that I wanted to achieve the most amazing things in life. In short, to be the best person I could be. I'm thankful that I can bring her flowers to make her smile, visit her at work on a bad day, hold her close at night, make her laugh in any situation, and share my life with her until my very last breath. I'm thankful that I can have the chance to make it all up to her and really prove myself to her. I know she has had a few times where she moved on and started anew with someone else but I always felt no matter what that it just would never be the same. We have something incredibly special, unique, and rare and I never ever want to give that up. Not for anyone or anything. I'm thankful that I can be surrounded by good people with good hearts who don't focus on the negative and push others to be their best. I'm thankful that I have a purpose in this life. I wouldn't have seen it if it wasn't for Megels. Every day I would write to her online in hopes that just one word would get through. I never wanted to give up, could never give up. I wasn't the biggest believer in faith and all of that but after what I have been through and seeing how much of an impact Megels has on me, especially being with her now, I truly believe that somebody up there was listening. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for Megels, the proof that angels do exist. She has been my teacher, my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate,
my rock, my reality, and the most beautiful real honest girl I have ever met in my life. The world has so much to offer and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want to explore it with than you darlin. It's been a hellish nightmare these last few years that I was trying desperately to wake up from. Being with you now is the one dream I don't want to wake up from. I love you darlin.
Ahmen.
Wiping the tears away from my cheeks, I kiss you on the cheek and then try to play off some cheesy macho phrase before handing it off to the next person. Being with you making me happier than any man on the planet.
I truly believe in us and my feelings for you have only gotten stronger and more mature. I can see how childish I handled a lot of the things and the mistakes that I have made. This holiday, the only thing I could ever ask for is you. I hope in my heart that you read this. I miss your voice, your face, your touch. I want to take you to London to the Potter Experience, the waters of Rome, and kiss you under the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I want to cook you dinner, play nintendo, and decorate our home. I want to propose, name our child, and start the best traditions. My heart belongs to you dew drop and every beat whispers your name in my ears. Out of a sea of everyone and every thing, you are my someone and perfect thing.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for being shown that miracles do happen. Suffering and darkness don't have to last if you truly believe. I was misguided and made some poor decisions that led to many situations that not only hurt me but those I loved. I fell from being on top of the world to buried underneath it. But one thing through all of it, the one thing that kept me going, that always made sure that there was a light to go to....was Megels. I put her through the ringer and I deservedly lost what was essentially the perfect chance to be with her. She was right in front of me, arms wide open, and I let fear take the wheel. I am thankful that I was able to break free from that and free from the toxic relationship that was poisoning me inside and out. That there were people like my family and Megels always showing and telling me that happiness lie away from where I was. Living with the regret of leaving our apartment, hurting you, and ultimately putting myself into years of depression, pain, and destruction has not been easy. If it wasn't for Megels, I would not be sitting here with you today. I'm thankful from the bottom of my heart and soul for this beautiful girl that sits here next to me today. Megels is the purest and kindest heart I have ever met, someone who would give the clothes off their own back to those in need, human and animal. Her smile can take away any pain and her warmth can heal any wound. I am beyond thankful that everything in our lives lined up so that we met again that one afternoon at Giant Eagle in customer service. So very thankful that before she turned that corner to leave, she looked over and we locked eyes. I haven't been the best person in a lot of situations and she was always there to make me not only feel better but see just how I was from the outside. With Megels I always felt like I had a real sense of purpose and that I wanted to achieve the most amazing things in life. In short, to be the best person I could be. I'm thankful that I can bring her flowers to make her smile, visit her at work on a bad day, hold her close at night, make her laugh in any situation, and share my life with her until my very last breath. I'm thankful that I can have the chance to make it all up to her and really prove myself to her. I know she has had a few times where she moved on and started anew with someone else but I always felt no matter what that it just would never be the same. We have something incredibly special, unique, and rare and I never ever want to give that up. Not for anyone or anything. I'm thankful that I can be surrounded by good people with good hearts who don't focus on the negative and push others to be their best. I'm thankful that I have a purpose in this life. I wouldn't have seen it if it wasn't for Megels. Every day I would write to her online in hopes that just one word would get through. I never wanted to give up, could never give up. I wasn't the biggest believer in faith and all of that but after what I have been through and seeing how much of an impact Megels has on me, especially being with her now, I truly believe that somebody up there was listening. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for Megels, the proof that angels do exist. She has been my teacher, my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate,
my rock, my reality, and the most beautiful real honest girl I have ever met in my life. The world has so much to offer and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want to explore it with than you darlin. It's been a hellish nightmare these last few years that I was trying desperately to wake up from. Being with you now is the one dream I don't want to wake up from. I love you darlin.
Ahmen.
Wiping the tears away from my cheeks, I kiss you on the cheek and then try to play off some cheesy macho phrase before handing it off to the next person. Being with you making me happier than any man on the planet.
I truly believe in us and my feelings for you have only gotten stronger and more mature. I can see how childish I handled a lot of the things and the mistakes that I have made. This holiday, the only thing I could ever ask for is you. I hope in my heart that you read this. I miss your voice, your face, your touch. I want to take you to London to the Potter Experience, the waters of Rome, and kiss you under the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I want to cook you dinner, play nintendo, and decorate our home. I want to propose, name our child, and start the best traditions. My heart belongs to you dew drop and every beat whispers your name in my ears. Out of a sea of everyone and every thing, you are my someone and perfect thing.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Depressed Day Made Better with You
Another dreary depressed morning begins but writing to you already makes me feel a bit better.
I miss you a lot
When sadness hits the worst, I think of my favorite times with you.
There are so many and practically all of it could contend.
Yesterday brought chest pains again so I listened to Kingdom Hearts to remind me of you.
While I sit to feel better, the first memories that come to mind race through my head.
Little objects and moments that touch my heart in ways I never thought they would.
The way you'd sync your phone up to your car to play your music.
Making fun of your pinky toe's nail and how tiny it was.
Pulling out your laptop from under your bed when I was over.
Seeing you wearing my grey Fight Club t-shirt or one of my hoodies.
I remember the first time you did it and how overwhelmed I was with love for you.
Watching you get ready and put your makeup on in the mirror in your parents room.
Getting the senior discount at the museum when you took me on my birthday.
Remember posing over the cash we made rain onto the floor in my room?
Or when you went to leave one afternoon and let slip 'i love you' when saying goodbye?
That moment still makes me feel a wave over my body like it's the very first time.
My phone screen was my favorite picture of us with you in your witch costume inside.
I still giggle about watching you through facetime try and capture the bug on your ceiling.
Harley having the little felt cone on her head that weighed more than her.
Eating dinner and Sammy looking over our shoulders hoping for some food as well.
That night I took Nyquil and completely passed out while you played Luigi's Mansion.
The look on your face when you opened the Supernatural autographs.
Holding your hand when we rode every ride at Universal.
No matter how many times we rode them we always said "Takin a bite outta the big apple."
When you suggested watching all my dvds in order from A-Z
What I would give to sit out on our balcony with your feet in my lap again.
I miss cleaning the apartment and doing the laundry before you got home from work.
Cooking for you every type of chicken I could read about.
The amount of times we made tacos ourselves, we could do it with our eyes closed.
Planning a nerdy wedding with comic book bouquets and superhero shirts underneath.
Helping with your power point assignments while you were in college.
All the many interesting adventures with Ellen and the craziness that came with it.
Turquoise everywhere.
Listening to your stories of where you used to work and the ghost that follows you around.
Getting your text while at work wanting to hang out again and me practically screaming yipee out loud.
Sending me the cat picture of him trying to cover up his fart.
Baby announcements like movie posters or video game advertisements.
Driving to and from states and listening to music and podcasts and Harry Potter trivia.
I'll always remember you saying that you wanted to sleep but the podcast was too interesting.
Suggesting to play Mortal Kombat one night with me.
How angry you got when playing the final boss in Banjo Kazooie and Diddy Kong Racing.
I was so curious what you were planning to make with all the used toilet paper rolls.
The little blue box of memories that I still keep safe and add to myself.
How you told me you always looked at my blog and twitch and facebook no matter what.
The sound of your voice when we finally talked after so much time apart.
I would give up everything in my life just to hold you again, to hug you, to feel you.
I miss bringing you flowers and leaving you morning messages.
I want to visit you at work again and hear you say hey darlin and brag to your coworkers.
Draw you more art and hear you voice in my movies.
Sending you the pink bucket of flowers that you kept the bucket with you.
Knowing the outfits you'd wear to work and how they look on you.
That day you came to my job to get our apartment key and how happy I was just to see you.
Receiving pictures of you making funny faces to make me laugh during the day.
Making fun of how loud the Insidious logo was when it came up in the movies.
Being in awe of what I was seeing when we went to see Suessical and Wicked.
Joining your family every Sunday at Eat n Park for breakfast.
How proud you were when you painted the dresser white.
The way you would laugh.
