My Missing Piece xoxo

Just thinking about you invokes the poems of all that have come before in literature.  So many words and prose that perfectly encapsulate just how much my heart feels for you.  Without your smiling face in my life, each day feels like the same one on repeat but with the sound turned down.  You're my favorite mix tape that I listen to every day without ever growing tired of the music.  The distance between us is a burdensome thing that I carry with me always ready to cross the distance in any matter of ways.  When I think of you I think of you in colors, brightening the world and giving life to all of that which is around it.  Your lights shine the most and lift any bad days or ill feelings and your dark colors don't evoke any sense of darkness but a calmness that only you have been able to provide.  You Megels are the box of crayons I always reach for, the best of the bunch of which I paint all of my art with such life.  You are the perfect sunlight spilling in through an open window, warming me with your rays of wonder.  Waking me in the morning to your delicate pillars of love.  The best reason in the world to wake up and take the day at its best is when you are the first thing I see.  Your beautiful face and gorgeous brown eyes looking into mine without saying but a word and perfectly describing what living in love is like.  The words I love you never seem like enough, making me want to invent new words just so that I have some powerful enough to describe how I feel about you.  You are the most taken care of book on the shelf that I open every day to turn to my favorite of pages.  Reading that which is you and filling my thoughts with adventures holding your hand, a smile brandished across your face.  Your laugh fills the rest in as the soundtrack to the perfect moments caught only by us to treasure for the years to come.  In a field full of daisies, you are the rose that stands out above the rest.  Beauty in all of its forms with the breeze blowing around you lifting you up above the others so that you may be the one to reach the clouds.  You make me feel like every single cloud above is attainable and crafted into any dream I wish to be granted.  Love is a place that is only attainable when entered with that perfect of other halves.  Dipping my toe into the waters, I felt the cool feeling of the waves, calling me inside.  To be yours would be to enter those waters and feel the most wonderful of feelings cascading all around my body.  Just the mere thoughts of you ignite a fire of passion inside of me that can only be calmed when you press your body against mine.  You are why a smile feels so good.  You are why love exists in the most pure form of happiness.  When you turn to me and smile, your eyes light up like a lighthouse on the shores of a rocky peninsula.  Shining the way to all of the lost ships in the face of danger.  I consider myself a sailor lost at sea, and to me, you are home.  There is only one definition of feeling exactly right where you belong.  When my arms are around you holding you.  When our lips meet and fingers grasp.  That is where I belong.  I want to be your lighthouse, your shooting star, your dragon slaying knight.  To ensure that your smile continues on and never faltering.  I love you with all of my heart and that shall never waver.  You are the beauty sent down to be my missing piece.
I miss you in every single sense of the world dew drop.  I whisper your name Megels into the night before my eyes close for slumber in hopes that I am lucky enough to see you in my dreams.  I miss your hand in mine as we take on the world in our adventures.  Every day I will continue to hope to be granted that lucky chance to show you that I can make your heart beat in ways you didn't think it still could.  I love you darlin and I will continue to row towards that lighthouse in hopes that one night I will see you standing on the shore with your hand stretched out to mine.  And I will reach out and hold on to yours, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoox

The Most Beautiful Garden

Missing you is a growing feeling that grows in size with every moonlit sky.
You're beautiful in ways that I've never seen in another person.
Our laughs together were the happiest laughs to escape my lips.
When I want to smile I think of you and the way you would smile.
I miss the way an adventure was just that much more amazing with you at my side.

I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new

The way your body felt laying on mine under the covers of our bed.
Latching on to me in the perfect way that you always did.
You are the sweetest of dreams that permeate my thoughts every sleep filled night.
I would give my life twice over to be with you again.
Being the one to make you smile and look forward to the next day together.

I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yes I will

I want your hand to be in mine while we travel the world seeing the sights.
Making memories on every continent and every state, deeply in love.
Starting a family with the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life.
Not a night goes by when I don't ask forgiveness for causing you pain.
Curling up on the couch with you in my lap, fingers twirling through your hair.

They might make you think you're happy
Yeah maybe for a minute or two
They can't make you laugh
No they can't make you feel the way that I do

Hearing you are able to be your true self with me was the best feeling.
The girl who wants to go to comic con instead of concerts.
I want to play Mario Kart with you so you can kick my butt up and down the course.
Singing at the top of her lungs to every song that she puts on while I slow head bang.
The Ramona who skates through my dreams and whom my heart is made for.

I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new

I miss you so much, hoping one day I can hold you in my arms again.
My heart is yours no matter what it takes, no matter how long the wait.
There is one girl who is the world and more to me, the one true soul mate.
The name Megels stirs my butterflies in my tummy in ways nobody else can.
My love for you is true and continue to wish every day to hear your voice again.

I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Will you please let me stay the night.

Miss you like crazy dew drop.
My love for you keeps my heart beating.
You are the angel of my nightmares.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A Hero Rescues His Love

Edward looked up at the villain who was dangling the love of his life over the edge.  They were miles above the ground and the top of the bridge seemed to be in the clouds.  Her feet dangled over the air, her hands struggling to loosen the villain's grip around her neck.  Edward felt the fear growing inside of him, hoping he would be able to rescue her without any harm being done.  The villain laughed maniacally looking down at him, waxing poetically with the other outstretched hand.
''What is she worth to you Edward?"
He stood his ground.  "Everything.  I swear if you hurt her."
"What will you do?  It's either me or her.  You must choose."
It was an easy decision but one that brought anger through his body.  If he jumped to swing and grab her, then he risked letting the villain get away.  But if he went for the ruthless enemy then he risked losing her altogether.  The decision was made in an instant.
"You hesitate hero, make your choice!"
The villain let go and she began to fall, her scream echoing all around her past the metal girders.  Edward yelled and dove after her, his enemy the least of his worries.  As they both fell he stretched his arms out as far as they could go hoping to grab on to her in any way possible.  Their eyes met and for a moment they both had the same thought of never seeing the other again.  The distress was clearly evident in both of their faces and as the air blew by her, she could see him getting closer.
"Hurry Edward!"  She yelled, watching him split the distance between them.
"I won't lose you Megels!"  He returned and could feel his muscles stretching their limits to get any distance to her.  There was a rope that was hanging near them and he noticed it out of the corner of his eye.  Maybe he could use that to his advantage.  He grabbed the rope and with the gravity of his body and the pull of his fall, he was able to swing with it and move directly towards her.  Their bodies collided and he held on to her tighter than he had ever grabbed anything before.  He could feel her body against his, her heart beating through her chest and on to his.  She held on tightly whispered into his ear. 
"Thank you dew drop."
"Always."  He spoke into hers.
The swing was long and as the crest went back towards the bridge they angled themselves so that they would swing above a small platform that led back towards land.  With both of their feet on the ground, they immediately were able to breath a sigh of relief.  They hugged and when they pulled away their eyes met and could each feel their hearts curling around one another.  She leaned up and kiss him, their lips lingering for what seemed like an eternity.
"I love you darlin, i don't know what I would have done without you."
"You're worth anything in the world my love and no villain or monster could ever change my mind."
"But won't he get away?"
"He may have gotten away today, but there's always tomorrow to put him behind bars where he belongs.  The real reward today is that I kept you in today.  Without you there is no tomorrow."
Her cheeks blushed and they embraced again.
"I could help you though."
"Oh yeah?  Not content being the damsel in distress?"
"I can't even work from home without being stir crazy, what makes you think I'd be any different with this?"
"Then maybe tomorrow is the day we team up to take that bad guy down."
"Can't think of a better idea."
Holding hands they walked off into the night towards their secret base.
"What would you call yourself?"
"I dunno, I think Megels is too revealing of myself.  Maybe....The Short Avengers.  Oh, wait no, the Sassy Avenger.  No, those are lame.  I dunno, what about Nightshade?"
"Sounds awfully familiar to a name I use at home."
"Where do you think I got it?"
"You're adorable.  Let's get back so we can get you a costume."
The villain may have gotten away that night but the beautiful girl was saved from doom by the hero.  She was worth any villain getting away as long as it meant she was in his arms, safe.  The duo trained and suited up for the battle to end the enemy as the greatest crime fighting team was ready.

