The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

There are so many days where I miss you more than my heart can take.
Lately my heart has been full of so much for you I'm surprised it has room to beat.
I wake up in the middle of the night and look over to see if you are there.
Dreams constantly filling my nights of me falling and searching.
You are always a component and when I see you there in my dreams I can't help but smile.
It always felt like you came from my dreams.
I lay there and wonder if you are laying there as well looking up at my art on your walls.
A pillow held like it was you just isn't anywhere near the same as holding you.
The way your chest moved up and down as you slept peacefully.
That feeling that anytime I wake up I would see you there.
Even when we were apart, I could see you there over the phone and listen.
The sound of the fan and your snoozes coming out over my little speakers.
I miss that feeling of knowing my future was secure and what I wanted.
In just three days it will be your birthday and it pains me to know I won't be close again.
Won't be close to light the candles again.
I remember your Florida birthday and putting a candle in a little ice cream cup for you.
Trying to get all your friends down there to come over and nobody coming through.
I want to be right there next to you on your big day and celebrate all week.
I would gladly never have any more for me if it meant seeing you again.
The hands on the clock tick by ever so slowly as I lay here at night thinking of you.
Each day is a bit of a struggle, unhappy with where I am.
Thinking of you visiting and watching the clock at work until time to go pick you up.
Standing at the airport with a little sign so you knew where I was.
The sign would read 'The Most Beautiful Girl in the World."
Seeing you come off the plane and being weak in the knees at how true my sign was.
When our eyes would meet I couldn't help but giggle out loud to myself.
All of my midnight wishing that you still read my posts and seeing everything come true.
Running to one another and jumping into each other's arms.
Blabbing the whole way home about how excited I was and what I wanted us to do.
The adrenaline and happiness never dieing down about spending time with you.
Our hands grip one another's so tightly as I drive down every road.
I understand your hesitation about being back home but I vow to make it the best.
You are already telling me plans about me visiting you next and what we would do.
Finally being happy to take you up on the romantic weekend I owed you.
We would see that Bob Ross museum and take a day at Universal.
The place that was ours and always would be no matter what.
We would visit where we used to live and take a little peak at the surrounding area.
Seeing what would be a good place to look for our new place.
Ending our time at the beach to watch the sunset in each other's arms.
I never want to be apart from you again.
The pain is just too much to bare.
I made too many mistakes and lost far too much to let any of it happen again.
I was crazy lucky that day when you walked into my life.
I'd be crazy stupid to let anything happen to have you walk out of it again.
While the sunset would be beautiful and my heart finally able to feel alive.
The one true best feeling would be when my one knee would hit the sand.
Looking up at your beautiful eyes and stretching out my hand to yours.
With the ocean as my witness I would ask you to never leave my side again.
There was no way I would be making any stupid mistakes ever again.
I miss you darlin so much I can barely get through the days that are thrown at me.
It's all just background noise while I stand in your doorway.
I love you so much, rebuilding my life one day at a a time.
Memories and feelings overflowing around me shouting out Megels at the top of their lungs.
I continue to hope you hear my love over the air.
I want to put my best foot forward for you because you don't deserve any less.
Life is still when you aren't around.
Full of motion when my hand is around yours.
I love you sweet dew drop and my heart is yours.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

miss your smile so much