My favorite sound in the whole world is your laugh.
I miss making you laugh most of all.
I want the future with you and every single moment with you.
We were real, our true selves.
I miss you so much dew drop.
I love you the way love was meant to be.
Morning love letters keep me going with belief.
I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with you.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxx
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Beautiful Love of my Dreams
He tossed and turned in his sleep, dreams of her ran through his mind at a pace he couldn't keep up with. His feet didn't feel like they could touch the ground and as he looked around he saw people at a table. All the seats were filled except two. Looking at the seats, instinctively he knew that one was for him, the other seat directly across from him was empty. Where was she? Immediately his mind was on her. He could picture her perfectly like she was right there in front of him. Their heights matched, her brown hair falling in a way that always looked like it took hours to perfect. She had the biggest eyes that eased the beating of your heart when you looked into them. There was an aura around her that glowed, pulling people in to make them want to be their best selves. He sat for a moment and waited, staring at the chair across from him wondering when it would be when he could see her again. Looking at the room around him it all seemed out of focus and the voices of the other people were quiet. The only thing running through his mind was where she was. After a few moments he tried calling out her name, well, his nickname he had for her.
"Megels?"
There was no response and a wave of dread and fear began to creep into his body. Unable to sit still in his seat, he got up to go look for her. Strangely the next room was a bedroom that didn't belong to either of them and he sat down on the bed to try and clear the image. Her sister walked past and waved.
"Do you know where Meg is?"
"She's around here, she was right behind me."
He perked up a little and continued waiting on the bed, eagerly anticipating the moment when he could set his eyes on her once again. After what seemed like forever, she walked in looking more beautiful than he ever remembered. Her smile made him weak in the knees and nothing could stop him from showing the biggest smile. His heart rate went up and the little excited butterflies in his stomach began to go crazy. She returned the smile with one of her own, one that she shared with him as an almost secret handshake. The way she crinkled her nose when she did it spoke volumes and added that extra pinch of love attached to it.
"Hey darlin."
No more wonderful words would ever hit his ears. She sat next to him and it took everything in him to not hold her and cover her with kisses immediately. The warmth of her body next to his sparked lightning bolts of attraction between them, giving him a wave of goosebumps. Her beauty was breathtaking sitting even closer to him. The dream suddenly changed emotion and he felt completely at peace. This is where he wanted to be, with her. He could write for years about just how much he loved her and how much she meant to him.
"Where were you, I was looking for you?"
"I was waiting for you darlin."
"I was here, I thought you were coming to the table."
"I was there, I waited for a while but you never came."
"No no, I was there I came!"
"I'm sorry darlin, I didn't want to be there alone."
"We can go now, you're here, I found you."
"It would be so easy. I really do love you dew drop."
"I love you too, please, come back and sit with me."
She looked away and stared at the door for a moment and then looked at the ground.
"That's not you out there. Deep down in your heart you know you loved being on our adventure. That, that door there, it may seem new and different and great now but, but it won't stay that way...it won't give you everything that the real you wants. Not like us....."
She had tears in her eyes and he realized he did too. He had never wanted someone this much and had felt such a strong emotional feeling inside of him of meant to be. She was special, more than she knew. He felt her hand slide on top of his and their fingers locked together. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.
"I don't know...you hurt me..."
"A pain I live with every day, believe me that I never ever want to hurt you. You have my vow that I will spend the rest of my life making you the happiest girl that ever lived."
A small smile crept to the sides of her mouth and tears dropped from her eyes. He felt a small squeeze on his hand and her thumb caressed his outer palm.
"Edward, I..."
His eyes opened and he was alone in a dark bedroom. The dream unfinished. He looked over to the other side of the bed and it was empty. The sound of some falling raindrops were hitting the window and he laid back down under the covers. He pulled a pillow close and held it tightly. A minute passed before he began to cry.
"I love you darlin, please don't go away."
The rain continued to fall as he laid there hoping that his words would reach her. For he missed her greatly. She was the definition of soul mate and the one person who truly made him know what being happy and in love was.
I miss you sweetness, I believe our adventure is meant to be my love.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo
"Megels?"
There was no response and a wave of dread and fear began to creep into his body. Unable to sit still in his seat, he got up to go look for her. Strangely the next room was a bedroom that didn't belong to either of them and he sat down on the bed to try and clear the image. Her sister walked past and waved.
"Do you know where Meg is?"
"She's around here, she was right behind me."
He perked up a little and continued waiting on the bed, eagerly anticipating the moment when he could set his eyes on her once again. After what seemed like forever, she walked in looking more beautiful than he ever remembered. Her smile made him weak in the knees and nothing could stop him from showing the biggest smile. His heart rate went up and the little excited butterflies in his stomach began to go crazy. She returned the smile with one of her own, one that she shared with him as an almost secret handshake. The way she crinkled her nose when she did it spoke volumes and added that extra pinch of love attached to it.
"Hey darlin."
No more wonderful words would ever hit his ears. She sat next to him and it took everything in him to not hold her and cover her with kisses immediately. The warmth of her body next to his sparked lightning bolts of attraction between them, giving him a wave of goosebumps. Her beauty was breathtaking sitting even closer to him. The dream suddenly changed emotion and he felt completely at peace. This is where he wanted to be, with her. He could write for years about just how much he loved her and how much she meant to him.
"Where were you, I was looking for you?"
"I was waiting for you darlin."
"I was here, I thought you were coming to the table."
"I was there, I waited for a while but you never came."
"No no, I was there I came!"
"I'm sorry darlin, I didn't want to be there alone."
"We can go now, you're here, I found you."
"It would be so easy. I really do love you dew drop."
"I love you too, please, come back and sit with me."
She looked away and stared at the door for a moment and then looked at the ground.
"That's not you out there. Deep down in your heart you know you loved being on our adventure. That, that door there, it may seem new and different and great now but, but it won't stay that way...it won't give you everything that the real you wants. Not like us....."
She had tears in her eyes and he realized he did too. He had never wanted someone this much and had felt such a strong emotional feeling inside of him of meant to be. She was special, more than she knew. He felt her hand slide on top of his and their fingers locked together. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.
"I don't know...you hurt me..."
"A pain I live with every day, believe me that I never ever want to hurt you. You have my vow that I will spend the rest of my life making you the happiest girl that ever lived."
A small smile crept to the sides of her mouth and tears dropped from her eyes. He felt a small squeeze on his hand and her thumb caressed his outer palm.
"Edward, I..."
His eyes opened and he was alone in a dark bedroom. The dream unfinished. He looked over to the other side of the bed and it was empty. The sound of some falling raindrops were hitting the window and he laid back down under the covers. He pulled a pillow close and held it tightly. A minute passed before he began to cry.
"I love you darlin, please don't go away."
The rain continued to fall as he laid there hoping that his words would reach her. For he missed her greatly. She was the definition of soul mate and the one person who truly made him know what being happy and in love was.
I miss you sweetness, I believe our adventure is meant to be my love.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo
Monday, November 19, 2018
Be the Real You with Me xoxo
Darlin dew drop, darlin how I miss you
Painting so many tables today and all I could think of was you.
My beautiful gamer girl who was a kid at heart just like me.
Today I woke up feeling extra sad. Seeing a dark cloudy day brings me down and missing you more than ever.
There's something deep in my heart that doesn't believe you are able to be you.
Like you are doing what you think you should do or being who you think you should be.
You've explained this before to me with someone from your past.
Almost like the real you has had to be tucked away or buried.
There's a girl I know and fallen in love with who loved running around in feety pajamas.
Wore really neat Marvel Comics shoes with Star Wars shirts.
She has a really great memory of old school Nick shows and movies and games and music.
One of her favorite CDs was one of mine called Now Volume One.
A girl who's eyes were wide with wonder waving a wand around at Universal.
She has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met and cares more than that.
There isn't a mean bone in her body.
She works hard for what she wants and knows how to sing like a goddess.
She doesn't go for the dude bros with which she can't share all of her interests.
The Megels I know wants a wedding with invitations like a movie poster or video game related where the groom and best men wear superhero shirts under their suits.
She's not content to just sit at home and not work.
She's adorable beyond measure with a body that I love to explore.
Star Wars stickers are placed on her car window and they way her face lights up when we talk about the movies is priceless.
The way she listens to you when you speak is rare in people.
Always willing to give anything a chance especially if she's never experienced it.
It pains my heart to see her not wearing one of her favorite shirts, not showing any love for her interests, and falling back into the past kind of person she would tell me she didn't want to be.
I will stand here and wait and hope and send my words out every single day because I know in my heart and soul that the best future with the perfect soul mate lies within you Megels.
I can't shower you with money or provide you with a life of luxury but I don't believe that you can buy someone's love.
One of the many reasons you wanted it to be with me when we made big life decisions like moving and struggling with money to the little life decisions like what couch you were going to buy and putting curtains up behind the bed.
He won't play Mario Kart with you to kick his butt.
He won't take you to comic cons instead of concerts.
