An Eve Without You

It is raining again and as the streets get coated with the sheen of liquid, I look into it like a mirror as I stand at my window.  My hand rests on the glass still convinced that you are able to feel it calling to you.  That you are also standing at a window with your hand to the surface remembering the feel of mine too.  The lights reflect off the water creating small pathways of colors for the raindrops to play on.  Staring at it for a small period of time takes my focus off of everything even if it is just for a moment.  Coping with all that is going on is extremely difficult and today is another holiday that I am unable to share with you.  The amount of relief it would feel to snuggle up with you and watch a scary movie again or come home from work and see you sitting on the couch with the bowl of candy in your witch hat waiting for the treaters.  The amount that I miss you is steadily growing, the situations around me bringing me down to unsafe levels.  What I would give even to just watch a movie here and send you pictures of things I see so that we in some way share that moment.  This isn't what life is supposed to be.  A window that I look out at while it rains around me.  I know I am capable of more but I want that more to have you right next to me.  Like you always wanted too.  When I go to a comic con and the big one next year, it is you that I want to be there with me and experience all that there is to offer.  We could meet the celebs and see all the art and neat things.  Stay in a hotel again with a view looking out over the area.  I want to start a family and raise a little nerdy girl and I want that family to be with you.  Nobody ever understood me like you, nobody matched my interests like you.  I always felt like you could truly be you when you were with me, it wasn't just happiness with a relationship for a grounded future.  You could be your real self and continue your interests that you had to hide some of or not take part in in the past.  There's loving someone because they are good people and provide stability and there is being in love with someone who compliments you and enhances your own self and allows you to be the exact person you truly are inside.  My Megels loves to play video games, watch Harry Potter and Supernatural, sings all the rock songs in the car as loud as she can, dresses in fun shirts and wears Marvel shoes while she quotes White Christmas.  The Megels that makes christmas cookies with me to look like ninja turtles and spider-man and then proceeds to say "but I like spider-man!'.  There's a reason we kept coming back to one another, a reason that no matter what we went through we could never stay apart.  There was a reason you messaged me saying that you didn't like how things ended and to call you.  A reason you still have this account but not the twitch one.  Darlin I will never give up on you, not until my last breath.  I have never had so much passion to something in my life.  I know who I am and what I want and what I am capable of.  I know I want you.  I want us.  So while another holiday passes me by alone without you, I will continue to hold my hand on that glass looking out at the rain falling to the streets.  Continue to hold it there and hope every second of every day that you feel it and reach your hand back.  I miss you dew drop.
If ever a sun in the sky
If ever the warmth in my heart
If ever the happiness that reaches my soul
If ever the truest passion of a life
If ever there were such a person
That person would be you.
I love you Megels and miss you so much.
My heart beats for you with every rain drop.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

The Clouds Continue to Grow Darker

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, this week takes yet more turns for the worse.  Megels, this is getting too hard for me.  I miss what we had and the way we could talk to each other and no matter what always be there for the other.  I know I've really messed up in the past but I promise you that my heart is only for you and whatever struggles it takes to achieve that then that is what I will go through.  But it is getting very very hard.  The beginning of the week I'm told my dad has prostate cancer and today it was decided that he will have surgery in January to remove it to hopefully get rid of the cancer but it is not guarenteed.  He also was diagnosed with a leaky heart valve as well.  To add on to this, I find out today that my mom has liver disease and an enlarged spleen.  If that wasn't enough, I also find out today that one of my mom's cats...Patches...has to be put down tonight due to health issues.  My depression is spiraling out of control and I have no idea how to even cope or deal with all of this.  Every night I pray that you will be brought back to me and my soul mate will be back as my rock.  This is the most difficult time I've had to deal with and it doesn't help that I was already depressed and barely getting by.  I'm not sure what to do.  I look on my blog and each post has views on it and I know for a fact you are the only one who knows about this blog. I lay awake late at night in the dark watching the lights from the traffic light at the end of the street changing color and remain sleepless wondering if your thoughts ever cross into mine.   I remember telling you about the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo books and what they were about and you said that I should read them to you.  The concept of reading to you was something nobody had ever asked of me before but the way you asked touched me.  That's why I did those videos for you of me reading the Harry Potter book to you.  I want to read more to you, have you next to me watching me and sharing in something.  I remember the night I found out you had some difficulties reading when you were younger that still managed to creep in to your adulthood.  There are other books I'd love to read to you.  Mostly I just want to lay in bed with you and feel you next to me, your head on me.  I've been incredibly sad without you and my thoughts have been wandering into very dark places that are beginning to scare me.  I never thought it would get this bad but with the build up of everything that has been happening recently, i've been struggling more and more.  You told me that you had hit a bad time for a bit when I had moved back and it wasn't good.  If this is what it was like then I am truly sorry.  I would give anything, ANYTHING to go back to that day and just unpack it all and be there with flowers on my knees for you when you got home from work that day.  So you wouldn't have to be hurt with the realization that I really did go and we could have avoided so much.  I would have asked for your hand in marriage by now and instead of lying awake alone at night missing you more than life itself....I would be laying in bed with you holding on to me in the happiest life I could imagine.  Growing and creating a new family with you.  I don't know how I am going to get through this.  There is a good chance I'm going to lose my parents and coupled with my unhappiness with my own life.....I really need you darlin.  You are and always were the voice of reason and reality for me, even when I didn't deserve it.  My love for you knows no bounds and the only thing keeping me going anymore is looking at your face in my favorite pictures.  You're an amazing person with the purest heart there ever was and I hurt you.  I did the one thing that I never ever wanted to do.  I turned your heart.  I can't live with the pain I know I've caused you and without you in my future.  The series of events just this week are built up inside me to the point where I'm getting chest pains and cannot focus on anything but pain.  I miss you Megels my love.  If there was anything I needed right now, it's you.  I'm really not doing well and tonight I hope I can see your face in my dreams.  I miss you so much darlin.  My heart continues to hope and pray for my one true.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I need you darlin

You Are the Light in my Darkness

Today is the day I find out if my dad needs to get surgery or begin chemo and I am feeling very scared.  The stomach pains and sadness are continuing to climb and the only real thing that is allowing me to cope is thinking of thoughts of you.  I continue to hope that you are reading my words and they are finding a way to you.  It pains me to think that I am writing to the open air where not a single letter of a single word is reaching your ears.  I miss you like crazy darlin dew drop and every day I wish and pray every day that our lives line up so that we can be together again.  It is a rough and crazy time and the one thing that always helped was you.  Remember when you would bring the phone super close to your nose while we facetimed at night?  Or the pictures of an upset Obi-Wan when I told you I wasn't sure if I liked the Force Awakens or not?  You always knew how to make me smile and feel like the best person in the world.  I want to do that for you.  You have the most amazing laugh and I loved doing anything to make it happen.  All I can think about as of late is how much pain I have caused and the chances you presented that I completely fouled up.  It's difficult not to see this situation with my dad as karma in a way to punish me for my deeds.  It's very hard to take in and handle and I have to admit I am not doing well with it at all.  I made you a promise before that you were the one I wanted and that I would do anything so that you had your happily ever after part two.  That promise is still something I hold on to.  It probably seems crazy that I write to you every single day putting my heart out to you in hopes that you still read and think of me.  Crazy that I believe we are meant to be and that we match up so much better than anyone else.  Love is crazy and to me is the most powerful feeling people can experience.  There's a reason it feels the way it does and makes us to the things we do.  I will never apologize for loving you as much as I do and continuing to hold on to hope as tightly as I do.  There's no way he is a better match than me.  No way you share the same interests the way we do.  No way he is a kid at heart like us where we will dress up in Gryffindor robes and wave our wands about while quoting Star Wars and Banjo-Kazooie.  Whenever I am feeling extra down, I think about you saying little mouth in the line for Transformers.  I think about the way you'd look at me while we drove to places and how you would watch as I drew different pictures.  I remember you suggesting different things I could do to pursue my art dreams and what I should name my etsy store along with selling light switch covers.  I think about you laying your head in my lap on the couch while under the Marilyn blanket while we watched Friends or attempted American Horror Story.  When things get really bad and I just want to give it all up due to the pain.....I think of how it felt to hold your hand.  How your hair felt as I ran my fingers through it.  I think of your voice, telling me about your day and what different ideas you wanted us to experience.  There is such a bad growing pain inside me that I am worried.  The pain is almost too great and I don't want to bear it any longer.  When the dark dark thoughts hit me, the one thing I think of to push them off.....is you.  The beautiful girl I would do anything for and the days we spent together where we didn't have to go into work.  Where we spent the morning at the beach and splashed each other in the ocean.  Drove to a nearby comic con or just spent the day playing video games.  The pain continues but the amount of love and hope I have to hold you again do wonders for me.  You are the one gift I truly would do anything for.  I've caused enough pain for this karma to hurt me back but I am struggling to handle it.  I love you Megels with everything inside of me.  I miss you so much I still believe I'll see you walking down the street every morning.  I want to live with you even when we're ghosts.  Love is crazy.  For you, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I want you Megels, and my heart will only beat for you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sleepless Nights Without You

