To my truest love, Megels
I once thought that there wasn't anyone out there for me. No true fit that would compliment me and be that other half we all seek. Toiling away at my first job, little did I know that a few feet away that gift was toiling away as well. Telling her stories about who I was dating and how I would try and be romantic while she would listen and look forward to the next. Realizing now I wasn't looking forward to sharing my stories, I was looking forward to talking to you. Being near you. Then you were gone and I continued to toil away, missing something that made me feel less whole. Years later I would see you for but a moment at another job passing by and smitten by your beauty. I had never seen someone as beautiful, cute, and heartwarming. Just as fast as you walked by into my life, you were gone again. More years passed and that elusive soul mate continued to remain out of my grasp. Tries were attempted but none measured up to how you made me feel, even if I didn't know it was you I was looking for. Until that one day at work when you stopped in with your mom to get lottery tickets. Everything in our lives had to play out in a certain way so that we met up again that day. You happened to be home visiting and I happen to be working and work out so that you were the one I waited on. The way you smiled, my knees immediately went weak and I could not take my eyes off of you. I am surprised I was able to complete the transaction at all. The way you said hey and looked into my eyes, something inside of me knew in an instant you were what I was looking for. You made your way to the door and before you turned that corner you looked back one last time, our eyes met and you smiled before leaving. Accounts of those around me will say they saw a fellow employee floating nine feet in the air that day, hearts popping out of his body.
It wasn't long before I was able to find you online and we began chatting. Two lost lovers who finally found the path to love. That was the first time we saw just how many things we had in common. Why all those in the past never made us feel like our true selves or that we'd found our soul mates. We shared our likes of Marilyn Monroe, old video games, television, movies, past memories, and more. Neither of us looked forward to anything more than seeing a new message from the other one. Cupid's arrow hit right on point and I couldn't have been happier.
The months and years that followed are the best I've had with more memories than I could ever count. Memories that come up now when I see the path that has shown up before you.
Watching Sinister in my room and watching you jump.
Playing mario brothers on wii u together.
Carving pumpkins with stencils and watching TV
Introducing me to Supernatural and loving it
Going to our first comic con together
Walking to your house and seeing you sitting outside waiting
Writing you our poem while you were away for a wedding
Life wasn't exactly where you wanted it for a job or personal satisfaction, so you took a big risk and traveled to Florida to see if that was the answer. I was scared. I was scared because at that point you had decided to have us be friends and I may not ever see you again. We went to the zoo and you told me your plans and asked if I would like to join you. You couldn't promise we would be together or anything but it would be a fresh start for me.
So I did.
I dropped my life and went a thousand miles away on a chance that we could try again. That's how much you mean to me. And I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I left my job, packed up my life, left my upset family and drove to a new life with you because there was a chance I could be with you. Living with you down there is what Heaven to me looks like. I had never felt happiness like that before, each day bringing something new and exciting and memorable with you.
Shopping at walmart to get taco meat and chili ingredients and juice
Dancing to music while we cleaned the apartment
Arranging the letters on the fridge
Holding pinkies while we laid on the sand getting tan
Hearing you sing to Spice Girls, Cher, and the whole radio in the car
Slow head banging to Lionel Ritchie
Surprising me with new kittens
Attacking the bug on our railing with a broom from inside
Ordering fritos pizza
My favorite picture of you in your witch hat on Halloween
First getting there and eating Boston Market on the floor watching Supernatural
Going to Universal over and over
All of our inside jokes like turkey leg, little mouth, takin a dive, the little turtle making a little noise video, have I told you lately, it's been a while
Getting me to go on roller coasters and waving our wands in potterworld
Watching a horror movie a night in october
Having thanksgiving at your friends house
Those long car rides switching off driving
Sitting out on our balcony talking while you smoked
The way you held me when you slept
Looking at the ring you wanted when we went to the mall
Trying to get a new dog and it being a disaster
Making you dinner when you worked late
Doing the laundry and vacuuming while you were at work
Leaving you flowers on your car
Bringing you lunch when you worked
Your face when you opened the supernatural autographs and luigi's mansion
My heart yearns for those and more again
Then I let homesickness get the better of me and I felt like you weren't being fair in the situation. I didn't know what to do and it didn't seem like you would budge or consider my side. Instead of choosing you and dealing with the other stuff, I felt unsure what to do and made the biggest mistake of my life. I left. Tears still fall to this day when I think about it.
Being back home turned out to be the worst nightmare I could have entered.
You wrote me a letter that I read daily. In it you explained how you felt about me, how we were perfect together with all the same interests and could achieve all of our dreams. That you always did and always hope it was me and you. That letter is the only thing keeping me going. So here is my letter to you.
Megels
It's been a while...too long. I know you found another person and while it isn't the classiest thing to do, I want you to reconsider. Really think about it all. When I'm with you I feel like I can achieve every dream I have ever had. That I found the missing piece that makes me whole and I know the man I want to be. We encountered some bumps in the road here and there but we always had our love that rose us above them. I knew I found my soul mate. Still do. I made mistakes that I am not proud of. I was weak, not thinking and in the end only ended up hurting the ones I really cared about. I never ever wanted to hurt you. I cannot defend my poor choices and if I could go back I would and never let go of your hand. I can't erase the pain I've caused but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. It pains me to know that you are choosing another half that doesn't share anything with you. Almost dooming you to repeat what you had in the past with someone who only had you around because it was part of the whole facade. Good job, money, pretty girl. Nothing wrong with that but there's no true connection.
Will he lay flowers on the hood of your car?
Bring you food to your job to share your lunch break?
Go to comic con with you and dress up?
Visit Universal and repeat the in line videos to make you laugh?
Even have any interest in Harry Potter, Star Wars, or pop culture?
Will he let you nerd out to your favorite video games like Banjo-Kazooie, Yoshi's Story, Luigi's Mansion, Sims, Lego Harry Potter, or Diddy Kong Racing?
Take you to see Star Wars in theater and be into it like you are?
Cook you dinner and do the laundry so you can rest?
Write you a love poem every day?
Make you breakfast so you have more time in the morning?
Sing with you in the car to 90s boy bands?
Wear pop culture shirts like you do?
Run to a terminator ride through a parade through Universal?
Made sure you fall asleep laughing before bed?
Get you presents from your childhood or favorite things?
Move a thousand miles for a chance to be with you?
Take care of you when you are sick all night?
Join you in wearing feety pajamas?
Make Christmas cookies and carve pumpkins as mario characters?
Lay on the couch and watch Big Bang, New Girl, Supernatural, and Friends with you?
Let you hold him like a spidermonkey in bed?
Is he okay with joining in on the silly fun Megels that does funny things, has funny jokes, and loves gag gifts?
Does he do things FOR you instead of WITH you?
That hurts most of all. Because you have told me about people in the past that you had to be a different you for. Who you couldn't be your real self or change or stop liking certain interests. Trust me, it's no issue at first but quickly it turns into a boring, unable to share anything dreary same day over and over. There's no real connection, no lightning in a bottle.
A life with the best friend you've ever had. That day you were home and ate memorial day dinner with my family. I saw you get out of your car and the look on your face was like seeing someone who went overseas, thought dead, and returned to their long lost love. We both couldn't wipe the smiles off of our faces that whole evening. There may be a kind relationship there but he isn't your complimentary half. Not the Megels that I know. Not the girl who said she could be herself with me.
The truth is that I am miserable without you. I barely remember what fun is and smiling has all but left me. I made big mistakes that I feel the pain of every day. But the one mistake I do not regret is loving you. I know together we can achieve everything we could ever dream and have more fun than anyone doing it. Two nerds fully embracing who they are and living the funnest life they can. Not fishing all the time or doing things for you to keep you content instead of with you to craft memories. I have your blue box full of our memories. I've never had anyone do that and it's the most precious object I own. Because it's us. Don't repeat what your past has shown to not fulfill your true self. You're an angel from above who lassoed my heart with yours and that's something I will always fight for.
I want to be home
I want to be with you
Always
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