He won't join in your singing in the car to Cher or Spice Girls or Lionel Ritchie.
He's not and could never be the Scott to your Ramona.
I miss you darlin and all that makes you you.
I know in my heart that you will get the most and funnest future if it is us.
My best friend, best partner, and best lover.
My love for you is unrivaled.
It's too sad to think that you'll stay with another where you aren't the real you completely.
Our memories in Universal, car rides, apartment nights, comic cons, movie visits, and more are all full of fun, laughs, and the real us.
With Christmas coming, I will continue to pray for my miracle. For you.
I miss you and love you with all of my heart Megels dew drop.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox
Today I woke up feeling extra sad. Seeing a dark cloudy day brings me down and missing you more than ever.
There's something deep in my heart that doesn't believe you are able to be you.
Like you are doing what you think you should do or being who you think you should be.
You've explained this before to me with someone from your past.
Almost like the real you has had to be tucked away or buried.
There's a girl I know and fallen in love with who loved running around in feety pajamas.
Wore really neat Marvel Comics shoes with Star Wars shirts.
She has a really great memory of old school Nick shows and movies and games and music.
One of her favorite CDs was one of mine called Now Volume One.
A girl who's eyes were wide with wonder waving a wand around at Universal.
She has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met and cares more than that.
There isn't a mean bone in her body.
She works hard for what she wants and knows how to sing like a goddess.
She doesn't go for the dude bros with which she can't share all of her interests.
The Megels I know wants a wedding with invitations like a movie poster or video game related where the groom and best men wear superhero shirts under their suits.
She's not content to just sit at home and not work.
She's adorable beyond measure with a body that I love to explore.
Star Wars stickers are placed on her car window and they way her face lights up when we talk about the movies is priceless.
The way she listens to you when you speak is rare in people.
Always willing to give anything a chance especially if she's never experienced it.
It pains my heart to see her not wearing one of her favorite shirts, not showing any love for her interests, and falling back into the past kind of person she would tell me she didn't want to be.
I will stand here and wait and hope and send my words out every single day because I know in my heart and soul that the best future with the perfect soul mate lies within you Megels.
I can't shower you with money or provide you with a life of luxury but I don't believe that you can buy someone's love.
One of the many reasons you wanted it to be with me when we made big life decisions like moving and struggling with money to the little life decisions like what couch you were going to buy and putting curtains up behind the bed.
He won't play Mario Kart with you to kick his butt.
He won't take you to comic cons instead of concerts.
He won't join in your singing in the car to Cher or Spice Girls or Lionel Ritchie.
He's not and could never be the Scott to your Ramona.
I miss you darlin and all that makes you you.
I know in my heart that you will get the most and funnest future if it is us.
My best friend, best partner, and best lover.
My love for you is unrivaled.
It's too sad to think that you'll stay with another where you aren't the real you completely.
Our memories in Universal, car rides, apartment nights, comic cons, movie visits, and more are all full of fun, laughs, and the real us.
With Christmas coming, I will continue to pray for my miracle. For you.
I miss you and love you with all of my heart Megels dew drop.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox
Sunday, November 18, 2018
You Are My Warmth -- I Love You darlin
What is warmth on a cold seasonal night like this one?
Warmth is anything and everything when I think of you.
The touch of your hand and how smooth your skin feels.
The way you look at me when I am working.
The sound of your voice as it travels through my ears and into my heart.
Warmth is the way you make me feel no matter what we're doing.
Watching a movie together and discussing your thoughts afterwards.
That twinkle in your eyes when I would bring you flowers.
Your favorites being the gerber daisies.
Warmth is feeling complete by finding someone who compliments you perfectly.
The girl who knows Star Wars just as much as you do.
The thoughts of starting a family and your own traditions.
Walking home from work and holding my phone in my hand awaiting your call.
What keeps me warm at night are thoughts of you.
How amazing and big venture we could evolve my business into.
Being there as you achieve your goals and ambitions and cheering you on.
Snuggling up together under a blanket and reminiscing about past experiences.
Planning more trips to conquere just like we did for Universal all those days before we did it.
Warmth is the feel of you laying on my chest in complete safety.
The fan spinning slowly above keeping us cool.
I think of the things that made you laugh and it puts a smile on my face.
Your laugh warms my heart more than a thousand fires.
I miss you like crazy, most of all at night.
Warmth is a girl who has the biggest heart of anyone and more care than I can count.
An ambitious go getter who tries harder than anyone to succeed.
She is beautiful and makes me feel good no matter how bad a day could seem.
She is thoughtful, loving, and one of the most pure people I've ever known.
To me, Megels is warmth.
There is nobody in the world that warms me the ways that she does.
It takes someone truly special to inhabit my mind while I'm asleep and all day while I'm awake.
Warmth is the way you would always listen and share the same interests.
Battling it out in Harry Potter scene it and singing duets in the car.
The warmth of knowing that of all the people in the world, I found the one.
I wish I could read to you tonight under the blankets.
I would read the rest of the Star Wars Shakespeare or a Supernatural novel.
Missing your warmth has me at my saddest and I know I can make it perfect.
Let's get some Wendy's drive thru and you can distract the window person with your cleavage.
Let's take tomorrow to clean the apartment while dancing to your music.
Then we can get in our swimming suits and try and throw each other into the ocean.
I would give anything to be laying with you watching tv tonight darlin.
I miss you so damn much.
You are my warmth no matter how cold mother nature tries to make it.
My heart will always yearn for you warmth and you to be in my arms once again.
No matter how long it takes or how difficult it may be.
I truly believe we are meant to be dew drop.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
Warmth is anything and everything when I think of you.
The touch of your hand and how smooth your skin feels.
The way you look at me when I am working.
The sound of your voice as it travels through my ears and into my heart.
Warmth is the way you make me feel no matter what we're doing.
Watching a movie together and discussing your thoughts afterwards.
That twinkle in your eyes when I would bring you flowers.
Your favorites being the gerber daisies.
Warmth is feeling complete by finding someone who compliments you perfectly.
The girl who knows Star Wars just as much as you do.
The thoughts of starting a family and your own traditions.
Walking home from work and holding my phone in my hand awaiting your call.
What keeps me warm at night are thoughts of you.
How amazing and big venture we could evolve my business into.
Being there as you achieve your goals and ambitions and cheering you on.
Snuggling up together under a blanket and reminiscing about past experiences.
Planning more trips to conquere just like we did for Universal all those days before we did it.
Warmth is the feel of you laying on my chest in complete safety.
The fan spinning slowly above keeping us cool.
I think of the things that made you laugh and it puts a smile on my face.
Your laugh warms my heart more than a thousand fires.
I miss you like crazy, most of all at night.
Warmth is a girl who has the biggest heart of anyone and more care than I can count.
An ambitious go getter who tries harder than anyone to succeed.
She is beautiful and makes me feel good no matter how bad a day could seem.
She is thoughtful, loving, and one of the most pure people I've ever known.
To me, Megels is warmth.
There is nobody in the world that warms me the ways that she does.
It takes someone truly special to inhabit my mind while I'm asleep and all day while I'm awake.
Warmth is the way you would always listen and share the same interests.
Battling it out in Harry Potter scene it and singing duets in the car.
The warmth of knowing that of all the people in the world, I found the one.
I wish I could read to you tonight under the blankets.
I would read the rest of the Star Wars Shakespeare or a Supernatural novel.
Missing your warmth has me at my saddest and I know I can make it perfect.
Let's get some Wendy's drive thru and you can distract the window person with your cleavage.
Let's take tomorrow to clean the apartment while dancing to your music.
Then we can get in our swimming suits and try and throw each other into the ocean.
I would give anything to be laying with you watching tv tonight darlin.
I miss you so damn much.
You are my warmth no matter how cold mother nature tries to make it.
My heart will always yearn for you warmth and you to be in my arms once again.
No matter how long it takes or how difficult it may be.
I truly believe we are meant to be dew drop.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
Friday, November 16, 2018
Your True Self with Me
What in my heart of hearts makes me believe so strongly that you are my one.
Stars are numerous in the sky and when you look up you see the beauty of an infinite galaxy full of twinkling wonders.
All of that doesn't hold a candle to just how amazing you truly are.
Will he write you poems, rhymes, and letters to make your heart melt?
My hands will forever write you the most wonderful of poems, the funniest of rhymes, and daily letters until there is no life left in them.
I feel tremendous belief in my bones that the best partner to take on this world is you.
I wish there were more days of the week so that I could have more time to write you and capture the wonder that is you.
The rooms are quiet and nights are by myself and yet, a thought of you and it's like you're there.
A piano player presses the keys in such rhythms and patterns creating sounds that are such pleasure to the ears.
The notes take us on journeys, across landscapes, emotional adventures just through a series of noises pressed by skilled fingers.
Music is one of the strongest ways to indicate emotion, messages, and passion.
You make me feel that way inside and out.
