You are My Perfect Date to the Beach

The palm trees outside our window as the light pours in.  Surrounded by the sound of the water spout that shoots water high above and into the small little lake in the center of the complex.  A little farther back and you could hear the freeway with all the cars driving by to their own little destinations.  Where was everyone going I would always wonder.  The temperature around the apartment was nice and cool with the fan over the bed providing some support.  Black and white bed sheets covered over red ones that kept our bodies soft.  A small bulge in the sheets near the bottom housed a little white dog, commonly confused with an old man, who slept at our feet and licked the toes whenever possible.  When my eyes opened I could hear the splashes of water and the few birds that found their way near the window.  The light lit up the room perfectly and when I looked to my left I saw the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever laid themselves upon.  A girl with blonde hair that she had dyed a little bit before we had moved in to the place.  It laid perfectly across the pillow and the few strands that poured over her face looked almost strategically placed so that she was ready for a photo shoot.  You could see the sheets over her move up and down with every breath she took in her slumber.  Her shirt pulled over her in the most perfect way, with a drawing of a fairy on the front and the words "hey listen' on the front of it.  I smiled and laid my head back down, a smile across my face with the excitement knowing that this wasn't a dream.  For once, the dream of waking to a life with a beautiful girl wasn't a dream.  Turning over, I placed my arm around her and held her close, she let out a small noise and pulled me in closer.  The pure happy feeling that came over my body was enough to drop me back into sleep myself.  Usually she was the one clinging on to me like a spider monkey but this morning I thought I'd return the favor.  I didn't have to dream when I was asleep, all I had to do was open my eyes and there would be my everything.  The dog left the bed feeling like a third wheel and walked his little butt down the small hallway out of the room which my art lined the walls.  His feet pattered into the kitchen and over to his bowl where he ate his little snack.
The next time I opened my eyes, I noticed that she wasn't in the bed anymore.  I called out softly to her thinking maybe she was in the bathroom.
"Megels?"
No response.  Instead what I heard made me smile and rush a small wave of nerdy giggles inside of myself.  I heard my Xbox turn on and the familiar sound of Lego Harry Potter starting up.  Having a nerdy girl gave me such joy and for a little bit I just laid there listening to her going around creating magic.  After a few moments I walked out to see her on the couch, glasses on her face and a controller in her hand.  She smiled at me with her crinkly nose smile and a face that said yep you caught me sneaking up before you woke to game.
"Morning darlin."
Just her voice made my day.  I joined her on the couch and watched her for a little.  She had gotten quite good at it and it was always so enjoyable to watch her play anything.  She had a plastic cup in front of her that I had gotten her of Barnie from How I Met Your Mother, no doubt drinking what she called her juice.  Once our stomachs chimed in together, I went into the kitchen and made us both eggs and toast.  She liked her eggs a certain way and it took me a few times to perfect it but eventually I got it.  Don't break the yolk!  I set our plates on to the little coffee table that I painted for her that said Be-You-Tiful on it.  We ate as she played more until it was time for our decided day for the weekend.  Normally we would go to Universal for the day and have such a good day that our feet were angry with us by the end of it.  But today we chose to go to the beach, something that we did infrequently somehow as we were ten minutes from it.  I got a weird sense of joy watching her get ready.  The way she would take her little portable speaker in to the bathroom and sync her phone to it to play music while she got ready.  We didn't take much with us, just some water and shoes and our towels of course.  Mine was a Han Solo in carbonite towel because if I'm going to be nerdy well I want everyone to know it.  She took the wheel and we drove over to the beach.  There was a small little parking lot we parked in and took to the sand.  While the first part of the sand was lava hot, it got better the closer you go to the sea.  We chose a spot and put our towels down.  It was a particularly hot day and we laid with ourselves to the sun until the sweat poured from everywhere.  My favorite thing about this was while we laid, our hands were close to each other's and we linked pinky fingers while we laid.  I could never stop peeking out of my one eye at her while we laid on our stomachs.  I loved how the sun brought out her freckles seeing her hair blowing in the breeze.  Once we got too hot we walked to the water and tried to cool ourselves down.  We played like kids trying to splash the other with cold water and daring to go out farther to the waves.  The naughty part of me waited for bigger waves to knock into her in hopes that it would take a part of her suit with it but at the same time it was incredibly enjoyable just playing in the water with her.
If I could describe heaven, it would be a day at the beach with her, one just like this one.
It's hard not to just stand and watch her.  Megels, I love you.
The sun is the same here and with a fan just right I can close my eyes and pretend I am there with you again.
Me, You, and the seagulls.
I miss you darlin.
I want to earn you back my love.  Pick up where our adventure left off and make up for all the lost sunny days I've cost us.
Tonight I dream of our pinkies linked together on the sand.
You peeking back at me out of one eye and giving me my favorite smile.
My heart doing back flips.
I'm ready to come home sweetness.
It's always been and always will be me and you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xxoxooxoxoxooxoxooxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Pain Cannot Deter Me from You