Didn't sleep well at all, all I can think about is you and what's been going on.
I really miss you a lot.
My mind is filled with wondering if you think about me at all.
If you miss us at all.
Karma for hurting you is coming back at me in painful ways.
I miss hearing your voice so very much.
I miss being on your team Megels.
I've been having stomach pains a lot recently and the only comfort are our memories.
The best sleep I am able to get is when I fall asleep thinking of you.
I'm so sorry for what I have done.
The cold bites at me while I imagine the warmth of holding you close.
I remember how I would make you laugh and hearing your giggles.
The way my clothes looked on your body.
I miss waking up to hearing you starting to play a game.
Halloween is approaching and I keep looking at your picture in the witch costume.
Debating on calling off of work to just curl up and be away from the world.
It's becoming very difficult for me.
I miss visiting you at work and bringing you flowers.
Last night was awful and ended in just more tears.
Life has become overwhelming and I miss being able to see you to clear it all.
You're the hand I want to hold while the autumn leaves fall around us.
The beautiful angel I want to tuck in warmly at night next to me.
I miss sharing my day with you and all the things that happened.
Hearing you say hold on while you switched the phone to the car.
Music doesn't seem the same without you singing all the lyrics to me.
I saw someone with a Supernatural backpack come into work and it made me smile for you.
There's so much I want to share with you, so much to catch up on.
I worry I'm making myself too sick from all of this around me.
The days still pass by without you.
Do our inside jokes still pass through your head
Do you still wish it was me sitting next to you at our special place
I miss driving down the main road down there with you.
The lights reflecting off of your skin, your hand out the window.
The music is playing to set the mood and there are barely any other cars out.
Your princess keys dangling from the ignition.
The angel with the Star Wars decals in her back window.
Tonight I weep and wish and pray once again.
For I still believe that the light at the end of the tunnel is you.
Greeted with the familiar hey darlin.
For I will never give up on you my love.
No matter how long or what it takes.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xxoxoxoxxxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox

Painful News, Missing You Near Me

I sit here tonight in a bit of a shock and kind of in a frozen state unable to even produce emotion.  Added in to my extreme missing of you Megels, I have been told tonight that my father has cancer.  It's something I never thought I'd ever be typing let alone even acknowledging it being a thing.  I don't know what to say or even how to react.  It's something you never think about ever happening.  More testing will be done this coming Tuesday so I will know more then but for now, I'm in a bit of a shocked state laying here with an ever growing cramping in my stomach making me feel sicker.  What I would give to have you by my side right now to be there and hold you.  Your voice always had a way to soothe me and get me through anything.  It hasn't been easy.  Every day is a bit of a struggle with sadness and loneliness without you.  I continue to pray every night, something I didn't do much of in my past but find more strength in now.  Tonight is no different except my prayers are stronger.  First for my dad who I can't imagine what he must be feeling right now.  He raised me and is responsible for the many interests I have in my life from comic books, movies, art, and most things nerdy.  One of my favorite memories I have of us when I was younger was when we would be out running errands or shopping, he would stop at this one gas station and go in and pick us both up a pack of Marvel trading cards.  We would each open ours up and see what we got and compare and trade to help each other build complete sets.  The different artworks of all the characters was always fascinating to me and the cards I never got my hands on I would always go peek at in his binder that he kept his in.  Anytime after that when I would see the missing cards I would immediately equate them to my dad.  Years later I have the complete set and in great condition in a little box that I will never get rid of.  They aren't just old trading cards of superheroes, they are a memory of me and my dad that just us shared.  I really hope this is a way for it to be taken care of and not take him from me too early of a time.  The way things are going lately I need all the strength I can muster and I am really struggling.  If there was a time I needed you most it would be now.  I miss you darlin.
First a section for my dad.
Get better dad, I will never think anything of you than a great person.  The millions of memories we shared I continue to think about to this day.  The night when you almost beat Fester's Quest on NES and died at the last boss.  Playing Mario Kart on SNES and you yelling at the other racers.  All the T-shirts you painted designs on for me.  You took my first comics I made to work and laminated them and bound them together so they would be like real comics.  All the action figures you got and later glued back the pieces I broke off of them.  Staying up late watching Mystery Science Theater and eating bbq fritos.  You couldn't be a better dad and that's why I know you'll pull through.  You'll always have me.
And for you Megels,
I miss you dearly.  I'm struggling lately and it would mean the universe to me to be able to see you, hear you, be with you.  I would drop everything and come straight to you to have our romantic weekend that I promised you at Universal.  Getting a hotel room again and just snuggling up under the sheets and holding you again.  I can't think of any feeling that can replicate the feeling I got when my hands were on your body.  Shared interests are so important and you are the only person who shared each and every one of them with me.  I know I haven't been the best and made some huge god awful mistakes....but I love you more than anyone.  It pains me to think of our apartment and our nights together, I want them back so badly.  I loved our place.  I hope you still look at the painting of the couple in the park, the day of the dead canvases, and the Nicole Kidman art I made you.  I hope you think of me and your heart remembers and hopes that we can come back to our real future.  No matter how bad things seem to be getting here, one thing always remains a constant.  That is my love for you and hope that one day I'll hear your voice calling me back to you once again.  I can't erase what I've done but I can spend the rest of my life making it up to you.  You are my soul mate through and through.  I love you darlin dew drop, you are my turkey leg.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo

A Vampiric Love Story Inspired by my Love

The night was humid but a cool breeze was coming in through the window.  The long curtains rolled through each gust of wind trying their best to reach out to the bed.  That's where she slept.  A radiant vision of beauty in a lace gown, her eyes closed in slumber.  Megels was beautiful without question and the perfect portrait of peaceful.  Her chest moved up and down with each breath, small beads of sweat were forming from the humid air but quickly cooling down from the open balcony window.  Moonlight was bright enough to fill the room with pillars of blue, illuminating her body and every curve hidden under the sheet.  In her restful state, she absentmindedly pulled the sheet lower to allow more cool air to hit her skin.  She had no idea the invitation she had just put out.  The noise was too far to hear at first, but gaining in volume as the form made its way closer to her window.  Chirping at first as its wings smacked at the air bringing it closer.  Once it was under the moonlight, it began to change shape into a more human appearance.  Two feet gently settle down onto the floor of her balcony and peered into the vast room.  The ceilings were high and her bed decorated in a way that it was almost gift wrapped for him.  He licked his lips in anticipation of what lie before him.  When he walked over to her bed, not a sound escaped from his steps almost as if he was gliding over to her.  Once he reached her bed he saw that she was more appetizing than he first thought.  She rolled her head to one side and let out a small little coo that rippled through his body.  He was instantly in love.  How could someone so beautiful not be like him?  Well, tonight he was going to fix that.  It had been too long that he had been without her.  Every night a nightmarish reminder that his beloved was here in this world while he was out there agonizing with this curse.  This would allow them to be together.  He looked over to her nightstand and saw framed pictures on every surface.  Friends, family, and.....us.  She still kept them up.  His heart, though not functioning, yearned in his chest giving him emotions he hadn't felt in a very long time.  Her heart, very much functioning, beat steadily in her slumber as his eyes followed her creamy neck closely and saw the very beats in her veins.  Intoxicated by it, he smelled her and was taken back to when he was in bed with her.  Before the curse.  They would laugh into the deep hours of the night and would end the night with her in his arms.  A tear almost made its way out of his eye as he remembered the better times.  In just a few moments, she would be like him and they would be able to spend the rest of their lives together.  Her skin glistened in the moonlight and he felt his teeth growing into razor sharp points.  He took her hand in his, his stomach turning into knots.  He never thought he would be able to hold her hand again.  Closing the distance between them, he placed his lips on her neck and gently kissed her.  She moved a little and a strand of hair fell over her nose.  She has a smile that crinkles her nose up that drives him crazy.  He couldn't wait any longer, he wanted her now.  Sinking his teeth into her neck, he punctured her artery and began to suck out every drop of blood that issued forth.  Megels opened her eyes in shock and let out a small gasp.  But by the time she could even process what was happening, she had lost too much blood and fell back to her pillow, eyes closing.  He felt the energy drain out of her as her hand went limp in his.  He removed himself and looked at her lifeless body among the sheets.
"I've missed you my darling.  Living an immortal life is a Hell I could never have imagined without you by my side."
He waited patiently to let the effects of the curse take effect.  In just a few moments, her chest began to rise and fall again slowly as she regained herself.  Her eyes opened in confusion before settling upon him standing there.
"Edward?"
"My darling, how i have missed you so."
"What happened?  Where have you been?"
"I have been....away....I had contracted an illness."
"I'm so sorry, are you alright?"
"I am now my love."
She winced a little and grabbed her neck.  When she pulled her hand away she saw drops of blood.  She was smart enough to put two and two together.
"You....you bit me?"
"It's what you asked for."
"Does that mean...?"
"We are one and the same now.  Never having to part again."
She couldn't help but smile.
"Wow, that's incredible.  I missed you so much, teach me how to be like you."
"It's not easy at first but you'll get the hang of it."
"Will I get extra marks if I sleep with the teacher?"
"Well, it wouldn't go against your grade if you did."
They both smiled and when she crinkled her nose he practically fell over.  They kissed and she pulled him into bed with her, their bodies against one another's.  He kissed down her chest and on each breast until she couldn't take it any longer.  They made love passionately under the moonlight.  When it was over she laid on him just the way he remembered.
"Never leave me again Edward, I missed you too much."
"Megels, you never have to worry about that.  You're mine now and I can't wait to show you what we can do."
She smiled and pulled him back under the sheets.  The moon shined overhead waiting.  Waiting for the moment to bask them in the brightest light there was.  Words echoed up to the sky.
"I love you Megels.  Tonight we start out new life together and I will make sure every day is filled with smiles from you dew drop.  No matter what I have to do.  Always."

Love, Your Edward
xxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

In Love with Player Two

When the adventure gets tough and the many lands are filled with enemies, who else would I want by my side to take them all on.  Whether it is together or my quest to save you, I'll always do whatever it takes to experience it with the best player two there ever was.
If you are captured by Ganon, I will traverse the entire land of Hyrule on my steed Epona to find and rescue you.
If a giant evil turtle Bowser kidnaps you in the middle of the night, I will jump through every pipe and catch every power star to search every castle to find you.
Any race that needs to be beaten, we shall gear up our karts in every way possible to win together.  You with Diddy by plane and me with Toad by car.
If an evil witch Gruntilda locks you away and I have to collect every feather to fly to save you, me and Kazooie will snatch up every single one.
If you are taken by ghosts and locked behind a painting, I will gather all the courage I have and my trusty flashlight and vacuum and suck up every ghost to find you, all the while shouting "Megellllls"
Me and Uncle Scrooge will bounce on our walking sticks to the moon to find you and bring you all the jewels.
If a zombie apocalypse breaks out, there will be nothing in my way to keep me from creeping around scary mansions and run down cities to find you.
If we are Sims, I will do every job I can so you can have the dream house you've always wanted and make sure nothing in the bathroom floods and the kitchen doesn't catch fire.
I will construct a giant robot to fight any threat with my Mystical Ninja pal to run through the hills to find you.
No matter where you bubble up, I will jump to the highest heights to pop you out so we can continue our adventure together.
If we are forced to do battle in Mortal Kombat, I will never fatality you so that I can see your pretty face in the next battle again.
While you cook up some amazing food with MaMa, I will don an apron next to you so we can start our own business, Cooking Man.........that one was lame.
After choosing what color we each want our lightsabers to be, we will take on the empire ourselves and bring peace to the galaxy.
I want to swing through the city of NY with you in my arms as Spider-Man and his beautiful girl as the wind blows through your hair.
I will dress in the toughest of Batman outfits and punch my way through every asylum to rescue you from the Joker's insanity.
We will take every magic class together and kiss under the Whomping Willow as our little Lego selves with Potter nearby.
Whatever dangers we may face, I will make sure you always get the power up first to make sure you will make it to the end.
No boss is tough enough to take us down and we will have pockets full of continues if need be.
We will wear colored bandannas and weapons of choice as we turtle it up and fight off the evil threats of the Shredder.
Whatever world you would end up in, no matter what keyblade I'll have to retrieve, no matter how far the distance, I will unlock all the doors to the Kingdom Hearts to find you.
No game will be too tough.
No adventure too far.
Everything is always possible with you as my player two.
I miss you with controller in hand next to me darlin.
My heart waiting for you to press that start button one more time.
I love you sweetness.
With you I'll never see the dreaded, Game Over.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxxoxoxoxoxx

You Aren't Just Another Pretty Face in the Crowd

You aren't just a chapter of my book that has been read.
You aren't just a section of happiest moments in my life.
You are the most important in my life.
You are the sun that all my planets revolve around.
You don't mean nothing or just a passing wonderment.
The qualities and feelings you stand for rise above all others.
You aren't just the pretty girl spotted across a crowded room.
You're the girl who showed me true love like the movies existed.
You aren't meant to be the one that got away.
When my heart dreams of the perfect soul mate it is without a doubt always you.
You are the one that made me believe that anything was possible.
That when days are dark,all I had to do was think of you and it would be okay.
You are the sweetest person God ever created.
The girl I never thought in my wildest dreams existed.
You aren't just a footnote in the story of my life.
You aren't just another girl I was lucky enough to have met.
You are the real deal, the honest to goodness real article.
You aren't fake and wear your heart on your sleeve.
The one person I can always count on to make the world a better place with just a smile.
Your hand designed to fit perfectly into mine.
You are the perfect symphony that tugs at all of the heart strings.
When asked what love looks like I will always answer that it's you.
The girl who inside misses being called Megels.
You aren't just a friend when it counts but you are the best friend anyone could ask for.
You are the best reoccurring dream I am blessed to experience every night.
I know I am going to have a good sleep when it is you that runs through my mind.
You are the girl who relished knowing she could be her real self with me.
You aren't a too late that's been passed.
When I think of my future, it always involves you by my side.
You're that one rose that grows in the middle of all the sunflowers.
My favorite film on repeat.
I sing my favorite songs louder than usual in hopes that in some way you hear me.
You are a warm bed after the sheets have just come out of the dryer.
You're my muse.
You're my will.
You're who I would do anything to hold once more.
You are love made real.
And I love you with my heart and soul.
Always.

Miss you so much dew drop
Every single day.

Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxxooxoxoxo

Missing You So Much Dew Drop

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Nights of Love Over the Phone

The bus seemed to be taking its time that night and the only thing he could think of while it was drumming along was the fact that one he was safe and warm inside, he could hear that familiar ringing and answer the phone to the most beautiful girl he knew.  Every street light that passed lit up his face and he made sure to keep a look out for his street coming nearer.  Fiddling with the phone in his pocket he opened the menu to just take a look at her name and what time it was.  He couldn't help but try and picture what she might be doing at that moment and he began to almost hop up and down in his seat.  The closer he got to his street the more he got excited.  His street was coming into view and he got up ringing the bell and made his way up to the front of the bus.  Once off he walked as fast as he could to get down to his house in the cold.  The phone was weighty in his hand and he was hoping it would ding again so he could get another message from her.  The sounds of his footsteps were all that he heard in the quiet of the cold night.  The air was biting at his nose every time he breathed but he knew that in just a few moments he would be able to see and talk to her.  When he reached his home, the warmth inside was welcoming and immediately brought his body to a temperature he was happy with.  First he put his bag down and turned on all the lights and the heater that he was going to sit next to.  Before he went any further, he started cooking his dinner of some chicken and vegetables and began to already think of what he was going to say to her.  Once everything was in place, he set up his camera at an angle so he would be in good view while sitting on the floor next to the heater.  It wasn't long before he heard the ringing of facetime that brought a smile to his face.  Pressing answer never felt so good.  The screen popped up and there was her smiling face.  She was sitting on her new couch that she had bought and had her own dinner with her.  Her beautiful brown eyes were a sight he looked forward to every single night and her greeting was like the opening theme to the best concert ever performed.
"Hey darlin."
He almost passed out with the rush of happiness and butterflies that filled him inside and out.
"Hey there sweetness."
"How was your day?"
"Boring, callers hate me but I'm all good now that I am home and talking to you."
"Be better if you were here with me."
"I could never argue that.  Whatcha doing tonight?"
"Watching New Girl and eating some dinner.  Sammy won't leave me alone about it."
A small white dog came into view looking over her shoulder and stared longingly at her food that she had in front of her.  As he ate, he took many glances at her too, all of his focus on her eyes.  The nights were always spent together chatting and sharing stories about work and what news was going on about Star Wars or Supernatural.  His favorite part was seeing her light up talking about the things she loved and dissecting what they could about certain subjects.  She had a theory about the new movie coming out and he had his own and it was interesting to figure out where they were both coming from.  He carried the phone with him if he left the room and she watched him take care of the dishes and the cat litter, commenting on his butt when he would bend down to scoop.  Some nights they would watch a movie together and try and sync them up through Netflix and others he would stream a game he was playing so she could watch and help him out if he got stuck.  The bond that they shared every night was a strong and rare one that made getting through any work day seem like nothing at all when this was the reward.  If he needed art supplies he would bring her with him on the drive and play a game where she would have to guess what song he was playing just by a few seconds and each time she would amaze him at just how much she knew.  The end of the night was something he never wanted to come but it was one of his favorite parts.  They would lie down while still on the phone and she would pull the sheets up and her face would be lit by her phone screen.  The night was winding down and he would have given anything to be there with her in that bed again.
"I'm getting tired darlin, I'm gonna head to bed."
"I wish I was there to tuck you in and kiss you."
"Me too."
"I miss you sweetness."
"I miss you too, when are you coming back down?"
"I don't know but I want to.  I want to lay with you and kiss you and hold you."
"Well then you'd better get your butt moving."
They shared a smile and stared into one another's eyes.  He could have stayed in that moment forever.
"Goodnight darlin."
"Goodnight sweetness."
Every night he stayed on until she fell asleep in front of him.  Once she was completely asleep he would wait a few moments and then hang up the phone.  There was something absolutely beautiful and calming about it that was the perfect way to end any and every night.  He plugged his phone in to charge and turned off the light, getting under the sheets himself.  He said a silent goodnight to her out loud and shut his eyes.  Happy to have had her the last thing on his mind.
I miss you and love you dew drop.  What I would give for those nights again with you.
Next to you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A Lucky Night Under the Stars

He wasn't a fan of these parties but there always seemed to be one that was happening every weekend.  Usually he didn't go to them as he never really knew anyone and he was spending so much time being a wallflower that he may as well have just worn wall paper to the party ahead of time.  Tonight didn't seem to be any different and he was already feeling some anxiety about going.  The night wasn't as cold as it had been lately so that was a plus and the walk over wasn't too far.  He liked walking to places if they weren't too far as a way to sort of trick himself into believing that it was good exercise for him.  As he walked over, the stars above him made him feel extra lonely, seeing how many of them were up in the sky and nobody next to him to watch along too.  The sun had long gone to bed for the night.  When he arrived at the apartment, he could already hear the music inside and people talking to one another in volumes that showed no regard to neighbors in every direction.  Greeted by the one person he knew, he came inside and immediately tried to find a good spot to blend into the background.  Drinks were passed around but he never partook, taking a cup of water with him rather quickly to at least show he did have a drink so people would quit offering.  In front of him was a sea of people all involved in their own conversations with one another on all manner of subjects.  Would it be rude to leave already?  It confused him to no end why he still came to these but it was a friend and those were rare these days.  Looking out the window he saw those same stars looking down on him and he felt even lonelier than before.  That's when he felt something that ran through his body and fluttered something deep inside of him.  Something he hadn't really felt before and began looking around to see if there was something causing this new feeling.  Almost as if on queue, people parted in front of him and he saw her standing there near the wall talking to someone.  She was beautiful.  From where he was he could see that she was his height, brown hair, and was wearing a shirt of a handsome rugged man holding a prison number sign with the words Supernatural underneath.  He couldn't take his eyes off of her, the longer he looked the more beautiful she became.  The party around him seemed to lower in volume and begin to move in slow motion.  Finally, going to all of these uncomfortable parties seemed to have paid off.  When he finally gathered enough courage to at least walk closer to her, he found himself standing almost right next to her against the wall.  Her friend walked away leaving her there standing next to him and suddenly he forgot how to speak.  Did you breath while doing it?  Did you use your tongue?  Which language??  When she turned to face him, she put on a smile that practically melted his knees into butter.
"Hey."  She said in a voice he couldn't believe existed.
"Hey, I don't think I've seen you here before."
"Yeah, no I don't come often.  She begs me every time but usually I'm able to get out of it."
"Yeah, me too."  Realizing the way he said it wasn't quite believable.
There was a small awkward silence for a beat and in a panic as to not let her get away he blurted out the first thing that came into his head.
"Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck Man but they were afraid that it would get vandalized and turned into a swear word so they changed it to Pac-Man?"
What in the world did he just say?  Where did that come from?  She wasn't looking horrified though, that was a plus.  In fact, she looked...intrigued.  That's new.
"I didn't know that.  Makes sense though."
She responded with interest!  Now what?  God, she's pretty.  Her name.  Ask her her name.
"I'm Edward by the way."
"Meg."
Gorgeous name.  Okay, now what.  He thought and thought and thought but nothing came to him at all.  He was stuck and the panic was setting in again.  Got her name and said something crazy that actually didn't go south, so now what?
"Not so cold out tonight."
Smooth.
"Yeah, I hate the cold, I'm loving the warmer night actually."
Okay, maybe it actually was smooth.  Time to take the jump.
"Too loud in here, I know they have a balcony if you'd like to feel that weather with me."
Feel that weather?  What does that mean?
"Sure."
Huh....you know what, you seem to know what you're doing.  I'll just watch I guess.
They exited the crowded interior and made their way out onto the balcony where it was warmer and quieter.  They stood next to each other while looking up at the stars.
"It's beautiful out here.  I could look at the stars all night."
"Me too."  Only he was looking at her.
She turned her head and blushed when she noticed he was looking at her.  They spoke to one another about their lives and found out that they shared most of their interests and with each one that came up they delved into a conversation that could have gone on forever.  The late hours were turning in and they were both showing signs of fatigue.
"I think I'm going to head in and make my way home, it's getting pretty late."
"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty sleepy.  Great night with you though."
"Yeah I had a lot of fun."
"Would....would it be alright if I got your number to keep talking to you?"
She thought for a moment and then gave a little smile.  "sure."
While she wrote he had to use everything inside of him not to scream with joy.  Any feelings of being tired were gone.
"Sweet, hope you sleep well."
"You too darlin."
She walked in and before she closed the door she looked back and met his eyes with a beautiful smile.  He turned back up to the stars and smiled.
"Thanks guys, she's one in a million."