I refer to piano a lot due to its elegance, beauty, harmony, and ways of touching me both emotionally and imaginatively all while maintaining class.
Each aspect reminds me of you.
Elegant and beautiful, the prettiest girl I've ever met who owns true natural beauty and a persona that could disarm the most dangerous of foes.
Harmonious feeding delicious sounds to my ears with your singing and the way your voice sounds to me.
I would give anything to hear that voice every single day.
You can make me feel in ways that take me on adventures to new lands.
The kind of emotions that if you are hurt or upset I want to feel sad and say it's going to be okay.
But I also want to smile and say it's going to be okay because with you....it will be.
Will he make you laugh until you have tears in your eyes like I do?
Leave you with a leftover smile on your face as you lay down to bed and spider monkey on to me.
I sit here knowing that one of my favorite things was to make you laugh.
You are too one of a kind and deserve to be with someone who shares your interests.
I cannot see him slow head banging to Ritchie or dressing up in Hogwarts cloaks.
But I know you'd love to and wave your wand around to create magic for the younglings.
The days grow sadder as they go on without you.
My writings to you the highlight of my days.
You are still in my heart and the most important person I have ever let in.
Our time on this Earth is finite and I would be honored to share that with you.
I don't believe in too lates.
I believe in serendipity, destiny, and true love.
I know from the stories you've told of past relationships and men that you were never able to be yourself or had to hide or stop doing certain hobbies you liked.
The bro's who only wore name brand clothes and shoes and hats and let money rule all.
They always kindly snatched you up and once the honeymoon phase was over they let you down.
I won't pretend I didn't hurt you.
I did.
Every day I repent for it and pray for forgiveness, building my life back up and stronger so that I am never weak like that again.
If an angel falls in your path, do not hurt it while it cannot fly.
I want to share in fun and adventure with you.
I want to geek out together in all of our hobbies.
I want to make you laugh until tears run down your cheeks.
I want to hold you while you sleep so you feel safe.
I want to be yours.
I don't want to say I or me anymore, I want to say us and we.
I've never met anyone quite like you Megels.
The piano plays on, each key more melodious than the last.
And I will continue playing until the notes find your ears.
I miss you my darlin dew drop.
I forever love you.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Stars are numerous in the sky and when you look up you see the beauty of an infinite galaxy full of twinkling wonders.
All of that doesn't hold a candle to just how amazing you truly are.
Will he write you poems, rhymes, and letters to make your heart melt?
My hands will forever write you the most wonderful of poems, the funniest of rhymes, and daily letters until there is no life left in them.
I feel tremendous belief in my bones that the best partner to take on this world is you.
I wish there were more days of the week so that I could have more time to write you and capture the wonder that is you.
The rooms are quiet and nights are by myself and yet, a thought of you and it's like you're there.
A piano player presses the keys in such rhythms and patterns creating sounds that are such pleasure to the ears.
The notes take us on journeys, across landscapes, emotional adventures just through a series of noises pressed by skilled fingers.
Music is one of the strongest ways to indicate emotion, messages, and passion.
You make me feel that way inside and out.
I refer to piano a lot due to its elegance, beauty, harmony, and ways of touching me both emotionally and imaginatively all while maintaining class.
Each aspect reminds me of you.
Elegant and beautiful, the prettiest girl I've ever met who owns true natural beauty and a persona that could disarm the most dangerous of foes.
Harmonious feeding delicious sounds to my ears with your singing and the way your voice sounds to me.
I would give anything to hear that voice every single day.
You can make me feel in ways that take me on adventures to new lands.
The kind of emotions that if you are hurt or upset I want to feel sad and say it's going to be okay.
But I also want to smile and say it's going to be okay because with you....it will be.
Will he make you laugh until you have tears in your eyes like I do?
Leave you with a leftover smile on your face as you lay down to bed and spider monkey on to me.
I sit here knowing that one of my favorite things was to make you laugh.
You are too one of a kind and deserve to be with someone who shares your interests.
I cannot see him slow head banging to Ritchie or dressing up in Hogwarts cloaks.
But I know you'd love to and wave your wand around to create magic for the younglings.
The days grow sadder as they go on without you.
My writings to you the highlight of my days.
You are still in my heart and the most important person I have ever let in.
Our time on this Earth is finite and I would be honored to share that with you.
I don't believe in too lates.
I believe in serendipity, destiny, and true love.
I know from the stories you've told of past relationships and men that you were never able to be yourself or had to hide or stop doing certain hobbies you liked.
The bro's who only wore name brand clothes and shoes and hats and let money rule all.
They always kindly snatched you up and once the honeymoon phase was over they let you down.
I won't pretend I didn't hurt you.
I did.
Every day I repent for it and pray for forgiveness, building my life back up and stronger so that I am never weak like that again.
If an angel falls in your path, do not hurt it while it cannot fly.
I want to share in fun and adventure with you.
I want to geek out together in all of our hobbies.
I want to make you laugh until tears run down your cheeks.
I want to hold you while you sleep so you feel safe.
I want to be yours.
I don't want to say I or me anymore, I want to say us and we.
I've never met anyone quite like you Megels.
The piano plays on, each key more melodious than the last.
And I will continue playing until the notes find your ears.
I miss you my darlin dew drop.
I forever love you.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thursday, November 15, 2018
Missing You a Lot Tonight Darlin
The first snow has fallen this evening and I sit here listening to piano music that makes me think of you.
The calm serenity that it puts me in perfectly replicates how you make me feel.
Bed is comfortable but a pillow will never be a worthy substitute for you.
Every night the bed seems to grow just a little bit larger and more empty.
I watch the flakes fall past the window and attempt to count them.
Eyes darting from one to the next, sleep evading me another night once more.
How quickly I fell asleep with you laying on my chest.
You have the ability to lull me into the most peaceful rests with no trouble at all.
Do you remember the night you awoke and sat up quickly from a nightmare?
I recall seeing you do it and groggily hoped you were okay.
I had never seen someone wake from a dream like that and it made me love you even more.
It gave me a sense of closeness seeing you in a vulnerable state.
Holding you that night felt all the more close with wanting to protect you.
The amount of dreams I have that contain you are starting to achieve higher numbers.
I can still feel my feet leave the ground when I think about how beautiful you are.
I would give anything to know if you were reading my love notes to you.
The snowflakes almost seem to be falling to the keys of the piano.
I don't feel like I'm here but in a fancy hotel ball room watching you from across the way.
Your brown hair done up except one stand that falls precariously across your cheek.
No matter how many times you brush it away it just goes back into place.
What I would give to dance with you right now.
I miss you so much Megels darlin.
I want to see Fantastic Beasts 2 with you with our wands in our hands.
I want to watch Christopher Robin with you, each of us with a box of tissues.
I haven't watched any 50 amazing facts without you, saving them all for us.
Right now I'm watching a little documentary on the Spider-Man ride at Universal.
I miss running back into line once we got out of the ride, wanting to get right back on.
My chest and heart drop just thinking about going with you again.
All I can think about anymore is the romantic weekend I owe you.
Earn you back in the best of ways.
The holidays are coming up and all I want is you.
To hear you, see you, be near you.
Laying here I wish on every flake that falls that I can see you again.
Watching the Spider-man ride is making me so sad.
My best memories of my life have been with you dew drop.
I hope in my sleep my heart is able to talk to yours.
This holiday season, my wish for under the tree would be you.
I want to continue our adventure down there with you.
I know all of our dreams can be achieved together.