Little superhero action with us starring.  Missing you dew drop, the days are just not the same without you.  I miss hearing your sultry voice, making you laugh and hearing your giggles.  So much of life I want to share with you and would do anything to hold you in my arms again to be mine.  I am yours and will never ever change that.  I've never connected with anyone like I have with you and my heart has fallen for you in ways that only romance novels write about.  I love you with all of my heart and continue to hope one day I can have the honor of being yours, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Darkness Clears Up Leaving Barren Lands

Dreams can be windows into future events that can, will, or even want to happen.  The way dreams feel so real are a testament to how much one might want a certain event to happen.  The amount of dreams I have that involve Megels is truly amazing, numbering almost one a night.  Ranging from looking for her in various locations to waiting for her in different events to the most recent one of everyone we knew gathering to surprise her and setting me up to be there at a certain point to propose to her.  The time that took place after she left continues to be a difficult one.  I caused an extreme amount of anger and pain because I wasn't a strong forceful person who pushed for what I wanted and took a stand to the new person.  I let fear and anxiety be my boss and instead of making the decisions and choices that I wanted to make to make me and her happy, I let it all cave in out of fear and ended up creating more pain than ever before.  Megels had come to me like an angel out of my dreams offering me exactly what I had always been wishing for and I stood there and let it hit me and knock me down and not move.  Things would only get worse here.  The verbal abuse was beginning to get out of hand and I started to realize that the apartment that I lived in didn't seem to be mine anymore.  I noticed that I was the one walking on egg shells and committing myself to just one room and letting everything I was getting just pile up and be hidden or pushed to the side.  That's when my health, diet, and sleep took the biggest hit.  Sleep whittled down to just 4-5 hours a night and being groggy and tired and falling asleep with no energy everywhere every day began to be the norm.  Speaking to friends all but evaporated and eating only twice a day out of sheer depression only made me feel worse.  It was this blog that was the only thing that kept me going.  Being able to have some sort of conversation with you, even if I wasn't sure you were reading it or not.  Megels continued to be my anchor and the one thing I wanted more than anything.  After a couple months I hit bottom and with Megels in my mind, I let things play out the way they should have a while ago and let the new girl drift away to a different life she would want.  One with a new person, a new place to live, and a new path that didn't involve me in it.  At first it was a little sad and alien to me because she had been a part of every day for a couple of years but there was always some sort of event or comment that quieted those thoughts.  I found myself saying 'This is what I chose?', way too many times.  Depression and head aches ruled my days while going home from work only reinforced the feelings.  She would talk to new people and talk to me less and less and started to look for apartments herself.  With each month that went by she did these things more and more to the point where now it is her main goal.  Being out of the storm and awful darkness that was the new girl does allow the mind to see things a bit more clearly.  I can see what everyone was saying and warning me about and not being so blind to it now, it all makes a lot better sense.  I remember Megels warning me in the beginning that she didn't like the sound of the new girl and it sounded like she was a fan of drama and not good things.  One of the million times that Megels was right and that I should have listened to her.  It pains me every day to know that if I had just listened to my love I would have saved myself pain the equivalent of a lifetime of nightmares.  My dreams at night are full of scenarios with Megels and during the day thoughts and memories of her.  Not a day goes by where I don't see something that I want to share with her or reminds me of her.  I would give anything, anything, to be with her and to hold her again.  The new girl found a place she finally likes and is saving up as quickly as possible to move into it.  She has started talking to someone new who she is hitting it off with and most likely going to be going on dates with very soon.  It is insanely refreshing to be out of the darkness but I still have a gaping whole in my heart where my darlin dew drop fits in.  I have never met anyone who shared the amount of interest that we do.  They say that there is someone perfect out there for everyone.  Their perfect other half.  The soul mate who you meet out in the world and you just know right away.  Everything clicks and you share so much together.  Someone you can truly be yourself around.  Megels is that person.  As I paddle my boat through uncharted waters through every storm imaginable, I know that I will reach the promise land if I follow the brightest star in the sky, whose name is Megels.

I miss you dew drop, thinking of you every day and playing our memories on repeat.  So much I want to share with you and experience.  You hold the most special place in my heart and the vision that keeps it beating day after day.  You light my path through darkness and my hopes that one day our hands shall meet again.  I love you lobster, with every ounce of my being, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxxxxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The Girl I'd do Anything to Be With

Each day I miss you more than the last.

That beautiful girl I would tell my daily stories to in the past.

Your brown eyes are full of care and wonder.

Looking into them creates rumbles in my heart just like thunder.

How my fingers would dance through the strands of your hair.

So soft like spun silk, slipping around my fingers with the utmost care.

Holding you in my arms is a warm blanket in the coldest winter.

The medicine that cures every illness from the worst pains to the smallest splinter.

Your smile crinkles your nose that gets me weak every time I see it.

That's all it would ever take to make me feel better, every little bit.

At first you thought your nickname was random and nothing of note.

After a time, just hearing the name Megels fit like a tailored coat.

Our hands together with our fingers caressing one another was bliss.

The only thing better was when it led to a wonderful kiss.

I miss watching you play Harry Potter and Ducktales with all your gaming skills.

Sitting next to you being my sexy gamer girl gave me so many chills.

I continue to read your letter every day, your words calming my stress.

My daydreams consisting of you and I overseas popping the question and hearing that yes.

You're the most amazing person I have ever met.

The second our eyes locked on to one another's I knew that my future was set.

Our dreams of going to Universal in my basement and moving to the beach.

Who would have guessed we would achieve that goal with everything within our reach.

Laying with you provided me with the best sleep I have ever had.

You were always my angel to save me from my dreams no matter how bad.

Two nerds who have so much in common, sharing in so many adventures each day.

There wasn't a quote from Star Wars or Harry Potter one of us wouldn't say.

I miss our dinners sitting together watching a show, munching a homemade meal.

We both became our own chefs experimenting like we were reinventing the wheel.

My love for you has only grown, every night missing your body being close.

Every day blogging a post to you in hopes that you read my prose.

I would give anything to have you in my arms again, smiling from ear to ear.

There isn't anything too far I wouldn't do to make you mine again my dear.

I miss the way you would call me dew drop and your favorite naked man.

Our lips locked together and laughing before bed after at the beach getting a tan.

You are my soul mate and I believe that with my heart in full.

The way our hearts connected is stronger than the gravity from the world's pull.

I miss you so much and my days are full of thoughts of you.

I love you like crazy my darling, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

Miss you darlin, every day more and more.  You are the princess I would fly to a death star to save.  The princess I would travel through dangerous lands and through pipes to find in every castle.  I would fight demons and jedi if just for a chance to hold you.  I love you with all of my heart, which beats every day just for you, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxxooxxooxxoxoxooxooxo

The Dark Day When it All Fell Through

When a gift you have always asked for falls into your lap, do whatever it takes to hold on to it.  The past two years had yielded not very many ups and so many downs.  My memory has tried its best to dampen or not hold on to the bad times which makes any memory of those times very fuzzy and all over the place.  There are just things that I remember in no particular order and moments that feel like a roller coaster.  One Christmas morning she was working from home and I had gone and gotten her something from her favorite store that she said she wanted and she didn't even open it saying that she said not to get her anything.  It ended up being returned.  When the movie Rogue One came out, it was a Star Wars movie so I had to see it.  I barely saw it because it took so long to get her to even go out to see it and at the end of it she couldn't wait to leave saying that it was just people shooting.  One of the things I loved most was just torn down in front of me.  Now she was there for me when I was unemployed and helped out where she could with food and support but once I got any job, she sort of fell back into the mode of that I was the man and should be taking care of everything.  I continued to feel like a complete failure with nothing to offer at all.  There were many nights that I just cried or would go to the window in my dining room looking out into the night at the stars.  I would put my hand on the glass and whisper out loud to Megels in hopes that she would hear me.  I would stream when I could in hopes that Megels would watch even if no words were shared.  It got to the opoint where I felt bad and embarrassed and uncomfortable just liking the things that I did and that's when I started to stop doing anything I liked and just started to pile it up.  Then one day, I got the most amazing news ever, that Megels wanted to move back for me to be with me.  The new girl was living with me at this point with nowhere else for her to go as her mother didn't have their apartment anymore and was going to move away back home.  I thought the new girl would have found a place by the time Megels was back and good to go but it just wasn't working that way.  For how bad things were I still couldn't be an asshole back and just kick her out with nowhere to go.  The unfortunate side effect to that that I should have thought through was that in doing this, I ended up hurting everyone much worse.  She left her place and job and started to move up, her sister was moving down so they would only be in their parents house for a limited time.  I had that time to get things ready so that I could let her be here and we could start again.
But, I had such problems and issues and overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, and no confidence that I couldn't get anything to work out and saw in front of me, the effects of my inability to get this all sorted out.  Everything was crumbling in front of me and I was hurting the one I loved more than anything most of all.  All I had to do was get my confidence back and push the ball rolling.  The time limit stressed me more and I began to break down because what I wanted most was being put in front of me on a silver platter and I couldn't make the moves needed.  Megels was breaking and I saw just how badly my own self had gotten.  Megels hit the wall and dropped it all and moved back down with her sister.  Leaving me here, having messed up the worst I ever had.  When she left I stood outside looking down the street crying because I let what I wanted fall through my fingers.  Things didn't get any better after that.  The love of my life and the best partner I ever had now had an almost hatred of me of which was my own fault.  I hurt her and that was something I never ever wanted to do.  The next few months would only prove that I made the worst mistake I could have possibly made.  Fights were more common, going to work became a struggle, and coming home knowing she was there only brought my depression down even lower.  I started to get to a level of sad that I hadn't been in a very long time.  Nothing worked anymore and it seemed like me and the new girl were just turning into house mates who hated one another.  It wasn't long before every single thing seemed to be an issue or cause an argument or a hateful comment.  It reached a point where I was just depressed constantly and ate less, did less, and just became a sort of zombie.    I began to realize that I wasn't me anymore.  I was just this shell that did the day to day things like they were pre-programmed into me, barely noticing the world around me.  The depression just grew and grew and I didn't enjoy anything anymore.  Halfway through the new year, she started to talk to different people and is now moving on to someone new.  My hand touches that window every night looking out over those stars whispering the same thing.  I miss you Megels.  Thinking the worst was possibly over, there was still a depression that was beginning to take the wheel of my life.

The story continues in part 24.......................

My heart beats out over the night sky, leaping from cloud to cloud on its way over to you.  The pain I have caused keeps me up at night and I miss you more and more with every sunset.  You are my perfect match who can share in all of our common interests.  I love you dew drop, that has never changed.  The seasons may come and go but the one thing that remains constant is my feelings towards you.  There's nobody else in the world that I can say 'ouch my balls hurt' and they'll now exactly what I'm talking about, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

The Best Birthday Ever Given

Most birthdays were just the normal fair year after year but this year it was different.  This time she would be there.  He sat in his room that morning looking at the clock awaiting the time that she was to show up and pick him up.  She hadn't told him exactly what all they were going to do that day but if it was a day spent with her then it was already the best birthday he had ever had.  He made sure he was dressed okay and the nearer the time got the more excited he got.  She was beautiful and they had a lot in common that led to some wonderful nights of fun.  When she showed up, he was in rare form and was ready to shout it from the rooftops that he was incredibly happy.  She volunteered to drive around so that he wouldn't know where they were going and each stop would be a surprise.  He was practically bouncing up and down in his seat and could not keep his eyes off of her.  She had worn a yellow dress that day and it looked stunning on her.  Her brown hair fell in just the right way and her smile lit up his whole life.  It had just been a few months but he already knew that this was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  As they drove, she spun the wheel this way and that past the town and into a section of the area just after.  Once she parked he looked out the window and saw where they had parked and a smile grew across his face.  He had wanted to go to the museum with her and look around at all the interesting things and she had chosen there as their first stop.  They were lucky because when they were paying to get in, the person in charge gave them the senior discount.  Sure, they were nowhere near senior age but it was a nice little perk to start off his birthday visits.  The museum was wonderful and educational and the various objects around were fascinating to look at.  They shared their likes and stories from their own personal lives, holding hands where they could and taking pictures all the other times.  The museum closed early that day but it was okay because the next thing she wanted to do was something she was looking forward to more than the others.

The next thing she wanted to do was nearby.  As they were driving he heard the ringer on her phone which was the Imperial March from Star Wars and she spoke to her mom for a little before parking just after a bridge past the town again.  He wasn't sure where they were going but as they approached a small building at the bottom of the hill, it all clicked.  She was taking him on the incline up the hill so they could see the city from high above.  When they got situated on the seats, she made sure they sat facing a certain way so that they could see out of the windows facing the town.  As the carriage began its climb up the hill, the city came into view and already showed them a great view.  She smiled with him and he was happy to experience his first incline ride with her, the most special person he had ever met.  His soul mate.  His Megels.

At the top of the hill, the entire city was in view and from the best angles.  He was able to see most of the city and a few miles away at the entirety of the place he called home his whole life.  He had never been up there or seen so much of the city that had been so close this whole time.  The people looked like ants down there and the cars like the cells going through veins all around the roads.  They snapped a picture together that became her favorite picture along with some graffiti that happened to be by the bench where they were that said 'Love is Key'.  It seemed so fitting and like it was meant for them.  Everything had been lined up so well and worked out so perfectly that calling it serendipity seemed perfect.

It was the most beautiful site with the most beautiful girl and he had never had such a birthday before and it was all thanks to her.  The beauty in the yellow dress.  They rode the incline down and she led him again to their final destination for the day.  They ate a nice dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe and stared into each other's eyes with a blooming love that every in the room could see.  The food almost didn't exist as his entire focus kept being on her.  He silently kept wishing that this day would never end and he could stay in that moment with her frozen in time forever.  They walked out into the main area outside of the restaurant and watched a small water show to rainbow colors timed to music and then walked the length of the train tracks, holding hands and enjoying the night.  This was the best birthday he had ever had and she was to thank for that.  The walk, hand in hand, along the tracks was a quiet wonderful calming night activity.  They chatted and he made her laugh and they took more photos and he knew without a doubt that she was his soul mate.  Always and forever.  His Megels.  He was in love and his birthday sealed the deal.

I miss you darlin dew drop.  The memories I have of us are the best I keep in the box that is my heart.  It beats with the yearning of wanting to add more memories to that box.  You are the best thing I have ever encountered and the best and most beautiful person I have ever met.  The amount we share and have in common is unprecedented.  I love you with all of my being and more each time the sun rises.  You are my lobster, the one girl who can make me believe in miracles, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Darkness and Depression Cloud the Sun

They say that a person can inject toxicity into a relationship and the other may not notice even when all around them is yelling.  At first it wasn't so bad but as time went on I began to see a lot of issues and problems and my future got darker, more confusing, and confidence was dropping at an alarming rate.  Financially I was getting very worried and was working with as many staffing places as I could manage.  Right before I got too worried, something finally came along.  I never would have guessed it would be a job that I would be in but it was an offer and I had to take something or lose everything.  The job wasn't too far away and involved me copying notes and information that people took when selling properties.  My job was to take all of the notes and information and type it into the computer into a program so that it was available digitally and online.  It was tough to learn and the person that was training me treated me like the biggest idiot they had ever had any experience with.  It was more shattering to my confidence as any time I didn't retain something or get something right they would get aggravated and upset with me.  I was trying my best but it was painful.  Add to that, at home, the new girl and family issues continued and got even worse and it was taking too much toll.  I had nowhere I could go and when I would get home a large part of my time was just waiting for her to fall asleep so that I would be alone and to myself.  In that free time I would play any games and catch up on things and just try and think of what to do.  My sister began to get irritated with the family as well and began to lash out and treat us terribly before finally just not speaking to or seeing us anymore at all.  The money started to stabilize a little and I was a little out of the dark but just before Christmas that year......I got a call from the recruiter on the way home from work.  That was to be my last day and I was let go.  Again.  All the fears and anxiety dropped in like a ton of bricks.  I cried when I got home and she didn't even speak to me or ask what happened.  I went to sleep crying and fighting back the growing depression that was taking me over.  Because I had nothing to go to and nothing to really work on, she wanted to go to New York for a few days for the holidays because that's where she was from.  I had nothing to lose so I went along and did it.  It was interesting but the only thing I could think of the whole time was how much more amazing the experience would be if I had been with Megels.  It was interesting to go around and see Times Square and all that but the more I saw the worse I felt.  The holiday season was my favorite but not being with my love and seeing these amazing Christmas experiences was just eating away at me from the inside.  When we got back she spent New Years with her mother and had the biggest fight I have ever seen and I just sat in the living room by myself and counted the time down until the New Year and I could go to bed.
The holidays always help out in other ways like my Etsy store.  The season usually brings in a lot of orders and without that store I would not have had any money at all to stay afloat and pay the bills.  It's the one place and time where my talents saved me.  She helped where she could but made it clear that she didn't want to be with someone who couldn't support themselves or treat her.  I felt worse now because all I felt every day was that I was a huge failure.  A few months went by and before it all went down I finally was able to snag a job that I am still at today.  It came at just the right moment and was the kind of job I would be happy with and be good at.  The job entailed me to work at a medical insurance building where I would transfer paper files to and from all the workers there.  They would request files, send files to other members, give us closed files to file away.  It was relaxing, no dress code, and I was to myself the entire day.  At least I was able to start the money saving again.  Just before this job I had also gotten a part time job at a book store that I keep with the other job to ensure that all bills are paid and everything begins to be paid down as fast as possible.  The book store allowed me to procure things that I had always wanted to get great deals on movies and games and books.
Megels had come back to help her sister out and was here for a bit with a job and I missed out on it all and muddied the waters because I was in full fear, destroyed confidence, awful place me.  The new girl took over a kind of master/slave role and it wasn't until I was out of it that I realize just how bad it was.  I was afraid of her and that had never happened to me before.  She had created a part of me that never existed before her.  Because of the combination of fights and money and job loss and more, I had zero confidence and a very bad visual of myself.  This began to hurt more things in my life and not give me the energy and push to go for what I really wanted. 
Megels.
She moved back away and I fell deeper into a darkness that I was beginning to worry I wouldn't know how to get out of.  The new girl began to verbally abuse me on a near constant basis and the next few months were a new level of hell that made me into a shell of a human being.  There were many awful times with some scary outcomes.  Why was I stuck?  My birthdays would come and go and for three years now I haven't celebrated them and haven't had them noticed.  The year was coming to another end and I was in the worst spot I had been in so far.  Little did I know that my messed up darkness was going to push me to the lowest worst place I have ever felt.  Every day I wish I would wake up to that day I asked the new girl to hang out and stop myself by any means possible.  Stop this snowball from rolling down the hill picking up mass and speed.  I didn't exist anymore.

The story continues in part 23...............................................

Missing you tons dew drop.  Every morning I wake up to thoughts of you and go to bed every night with memories of us laughing and cuddling together.  I miss your laugh, your touch, your everything.  I love you more than any heart is capable of and not a day goes by where something doesn't remind me of you or encounter something I want to share with you.  The sun doesn't shine as bright without you in it.  My heart dreams of you, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The Feelings of You

To describe her would be to describe beauty itself.

She was the poem worded in such a way to touch your inner self.

The changing of the seasons when the colors changed.

That special breeze during a hot summer day that cools you down in just the right way.

The first snowflake that falls to your nose on the first winter day.

The feeling your tummy gets when you go over a steep hill.

A sky full of fireworks on the best July 4th you had ever seen.

The warm blanket on a cold night that hugs you perfectly.

A warm soup that you can feel going down your entire inner body.

A refreshing drink after a tough workout.

A trip to the most beautiful country that expands your horizons.

The adrenaline of seeing your favorite film dazzling your eyes.

The most melodic song that pleases your ears in the best way.

The feeling of Christmas morning running down to see all your gifts.

The touch of two hands holding one another for the first time.

Being in awe and wonder seeing something one of a kind.

What it must feel like to win the lottery on your first attempt.

The build up to a first kiss and the smile right afterwards.

She takes you on the ride of your life and you feel like your best self.

The sun rises in the morning carrying her name with it.

Each star in the sky twinkles at night reminding you of her uniqueness.

The goosebumps that rise when she touches your skin.

The excitement looking forward to seeing her for the first time that day.

The sound of her voice as it travels out of the phone to your ear.

Seeing a photo of her and the happiness that travels throughout your body.

She is happiness molded into the perfect human body.

She makes you want to be your best self.

A muse of the best kind inspiring you to create the most amazing things.

To hear the name Megels immediately makes your day the best you've had.

Holding her at night incites the best sleep you've had in your life.

Her photo on the wall brings the room together in gorgeous splendor.

She is the best thing to happen to me and the best person to be in this life.

She is beauty.

She is wonder.

She is why life is worth it all.

She is you.