Miss you darlin dew drop.  So many things I want to share with you and do with you.  Wish you were here with me now cuddled up in warmth.  I love you with everything inside of me.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoox

Holding After a Long Trip

The feelings of fear and anxiety had risen quite high during the last twenty four hours of that day.  He was about to do something he had never done before and never thought he would ever do.  A larger part of him was excited though, he had wished and hoped for this outcome and when it presented itself he could hardly believe it.  She called him miles and miles away to video chat him and the conversation was normal for a bit until she got a curious smile on her face that made his heart skip a beat.  As he looked into her eyes on that little screen, she said the words that brought him out of a slump that he never thought he would get out of.
"I was thinking, I really like it here and feel like I can clear my head and breathe and was thinking that once we get down here we could try us again."
He didn't show it but in his head he jumped up out of his bed and danced a jig that anyone around him would be embarrassed just to see.  A smile spread across his face that anyone miles around could see.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I miss you and I really feel good here."
She would be home weeks later and during that time he would start to get himself prepared for what would be the biggest step of his life. 
She's the kind of girl that all the love stories are written about.
The girl that you run after the train or bus as it's driving away.
Nice warm days are created so everyone can feel her warmth.
There aren't enough days in the world to ever truly describe the happiness she evokes.
The drive down was a sad one because he had never seen his parents be sad like that.  He couldn't understand why they wouldn't want him to be happy and follow what he wanted.  She was a prime example of pure heart the entire way and always checked on him and asked if there was anything she could do to help.  Her voice always found a way to soothe him and it wasn't long before he was feeling much calmer about the whole trip.  At every rest stop they embraced and when they slept overnight at one, they called and bid their good nights over the phone with cars next to one another.  For something so big and different for him, she went out of her way to make sure it was okay and was was always there for him.  You couldn't find a better or more caring person.
Her beauty is unmatched and every time I look at her picture I melt.
Every day just seems like life is on hold until I can hold her again to start our adventure.
I miss you like crazy darlin, that much is always true.
Once they had gotten all of their belongings into the apartment, it was a surreal experience.  Boxes were littered everywhere and the bed was set up.  Nerves were high and patience was thin but they managed to end the night together.  Sitting on the floor eating Boston Market and sharing an experience together.  This was something big they both did with no parents and would rely on each other to make it through.  That night as he laid in bed in the dark, he felt her clutch on to him like they were trying to stay together out in a boundless ocean.  That was all it took for him and he could feel all the stress of it all falling right off of him. 
To feel you laying on me is a heaven that no dream can match.
The way you lay and hold on, I try not to fall asleep for a while just so I can savor the moments awake holding you.
Saying goodnight Megels and kissing her was the icing on an already delicious cake.  It was in that moment that it cemented in his mind that he knew exactly what he wanted his future to be.
Her.
Ever since first seeing you I knew inside that there was something truly special about you.
I have not stopped thinking of you since and every day I hold on to hope that one day I'll be able to relive that moment again.  I have not been as happy as I was with you down there with anything in my life since.  You are the definition of soul mate and there's no place I'd rather be than standing in front of your door, flowers in hand, ready to pick up our fun adventure together.  You said you'd always love me and missed everything we did.  I'm right here Megels dew drop and I'm not going anywhere.  You are the most amazing, beautiful, most wonderful hearted geeky nerdy person I've ever met and I can't imagine a future without you in it.
You are the light of my life.
I love you sweetness.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxooxoxoxo

I Sit Here Missing You

Megels I write this tonight to you.
I miss you a lot and miss having your ear to share my days and thoughts with.
I miss the nights where we would spend time through video making each other laugh.
I sit here wondering if you've been keeping up with all the things we would talk about.
All the things that you had fun interests in your whole life.
I want to watch Supernatural with you and go see the boys at a con for a picture.
I want to share theories on where Star Wars is going to go.
Every time I sit down to do anything I still feel you sitting next to me.
The way our bodies slid to one another's and the warmth between us.
While I play a game at night without your eyes watching me like you loved to do.
I wonder if you are playing Luigi's Mansion, Sims, or Animal Crossing.
It was heartwarming to hear you say that you missed watching me play and liked it.
Harley and Quinn are growing up and I miss the day you were experimenting with the camera in our apartment taking pics of them.
I think about you every day and there is at least one thing a day that I wish I could turn to my right and talk to you about.
I have ideas for the Etsy store and what movies I'm going to make and I want you to be such a big part of each.
You always were my biggest supporter and cheerleader and I miss having that around.
You are the one person I truly felt fulfilled inside when I did something that made you happy.
The proudest moment in my life was anytime i was able to make you laugh.
I was talking to someone the other day and they asked what my happiest moment of my life was.
My answer was when we were checking out the ring you wanted and how you would say that I already knew the answer was yes.
Runner up was anytime I made you laugh.  You have the most adorable laugh that can soothe anything.
I still stream games in hopes that you watch like when you watched Batman.
I want to try and go to the big Comic Con next year and the one thing that will make it the best ever is having you go as my date.
My faith and hope still goes out in wishes that my words reach you.
Reading your letter everyday I have it pretty much committed to memory at this point.
My life down there with you in our apartment is the heaven of my life and one that I would give anything to go back to.
I wish I was a genius that invented a time machine to go back in time so I could fall for you again for the first time.  I thought life was hell before you but that's nothing compared to the hell life is without you.
I miss you darlin dew drop, so very much.
I sit here and wonder how much you think about us and our memories.
All our special place Universal trips and trials and tribulations of starting a new life miles away.
Tonight I watch Banjo-Kazooie for you.
Tonight I kiss your forehead goodnight before I fall asleep in a bed alone.
Tonight I dream of us and the adventure of a lifetime.
Tonight my love for you grows ever stronger.
I love you darlin
My heart is yours and ready for your hand.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Comic Cons instead of Concerts

A beautiful girl by no other name than Megels.
A name that when heard brings tingles and butterflies to my body and stomach.
Any wonderous dream is immediately thought possible when she is around.
There aren't many people that can make you feel like whatever you are doing is the right thing.
You add touches to the things you do because she influences you in the best of ways.
You stop saying I and begin using 'we' and 'us' on a more regular basis.
She gives you the feeling that you have accomplished a milestone in your life.
She is the girl that it is all worth it.