My heart is yours my love.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxooxoxxooxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Wednesday, November 14, 2018
Press Start for Love
Games present a unique way to escape from reality and the hardships of life and stresses of the real world. If your day is particularly bad or you are feeling down, there is always a game that will cure what befalls you. To me, games are a way to live out the happiness of rescuing love for a happily ever after. The most important part of the adventure that is life is going through it with you player two. The best player two in the world is a short brown eyed girl whom I am madly in love with. No matter what the game or adventure, I know it'll be infinitely better with her holding the other controller. Donning a red cap and blue overalls, I would crawl through every green pipe and defeat every castle to find my princess Megels. Grabbing my sword and shield I would traverse Hyrule on top of my trusty steed to defeat the evils of the land to piece together the triforce and be reunited with my beloved Megels. No planet is too far and no threat is too great. Cooperatively she is the best person to play games with because at heart she is a gamer as well. Informing me of her past gaming challenges and opening up my interest in more games just by hearing her speak of them. Never would I have tracked down Ducktales, Little Mermaid, Mystical Ninja, Yoshi's Story, or gained such in depth knowledge of Banjo-Kazooie. To have someone as beautiful as her sitting next to me is the best distraction I could think of while playing through a new game. Together we battled through the Mushroom Kingdom no matter how many times we found ourselves in bubbles calling to the other to rescue them. She knows how to kick butt in Mario Kart and its rival Diddy Kong racing. She is well versed in many different genres of games as well which only adds to the attraction I have to her. I could watch her play Kingdom Hearts for hours, take care of her sims trying desperately to make them listen to her, and hum along with Luigi as he creeped around a ghost filled mansion looking for his lost brother. To me it was the perfect match of interests and almost a metaphor for what was happening right in front of us. We were on an adventure of our own. While we held controllers to control other heroes in fantasies not reachable in the real world, we were becoming closer as a couple and shared that time and hobby together in the best of ways. I miss playing for her as she watched or helped whenever I would get stuck. I miss showing her new and interesting games and being curious and fascinated by what she would end up liking and getting a unique experience out of. I miss looking over at her fingers pressing the buttons and watching her eyes dart back and forth following the action on the screen. I miss how one game would become her obsession for a while before she moved on to another. Lego Harry Potter being the king of her favorites for a long time. It warms me remembering that she has my Paper Mario game and I had given her Twilight Princess as well. Two of the most prominent adventurers of the video game world. Each one having the goal of rescuing the princess in the end. My way of saying without words that these are our adventures and I am that character starting his quest in hopes to find you in the end. My love for you Megels is deep and true and full of so much that I want to share and adventure with. If you were an arcade, I would change all of my savings into quarters so that I could stay there for the rest of my life gaming with you. Tonight I use my power up of flowers and bundle them together to give to you. Whatever castle you are in, whatever land you are trapped on, whatever treasure I must collect or quest I must complete.....as long as you are the prize at the end, all of it will be worth it and more. This is your player one pressing start and putting the other controller next to me waiting for you to press start to join in. This life isn't a one player game and I will wait at that menu screen until my love sits down beside me and presses start to join. You are my everything and tonight my prayers continue. I love you Megels.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
Goodnight Wishes to the Angel of My Nightmares
Where do we go when we close our eyes at night.
Who do we say goodnight to and wish the sweetest of dreams.
Eyes closed, we leave the world behind as we know it and are completely vulnerable.
Where we go once we follow the Sandman can be anything and everything.
Before shutting my eyes for the night, there is one person I always make sure I wish to.
Curled up in a half ball, I put my hands together and close my eyes and exhale.
Everything in my body goes calm and I think of one image that completes the process.
Megels.
Specifically the picture that I keep up next to my desk and labeled as my favorite.
It was taken in my bedroom and you are wearing your red bandana above your head.
The smiles on our faces the best and brightest we had ever known.
The way our faces and noses touched show such a close attraction.
You are beyond beautiful and the photo has a white haze around it making it almost heavenly.
Your nose is crinkled from your smile and makes me weak in the knees every time I see it.
With that image in my head I begin my nightly goodnight to the woman of my dreams.
Wishes that I will get to hold her again and share those laughs once more.
Holding the pillow in such a way that it's like you are latched on to me.
Hoping you hear my voice as I proclaim how much I love and miss you.
Goodnight to you Megels, the prettiest dew drop there ever was.
May you dream of our best memories to cause your heart to yearn for mine once more.
Riding through clouds pointing out your favorite times spent together.
Searching for Ikea.
Meeting the black ranger and wondering what happened to his finger.
Guiding you through Kingdom Hearts sitting next to you on the couch.
Watching you make chili in the kitchen and touching your bum when I walk by.
Drawing the best I could while you watched on behind me.
Accidentally ending up in the same hotel as a comic con.
Whenever the rides would get stuck or glitch out at Universal.
Building the Mario puzzle on the floor of my room.
Our first nights where I'd ask you when you had to be home and you'd respond when do you want me to go.
I still get a stomach full of butterflies when I think of you saying so many things to me.
Hey darlin.
I know we can both achieve everything we could ever want together.
You don't understand how much I love you, I punched a guy tonight.
Did you just shit yourself?
Sistersss Sisterssss
Ouch my balls hurt.
I find myself smiling in bed because of so many dreams I look forward to having.
It never fails that I usually find you somewhere in my dreams every night.
Coincidentally I'm looking for you or waiting somewhere for you.
Once it was at a dinner table, another in a room with a bed, and another in a store.
My favorites are when our hands are held.
That feeling is the best I have felt and without a doubt my favorite feeling.
I say goodnight to the most beautiful girl I've ever known
Goodnight to the dew drop I want to have as mine to love and cherish forever.
The sweetest of dreams to your wonderful self.
It pains me to not be there with you to slumber in complete and total heaven.
So I bid goodnight and continue my hopes and dreams
For Megels is the best dream come true
A perfect example that angels do exist.
Goodnight as I miss you more and more each day.
Goodnight with love for you that exceeds all others.
Goodnight to you darlin, as I will do anything to be yours.
My eyes close for the night but my heart remains open.
Waiting in your doorway with love for you on full display.
I love you Megels, may my dreams lead me to you so I may hold you once again.
Goodnight to you, I will be right here, eagerly waiting to be with you.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo
Who do we say goodnight to and wish the sweetest of dreams.
Eyes closed, we leave the world behind as we know it and are completely vulnerable.
Where we go once we follow the Sandman can be anything and everything.
Before shutting my eyes for the night, there is one person I always make sure I wish to.
Curled up in a half ball, I put my hands together and close my eyes and exhale.
Everything in my body goes calm and I think of one image that completes the process.
Megels.
Specifically the picture that I keep up next to my desk and labeled as my favorite.
It was taken in my bedroom and you are wearing your red bandana above your head.
The smiles on our faces the best and brightest we had ever known.
The way our faces and noses touched show such a close attraction.
You are beyond beautiful and the photo has a white haze around it making it almost heavenly.
Your nose is crinkled from your smile and makes me weak in the knees every time I see it.
With that image in my head I begin my nightly goodnight to the woman of my dreams.
Wishes that I will get to hold her again and share those laughs once more.
Holding the pillow in such a way that it's like you are latched on to me.
Hoping you hear my voice as I proclaim how much I love and miss you.
Goodnight to you Megels, the prettiest dew drop there ever was.
May you dream of our best memories to cause your heart to yearn for mine once more.
Riding through clouds pointing out your favorite times spent together.
Searching for Ikea.
Meeting the black ranger and wondering what happened to his finger.
Guiding you through Kingdom Hearts sitting next to you on the couch.
Watching you make chili in the kitchen and touching your bum when I walk by.
Drawing the best I could while you watched on behind me.
Accidentally ending up in the same hotel as a comic con.
Whenever the rides would get stuck or glitch out at Universal.
Building the Mario puzzle on the floor of my room.
Our first nights where I'd ask you when you had to be home and you'd respond when do you want me to go.
I still get a stomach full of butterflies when I think of you saying so many things to me.
Hey darlin.
I know we can both achieve everything we could ever want together.
You don't understand how much I love you, I punched a guy tonight.
Did you just shit yourself?
Sistersss Sisterssss
Ouch my balls hurt.
I find myself smiling in bed because of so many dreams I look forward to having.
It never fails that I usually find you somewhere in my dreams every night.
Coincidentally I'm looking for you or waiting somewhere for you.
Once it was at a dinner table, another in a room with a bed, and another in a store.
My favorites are when our hands are held.
That feeling is the best I have felt and without a doubt my favorite feeling.
I say goodnight to the most beautiful girl I've ever known
Goodnight to the dew drop I want to have as mine to love and cherish forever.
The sweetest of dreams to your wonderful self.
It pains me to not be there with you to slumber in complete and total heaven.
So I bid goodnight and continue my hopes and dreams
For Megels is the best dream come true
A perfect example that angels do exist.
Goodnight as I miss you more and more each day.
Goodnight with love for you that exceeds all others.
Goodnight to you darlin, as I will do anything to be yours.
My eyes close for the night but my heart remains open.
Waiting in your doorway with love for you on full display.
I love you Megels, may my dreams lead me to you so I may hold you once again.
Goodnight to you, I will be right here, eagerly waiting to be with you.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo
Monday, November 12, 2018
An Artist's Muse None More Beautiful Than You
As an artist, there are so many things that inspire and fuel the imagination.
It can be as small as the color that sticks out above the others.
As large as another piece of art or a building or even just life itself.
The unique thing is that you can't go looking for it or expect to find it where you think you will.
The inspiration comes from all over and each season brings with it different things as well.
Winter brings the palette of white, red, and green.
It also exhibits a calm, quiet feeling and a touch of softness.
Snow on the ground with the crunch under your feet can help envision a landscape.
Otherworldy or somewhere devoid of life and a calmness to it.
The opposite is summer and that brings with it it's own bag of influences.
Warmth, freedom, and the color of blue without the restrictions of cold.
Being outside during these seasons can spark a certain emotional piece of art.
Winter in particular helps a piece for me exhibit a lonely singular feeling.
The holidays temper the ideas into something more inviting and warm.
Seeing other people's work also inspires in a certain style they use or medium.
Songs help the ear envision entire scenes of a movie or help accentuate an emotion.
The most powerful of inspirations is love.
There is one person who is my muse and the most inspiration I could ever feel.
Just being herself and being near her opens up my imagination to unheard of levels.
Some of my favorite art has been made either while she was around or with a thought of her in my head.
From there she was made a baby ninja turtles pic, angelina jolie portrait, nicole kidman, some day of the dead canvas art, a painting of a couple on a rainy path under trees, and a slew of art of which one was just featured in an online article.
The best I've ever felt and most creative I've been is when I am with her.
Just making up the nickname Megels for her isn't enough.
She inspires me to create things that the most vivid imaginations run around inside.
To shoot for the stars and achieve any and every dream I could ever muster.
To push harder and my talents to the max to create some truly unique things.
The reward is seeing her reaction and hearing what she thinks of it.
My favorite being the Nintendo coffee table and her reaction being that it was something she would buy and when she had a photo of me drawing that she wrote as a caption that she could watch me draw for hours.
My inspiration and drive is love and my love is Megels.
I don't know any greater love than her and I see her in everything.
The beauty of life and all that can be found in it is how I feel about her.
She is a beautiful angel that I would give anything to spend my life with.
To be ensconced in a world of wonder and artistry never heard of before.
To end every night creatively strong and her laying by my side.
A more pure heaven I could never imagine.
I miss you so much my lovely muse.
You are the paints that color my world and the music to accompany it.
You are all the light, the best of every season, and where the best ideas come from.
I love you more than any art has any right to be.
With my emotions on the canvas I will continue to write my love to you.
You are my soul mate, my muse, the love of my life.
Megels, you are the reason my heart beats with such life every day.
I will never stop waiting to take your hand again
For no matter what it will be worth the wait and the hope.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox
You are the paints that color my world and the music to accompany it.
You are all the light, the best of every season, and where the best ideas come from.
I love you more than any art has any right to be.
With my emotions on the canvas I will continue to write my love to you.
You are my soul mate, my muse, the love of my life.
Megels, you are the reason my heart beats with such life every day.
I will never stop waiting to take your hand again
For no matter what it will be worth the wait and the hope.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox
Sunday, November 11, 2018
That Fateful Day Saved by Love
The day wasn't one he was looking forward to and every day up to that point was a test in sadness and deep thought. The events that led up to this moment were scattered, not thought out, and directed a bit out of fear. It had taken him a day and a few nights but eventually everything he owned was placed into boxes and stacked against the walls out of the way. What was once a home that was the beginning of a new life of love had turned into a life he was too depressed to leave behind. His parents didn't help the situation and a lot of the time just made him feel worse about things with guilt and other such attacks. While he was there, he was happier than he knew was possible. He had been happy before sure, but this was a new level that he didn't even know existed. Being in a new place with new prospects and being able to share every single day with the woman he loved. It was a dream come true and waking up every day he couldn't believe his luck. But it was always tainted by messages from home making him feel bad and harming his own happiness. He should have been stronger and fought for what he wanted but he seemed to have inherited a lot of his personality from his father. Looking around the room he looked at each box and tried to remember what was in each one. All he could think about was where the stuff was and how it was set up before he had to pack it all up. The days leading up to his leave date he made sure he made the most of and at the end of each day he felt sadder and sadder because it was one more day closer to not seeing her every day. It was bliss waking up and looking over to see her sleeping body next to his and going to bed at night with her wrapped around him. She was his soul mate and he had given in to fear and messed up what was his dream. All he could manage to do was arrange the magnetic alphabet letters on the fridge to say I Love You Megels and sit back and tear up wondering how she would take it. The morning had come and before she went to work they made love one last time and he watched her get ready. She seemed better than okay about the whole thing which only made it harder for him. He kissed her and hugged her goodbye and she went off to work. There he stood in an empty and quiet apartment with all of his boxes and all he could do was break down and cry. He had never gone through something like this before and it was all a bit much to do by himself. After a few hours he had placed all of his boxes into the moving truck and got all the last things together inside. Standing there he took it all in. The kitchen where they made tacos and chili while he would always sneek things from the candy cupboard. The living room with the Breakfast at Tiffany's poster and shelves by the television that once held pictures of them together. The hallway that once was lined with his artwork that he set up one night. The bedroom where the made love and slept and he watched her in the mornings get ready. He couldn't move. Something was stopping him from moving. She was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, this wasn't something he wanted to do. Sitting on the couch he took a little bit to clear his head and really think about what he was going to do next. So many thoughts went through his head but the one constant was her. Breaking down in tears again, he gathered up the last of his things and hugged the dog goodbye and shut the door.
Hours later she returned home and made her way up to the door. She got her keys out and opened it to find an empty apartment except her own things. He was really gone. It hit her all at once and she fell to the floor and cried. There was something in her that never believed it would actually happen and seeing it in front of her was too much reality at once. Tears streaming down her face she heard footsteps coming down the hall. When she looked up she saw him walking towards her and she immediately jumped up and into his arms.
"I thought you were gone, what are you doing here??"
"I can't be without you. I just can't"
They both cried into each other and he held her out in front of him and looked into her eyes.
"Megels I love you and no matter how things get, I will never stop loving you. I made some mistakes and acted immaturely. There's nobody else I want to spend my life with but you."
"I love you"
For a few moments they just cried into each other's shoulders. Once they calmed a bit he sat on the floor with her in his arms.
"I love you Megels. Life wouldn't be life without you in it. I'm here to stay and I'm yours forever. I know we can have the funnest happiest life in the universe. I'll never hurt you again sweetness and I will be right here by your side for the rest of our lives."
"You'll stay with me forever?'"
"Forever."
"I'm so glad you stayed."
"You never have to worry anymore, I will be your other half through thick and thin."
"I love you so much."
"I love you and will love you dew drop. Always."
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxo
Hours later she returned home and made her way up to the door. She got her keys out and opened it to find an empty apartment except her own things. He was really gone. It hit her all at once and she fell to the floor and cried. There was something in her that never believed it would actually happen and seeing it in front of her was too much reality at once. Tears streaming down her face she heard footsteps coming down the hall. When she looked up she saw him walking towards her and she immediately jumped up and into his arms.
"I thought you were gone, what are you doing here??"
"I can't be without you. I just can't"
They both cried into each other and he held her out in front of him and looked into her eyes.
"Megels I love you and no matter how things get, I will never stop loving you. I made some mistakes and acted immaturely. There's nobody else I want to spend my life with but you."
"I love you"
For a few moments they just cried into each other's shoulders. Once they calmed a bit he sat on the floor with her in his arms.
"I love you Megels. Life wouldn't be life without you in it. I'm here to stay and I'm yours forever. I know we can have the funnest happiest life in the universe. I'll never hurt you again sweetness and I will be right here by your side for the rest of our lives."
"You'll stay with me forever?'"
"Forever."
"I'm so glad you stayed."
"You never have to worry anymore, I will be your other half through thick and thin."
"I love you so much."
"I love you and will love you dew drop. Always."