My head aches and throbs in pain while I toss and turn in bed.
I remember the feel of you next to me in the night.
There was always that solace knowing that no matter the nightmare, you were there.
Those same thoughts of you are what get me through nightmares now.
In my dreams you come up often, usually in the same ways.
Most of the time I am looking for you in a location hoping to find you.
Others you are there and we are able to talk and work things out.
Every time, I am always looking for you.
Like  my heart can't sleep until it finds you.
Today was filled with tears missing how it was spending the day with you.
The way you'd laugh when I cracked the cheesiest of jokes.
Or the way you'd look at me as I did something creative.
There was a motivation you ignited in me that I didn't find anywhere else.
I have become exactly what you feared in the letter that you sent me.
A shell of who I am and I became mixed up in something that has darkened my life.
I couldn't be more miserable and upset than I am now.
It always brings a smile to my lips thinking of how many times we were brought together.
All of those moments in life that led up to us finding each other.
No matter how many times we were separated we always found our way back.
One of the reasons I consider you my north star.
I made mistakes out of fear and chose to settle and be miserable than follow my star.
The pain follows me around unable to be calmed.
The memories of you are what get me through and continue to be hopeful.
I've never met anyone as kind, thoughtful, caring, and sweet as you.
Like the time you bought food for the homeless man's dog in Daytona.
How you still keep our pictures and made a video for me just like I did for you.
I there is a life without you in it out there then I don't want to know about it.
When I was sick you'd say I was being man whiny but still took care of me.
When you got up in the morning I'd make you your eggs and toast before work.
Remember when we ate outside the chinese food restaurant and the guitar man played for us live.
Sitting on the beach with Ellen figuring out how to get you home for a funeral.
I remember drawing animation on the floor of the living room while you took a nap on the couch.
I never wanted to leave your side no matter what was going on.
There's nobody like you out there, you are truly one of a kind.
My mistakes haunt me every waking moment, I'd give anything to have never left your side.
I love you with everything in me, you're a real soul mate to me.
The amount of interests we share knows no bounds.
Every day open to so many possibilities because of it.
I miss you so much, I never want to leave my dreams.
You are my darlin dew drop Megels.
My heart beating harder and harder for you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

What I Would Give

What I would give to hear your voice again.
To pick our adventure back up and share our laughs again.
What I would give to join your singing in the car as loud as we can.
To lay with you and talk about our dreams.
What I would give to see you again, a treat for my eyes.
To share in our inside jokes that only we find funniest.
What I would give to hold your hand one more time.
To draw for you and watch our passions be achieved.
What I would give for another weekend at Universal with you.
To enjoy our special place together that we hold in our hearts.
What I would give to look over and see you sitting next to me.
To wake up in the morning and know that you are there.
What I would give to call you on my breaks and talk during work hours.
To bask in the energy you give me just by the sound of your voice.
What I would give to prove to you that I can still make you feel.
To be the one you would always fight for wherever you were.
What I would give to be on our adventure again doing new things.
To share in new experiences and share it with the most beautiful girl.
What I would give to have a day where I didn't shed a tear being without you.
To smile again, my heart full of love for you.
What I would give to make you breakfast in the morning.
To have that moment where I can't wait for the day to be over to see you again.
What I would give to kiss you goodnight before bed every single day.
To fall asleep laughing like we used to.
What I would give for every word of your letter to be spoken to my face.
To hear our moments again spoken from your lips.
What I would give to continue our life together stronger than ever.
To show that I am who you always felt in your heart and wanted.
What I would give to relive that day with you home and we walked at night.
To hold your hand again that night and kiss you.
What I would give to go back and stop myself from making that mistake.
To be there when you got home from work that day.
What I would give to unpack it all while you were at work.
To be standing there when you got back home thinking I would have left.
What I would give to say that there is nothing that could make me stop loving you.
To vow to you that day that I wasn't going to leave you because in my heart I know it's us.
What I would give to share our nights again.
To not feel this pain anymore.
What I would give for a life shared with you.
To spend every day I have left on this planet with you.
What I would give to get through a day without breaking down without you.
To not feel the ever growing hole in my stomach getting larger.
What I would give to fight harder for you and never give up.
To listen to you and get out of where I was when you reached out.
What I would give to just talk to you.
To just talk it out.
What I would give for you.
To feel like I could live life to the fullest again.
What I would give to be with you is all of it.
I may not deserve it after the pain that I've caused but I would give it all to prove to you that my love for you is pure.
The world doesn't turn without you.
What I would give for that weekend together.
To not hurt every single day.
What I would give to show you the same happiness you make me feel.
To never give up hope that one day it'll be our adventure again.
What I would do to have my best friend back.
What I would do for you.
Life is agony without your healing touch.
I miss you so much.
My dear darling Megels dew drop.
If the rest of my life is devoted to waiting for you then that will be my cause.
My heart continues to pray and wish every night.
I believe in hope and I believe in us.
What I would do for your heart to remember what we were.
You're my favorite line of my favorite book.
My favorite lyric of my favorite song.
My favorite person of my favorite part of life.
I promise my love to you until my last breath.
I love you Megels.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

I know it's real because something that hurts this much has to be.

Happy Birthday to the Definition of Beauty

To define beauty is to define all that is breathtaking in the world.

Beauty is to me something that reaches a part of you that nothing else can.

It evokes emotions that create extremely unique feelings.

To each person beauty is different.

Beauty could be a piece of art, a sunset, a perfect dish.

It could also be a vehicle, a type of weather, or an animal.

More common than not though, beauty is referred to a person.

There are many variations of this word that all can be used in the same way.

Beautiful.  Gorgeous.  Wonderful.  Heart Stopping.  Exquisite.

Fetching.  Pretty.  Lovely.  Attractive.  Beyond Words.

All different ways to label the same version of perfection.

To me, beauty is a combination of what's on the inside and on the outside.

Beauty is a kind and caring heart.

A smile that lifts spirits and informs the recipient that they are one of a kind.

Words spoken to brighten a dark day.

A pure special person who is a shining example that there is still good out there.

My heart has seen and fallen for this true beauty.

Today we celebrate that beauty on her most special day.

This beauty is one of a kind.

Gorgeous would be my choice of variations to describe her physical beauty.

She has hair that appears to be woven of the rarest silk.

A perfect shade of brunette that slips through fingers like water.

Eyes that communicate the world and more with just a look.

Sharing the same brown shades yet contain windows to a future full of wonder.

An adorable nose that crinkles with the cutest smile.

A few freckles dotted along for good measure.

The softest lips with just the right texture to bring me to my knees.

Skin providing a tough competitor for the softest feeling to the touch.

This beauty is short and the most attractive person I've ever laid my eyes on.

The sweetest touch and to borrow a lyric, her body is a wonderland.

To perfectly compliment this outside beauty there exists a more unique inside.

To dubbed this beauty Megels and bore witness to the most amazing heart in any person.

The kindest, sweetest soul who would help any person in need.

Going beyond the extra mile to provide help to any animals down on their luck.

A girl who loves in the purest, truest form seen so very rarely.

Smart beyond her years,  compassion providing the foundation.

Humor that knows exactly where to tickle my funny bone.

I wish so much that I could hold her and spend her special day with her.

I continue to wish on the stars every night with fingers crossed.

I had never felt beauty of that caliber make me feel happiness I didn't think existed.

I miss her so much that life seems to be put on mute.

She is a beautiful inspiration and muse to all life has to give.

The one true person who I would give it all to spend the rest of my life with.

There aren't enough riches in the world to replace her.

Just being with her makes me the richest man in the world.

There's no distance too far to lay my eyes upon her.

For wherever she is, that is where I call home.

No time is too long to wait and wish for her hand in mine.

Any moment with her is a moment frozen in time forever.

I love you more than words will ever show darlin dew drop.

I miss you more than life itself.

On your special day I wish I could be with you with every ounce of my being.

It's people like you why the word beauty was created.

Happy Birthday Megels

I miss you and love you and hope one day I can speak those words to you in person.

As you wake in the morning and I kiss your beautiful face.

To me, you are beauty.

In all versions of the word.

I get you something here and there and took a photo of it all for you.

Birthday gifts to the birthday girl.

I love you dew drop.

Always.

Love, Your Edward

xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxxo

(excuse the 18 but how sweet is it that I found a cake with your name on it)

Life is Beautiful with Her

A thunderstorm has rolled in and I enjoy sitting by the window and hearing the thunder going off all around the house.  I am missing you so much that I just want to go outside and let the raindrops pour over me until I become one myself and can be washed away down the waterways to one day make it to you. 
Love is represented in so many colors and sayings.
Each one unique in their own way, just like the people who we affix the love to.
In my life there is only one person who is truly worthy of any and every color.
The girl who was brought into my life at just the right time.
You always knew how to shoot Cupid's arrow right through my heart.
It does seem like there are more raining days than nice without you close to me.
My art seems to be a literal flat etching on a canvas with no life or color.
There is no adrenaline inducing event or vitamin filled food that could ever come close to you.
The feeling you would evoke in me that carried with it the out of body ecstasy feeling.
The days grow longer but my yearning grows ever wider.
Thoughts and played out scenarios in my head blurring the line between thought and dream.
Every day I can still see your smile and it gives me that little boost just when I need it.
Every night I recall the feeling of you next to me as we chase the Sandman under the stars.
You're the only person who I felt I could actually be a great father for a child.
Reading them bedtime stories in different voices and drawing all their wall hung posters.
Sharing with the little one all the cartoons I grew up with and singing along with them.
Being in the backyard playing with toys as I voiced each one in grand adventures.
We would get caught dressed up like pirates or superheroes with capes in the backyard.
Pulling you in right after work to save one of us from the runaway train.
I always wanted a little girl with you, one that shared your eyes and beautiful smile.
Teaching our child about the world and that everyone is created equal.
That there will always be happiness out there and you can achieve anything you strive for.
As I watch the news get worse every day, I still harness the pure excitement to travel with you.
There are so many places around the world that so many people don't get to see.
So many beautiful amazing places from Italy to Paris to Japan to Australia.
The only couple who would sing Cher and Journey on every continent in the world.
I want to hold you hand and take a photo of us in every country.
Have a map in our room of the US and a small token pinned to every state we've visited.
I want to propose to you at every world wonder.
Start a travel blog video series of the nerdy couple who sought out movie locations in the real world.
The world is a finite place full of wonders and splendors that most will not see.
We only get one roller coaster ride on this amusement park called Earth.
I want to share my ticket with only one person.
One person who gets little butterflies every time I say Megels.
Life isn't a 9 to 5 job and coming home to make dinner and talk about our work days.
Life is getting moved to a new hotel where a comic con happens to be.
Life is having events line up to meet a pretty girl in line at Giant Eagle customer service.
Life is taking a risk and moving states away to our own place, struggles included.
Life is watching Are You Afraid of the Dark and eating snacks at 2 in the morning.
Life is the hardest thing in the world but the best thing in the world when a short brunette wearing a Zelda T-shirt crinkles her nose and smiles at you and says "eekum bookum."
Life is being with someone who you can be yourself with and not hiding or giving up interests.
Life is getting lost in the Twilight Zone behind an IKEA.
Life is writing to someone you love with all your heart every single day not even knowing if they are reading it because you don't care because you know in your heart that she is the one and no matter what the trials and tribulations are to get to her, it'll all be worth it in the end. 
Life is waiting for that special heart because nothing can ever replace her.
Life is love in all of its forms and colors.
My love just happens to be a short nerdy girl who likes broccoli soup and can play Lego Harry Potter over and over again with just the same excitement.
A girl who knows every word to every song and makes me feel like I was born for a reason.
The only person in the world who has touched me and made me feel more important than I ever thought I could be.
She's the real deal.
Life is Megels.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

There are so many days where I miss you more than my heart can take.
Lately my heart has been full of so much for you I'm surprised it has room to beat.
I wake up in the middle of the night and look over to see if you are there.
Dreams constantly filling my nights of me falling and searching.
You are always a component and when I see you there in my dreams I can't help but smile.
It always felt like you came from my dreams.
I lay there and wonder if you are laying there as well looking up at my art on your walls.
A pillow held like it was you just isn't anywhere near the same as holding you.
The way your chest moved up and down as you slept peacefully.
That feeling that anytime I wake up I would see you there.
Even when we were apart, I could see you there over the phone and listen.
The sound of the fan and your snoozes coming out over my little speakers.
I miss that feeling of knowing my future was secure and what I wanted.
In just three days it will be your birthday and it pains me to know I won't be close again.
Won't be close to light the candles again.
I remember your Florida birthday and putting a candle in a little ice cream cup for you.
Trying to get all your friends down there to come over and nobody coming through.
I want to be right there next to you on your big day and celebrate all week.
I would gladly never have any more for me if it meant seeing you again.
The hands on the clock tick by ever so slowly as I lay here at night thinking of you.
Each day is a bit of a struggle, unhappy with where I am.
Thinking of you visiting and watching the clock at work until time to go pick you up.
Standing at the airport with a little sign so you knew where I was.
The sign would read 'The Most Beautiful Girl in the World."
Seeing you come off the plane and being weak in the knees at how true my sign was.
When our eyes would meet I couldn't help but giggle out loud to myself.
All of my midnight wishing that you still read my posts and seeing everything come true.
Running to one another and jumping into each other's arms.
Blabbing the whole way home about how excited I was and what I wanted us to do.
The adrenaline and happiness never dieing down about spending time with you.
Our hands grip one another's so tightly as I drive down every road.
I understand your hesitation about being back home but I vow to make it the best.
You are already telling me plans about me visiting you next and what we would do.
Finally being happy to take you up on the romantic weekend I owed you.
We would see that Bob Ross museum and take a day at Universal.
The place that was ours and always would be no matter what.
We would visit where we used to live and take a little peak at the surrounding area.
Seeing what would be a good place to look for our new place.
Ending our time at the beach to watch the sunset in each other's arms.
I never want to be apart from you again.
The pain is just too much to bare.
I made too many mistakes and lost far too much to let any of it happen again.
I was crazy lucky that day when you walked into my life.
I'd be crazy stupid to let anything happen to have you walk out of it again.
While the sunset would be beautiful and my heart finally able to feel alive.
The one true best feeling would be when my one knee would hit the sand.
Looking up at your beautiful eyes and stretching out my hand to yours.
With the ocean as my witness I would ask you to never leave my side again.
There was no way I would be making any stupid mistakes ever again.
I miss you darlin so much I can barely get through the days that are thrown at me.
It's all just background noise while I stand in your doorway.
I love you so much, rebuilding my life one day at a a time.
Memories and feelings overflowing around me shouting out Megels at the top of their lungs.
I continue to hope you hear my love over the air.
I want to put my best foot forward for you because you don't deserve any less.
Life is still when you aren't around.
Full of motion when my hand is around yours.
I love you sweet dew drop and my heart is yours.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

miss your smile so much

I Miss You Beautiful

Missing you so very much.  Tonight I would love to spend time with you.  The temperature has gone up a little again and it isn't as cold as it had been for a few days.  Reminds me of when the AC didn't work in our apartment that one time and we found out it was just because of a little cup-like thing of water that needed emptied which fixed the issues immediately.  The only air we had that night before was the fan on the ceiling and we did what we could to keep cool.  Or how sweaty I was when we were moving everything out of the van and into our place.  I don't think I have ever sweat that bad ever again.  The reward that night was eating Boston Market with you in our box filled living room before heading to bed, our first night sleeping together in our new place.  Our place.  There was such a feeling of pure excitement and accomplishment having our own place.  Everything was ours.  It was always crazy to me that I could go back to blog writings that I had created years earlier while in school and how I would describe the future life I wanted.  It always included being near the ocean and near places where you could walk along an almost boardwalk like area with things to see and do on your way.  To be with someone that we both complimented each other and shared in so many of our interests.  My mind truly being blown years later when my wishes and dreamt up world came true.  When I drive to work I listen to music that reminds me of you and takes my mind on adventures where I dream up scenarios with each one and the different things I want to do with you.  I really miss you a lot and being away from you truly makes me realize just what was placed in my path and how happy and perfect it was.  I miss you darlin.  Tonight we would watch a movie while eating some food I had cooked up and end the night curled up with one another under blankets while gaming to something scary for the month of October until you fell asleep in my lap.  I would play with your hair, running it through my fingers while you snoozed away and just watching your eyes.  Even when closed, they are beautiful and always gave me a sense of trust and safety that I hadn't seen in anyone else in my life until you.  I would put the game controller down and run my fingers up and down your soft skin from your shoulder to your hands.  I would lean down to kiss you if I could reach but am perfectly content with having you sleeping away on me.  You wouldn't hear me but I would say it anyways.
I love you.
I don't just love you, I really love you.
Mistakes still haunt me and cause me to have nightmares but when I wake up I know one thought of you can put them all to rest.  I want to make you more things and take you on new adventures to places we have never been to experiences something new together.  I want to write more stories for you to read and see your reaction to them, wanting to read them aloud to you in bed before we turn in for the night.  I want to write the words that make it into a book that finds its way into your hands when you are in a bookstore.  The greatest moment of my life so far was when you would tell me that I was your happily ever after part 2.  Growing up the way I did, that was something you never thought would ever happen and I could never believe my luck that someone like you was saying it to me.  Lately I've been thinking a lot more about that day that you came over in the summer to my parents and we ate dinner together and watched TV for a little bit after that.   It was like one of my most wonderful dreams was actually happening for real.  Seeing you there next to me was bliss and hearing your laugh was like finally getting the medicine I needed after a tough battle with a terminal disease.  Then sitting on the couch with you so close, feeling your body and our arms rubbing against each other just like that first night we spent in my room.  All I wanted to do was look at you, take in every single inch of you and never look away.  It pains my heart knowing I remember just the way you feel.  The way a shirt feels on your body and the way it hugged you perfectly.  The sound of your voice and wanting to do so much and share it with the world so they knew that I was in love with Megels.
Through and through without a doubt.
Being single will always suck but my heart was made for only one person and that person is you.
I never met someone that could honestly call the other half I was missing this entire time.
You are worth any wait, any distance, any time.
I love you and miss you in ways that take my heart to places that I have only dreamt of.
Every night I will continue to wish that I can hold you again my love.
For the only person I want to give my heart to for the rest of eternity is you.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox

miss you turkey leg