She got herself ready in the mirror preparing for the day.  She had gone to a couple of these things before but never actively participated in quite this way before.  Being a fan of pop culture, she always enjoyed taking a trip to one of the comic cons and being amazed at what fans created and who would show up to meet.  Today she was a little nervous but was excited the same as she was going to dress as a character this time.  Being hesitant at first, she made a little list of characters she either wanted to dress as, didn't take a lot of work, or just plain looked like.  He suggested Spider-Gwen or Mary Jane as he was going to dress as Peter Parker changing into Spider-Man but she did a little more digging and came across a couple others she was interested in.  The first that caught her eye was X23 from the X-Men comics as she looked a bit like her and it would be neat to dress as a dangerous little Wolverine clone.  But, after some deliberation she finally decided that she was going to go as princess Leia.  Both as a lifelong dream because she had a crush on Harrison Ford but also as a little memorial to Carrie Fisher who had passed away.  Plus, if she did say so herself, she looked damn good in the outfit.  Attaching the bun-like hair to her head, she giggled a little to herself and muttered quietly to the mirror.  "You're my only hope."  Blushing a little she did a turn to see herself from a few angles and then came out into the apartment hallway to the living room where he sat waiting.  Looking like a nerd cosplaying as Spider-Man, he fit the part perfectly and his eyes immediately jumped from what he was doing to the sexy Leia who had just walked into the room.
"Wow, you look amazing!"
"Thanks, I never thought I'd be able to do this."
"You pull it off perfectly!"
He immediately took a photograph and ran over to put his arms around her.  His hands explored her body and poked and prodded where he could, admiring the attention to detail and her hair buns.
"This is going to be the only time I'll be able to say I just kissed Princess Leia."
"You're so cheesy."
"You love it."
He kissed her and she kissed more passionately and almost forgot that they had somewhere to be.  They detached and gathered up everything they were going to be taking with them and made their way to the car.  The drive there was quick and with extra added fun with the different passerbys looking into the windows to see the dressed up characters.  Along the way they played Harry Potter trivia and counted all the landmarks that they were used to passing.  Thankfully there weren't any accidents on the way like there usually was on that road.  The drive was half the fun and it was in no time that they made it to the venue.  The held hands and practically skipped up to the entrance of the convention.  As they walked they saw the many other people dressed as their favorite characters.  There were Deadpools, Supernatural characters, other Spider-Men, anime characters and many Star Wars characters.  Tickets given, they entered the hall and their eyes took in the large space ahead of them with all manner of items, art, and people having a wonderful day.
"You ready my princess?"
"Super excited Spider-Man."
The rest of the day was spent walking from table to table seeing everything that people were selling and showing off.  They saw all sorts of things from their childhood including toys, movies, and so much art they were both in heaven.  A few things would catch her eyes here and there and she was a little glad she didn't have a ton of money to spend because she would have spent a fortune.  They met a few celebrities while they were there too including the actor who played the black ranger on power rangers and got a pic with him once again.  Comments were directed their way with compliments on both of their outfits with a few wanting to take pictures for themselves.  All in all it was one of the best times they had had together.  After the few hours were up they left the building with smiles on their faces.  Their hands together again and swinging as they walked back to the car.
"That as really fun, I"m so glad you take me here to cons instead of concerts."
"I'll never forget your letter dew drop."
"We have to see when the next one is, I have an idea of what I want to be next time."
"Me too, I love you so much Megels."
"I love you more."
Comic cons are made way better with you by my side, experiencing our shared interests all at once.  You are the best person to ever walk into my life and I will be right here waiting to continue that adventure with you darlin no matter what.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxox

True Love Under the Sunset

Down by the blue waves is where she sat, her toes dug halfway into the sand.  The crystals laid all over the tops of her feet to resemble a tan gradient that was climbing to her ankles.  The sun was halfway set which brought the temperature down to a nice perfect relaxed atmosphere.  The breeze from the waves coasted off of each one and flew to where her hair awaited it.  She had most of it in a ponytail but the few strands that did escape danced in that breeze like a sail ready to take a boat on its first journey.  She was beautiful, that was without question.  Her skin was soft and smooth and rivaled porcelain with its attraction.  From being under the sun so frequently, there was a line of freckles that stretched from one cheek to the other and forming a bridge over her nose.  It was adorable and cute and one of my most favorite things my eyes were lucky to see.  Waves crashed calmly in front of her, each one taking a turn at diving into the sand.  The back and forth created a melodic sound that would calm any nerve and brought peace with it at the twilight hour.  She wiggled her toes a little in the sand to bring her toes up from underneath to get a peek at what was going on up above.  They blended in even more due to the fact that she had chosen not to color the nails recently.  She sat on her towel and leaned back on her palms to look out over the horizon at the wondrous painting in front of her.  If there were any better place to feel perfectly at peace, she didn't know about it.  Not many people came through this part of the beach which was one of the reasons she came to this spot.  It only added to the tranquility of the area and didn't distract any from peering out to the sun's final day's rest.   A car pulled into the lot behind the beach and he got out carrying a rose and a blanket of his own.  He stood a moment with his hand on the door just looking out to find her.  She looked tiny out amongst the beach with nothing but sand around her for miles.  This must be where artists get their inspirations, from moments and views like these.  Walking down the boardwalk to the edge of the sand was quick and once he reached the end he removed his shoes and began his trek to meet her.  As he walked he quietly thanked everything above for bringing her into his life and giving him the chance to make her smile.  The sand made his footsteps silent and as he approached her, he took another moment to stop and admire her.  She was beautiful.  The curve of her back led smoothly to her bottom and the way her hair moved in the wind was a silent mating call that only he could hear.  Beside her he saw her purse and sunglasses.  He rolled the stem of the rose in his hand and shook himself out of his daze to resume his approach.  It took everything inside of him not to start giggling with anticipation and excitement.  The closer he got the more things he thought of that he wanted to do with her and places to take her.  Almost as if a hidden sense told her, she turned and looked back behind her.  There he was, standing in his swim shorts and Star Wars shirt holding a rose and a towel.  To anyone else it would just look like a nerd trying to fit into a romantic scene but to her it was what she loved most of all.  The sand kicked up around his feet and his eyes were firmly on her, never wavering.  As if on cue, both of them grew the biggest smiles on their faces, only she added a crinkling of her nose to hers.  She knew he was waiting for her to say it, knew it was the favorite thing he loved to hear.  She could already see him anticipating it as he got closer.
"Hey darlin."
As soon as the last letter left her lips, she could see it physically hit him and he stood even more upright and happier.  He finally reached her and placed his towel next to hers and plopped himself inches away from her.
"Hey beautiful."
She couldn't lie, she looked forward to hearing that back as well.  He handed her the rose and gave her a kiss that made the rest of the world around them feel like it had frozen in time.
"It's beautiful."
"Beauty deserves beauty."
He was always full of cheesy lines but no matter how many times he said one, she still enjoyed them.  Taking up her hand, they inched closer until she rested her head on his shoulder.  The sun was just on the horizon now looking as if it was peeking out over the sea.  The last rays of the day creating a path of twinkling stars from its center to the couple.
"I feel truly happy and complete with you Megels."
She could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks making her blush.  Her hand tightened over his and both of them stared into the twinkling road in front of them.
"I'm so glad it's you."
He felt bad for a moment for a past that contained a version of himself that he was ashamed to have let himself become.  His eyes were taken from the now orange sun to the waves ebbing to and from.
"I wish I could take those painful years away.  I wish there was a way to go back in time and stop it, to be there waiting for you when you came home from work.  I should have never left.  It was just downhill ever since then.  I love you with every ounce of my being and I never want us to be in that situation again.  You make me happy to be alive."
"You hurt me and it did get real bad....at one point I did move on, I was furious with you.   Every time I would go to Universal or see something that we experienced, I would feel something inside of me drop.  I really do love you, I wish we hadn't lost so much time."
"I'm so sorry darlin, I know those words don't mean much but I promise to prove to you that you never have to feel that way again.  That every day will be filled with laughs, fun, and an adventure that everyone else will be jealous of."
The sky was getting darker and the tide was drifting off farther away from them.  She turned to look into his eyes and smiled in a way he rarely saw from her.
"Promise me you'll never let go again."
"I promise I will never ever let you go no matter what."
"Always?"
"Always."

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox

Hoping for Love at Your Door

This morning brought tears while thinking of you on the way to work.

The solution was easy as the more thoughts of you the better I felt.

The amount of things I could think of with you is a treasure chest full.

No matter when I think of any of them I feel better almost immediately.

The way you'd wear your bandannas in the summer and how your hair looked in them.

That feeling I had when you told me early on that you were wearing a wig.  The way you said it, the thoughts I had right away was that something may have been wrong and I didn't want to offend or make you feel bad or say something wrong.

The season doesn't feel right without us spending our traditions together.

Carving out pumpkins in my room as Mario characters while watching Big Bang on my laptop.

How proud we felt once we were done and stood taking pictures of our work.

Stepping outside into the backyard so you could have a cigarette.

Getting into the car to take you home and blasting the heat so we could stop shivering.

There's so much more I want to do with you darlin.

We never got to go to the Universal horror night even though we'd both be scared out of our minds.

I want to dress up with you in matching costumes and go to get togethers.

I still remember you being interested in cosplaying as X23 which I still think you're perfect for.