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxo
Saturday, November 10, 2018
A Bad Night Made Better with Thoughts of You
Hey Megels. Today was a rough one. A lot of anxiety and depression and anger built up inside of me managed to become too great to hold in and I shamefully let it out in a way I'm not proud of. It's become very difficult to handle the depression. A very busy work day and with yesterday starting a new position, I was already feeling way down. The weather has gotten colder and every time it does it reminds me of our Christmas together. Every Christmas I think of you. The cold weather biting at me reminding me of going out to clear the snow off of your car or start it so that it could be warm and take care of the frost that had built up on the windows while you did your makeup at the vanity in your parents room. Your little space heater that you had set up in your room that we had to turn off in the middle of the night because it became like a volcano in there. How it felt to hold hands through gloves and watch you get your new pea coat and don your white winter hat. The most vivid memory is having lunch with you at the mall and you were wearing that hat. The way your hair came down in front of your face and over your right eye still makes my heart skip a beat. Did I mention I miss you like crazy? I can't help it but I do still hope and wonder if right before you fall asleep at night, I cross your mind at all. Or if I show up in any of your dreams like you do in mine. The cold also brings forth memories of standing outside with you while you smoked. I knew it wasn't good for you, and so did you, but there was something about watching you that was just....you. It's hard to explain. You had it down to a science and I liked hearing you breathe out. You were pretty involved with them, no more shown to me than when you thought you didn't have any or any spares and almost had a panic attack and told me how dependent you were on them. Thanksgiving is coming up again and I want so badly to have dinner with you. For how shy I am, I still think about what I said when we had Thanksgiving dinner down there and I made the thankful speech about my new family. Still hoping that that's the case in the future. Age seems to finally be really catching up to me and my priorities have really focused to what I really want in life. One is of course you. I've met a lot of people in life and experienced everything from very highs to dangerous lows but the most perfect person who checked all the boxes and took me to heights I never thought possible was you. I love you Megels and a future without you is a book with no pages. Next is of course a family. When I was younger I couldn't even fathom the thought of having a child. Now, I would love to have a little girl My little one to take out on trips with me, run around on the beach and tell stories to at night. Draw pictures with, share movies with, and teach her that the world while it seems the worst possible place....there really is good out there and she can make a difference. Due to Etsy, I have begun to carve out an art path that I have always wanted as well. Looking at the sales alone, if I can make 20k in two years just with one product, I can't imagine how big this can get. I am starting to worry about time though, I have tremendous anxiety about being too late or missing things. Doesn't help that I screwed up things with us so badly. I would give anything to fix it all, to sit down and talk it out and really go for it. I just keep going back to what you said in your letter. We have so much in common and I know together we can achieve everything we've ever dreamed of. I wasn't the best and am not proud of myself for so many things but I am confident that I can offer you the world and more. The nights are quiet and lonely by myself without you and I will continue to write in hopes that my words reach you. I miss you dew drop and hope your dreams reach across the stars tonight. I love you Megels, it's never too late and I am right here waiting if your heart wants that super fun nerdy perfect match adventure. I'm not going anywhere without you darlin. My heart is yours.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox
Friday, November 9, 2018
Windy Night Thinking of You
The wind is blowing like crazy outside and I am here inside sitting under a blanket like Piglet hiding from a storm. My only solace from a quiet lonely night are hopes and thoughts of the girl I fell for so many days ago. There is no such thing as darkness when she is around and there is no other person who lights up my heart like she does. I miss you Megels my darling. When the wind blows I call out to you with verses of love hoping that each gust acts as an envelope to carry my voice to your ears. There are more and more things I come across that I want to do with you and share with you. I put on piano music to act as ambiance in the room and it combined with thoughts of you bring the room to a calmness that I desperately need. It's not easy living without you and while I continue to hope you read this and deep down in your heart still want us.....I'm also scared that my bestest friend in the world lost the care. Age and wants have creeped up on me and I find myself thinking of things I never gave a second glance to when I was younger. For one, I want to start a family. But, I want to start one with you, the someone who we compliment each other and are able to share in all of our interests. I would never tease you and will never have a problem being silly, dressing up, or quoting Harry Potter while we watch the movies with our wands. I would love to learn piano so that I could play to you and take your imagination to places of wonder and emotion. I love drawing for you, creating things and images that touch you or make you want them to be on your walls. I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me that you have my art on your walls like my canvases. You are the perfect person to have a baby with as well. I miss coming up with names with you in the car and seeing which one sounded good trying to get them out of the dishwasher. I think about it a lot lately and a part of me is very worried that I'm going to miss my perfect moment to start a family. You'd make an amazing mom and I will always agree with calling the little one Layla. The quiet is deafening as I sit here every night hoping and praying for forgiveness. Praying for that one moment. With Christmas coming up, my mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and fantasies of how it would go. From coming around the corner at work and seeing you standing there, dropping what I was holding and running to you to hug you and never let you go. Going over my parents house for Christmas with them saying that they got me something. I park and take a breath to take hold of my sadness and walk up to the door. They let me in and I am beginning to slide more and more depressed as I see the tree all decorated and remembering the little penguin ornament and Lion King one that was our first one. My mother says they are going to give me my gift now and out you walk. My eyes tear up and my prayers are answered. In that moment I am filled with every emotion and given the most perfect example that there is someone above listening.
I'm so tired and the pressure on my chest continues to burn. I want to bring you flowers and visit you and talk to you all night. I want to hear your voice again and make you laugh as hard as I can. Right before bed I hope you still take a peek to look at my words or early in the morning before work, check the site. I make sure I write to you every single day and in a time that you can open them every morning to start off your day. I know it's crazy and egotistical but I honestly don't see anything there for the new person. Looking just like your dad almost exactly and fat and hairy and name brand wearing, it's so not what you are. I want to scream that it's all well and good in the beginning but as time goes on, the interests pile up until you realize you aren't doing them anymore and they'll never truly join you. You have to give up yourself. I could never let you do that. Just like you didn't want me to live a shell of myself in my life, I don't want you to be living a life where you can't share everything you love with someone else. We like all the same things, I'll always bring you flowers, always make you laugh, I'm not fat or hairy and look nothing like your dad or brother, and I can make a real promise to make you the happiest girl in the world. I pray tonight again, that you hear my words and know that I am waiting right in your doorway and love you more than anything.
I miss you Megels, you're the one I want.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I'm so tired and the pressure on my chest continues to burn. I want to bring you flowers and visit you and talk to you all night. I want to hear your voice again and make you laugh as hard as I can. Right before bed I hope you still take a peek to look at my words or early in the morning before work, check the site. I make sure I write to you every single day and in a time that you can open them every morning to start off your day. I know it's crazy and egotistical but I honestly don't see anything there for the new person. Looking just like your dad almost exactly and fat and hairy and name brand wearing, it's so not what you are. I want to scream that it's all well and good in the beginning but as time goes on, the interests pile up until you realize you aren't doing them anymore and they'll never truly join you. You have to give up yourself. I could never let you do that. Just like you didn't want me to live a shell of myself in my life, I don't want you to be living a life where you can't share everything you love with someone else. We like all the same things, I'll always bring you flowers, always make you laugh, I'm not fat or hairy and look nothing like your dad or brother, and I can make a real promise to make you the happiest girl in the world. I pray tonight again, that you hear my words and know that I am waiting right in your doorway and love you more than anything.
I miss you Megels, you're the one I want.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thursday, November 8, 2018
My Princess I Miss Greatly
Missing us, missing you.
My heart grows more fiery as time continues on yearning for your love.
November brings with it another holiday as well as the memories we have shared.
The ones that stick out the most are the ones where we bonded inside away from the cold.
I'll never forget my basement room and how we made it our own.
The small window above the bed showing the snowflakes beginning to fall.
The way the heater would be turned towards us while we watched television.
The scary movies were over so we dove into a more fan favorite series.
Star Wars
You are the only person who I share that love in common with.
The series had its ups and downs but this was an opportunity to watch them all with a true fan.
A beautiful true fan named Megels.
We started off with the least popular Phantom Menace and halfway through excited it up.
We made love while Jedi fought Maul and podracers circled the track.
Attack of the Clones came next and we made fun of whiny Anakin and the sand that got everywhere.
Watching with someone who loved it as much as me is a treat I miss dearly.
Hand in hand we watched Revenge as Vader took over and slaughtered the younglings.
We told how we felt about the prequels and how the viewing order changed the story.
Your smile lit up the embers of my heart into a raging fire of love.
The next trilogy would be the best and the most remembered.
We both grew up with Lucas's characters, each of us choosing a favorite film.
Mine would be Empire filled with twists and perils and cliffhangers for all involved.
Yours would be Return of the Jedi due to a VHS tape you had when you were young.
Just like the characters themselves, we both liked the ones drawn to each other on the screen.
I watched as you told about your crush on Harrison from Indiana Jones to Solo.
I like all boys grew up with a princess calling out for her only hope.
We pointed out our favorite parts and the additions added for home releases.
I showed you small bloopers and interesting things that made you smile with curiosity.
After I would show you my action figures and the Lego game I owned.
You had a shirt with a cute Chewbacca on it that you wore to our first comic con.
A New Hope is more than a movie to me, it is an example of my heart through Luke.
You are my princess and the lengths I would go to be yours extend beyond space itself.
I would travel to new worlds and sneak into battlestations to find you.
Learn the force to battle evil forces to rescue you.
Take on a Death Star to shoot missles into a small exhaust port to rid evil from your life.
I would risk my life for you no matter how impossible the mission.
You showed me a picture of a girl wearing an R2D2 swimming suit and told me that you'd wear it for me once you conquered your diet.
Megels, you are my Star Wars partner and my soul mate of the galaxy.
Every night I send out my little droid with my holographic message hoping that it reaches you.
If it takes months or years, I shall remain at my post awaiting you in my arms.
Hoping and praying that one day it reaches you and you hear my message.
Megels, my darlin dew drop, there is a great war that endangers us all. You are the most special amazing person in the galaxy and I will do anything for us to have our adventure to the stars. Help me Megels, you're my only hope.
When you lay in bed at night I hope I cross your mind. Even but for a moment.
I dreamt of you again last night and was filled with hope as I saw you in the middle of the night before bed taking a look at my blog to see how I was doing.
You'd read it and feel your heart drop and try to fight it off.
But a part of you still will always hope for it.
I promise you I will always be ready for you my love.
To join you in the land of sunshine and beaches.
To join you in laughs, shared interests, Universal trips, and gaming nights.
To join you on one knee to make you my bride and the mother of my family.
I am right here waiting for you sweetness.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxx
My heart grows more fiery as time continues on yearning for your love.
November brings with it another holiday as well as the memories we have shared.
The ones that stick out the most are the ones where we bonded inside away from the cold.
I'll never forget my basement room and how we made it our own.
The small window above the bed showing the snowflakes beginning to fall.
The way the heater would be turned towards us while we watched television.
The scary movies were over so we dove into a more fan favorite series.
Star Wars
You are the only person who I share that love in common with.
The series had its ups and downs but this was an opportunity to watch them all with a true fan.
A beautiful true fan named Megels.
We started off with the least popular Phantom Menace and halfway through excited it up.
We made love while Jedi fought Maul and podracers circled the track.
Attack of the Clones came next and we made fun of whiny Anakin and the sand that got everywhere.
Watching with someone who loved it as much as me is a treat I miss dearly.
Hand in hand we watched Revenge as Vader took over and slaughtered the younglings.
We told how we felt about the prequels and how the viewing order changed the story.
Your smile lit up the embers of my heart into a raging fire of love.
The next trilogy would be the best and the most remembered.
We both grew up with Lucas's characters, each of us choosing a favorite film.
Mine would be Empire filled with twists and perils and cliffhangers for all involved.
Yours would be Return of the Jedi due to a VHS tape you had when you were young.
Just like the characters themselves, we both liked the ones drawn to each other on the screen.
I watched as you told about your crush on Harrison from Indiana Jones to Solo.
I like all boys grew up with a princess calling out for her only hope.
We pointed out our favorite parts and the additions added for home releases.
I showed you small bloopers and interesting things that made you smile with curiosity.
After I would show you my action figures and the Lego game I owned.
You had a shirt with a cute Chewbacca on it that you wore to our first comic con.
A New Hope is more than a movie to me, it is an example of my heart through Luke.
You are my princess and the lengths I would go to be yours extend beyond space itself.
I would travel to new worlds and sneak into battlestations to find you.
Learn the force to battle evil forces to rescue you.
Take on a Death Star to shoot missles into a small exhaust port to rid evil from your life.
I would risk my life for you no matter how impossible the mission.
You showed me a picture of a girl wearing an R2D2 swimming suit and told me that you'd wear it for me once you conquered your diet.
Megels, you are my Star Wars partner and my soul mate of the galaxy.
Every night I send out my little droid with my holographic message hoping that it reaches you.
If it takes months or years, I shall remain at my post awaiting you in my arms.
Hoping and praying that one day it reaches you and you hear my message.
Megels, my darlin dew drop, there is a great war that endangers us all. You are the most special amazing person in the galaxy and I will do anything for us to have our adventure to the stars. Help me Megels, you're my only hope.
When you lay in bed at night I hope I cross your mind. Even but for a moment.
I dreamt of you again last night and was filled with hope as I saw you in the middle of the night before bed taking a look at my blog to see how I was doing.
You'd read it and feel your heart drop and try to fight it off.
But a part of you still will always hope for it.
I promise you I will always be ready for you my love.
To join you in the land of sunshine and beaches.
To join you in laughs, shared interests, Universal trips, and gaming nights.
To join you on one knee to make you my bride and the mother of my family.
I am right here waiting for you sweetness.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxx
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
Navigating Under Moonlight Towards Your Love
Dearest Megels,
I write you this evening with heartfelt yearning towards thou. The candles burn for warmth but the only light I can see is your beauty. I think of you quite often in hopes that one day this ship shall reach your shores to find you waiting there to greet me. I lay at night in the cabin alone under what blankets I have brought and watch the picture of us hung next to the lantern. In hopes that before I turn in for the night slumber, the vision of you is the last thing on my mind to hopefully influence my dreams. The other night you had run through my dreams and I was sat on a bed not unlike this one and you had entered the room. We sat and talked and I poured my heart for you. The things I am willing to do for you. Another has tried to steal your heart but I wonder if he has it within him to match you in all your various wonderful traits you possess. Receiving your letters in past has my eyes glued to them on a daily basis. To read about the girl who prefers comic cons over concerts, sings at the top of her lungs in the car, and wants to kick my bottom in the Mario Kart. Does the other participate in those wants with you? I sit up at night wondering if he shares as many interests with you as I do and if he would even be willing to like I am. When in line at the amusement park does he join with you in making fun of the line videos with the sayings of the actors or hold your hand while you call upon the Maji or thank Optimus for helping you. I ponder if thoughts of me run across your heart when someone walks by eating a turkey leg. I lay back and rest my head on the pillow and stare out the port window at the sea around me. The moon is casting a pathway of crystals to the horizon. Does the path lead to you? My heart misses you deeply and with every single memory, there is something that reminds me of us every single day. I cannot fathom he would watch a new Star Wars trailer with you first and grant your request to watch it repeatedly as many times as you ask and discuss what you think may happen. The veil of doing things with someone just because they know you like it but not because they like it too and you can share in what you have interest in. The dew drop I remember was a gamer at heart also looking for her player two. Her favorites ranging from Mario Land 2, Luigi's Mansion, Mystical Ninja, and not hiding or giving up on that part of her because the other half isn't into it. Your beautiful brown eyes watching your character jump around until you need your glasses and the look on your face when you figure out the room puzzle in Portal 2. I toss and turn unable to fall into rest and decide to make my way back up to the deck of the ship for some cooler air on my face. Standing at the bow, I look out at the vastness of the waters all around me. The way the wind hits my face is the same as when I was standing on the beach watching the sun go down with your hand in mine. Spending a short spell after work with you to enjoy each other's company. The pictures still adorn your timeline as the date evening you never want to forget. A familiar phrase rings in my head suddenly. Love is Key. No truer words ever seen or spoken. For what is a key but an object used to gain access to something else. You are the key to my heart. Being lost at sea is the same as being without you. I check the map and read your letter daily in hopes that I am closer to you. Do my tears carry with them apologies for wrong decisions made and pain caused around me. Do my prayers and wishes reach your ears or even your dreams late at night when you are awake under the moonlight as well. I will continue to steer my ship towards you until my dieing breath. Tonight I sleep under careful watch of your letter and our photo. For the best things to help me sleep are you and your words. I want to be with you again my love. No matter how rough the seas get or how lost and hopeless it may seem, you are the true north star that shines brightest above me. And I will journey ever forth towards you.
Always.
With Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I write you this evening with heartfelt yearning towards thou. The candles burn for warmth but the only light I can see is your beauty. I think of you quite often in hopes that one day this ship shall reach your shores to find you waiting there to greet me. I lay at night in the cabin alone under what blankets I have brought and watch the picture of us hung next to the lantern. In hopes that before I turn in for the night slumber, the vision of you is the last thing on my mind to hopefully influence my dreams. The other night you had run through my dreams and I was sat on a bed not unlike this one and you had entered the room. We sat and talked and I poured my heart for you. The things I am willing to do for you. Another has tried to steal your heart but I wonder if he has it within him to match you in all your various wonderful traits you possess. Receiving your letters in past has my eyes glued to them on a daily basis. To read about the girl who prefers comic cons over concerts, sings at the top of her lungs in the car, and wants to kick my bottom in the Mario Kart. Does the other participate in those wants with you? I sit up at night wondering if he shares as many interests with you as I do and if he would even be willing to like I am. When in line at the amusement park does he join with you in making fun of the line videos with the sayings of the actors or hold your hand while you call upon the Maji or thank Optimus for helping you. I ponder if thoughts of me run across your heart when someone walks by eating a turkey leg. I lay back and rest my head on the pillow and stare out the port window at the sea around me. The moon is casting a pathway of crystals to the horizon. Does the path lead to you? My heart misses you deeply and with every single memory, there is something that reminds me of us every single day. I cannot fathom he would watch a new Star Wars trailer with you first and grant your request to watch it repeatedly as many times as you ask and discuss what you think may happen. The veil of doing things with someone just because they know you like it but not because they like it too and you can share in what you have interest in. The dew drop I remember was a gamer at heart also looking for her player two. Her favorites ranging from Mario Land 2, Luigi's Mansion, Mystical Ninja, and not hiding or giving up on that part of her because the other half isn't into it. Your beautiful brown eyes watching your character jump around until you need your glasses and the look on your face when you figure out the room puzzle in Portal 2. I toss and turn unable to fall into rest and decide to make my way back up to the deck of the ship for some cooler air on my face. Standing at the bow, I look out at the vastness of the waters all around me. The way the wind hits my face is the same as when I was standing on the beach watching the sun go down with your hand in mine. Spending a short spell after work with you to enjoy each other's company. The pictures still adorn your timeline as the date evening you never want to forget. A familiar phrase rings in my head suddenly. Love is Key. No truer words ever seen or spoken. For what is a key but an object used to gain access to something else. You are the key to my heart. Being lost at sea is the same as being without you. I check the map and read your letter daily in hopes that I am closer to you. Do my tears carry with them apologies for wrong decisions made and pain caused around me. Do my prayers and wishes reach your ears or even your dreams late at night when you are awake under the moonlight as well. I will continue to steer my ship towards you until my dieing breath. Tonight I sleep under careful watch of your letter and our photo. For the best things to help me sleep are you and your words. I want to be with you again my love. No matter how rough the seas get or how lost and hopeless it may seem, you are the true north star that shines brightest above me. And I will journey ever forth towards you.
Always.
With Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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