Miss you dew drop.  An adventure through life is worthy of getting up every morning if it brings you with it.  Love you with all of my heart, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxxooxoxoxooxoxoxo

The Beginning of a Downward Spiral in the Dark

You never know just how scary and dangerous the woods are until you step off the safely woven path and into the darkness. Sometimes curiosity and the road less traveled is traveled less for a reason.  Not being where you want to be and pining for someone can make the heart yearn.  Not thinking clearly and taking a step off of that path for but a moment just to see what was around was a mistake that was like being injected with a disease that would gestate at first and then spread like a cancer throughout my body.  Getting settled into the new job was a little fearful and it quickly became a place that I knew I didn't want to stay at for long.  The problem with jobs like that is once you find a groove and realize just how little you really have to know or do, you get comfortable.  And bored.  At first I would just try and do my best and get through the work days as quickly as I could.  Riding the bus was interesting as a place where I would clear my head.  One night I did something I never really did and went to a play.  I guess you could call it a play.  It was Evil Dead the Musical.  I dressed decently and after work walked over to the playhouse and got my ticket and waited around with the crowd until they were all let to their seats.  Having never been there before I found a wonderful older woman and asked her and she helped me out.  The play was awesome and I loved it and talked to the guy next to me in the intermission and made a new friend.  When I got home, it wasn't late enough and told Megels all about it.  Around the end of October into the beginning of November a new person started at work and it wasn't long before we spoke here and there.  They were friendly and I liked helping someone else out and was still in the mindset of not seeing myself moving states down right away.    The beginning is a blurry mess that I guess my brain didn't think it important enough to remember.   I didn't take it as something that would be anything long term or serious and all I could think about was Megels and what you were supposed to do when a relationship ended.  She had already tried seeing someone else albeit it didn't work out but she did try it.  Was that what was supposed to happen?  I was still talking to Megels every night and there was a couple of times I would see the new girl after work to the bus stop but that was it.  Until the one night I decided to hang out with her.  I remember it getting close to Christmas and speaking to Megels on the phone outside of work while waiting for the new person to come out.  I told her what was going on and she sounded extremely heartbroken.  Trying not to cry she agreed to talk later that night.  On the way home from dropping off the new girl I called Megels and she cried.  She cried saying that I was her Edward and she was wanting me to move back down.  I felt insanely bad about the whole thing and knew that my heart didn't want someone new.  It wanted Megels.  I felt like an asshole for treating the new girl so nicely only to want out not even a week in.
The time that follows is a mess of the worst kind.  I will try and piece together the series of events in what order I can but unlike my time with Megels, the majority of this is not memorable.  There are no stand out memories or inside jokes or even times I laughed hard.  It began to feel like I was in jail and roommates with someone the polar opposite of me and who let me know that every day.  Not every day was awful and I am thankful for a few things that were done and times that were had but compared to the heaven that was any second with Megels, it was a hell that only got worse with time.  Starting out was awful because I felt like it was something that was how things worked but it just felt bad.  We went Black Friday shopping and it was like tagging someone along with you who didn't care one bit about what you were doing.  Can't put it against someone for not being just like you or anything right away so I let that go.  As about three months went by, I found myself losing who I was and being quite afraid of her leaving or being alone and not having anything.  It led to me being so upset about us that it spilled into my work and I got fired.  I remember getting the call from the recruitment agency about two hours before I would even get up for work that day and getting the news.  I was devastated because what would I do?  I hadn't paid off enough things and who knows how long it would take to find another job.  I was very fearful and began to panic.  The new girl was there to make sure I was okay and even put a fight up for me at the job but it was to no avail.  I was now unemployed.  To her credit she did help as best she could where she could so that I didn't go under or anything.  To conserve on what money I did have left, she made dinners and paid for a little gas here and there and I spent all day every day on my laptop applying to any and every job I could and calling every agency that helped find jobs.  I felt like I was becoming a professional who all they did was meet with agencies to talk about job potential but never get any.  One was a insurance sales place that going in they tried to sort of hide what it all entailed and halfway through I knew it was something I definitely didn't want to do.  Nothing involving art ever came about it that added to my ever increasing depression that maybe I wouldn't get a career in what I loved to do and going to school and spending my time on my talents was a waste of my time.   I did manage to get a quick job at a call center that dealt with people who couldn't afford their electric bills but that was a disaster and I was let go after about two months and I was back unemployed again.  As this went on, the money I did have began to dwindle and I got scared more.  Unfortunately due to bills, I had to sing up for another credit card just to keep afloat while I did everything in my power to find another job.  It wasn't until it got pretty scary that one came along where I worked in Monroeville at another call center but this one was one that followed a script to the T when you were on a call.  It wasn't very difficult because you never got off script but it was mind numbing how you just said the same thing on every single call.  The job was a bit far away from where I lived but I did my best to start to earn money.  During this time a lot of heat and anger and fighting started between my family and the new girl and almost every day of work involved me calling to try and calm down somebody.  It took too much of my time at work and I started to develop anxiety issues involving my phone.  Anytime I got a text I would almost panic.  This was not unnoticed at the job and after a time there, I got the call yet again that I was being let go from that job as well.  I was starting to develop some bad depression over what was going on with my life.  Bad news was that this was just the beginning of my downward spiral.

The story continues in part 22..............................

My heart hangs low and thoughts of you are all that keep me with enough adrenaline to get through these days.  I miss you more with each passing day and every setting sun.  I have a tremendous dislike of myself for the kind of person I was and when I remember the times spent with you, that's the me I like best.  The sound of your laugh in my ear.  The feel of your body against mine.  The way we would look into each other's eyes.  The way you were actually interested in everything me and how I could make you giggle with just a slow motion head bang.  I love you Megels.  Not a single hour goes by that I don't wish I could hold you close and kiss you.  Life is a lot less wonderful without you in it.  My heart beats for you hand, always.

Love, Your Edward
xxoxoxoxoxoxooxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A Love Reconnecting with Dark Clouds Looming

A different location does not change the heart and even though the miles were great between us, my love for her was still the same as it was when I first saw her.  I was upset that I now had to kind of start over and I wouldn't be able to walk a couple streets over and see her anymore.  She was a sweet wonderful soul and made sure we spoke at least once every day.  The first two weeks that I was home, I didn't sleep at my new place.  I don't know what it was but I just couldn't do it.  All of my boxes of stuff was around and each day I would go over there and try putting it together and unpacking and getting it to look livable.  I didn't like the color of anything and I was still a bit heated at everyone there because this wasn't where I wanted to be.  I was happy down with her.  I took many breaths and tried to keep my mind busy while I looked for a job and unpacked what I could.  I got the living room set up first because there was already a couch there where I could sleep and I felt the best when I was near what I enjoyed most.  My movies and games and such were set up and it was the first room to be done.  Afterwards I cleaned and moved on to each room after that.  Megels would call me and check to see how I was doing and how things were and I would tell her along with how much I missed her and how I wished I was down with her.  Within about a week or two, my sister had gotten me a job at a call center.  It wasn't the job I would have wanted but it was a job and it was right away so it took a big pressure off of me in that now I could breath a little easier knowing I didn't have to worry about the job hunt.  The job was nothing great and what I would do is take calls of people in businesses who needed things fixed or cleaned up and I was sort of the middle man who would then call the company to take care of the issue and give them all the information.  It was a boring job and one that I started to not like pretty quickly.  There were some days where I was the only one there at night and it was a little freaky.  Taking the bus was something I missed a little bit from my college days but I still didn't like having to always have bus money.  After a month it was my birthday and my sister and her date and my other sister and her date took us all to Dave and Busters for dinner.  I had never been there before and it was a huge arcade and games place for adults.  My birthday quickly went downhill as each group split off to do things with their significant other and too quickly I was just walking around the place by myself feeling sad.  I texted Megels a little and she wished she was there.  The rest of the month we would start to talk more and then facetime each other at night every night before bed.  She watched as my Etsy store opened up with a neat NES controller table and we watched things on Netflix and online and chatted about general things.  It was the part of my night I looked forward to all the time and would always make sure I was free when she would call.  It was great seeing her beautiful face and the apartment around her, it really helped and made me miss being there so much.  She asked me one night if I would ever think of moving back down and I was a little hesitant at first because I had just moved all of my stuff and wasn't keen on the idea of having to box it all up again and drive back down but I started to get a little happier that she suggested it.  Some of my favorite memories of our facetime nights were when I was sweeping up cat litter in the kitchen and bent down and she made a comment about my butt.  When I would play a guess the song game with her playing snippets of music and she would guess the title of the song and most of the time sing the lyrics too.  Watching the Addams Family on Netflix with her.  Doing naughty things with her occasionally.  Watching her try and get a bug that was on the ceiling of the bedroom.  I just loved seeing her face and talking to her and I'll be honest, I was hoping it would go well enough that she would ask us to get back together.  On weekends she would go visit and stay with her parents and she would make sure to call and chat that Friday night before she went so that we could talk before hand.  She was the first to try and move on and told me that she had met someone and was going to date and it felt like someone had said that my entire family was murdered and I had terminal cancer all at once.  I had never felt so upset so quickly in my life.  So much so that after the call I had to call my sister to see if I could come over just to be around people so that I wasn't alone in a state of sheer panic.  It wasn't long before Megels talked to me more and let me know that it didn't work out and we began to talk some more.  You could tell she wanted to be with me again and the way we acted was like two lovers falling madly in love with each other again.  Her birthday came next and I sent her some gifts through the mail that she opened on facetime.  A Harry Potter funko pop figure, Are You Afraid of the Dark DVD, even sending her a replacement Wii sensor bar so that she could keep on gaming.  I was really falling for her harder than ever and it seemed like something was going to happen at some point. But I didn't think she would come up to me and I didn't know if I could move all my stuff and start over again.  Looking back on it now, I should have done just that.  I knew where she lived and could have shown up at the door, flowers in hand.  I regret not going to her so much.
October brought another Halloween month and I tried my own little version of watching a horror movie a night and chose franchises that year.  Starting with Halloween and then Nightmare on Elm Street.  I would send her pics of the movies and chat to her and stream games when I could for her to watch.  It was during this time that a new girl was hired at work that if I knew then what I know now, I would have just quit the job instantly never to even speak of that again.  I could have avoided so much and continued my path to Megels.  But I got lost down a path I wasn't sure of and began a blinding walk into a dark forest.  I thought this was how it was supposed to go and the next step of the process.  I was dead wrong.  I had no idea I had just taken a step into a nightmare that would take many forms, destroying every aspect of myself and those around me, leaving a shell of a person damaged and broken on the ground.  The next chapter had started and the happy romantic love novel I was in turned into a horror story.  Sneaking up behind me to stab me when I wasn't aware.

The story continues in part 21.........................

This bed is too big without you in it.  The nights are too quiet without your laughter.  My days are too dark without your smile.  When I think about us and the adventures we have had and could have it's like imagining what it would be like to win the lottery and take care of everything in life.  The amount of anything and everything I would give to see you again is at a point that is immeasurable.  You are truly a gift and I didn't appreciate or treat you as such.  I live every day with the pain of letting things get so bad that I hurt you.  I miss you darlin dew drop.  I continue to hope and pray that one day our hearts will reunite again.  I love you turkey leg, every day is the best day of my life when you are at my side.  You are my favorite person to make smile.  Always.

Love, Your Edward
oxxoxoxooxooxoxooxoxoxoxooxooxooxoxoox

A Snowy Proposal

The snowflakes fell from the sky like little diamonds sparkling in the air.

The wind chill was cold but not so much that the snow couldn't pile upon itself.

It was quiet outside with only the noise being the ambiance of the winter night.

He expected her soon and wanted to make sure she would arrive to a winter wonderland of love.

The day before he had written up what he wanted to do and designed it perfectly.

The snow had fallen at just the right rate and consistency.

Before she arrived he began to do his work.

The crunching and packing of snow echoed off the silent night as he worked away.

Tonight was the night he wanted to ask her to be his wife and this had to be perfect.

He knew she would be walking up the sidewalk to his place after she parked her car.

Beginning there he crafted and carved a path that led right up to the steps of his place.

Right where she would be parking, he wrote in the snow 'Megels' and hearts around it.

Down the path to his steps he packed the snow in a way to resemble roses strewn about.

Taking small cans of spray paint, he colored in her name and the reds of the roses.

The snow held the color well and made each image pop under the white of the night.

At the steps he continued the roses and opened it up to the landing before the porch.

He created a few full sized snowmen by gathering up all the snow he could around the house.

The snowmen were created to resemble scenes from their favorite memories.

There were a pair that were sitting by a television playing video games.

Another who were driving around looking for IKEA.

A third set were dressed as characters from Harry Potter using wands in the air.

A final pair holding one another by a small recreation of the beach.

Quickly he colored in what he could with what paint he had to differentiate all the setups.

The hours were going by quickly and he had half of it done at that point.

She called him to tell him she was finishing up with work and would be leaving soon.

He had to pick up the pace if it were to be ready for her when she arrived.

Lining the railings up the stairs and around the porch was Christmas lights in multiple colors.

On the porch he set up a small table with a table cloth and more lights around the doorway.

The table had a gift set upon it and on each step that led up to the porch he wrote a word on each.

I, Love, You, Megels, was written on each step so that she could read it as she walked up.

Inside the house, he placed the cliche rose petals on the floor and into the living room.

That is where he had the dinner table with candles set up so they could have a romantic dinner.

He looked up at the clock and saw that she would be arriving at any minute.

Dashing around he grabbed a small speaker and set his ipod up into it and got the song ready.

Walking outside and on to the porch he saw down the road her car parking in her spot.

The door shut and he saw her notice the carvings and roses.

She followed them down and he walked down to meet her at the bottom and began the song.

You Look Wonderful by Eric Clapton began to play and his heart starting leaping around.

She approached with the biggest smile on her face admiring the snow roses as she approached.

Hearing the song she blushed and came up to kiss and hug him.

Come on, I have to show you something, he said.

Taking her hand he led her up the stairs and she saw all the snowmen set up in their memories.

She recognized each one and laughed and then read the I love you on the stairs as she walked up.

Noticing the table she worried for a moment that they would be outside in the cold.

He knew she hated the cold and noticed her hesitance right away.

Seeing her eye the present he said go ahead, it's yours, let's go inside.

She picked up the box and followed him inside, seeing the rose petals right away.

It led her to the dinner table where he was lighting the candles for her.

The song continued to play and she began to open the box excitedly.

Inside she saw a ring and gasped in surprise, looking down to see him on one knee in front of her.

Megels, he said, I've never met anyone like you in my entire life.

You make me the happiest man to ever walk the Earth and the person I want to be.

You are smart, funny, clever, and beautiful beyond any words I could search for.

Every day I've spent with you has been the best day of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Would you make me the luckiest man alive and continue those best days with me.

Will you be my wife.

Tears in her eyes she nodded her head yes and he got up to hug her.

You Look Wonderful filled the air and she kept saying yes while he squeezed her tightly.

I love you Megels, my heart is yours always and forever.

The night continued with their meal and the start of their lives happily ever after.

To the most amazing girl I've ever met in my life.  There is only one Megels and my heart will continue to beat for her.  Beauty that is unmatched and a soul that is the most heartfelt and caring that has ever been created.  My dreams are filled with you and my days contain everything about you.  I miss you with all of me and love you with even more than that.  Always.

Love, Your Edward
xooxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxox

Dark Day for Love and a Trip Home

Sitting here at night without you has a hollow feeling about it.  Like the most important part of a production is missing.  Missing you like crazy before I start broadcasting a stream of one of your favorite games.  The scary dread of that day looming when I had to leave you was one of if not the worst feeling I've ever felt.  The days counted down too fast and once I put the order through for the moving van and the exact day was set I began to feel worse and worse.  I didn't want to go to sleep because it would mean another day was over and the day to leave was one step closer.  Me and Megels were very close again and without anything being said, I think it's safe to say that we were both not looking forward to the day I would be leaving.  Inside we both didn't want it and the solution to it wasn't easy.  The few days before, I was packing up everything of mine into boxes and figuring out who was going to keep what and it was more and more heartbreaking.  The fact that it was actually happening wasn't setting in, almost like it wasn't real.  Things had gone numb and into a sort of safeguarding of my mind so that I wouldn't completely break down.  While she was at work I would pack up the rest of my things and fill the truck and walk around the apartment that was ours.  Everything about life there was ours.  It felt wrong that I was leaving and I knew and still know to this very minute that it was the wrong decision to be making.  The afternoon before, I watched Netflix while I finished packing and all I could do was look around me and still feel like we were going to continue there.  Eating dinners, watching shows, playing games, and having our super fun weekends.  The sadness set in to levels I had never felt before, the entire experience was so surreal.  The next....and final....morning, we got up together and made love for the last time.  She got ready for work while I watched her and began to fall apart.  Reality hit me hard and she kept it together very well, assuring me that it was all fine and to not fall apart.  Once she was ready for work, we hugged and said goodbye and she left.  There I stood in our apartment, in silence.  My heart was beating in a way it never had before like I was about to jump out of a plane and wasn't sure I had a parachute on.  Once I was even able to gather myself, I got the cats into the carriers and then went into each room to take one final look at it all.  I could not stop crying and each room was a reminder of so many memories and so much growth.  An adventure with my true love that I would give anything to not have to leave it.  My heart was screaming at me to stay, just unpack it all and take the truck back and when she comes home just be there and say I couldn't do it because I want to be with you.  I love you and nothing is worth it without you.  I was so far in at this point and I wasn't sure how she would take that.  What if she came home and was even more angry that I had stayed?  The last thing I did was say goodbye to Sammy.  I could barely get words out as I held him and said my goodbyes.  Then I picked up the cat crates and with one final look at the place I wanted to start my new life.....I walked out and shut the door.
It pains me now to even write it out.
Once inside the truck, I started to drive away.  The cats were upset, I was bawling my eyes out, and every ten minutes I looked for a way to turn around and go back.  She would call to check on me to see how the drive was going and all I could do was cry.  I would say that I just wanted to turn back and come back to her but she said don't do that, it'll be okay.  Once I actually got home, I was incredibly angry at my parents.  A part of me wanted to scream and never speak to them again because I took all of the guilt they made me feel and ruin what I wanted in life.  I wasn't strong enough and they took advantage of it.  It was the hardest thing I had to do.  My mind was focused on moving all of my stuff into my new place so I could take the truck back the next day.  Once it was all in, I went up to my room and laid on the floor by the windows and cried.  Every time I looked out the window I wanted to believe that it all wasn't real.  Like I would wake up tomorrow in our bed with her next to me.  The sound of the fountain outside filling the air.  My heart was destroyed and it was my own fears that let it happen.  The new place was just me in the top two floors of a house, coincidentally right down the street from her family's house.  It was quiet and empty and it felt like I was being punished.  Nothing to this day feels right, not without Megels.  She was the joy and light that the best of life has to offer.
When we did speak again the next day she told me that when she got home she completely broke down.  Seeing that I actually was gone broke her.  Which in turn broke me more because it proved that we both really did feel the same.  We both wanted me to stay and not go and be there when she got home from work.  She said she broke down and said to her dad 'he's really gone.'  I get choked up just typing it out.  I've never loved someone as much as I love you Megels.  A love that has stayed true through all the ups and awful downs.  The next week or so I spent getting my place together and setting it up the way I wanted it to look.  It required a lot of work and while it was my place to design, I still made it in a way like she was going to be there too.  Something I still do.  But Megels is a special kind of wonderful and she started to talk to me more, call me more, and then we started to facetime more.  It made the upcoming months not only tolerable but kept my heart beating and looking forward to her every night.  Something that would show that, maybe this move wasn't what was supposed to be.

The story continues in part 20.....................

I'm miserable without you my love.  I miss you like crazy and wish I was with you so that I could make you laugh and have an adventure with you.  You inhabit my dreams and when I'm feeling particularly bad I think of you and my heart beats just a little happier.  There's so much I want to do and share with you and every night I ask God for forgiveness for the mistakes I've made.  I love you with all of my heart and nothing will take that away.  Tonight is no different as I lay here thinking of you and how it feels to squeeze you in my arms.  You are the most amazing person that has ever walked into my life and I will do whatever it takes to make your heart jump up and down again.  I miss you dew drop and my heart beats with such vivacity for you, always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Conquering the Seas for My True Love

I pick up the anchor as the boat rocks to and fro, placing the weight inside to balance the wooden transport.

The sun has already set making the view of all around me more difficult to see.

Finishing off the last of dinner, I go inside to take a look at the current course.

Above the maps and compasses there are photos of you, of us.  Smiling.  Happy.

The boat rolls overtop of the water in such a way that it makes the photos look like we are dancing.

Being lost at sea looking for my love was a quest worth taking on no matter what the cost.

Days would go by but I knew she was out there.  The brunette maiden of my heart.

Storms would pass every now and again, each one threatening to wipe me out.

To throw me off course.

To turn me around.

But it wouldn't matter if God himself threw the worst tsunami he had at me, my heart would still right the way and steer me towards you.

I had named the boat Megels, after you.  Both of you keeping me going in your own ways.

As the sky got darker, the stars began to spread themselves out over the canopy of space above me.

The compass shown where I should be going and I corrected the wheel to ensure my way.

Being without you is not easy, nothing seemed right.

The home felt bigger, the days filling with nothing.

My thoughts of you excited me and made me yearn to have you in my arms again.

I could hear the dolphins splashing nearby.  Having fun and inviting others to join them.

They dove above the water as if silently telling me that I was on the right course.

The sea would be my enemy but the if the reward was you then I would fight until the end.

I stepped out onto the deck and made my way to the front of the ship.

Holding the rail I steadied myself and looked off to the horizon.

I whispered into the night for any and all that could hear me.

Megels, my love, guide me.  Lead me to you so that I may be with you.

Above me in the sky there was a glint that was brighter than the others.

One of the stars began to shone with a brilliance bringing all attention to it.

There you are my darling.

I ran back inside and adjusted the course so that my boat was now following the glistening sky jewel.

The sea got rougher as if to try its best to keep me away.

Turning the wheel I took it on with determination, keeping one eye on the star in the sky.

You were leading me to you, the star making me feel the way your heart does to mine.

As the hours went on I finally saw through the mist a large dark mass slowly approaching.

There was a sound softly carrying over the breeze that I could barely hear.

It was beautiful and had an effect that was instantly calming.

It was your voice.

I could hear you singing and enticing me closer to where you were.

My seafaring vehicle made it to the dark cave and I guiding my way inside.

It was dark all except a light shining in the back.

The closer I got the clearer it was and right  at the back I saw you.

You were gorgeous.

Your beautiful brown hair dancing in the breeze and your body beckoning me forward.

I parked the ship and made my way on foot to be near you.

All that time at sea and I had finally found you.

Your beauty was more than I could have ever remembered and I reached out my hand to you.

Your voice calming every nerve in my body and your hand reached back out to mine.

When our fingers touched I knew that I had found the best treasure in all of the land.

I had found my one.

I would be the luckiest man in the world being able to call myself yours.

The sea had tried to stop me that day but nothing could stop my love for the siren of the sea.

The beautiful dew drop that was you.

Missing you tons darling.  Thinking of you so much and laying in bed fantasizing of you next to me.  I miss your voice, your touch, your laugh.  My heart beats continuously to be yours and to be your happily ever after part two.  No rough seas, no dangerous storms, no adventure too tough to not be worth being next to you.  I love you with all of my heart darlin, always.


Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxxxxxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A Weekend Deal of Love

The way things work out have a way of making you truly believe that there is someone watching over your life.  The lining up of events and even so far as to how certain things play out can seem almost too good to be true when they happen to you.  There is a special girl that has my heart and a special weekend was planned out for us to go spend two days at a hotel close to where Universal was and then spend time during the day at Universal.  I booked the place and was excited to be spending time in a hotel room with the beautiful Megels.  The weekend came quickly and we got ourselves ready and everything we would need for the two days we would be away.  Sure it was just an hour away but still, there is something about being in a hotel room that makes you feel a certain way.  We did our usual drive towards Universal and seeing the sights along the way including Jesus' house and any and all accidents we'd have to go around.  The hotel was near a different smaller amusement park that we were curious about and then we parked in the parking lot.  We went in and up to the counter and were informed that our room wasn't available.  Something happened and they overbooked and didn't have a room for us.  I was devastated because I was looking forward to this weekend with Megels because it was a chance to be with her more.  The person in charge was doing everything he could to help the situation and they were sending people to a different hotel on the house to make up for the mess up.  I wasn't sure if this hotel was farther away or if it was even going to work but he assured us that everything would be taken care of.  He gave us a card with information on it and a name and said that when we get there to give them the name and explain the situation and it should be okay.  Then he gave us some cookies.  Like that was going to make everything alright.  So I ate the cookies and we got back in the car and made our way to the other new hotel.  Doubletree.  This one looked a lot better and I pulled into the parking lot out front while Megels waited in the car just in case this also didn't work, she didn't waste more of day coming in to be let down.  Inside I explained it all and it went okay because I wasn't the first person sent over I guess and everything was set up.  I went back out to the car and we parked and brought our luggage to the one entrance.  As we were walking we noticed that there were people coming in and out of the hotel in costumes.  I started to recognize some of the characters and the thought started to turn some gears in our heads.  Were we somehow stumbling upon a comic con in the area?  As we walked through the main lobby we saw more and more people cosplaying as various characters and started to name the ones we recognized.  It was really exciting and really helped aleviate the feelings of the hotel mix up and we were really pleased that we upgraded to one with a con happening.  Near the elevators we saw that the con was being held in that hotel!  Everything worked out perfectly.  We went up to our room and while walking down the hall were scared by someone dressed as a Five Nights at Freddy's character coming out of their room.  Our room was really nice with a gorgeous shower and a nice bed and that hotel feeling started coursing through my bones.  Just being there with her I was so incredibly happy.  The view out of the window you could see Universal very close by and the whole thing was turning out wonderful.  We put all of our stuff down and made our way down to the lobby to check out more of the con that was happening.  Once downstairs we walked out to the patio of the hotel and walked over to look at our surroundings.  Megels got close and smiled and offered me a proposition.  During this weekend, we could be together and she'd be my girlfriend again.  But just that weekend.  It was an unfortunately timed offer but I took it without hesitation.  Any chance I could have to hold her, kiss her, touch her, be with her I will take without question.  My lips met hers and if you'd have asked anyone walking around at that time they would swear they saw fireworks in the sky.
We went into the con and looked around at all of the tables and people and she pointed out that it was something I could use to promote my art and what I could do to get myself out there.  We had a wonderful walk around and then got ourselves ready to go to Universal for the rest of the day.
Being at Universal with her and having the status of being together again was more than a dream come true.  Every ride seemed just that much more exciting and I could barely contain my adrenaline as we stood in line for every ride.  This was a weekend I would do anything and everything I could so that it would never be able to end.  Waiting in line for the rides I would steal every kiss I could and hold her hand on every single ride we went on.  All of our familiar tried and true inside jokes were on full display from turkey leg to little mouth to it's a diversion to taking a bite out of the big apple.  I could see the smile on her face matching mine and as we strolled around the park hand in hand it was like the magic of our special place was fueling us in our hearts.  I fell in love with Megels harder than ever and hated myself for ever letting things get the best of me and put our relationship in jeopardy.  The truth was that she was my one and I would do anything in the world to keep that.
We tried to eat a dinner at one of the many restaurants there but the wait times were crazy and we began to get frustrated looking for somewhere to eat.  Emotions got a little tense but we finally we able to decide on the Hard Rock Cafe, of which we managed to eat dinner there both days of the weekend.  The walk along the lake at the end of the day was especially wonderful because I was able to proudly display my love for her and see her right next to me.  It was always that moment that meant the most to me and made me feel the best I had ever felt.  When we got back to the hotel, we discovered that the con had turned into a little end of the night rave party and we took a look inside before deciding it wasn't for us and went to our room where we laid together in bed with the television on before falling asleep on each other faster than we ever had before.  The next morning we woke up the best way I could ever imagine waking up.  Seeing her laying next to me, her beautiful hair fallen perfectly over her pretty face was like waking up in heaven.  I would look at her and wonder how someone who fit my wishes so perfectly managed to walk into my life.  We made love that morning before going back to Universal for part two and enjoying it more than the day before.  I didn't want the day to end because then our deal would end and going back to our reality back at the apartment would come back.  I didn't want to think about it.  That night when we got back to the hotel and on our way out to leave the hotel, we sat at a table and watched the cosplayers walking around.  Megels sat and stared and didn't say anything for a long time.  Sadness was taking me over as I didn't want to go back home or even think about the fact that we weren't together.  I asked her what she was thinking and she said.....it would be so easy.  It would be so easy to stay together.
My heart stopped.
We fit together so well and had so much fun together and were made for one another.  But she couldn't change her decision.  I pleaded my case but she was sticking with her choice.  But in that moment I saw her mulling it over and love was pushing through.  The weekend was what we needed but unfortunately it may have come too late.  My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest and the only one to blame for that was me.  We packed up the car and began our drive back home. 
There was no couch sleeping after that.  The bed was once again shared but taking me back still wasn't in the cards.  I didn't have a ton of days left until I had things ready to go back home.  Depression started to reach into my body as I still couldn't imagine a day not being with her.  The next few days I would try what I could to appeal to her and show that I truly did love and want to be with her.  Moments here and there you could tell I was getting through but ultimately, her mind was set.  The day of me leaving was approaching and I would do anything to make it never show up.

The story continues in part 19....................

My heart pains me to be away from you dew drop.  I miss you like crazy and want to share with you all the nerdy fun adventures we can have together.  Being away from you is like being in jail, not that i'd know what that was like but it is torture none the less.  I would give anything to be near you, to hold you in my arms again and feel your body against mine.  To talk to you every day about all things pop culture and to have you latch on to me like a spider monkey in bed.  I still have dreams that involve you.  Life lacks electricity without you and I know that we are our best true selves when we are with each other.  I miss you turkey leg and I love you with all of me.  My heart and my entire being is yours and will have your hand the second you give the word.  You are the most special person God could have ever created and I will continue to hope and pray that I can be yours again.  My heart is forever yours, always.

Love, your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox

I would give anything to lay with you and watch this darlin, this one is for us

Miss you so much my darlin

xoxox