I think we'd look adorable as two Gryffindor students complete with wands and robes.

I miss hearing your voice during my day.

You have no idea the power it has and how great it made me feel.

When I'm driving and evening has set in, I feel like I'm driving down to see you.

Our drives visiting family while long, are some of the best memories.

I would give anything to road trip with you again, visit all the states and more.

Switching off and taking turns in the drivers seat.

While you tried to sleep I'd play a podcast that you got interested in.

You'd wake me up to tell me to drive because you were seeing houses go overtop the car.

There was a certain really beautiful feeling of parking in our apartment parking lot at night.  Getting out of the car and stretching our legs, super beat and tired.  Lugging our stuff out of the trunk and up to our door.  Seeing our place once the door opened.  Our place.  I will never forget how it looked, how it sounded, how it smelled.  The blinds to the balcony and the little kitchen light that shined over the stools lined in front of it.  We would be so tired we would just put all our stuff down, go to the bathroom and then just collapse into bed.  

I miss doing things with you so badly.

The fact that we have so much in common and share so many interests is something that is so rare.

Having been through the worst time of my life and seeing things from a different perspective, I can say that having so many common interests is so so so important.

I love how your face would light up when you showed me your Marvel shoes or the ninja turtle pencil topper that you had.  How excited you were to have old game consoles and play games from when you were growing up like Ducktales, Little Mermaid, and Mystical Ninja.  

Someone came into work the other day with a Supernatural backpack and I thought of you.  How we would have so much fun going to a Supernatural con.

I'd give anything to talk Star Wars with you right now as the new trilogy is about to come to a close.

I miss you so much dew drop.

Your letter gets me through more than you know.

Call me crazy but I still believe and hope as I sit in front of your door.

Love is crazy.

There's nobody like you and nobody I'd rather spend the rest of my life making happy.

I love you Megels.

I've never been so ready to come home and bring you the biggest smiles of your life.

You're the energy that keeps me going.

Always.

Love, Your Edward

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

The Best Dreams I Ever Had

Do you dream of me at night when you lay there under the stars?
When the lucky ones shoot down from the sky, do they grant wishes?
Do your dreams take you to places where I am waiting for you?
As I sit in the corner past all the noise and crowds, eyes locked on you.
No matter how dense or populated the floor is, I can always find you.
When you lay in bed do you ever wish it was me you were laying your head on?
The feeling of my chest breathing up and down lulling you to a deep sleep.
Do your legs miss being wrapped around me ever so tightly at night?
When I dream of you so often do your dreams line up with mine to meet me?
The dreams where I am looking for you, can you feel my search?
Many times you enter my dreamscape and every time I hunt down your heart.
The dreams never seem right until you are by my side, smiling.
I've looked for you in scary dreams, anxiety dreams, and dreams where we talk at dinner.
When you curl up in bed at night, do my dreams ever cross over into yours?
Missing the days when we laid together and I made you laugh until you fell asleep.
My hands covered in lotion moving up and down your back.
In the middle of the night do you ever wake and expect me to be there to hold you?
The bed is so much bigger without you in it, the pillows a lame placeholder for your body.
I still look to the window and wish you goodnight every evening.
That little breeze you feel before you close your eyes are my words reaching your ears.
My phone lays next to me at all hours of the night expecting to see your face pop up.
Just seeing it light up with the name Megels is like seeing your numbers hit in the lottery.
Does your heart relive our memories while you sleep?
Each moment, each laugh, each adventure played out in exactly the same way.
Watching Dean get scared of a mouse in Supernatural.
Playing your VHS of old Christmas specials for the holidays.
When we laid on the floor and watched the kittens eat and get used to the litter box.
Drawing in front of you and getting my passion back.
When I lay at night, the only thing that crosses my mind is you.
You keep me going and keep the fire of my passions and dreams alive.
The only thing missing is the other half of my world.
The short other half in the Zelda shirt who puts the phone camera up her nose while we talk.
The woman who showed me what being the best you can be looks like.
If ever you want to see a pure heart, just look in the mirror to see the purest of them all.
You are the one dream I'm glad to keep having night after night.
No matter what it is, I will always spend it looking for you.
I hope you still think of me and deep down read my words to you every day.
My nightmares are full of the mistakes I've made.
My happiest dreams are when I am holding your hand on our next adventure.
I miss you darlin dew drop, so very very much.
My dreams will continue to star my most favorite person in the world.
And my heart will continue to beat for your hand day after day.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox

Scary Month Made Better with Love

Halfway through the month of Halloween and I haven't had the heart to do anything Halloween-y without you.  I loved watching a scary movie a night with you and continue to recall the way you decorated the apartment.  My feet are being warmed by the blankets while I type away to you, the one thing that I look forward to most in the day.  A truck drives by outside and the familiar sounds of the highway behind our place echoes through my head.  A alphabet themed rundown of the scares is at the edge of my thoughts of you tonight.
A for the Amityville house that drove Ryan Reynolds crazy.
B for the blanket of Marilyn that we laid under while we watched the movies.
C for the Conjuring to spook us with a clap in total darkness.
D for dead spider girl coming back to life to scare me in the Evil Within.
E for Evil Dead watching with your Edward
F for Frankenstein and showing you one of the classics.
G for Grudge and watching the original Japanese version together.
H for watching Halloween every year on the holiday and not the Rob Zombie version.
I for I love you darlin dew drop.
J for the journey of watching a movie a day and posting it online after we watched them.
K for kissing you every moment I could through the whole scary month.
L for Little boy Dalton being searched for in Insidious
M for watching Mama in Megel's room in the dark to get in the atmosphere.
N for showing you Night of the Living Dead for the first time.
O for only one I want to spend every Halloween with for the rest of my life.
P for prettiest girl named Megels I could ever hope to meet.
Q for quickly watching something fun and happy after each movie.
R for the Ring with the scary long haired girl coming out of the television.
S for Sinister and the scariest thing we've ever seen making you jump out of your skin.
T for Tusk as being the one movie you couldn't get through at all and left halfway through.
U for underneath the covers we would hide if the movie was scary enough.
V for very scared to turn off any lights after watching the scary movies.
W for Woman in Black starring our favorite Harry Potter kid.
X for x-tra snuggles taking place those nights when we went to bed with you.
Y for you are the one my heart continuously beats for day after day.
Z for zombies that tried to eat my brains when I would walk to your house at night.

Halloween and the month of October holds such a special place for me.  Not only is it bday month for Megels, but it reminds me of watching movies with you and all the different ones we watched.  Seeing your decorations in the apartment and my favorite picture of all time.  You in your witch outfit waiting for the kids to come by to get the candy.  None came and I had to work so it was all a fail but that pic is amazing.  I miss you so much and continue my hopes to hold you again.  The outdoors may be cold but the thoughts of you keep me warmest of all.  Happiness is a Megels and my heart is happiest when it thinks of you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox

Beautiful Starts with an M

Tonight I thought of you while toiling away at work.

The many things I imagined we would do afterwards just you and this nerdy dork.

I counted down the hours of the day even though you wouldn't be here after.

Never matters to me, our many memories kept me going and full of laughter.

I miss you so much that I can still hear you saying darlin in my dreams.

My heart beating so hard for you I'm afraid it'll burst out of its seams.

The cold weather is nobody's favorite, keeping warm under a blanket.

As we game the night away we are surrounded by snacks as our own little banquet.

I think about what it would be like me and you in our own place.

Tidying up the dishes and making sure the door is locked before seeing your pretty face.

The rituals I would do in our apartment became a happiness associated with you.

I'd give anything to not be here under the blanket alone, nothing I wouldn't do.

The distance to you is far but not one I would think twice about making.

The closer to you and your beautiful smile would cure my heart from aching.

The radio played the theme from Harry Potter at work today and I just about cried.

Floods of memories of Universal and the games came in from every side.

There are so many of my interests that so closely remind me of us.

A new coworker's name is the same as yours so I still get to hear your name which is a plus.

The temperature recalls back to us keeping warm with your white spaceheater at home.

Having to get up to turn it off in the middle of the night it was so hot it could melt chrome.

I wonder if our memories still swim around in your head.

I'm ready to make more from comic cons to all our our inside jokes we said.

I want to make up for all the pain I have caused, hear you proclaim love again.

I would build a time machine just to go back to the night way back when.

Your letter keeps me going day in and day out no matter how awful I feel.

Your handwriting so personal, the way you call me dew drop making it all heal.

My heart knows that we are meant to be in so many ways and never be sad.

Way better than an opposite that doesn't share interests and looks like your dad.

I accept the pain and karma for all that I have caused, asking for forgiveness nightly.

You are a gift that angels are jealous of, wings displaying so brightly.

I miss hearing your voice on the phone and making faces to each other on face time.

Sending packages for holidays and writing things to you making sure it'll all rhyme.

I can honestly say the best and happiest time of my life was living with you.

Being through the worst has made me a stronger more confident person with a clear view.

The person I want on this journey with me through every moment in time.

Is the short nerd Megels, that darlin dew drop that makes me feel like my prime.

I love you so much and nothing has ever changed that no matter how much I stumbled.

When I left you that day, my heart has done nothing but crumbled.

I write these letters to you every single day.

All the things that if you were here with me I would say.

You are my soul mate, my best friend, my partner, my player two, my love.

A sea full of darkness and out of it flew you, my wonderful dove.

We fit so perfectly and I will never give up hope.

That someday the answer to could you ever be without me will be nope.

I love you Megels darlin, that will always stand true.

My heart still dreams of that day where I will be lucky to hear you say I do.

I miss you darlin, and I hope these words reach you.

I will be here for you every single day and every single night too.

Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxooxoxo

Cold Night for Warm Hearts

The temperature dropped overnight and the morning brought with it a chill that wasn't very welcome.  Inside, the heater tried its best to warm the room where the two of them slept.  The seasonal snow hadn't started falling yet but the light had that certain wintery look to it as it did its job during the day.  The room while not a living thing, eagerly awaited the two of them returning from their jobs and spending their time together while in the room.  He got home first and promptly made sure that the place was cleaned up and vacuumed because he liked to put a good impression on for her even though she had been over there a bunch of times.  The first time she had come over always went through his head while he was cleaning as a reminder of how much he cleaned for the first time.  She was so adorable and chills went through his body remembering how it felt when their arms rubbed together while he was showing her his art.  The way she looked at him was something he had never seen anyone do before.  Sure, actors in movies did it but this was the real thing.  He spent that whole night trying to put it all into words and was never able to.  Happy to be in a warmer indoor environment, he made sure to keep it that way by turning on a small heater that he kept close by the bed for the colder nights.  It was impossible not to giggle or skip around his place anticipating her arrival later.  He was glad he didn't have to close at work and was able to open up more time that night to spend with her.  When he did close, she would come visit him for a  little on her way home from work and seeing her come around that corner near the end of the day was the best reward for putting up with customers all day.  She would lean over the counter and talk about their days and what they wanted to do that night.  His coworker would come out periodically to joke debate about how Lord of the Rings was better than Star Wars.  An argument he had no chance with.  She was absolutely beautiful with her new coat and she wore a white winter cap that looked like it was made for her.  All he wanted to do was close up shop right there and spend the last moments of his work day just staring at her.   Making sure not to lose track of time, he finished up the cleaning and prepped what they would do that evening.  He had a little thing of putting up Christmas lights around the top of his room so that they were the only lights and it gave a calming seasonal feeling to him.  Tonight would be fun, they would play some Mario Brothers on the Wii and maybe even watch a movie.  The time was almost there and he tried to contain his childlike excitement.  He would say things out loud to hear how they sounded.
You look beautiful Megels.
I love you Megels.
I missed you so much today Megels.
He couldn't wait to see her smile and just be near her.  She let him know that she had arrived and parked outside and his parents had let her in.  It was only minutes before he heard her coming down the stairs and greeted her there.  She was wearing a big winter coat and looked excited but nervous.  He led her in and they kissed and he was super excited to start their night.  But the surprise was on him.  She told him to sit on the bed, she had something to show him.  He did so and watched her unzip her coat revealing the sexiest lingerie he had ever seen.  He quickly noticed that the room got much warmer than before.  She had never been able to wear something like that before and had bad experiences with it in the past so that explained the nervous look on her face.  But that was nothing to him, all he saw was a sexy, gorgeous girl in front of him.  She climbed on top of him and they kissed, his hands feeling all over her.  It wasn't long before the outfit was tossed aside and they made love under the rainbow of lights.  The rest of the night was a mix of fun, laughs, and more kisses.  They played Mario until her eyes were giving her too many issues and they finished the night watching a movie.  Laying in bed he held on to her until he heard her sleeping and then spent the rest of the night just holding her. 
Moments like that are priceless.
Moments like that are what I would give anything to experience again.
He misses her greatly, writing to her every single day.
He knows that she is the perfect half to his odd nerdy self.
He makes a habit to ask forgiveness for the pain he caused every night before bed.
Hoping that one night she hears his call and her heart beats once more for those nights under the lights.
I love you Megels darlin.
The game isn't fun without player two.
You are what hearts are made for.
You are my one.
I will never give up hope for us to continue the funnest adventure there is.
My heart is yours.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Struggling to Block the Pain

The days are starting to get colder but my heart still burns a fire for you.
The pain and sadness are particularly bad lately.
From the weather to the time of year, bringing memories of you.
Where is my gamer girl  in love with Star Wars.
Sleep never feels fulfilling without you next to me.
I would pay any price just to feel you laying by my side.
It is getting tougher to get through the work days without hearing your voice.
Each day a longer and bigger struggle than the last.
Where is my Harry Potter girl in love with Supernatural.
I cannot stop thinking about you from sun up to sun down.
The things I want to do with you and share with you.
It is getting very difficult for me to deal with such sadness constantly.
Where is the girl who said the door would never close no matter what.
Where is the girl in love with all things pop culture wearing Marvel shoes.
Trying to suppress the pains of what I have done and lost is unbearable.
The happiest feelings I've ever experienced were being with you.
Our days were ours and each day was a new page of our book.
I still believe firmly that we are truly perfect for each other.
Two nerds who share more interests and fun than most people could ever claim.
I cannot for a second believe this one shares as much as me and you.
Where is my girl who loved playing Lego and Banjo and Sims and Luigi.
Where is the girl who wore gamer shirts and had turtle pencil toppers.
I know you are behind that door and I choose to sit in front of it waiting.
My heart feels empty and cold the farther it is from yours.
I hate that I brought this on myself and would give anything up to pay the price.
I refuse to believe this one compliments your personality perfectly.
I miss you so much.
Every work day I still go outside to walk the lot hoping today is the day we talk on the phone.
Every night I lay in bed with the phone within view hoping tonight is the night we facetime.
Every time I visit family I hope you'll be standing there as the biggest surprise of my life.
Wishing that one day I'll wake up and it would all have just been one big long dream.
We'll be back in our bed and you'll have gotten up already.
The sounds of the xbox turning on from the other room.
I don't want to spend this life without you.
I miss the way you make me feel.
I miss the way I could get you to giggle with just one text.
I miss the words that you would say to me.
That we share so many interests and won't find anyone like that.
That you know we'll achieve everything we both want being with each other.
That in the end you always hope I choose you.
I cannot apologize enough for what I have done and the pain that I have caused.
If there were any way or price to pay to take it back I would pay it without thinking.
The pain of being without you has come back to me in spades.
Many nights it is almost too much to handle.
But I never ever give up the hope that one day our hearts will reunite.
I cannot tell if my words are being read by your eyes.
It's like screaming into the wind.
But know that I would give anything to be with you again.
To prove myself to you and earn you back.
I miss you so much.
I continue to read your letter every day.
You're the candle in the dark.
My only source of clarity.
It hurts way too much otherwise.
I love you Megels.
Always.

Love, Your Edward.
Yours.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo