My Heart Misses You Constantly Darlin

 Megels, I'm so so miserable.  I read your letter again and it pained me so much I could barely get through the rest of the day.  Even over Easter weekend, my mom showed me a text you sent her about how much you love me and how much you wanted it to be me.  I feel like I'm just going through the days and weeks outside of my body just watching it pass before me.  I don't have the passion or drive for anything like I used to and all I can think about day and night is you.  I miss you so much.  I spend most of my mornings in bed daydreaming what it would be like still being with you.  I cry so hard hoping that one day I'm going to wake up and I'll be in our bed in our apartment and there you'll be asleep next to me, the last few years just a dream.  I can still remember how it smelled in there and how it felt and what it sounded like.  You holding on to me like a spider monkey, sammy at our feet, the sound of the fountain outside splashing.  

I'm worried, this depression being without you is getting so bad I don't know what to do anymore.  I hate the realization that you really don't ever and won't ever read any of these posts.  The pain of knowing this was all my fault will never stop running through my head.  You were here.  You were right here ready.  I blew it all and let fear and someone else control what I really wanted.  And now what?  

I remember something you said a while ago, you left someone down there because you said they weren't me.  In your letter you were hoping it was me and said you would always be there for me.  I know this was all before I messed everything up royally, but I know you and I know your heart.  You're a short nerdy girl who loves supernatural, video games, movies, going to Universal, and would never let money change who she was.  I miss your laugh, the way you'd hold my hand, how we would joke with all of our inside jokes.

And how you would tell me that with me you could be your real self.

I still believe we are soul mates.  There is something I can't explain, a feeling, that I don't and haven't felt with anything or anyone else.  Just the thought of you brings those feelings.   Something truly special.

However long it takes, whatever it takes, I will wait and hope that one day I can be yours again.

Always

Love, YOUR Edward

xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo

My Heart Misses You So So Much darlin

 My darling Megels,

It's been a while and you still inhabit all of my thoughts and dreams.  So many nights I sleep and in my dreams you are there.  Sometimes we are together somewhere or you are a vision or the other night I was able to propose to you.  My dreams while I'm asleep torment me.  While during the day all I seem to be able to think about is you.  No matter how long you are away or I try and distract my thoughts, all I ever seem to think about is you.  If you still think about us or me and if anything is a reminder to any of our memories.  Do you lay in bed at night wondering if you will truly be happy with them or will it become boring, the same things over and over, no shared interests that take its toll, or if he truly appreciates you and will do whatever it takes so you have a smile on your face.  I haven't seen much, I'll admit, but from what I have seen....he isn't your shared other half.  Would he take you to Universal or Disney to share in the same likes and quote the rides and see all the little details of harry potter and the like?  Or would he take you because you brought it up enough that he takes you just so you stop asking like he's doing you a favor out of his kindness.  I doubt he would go every weekend like we did.  
I don't want to sound bitter or angry, I'm the last person that even deserves to be in such a place.  I messed up the most and damaged just about everything.  I broke your heart and I let  myself become overtaken by fear, anxiety, and someone who was very good at manipulation.  All the while the woman of my dreams was right in front of me waving the brightest lights for me to come take her away to the happiest life I could dream of.  No amount of sorries can take back the pain I've caused.  I live in constant pain about it every single day.  It hurts the most knowing that I practially pushed you into the arms of someone who doesn't share most of what you are.  Take it from someone who has lived a few years with someone who doesn't share interests.....it becomes a caged prison cell in hell.  It doesn;t take long before you yearn to share something, anything about what you like with someone.  Either giving up, hiding, or just hiding what you like and enjoy because they aren't into it too and can't converse with you about it.  It gets very boring, very frustrating and ultimately extremely depressing.  I still have the handwritten letter that you sent me and I read it almost as often as I breathe.  That was one of the big things you wrote in there.  That we shared so many interests and you could be your real self with me.
Could you write that exact same letter to him?
We share something truly special and it is my fault that I muddied the waters.  I don't feel like I'm myself but someone living a false life in disguise until the real person comes back.  Like I"m holding the place of someone else and trying to be like them instead of me.  I'd kill to talk star wars, marvel, video games, harry potter, supernatural, anything with you.  I can't get rid of the depression, it is eating me alive.
You were right that night so many years ago.  You said she wouldn't be anything but drama and bad and you cried and said I was your Edward.  You were right darlin, so so so right.  I let myself fall in and didn't listen to you and if I did could have saved years of abuse, pain, sadness, and depression.
I know you don't read this but it is the only way that I feel like you're still there.  You said in the past that you read it every day even when I didnt' post anything for years.  I'm hoping you still do, even if it isn't every day.  I know I don't deserve it, I was a terrible person to what you were offering me.
My biggest regret was leaving to move back that last day.  While you were at work I should have moved it all back, bought all the flowers I could and came to your job to apologize and devote my eternal love to you.  For you are the only one that has made me feel like I belonged.  When I think of you I feel like I"m home, all my anxiety feelings go away and I feel safe and warm and right.  Anytime I'm having a bad day or feeling terrible, I think of you and feel a rush of happiness.
I understand I'm biased but I do not think he is your true other half.  Not surprising coming from someone who wants to be with you too.  It pains me more because it is hard to compete.  I don't have tons of money or a huge family.  You never struck me as the money kind of person.
The Megels I know is a nerd, a pop culture, music, game loving nerd.  She wears star wars shirts, uses ninja turtle pencils, watches star wars trailers over and over, plays diddy kong racing with me, knows everything about harry potter, sings white christmas songs, and has the most beatuiful laugh.  One I can get by slow head banging in the car.
Would he cook you dinner, bring you lunch to work, stay up with your drunk self on the occasional nights so you were okay, buy you your childhood games, move states to be with you, sing to you, dance with you, game with you, watch every movie with you, run to the terminator show at universal with you, quote all the in line videos.
He wouldn't hurt you though.  Which I went wrong so badly.
I miss you darlin.  I miss you so damn much.
I can't compete against money but you never seem to be doing anything that shows you.  The nerdy you.  How often does he share you online, do the things you want to do, or massage your back before bed like I was oh so good at.
I've tried everything but at the end of everyday I sit up crying, missing you so much.
You are my darlin dew, my other half, my lobster.
I broke our special bond and will do whatever time it takes to regain that back.
I hope one night, when he doesn't do what you want and goes to sleep before you.  You maybe see what the future could hold and come here and check.  You deleted yourself everywhere but here and there has to be a reason.
I'd better try and get some sleep.  Goodnight darlin
I miss you so much and I hope one day, whenever that may be, I can hold you again.  Feel you against me and know what it's like to be happy and whole again.

Always

Love, Your Edward

xoxoxoxoxxxxxxoxoxoxooxoxo

I Miss You So So Much

I miss you so much, Megels.  Every day just seems to feel worse than the last.
I'm so sad and depressed and I try everything I can but nothing seems to work.  This position in life that I've gotten myself into has just torn me down so far that I have trouble even seeing the future.  Making the mistakes I made have haunted me to the point of sleepless nights anymore.  They are so difficult to live with.  I know it's probably crazy to think that late at night when you are awake by yourself, you may check in on this to see if I've written anything.
But I always hope so.
The thoughts of you and how our life was down there are a double edged sword.  They are without a doubt the happiest times of my life.  I was truly happy.  The happy that I always dreamed about and wished for growing up.  I was utterly convinced that a soul mate was a real thing.  My chest hurts when I think that I let homesickness and weakness ruin it all.
I should have been stronger for you, took more charge and expanded myself for you.  Let me tell you, being with someone who isn't your soul mate and doesn't share anything in common with you.....it's a nightmare.  Toss in verbal abuses and confidence destroying things....I feel like just a shell of who I once was.
With you I felt like I was the luckiest person in the world and could succeed at anything I put my mind to.  My movies, my etsy store, just life in general.  It's all because of you.
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep or having anxiety attacks every day.  It's like a broken record of the same week over and over.
I found that I have a PTSD-like reaction to everything that I miss and have lost with us.  I can't think about Universal, the things we'd say in line, the walk back to the car afterwards, our apartment and the music filled cleaning days, holding hands on the beach, watching our favorite shows, helping each other play video games and your lego potter addiction.  I can't think about or hear the music from Harry Potter without wanting to cry.
There's so much I want to share with you, so much I want to do with you.  I messed it up so badly and dealing with it here.....it's just getting darker.
You are the one person I would do anything for.  The one person I would wait this lifetime and the next just for one more chance with.
You said you could be your real self with me, the singing in the car at the top of her lungs, mario kart beating, supernatural loving, star wars quoting, nerdy tshirt wearing, video game sharing, funny, beautiful self.
I still read that hand written letter you sent me.  The words are my lifeline to keep me getting through every day. Our blue box still sitting with me holding a treasure trove of memories accentuating the definition of happiness.
I'm not happy at all and I think of you every single day.  Whatever meaning the word has left.....I'm sorry.  I'm so so sorry.  That day I packed up the uhaul....I should've unpacked it all while you were at work.  That was the biggest mistake I've ever made.  I want to be down there with you, living our cute little life that we had.  I want to make you my wife and have beautiful children.  I don't want to drag my feet or settle. 
We share so much in common and always got along.  We appreciated each other and knew the other inside and out.  I don't believe that what you are doing now or living now is the real you.  The beautiful soul who didn't let money change them or forget about who they were.  You're the girl who sings sisters and spice girls while wearing a chewbacca shirt and a darth vader ringtone. 
I miss you
I miss us
If these words manage to reach you or something in the middle of the night reminds you of us.....I hope they reach your heart.  I don't belong here.
I miss home
I miss you.
Whatever this crazy disease filled world is turning into....I know the one person I want by my side through every second of it.  And that's you, Megels.

Always

Love, Your Edward
no matter when or how long
You are who I want to grow old with

xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Be Safe My Beautiful Soul Mate xoxox

I don't think you will
Ever fully understand
How you've touched my life, Megels
And made me who I am

I don't think you could ever know
Just how truly special you are
That even on the darkest nights
You are my brightest star

I don't think you will ever fully comprehend
How you've made my dreams come true
Or how you've opened my heart
To love and the wonders it can do

You've allowed me to experience
Something very hard to find
Unconditional love that exists
In my body, soul, and mind

I don't think you could ever feel
All the love I have to give
And I'm sure you'll never realize
You've been my will to live

You are an amazing person, Megels
And without you I don't know where I would've been
Having you in my live
Completed and fulfilled every part of me

All I ever wanted was to be part of your heart
And for us to be together, never to be apart
No one else in the world can even compare
You're perfect and so is this love that we shared

We had so much more than I ever thought we would
I love you more than I ever thought I could
I promise to give you all I have to give
I'll do anything for you as long as I live

In your eyes I see our present, our future and past
By the way you look at me I know we will last
I hope that one day you'll come to realize
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes

Be very safe darlin dew
This is a scary time with the end in mystery
I wish I was stuck in with you
Just being near you is the best adventure

Missing you so very much
Loving you every single day more
Be safe while the world around us becomes poisoned
Know that you are on my mind
Every second that I am awake

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

In That One Special Place

These are such crazy and unknown times
I'm scared and don't know what to expect
The one constant I have is writing to you, Megels
I know you probably haven't read these in months
Months and months
But I can't stop
Something in my heart keeps pushing me
Even if the hope of one day  with you
Is just a flicker in the dark

I lie on the ground
And stare into space
The stars start to move
Into the shape of your face

I see you there now
Looking down at me
With that cute little smile
That I like to see

You say close your eyes
Tell me what you see
I see only two people
Just you and me

We're walking the shoreline
With our feet getting wet
The horizon turns pink
As the sun starts to set

We make love through the night
On that white sandy shore
Then I hold you while thinking
I could want nothing more

Oh I wish I could be
In that one special place
As I lie on the ground
And I stare into space

I pray you are safe and not affected by the virus
You never deserve to feel sickness
Only love and sweetness
I miss you darlin dew
Every day I replay our days together in my head
No matter how depressed I get over them
I hope one day we can make more

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

You Are The Most Important Part

Sometimes at night
When I look to the sky
I start thinking of you, Megels
And then I ask myself, why?

Why do I love you
I think and smile
Because I know the list could run on
On and on for miles

The whisper of your voice
The warmth of your touch
So many little things
That make me love you so much

The way you supported me
Helped with my emotions
The way that you cared
And showed such devotion

The way that you kissed
It filled me with desire
How you held me with warmth
Like that of a blazing fire

The way your eyes shined
When you looked at me
Lost with you forever
Is where I want to be

The way that I feel
When you're by my side
A sense of completion
And overflowing pride

The dreams that I dream
That all involve you
The possibilities I see
And the things we can do

How you finish the puzzle
That lies inside my heart
How that deep in my soul
You are the most important part darlin

I could go on for days
Telling of what I feel
But all you really must know
Is my love for you is real, Megels

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxoxoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

In Your Soul I Found My Home

The sparkle in your eye
The warmth of your skin
Your breath on my neck
That quivers within

The touch of your hand
The smell of your hair
The kindness in your smile
That strength in your stare

Your kiss on my lips
Your body near mine
The stroke of your touch
That feeling inside

The sound of your voice
Compassion in your embrace
The serenity in your stride
The power in your face

The calming of your presence
The beating of your heart
The promise of tomorrow
That we may never part

The beauty of your kiss
And that magic in your touch
It is for all these reasons and more
Why I love you so much, Megels

So as the candles flicker softly
On the table set for two
There's no one on the Earth tonight
Except for me and you

A nice romantic dinner
A bottle of chilled wine
We would be there together
In a moment stopped in time

A love so few have ever known
This is its birth night
Alone within our little world
You and I and candle light

So soon we will set free the feelings
That we want to share
And I am held here spellbound
By your laughter in the air

Thoughts of love like falling leaves
Swirling in the autumn breeze
Flow in our minds and in our eyes
A tender look and longing sighs

We touch and as the fire starts
That we have kindled in our hearts
We kiss and hear the angels sing
As heavens gift to me you bring

No more to live my life alone
And in your soul I found my home
At peace within your loving arms
Captivated by your charms

And happily I'd die for you
Here at this table set for two

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxooxoxoxoxooxxxxxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox

Forever Is What I Want With You

When you are not here to share my days and nights
My life is so incomplete
For you, Megels, are my heart and soul
The oneness I had known to seek

Without you I merely exist from day to day
With you I know that I will find
All that I have been searching for
My completeness, my eternal peace of mind

You are the keeper of my dreams
The woman who holds my heart in her hands
The one I want to spend my life with
The one with whom I will always stand

Stand beside through thick and thin
Through all that life will throw our way
Knowing that this special love we share
Will guide us, each and every day

This journey was started long ago
Before this time and place
The journey of completeness
As two hearts and souls embrace

Forever is what I want with you
For the search is at an end
Our hearts have found each other
As lovers, as soul mates

Remember those mornings we would eat breakfast
After spending the night under your sheets
Your laptop under your bed
We made a bed fort to play luigi's mansion

I miss you so much
All the fun and adventures we had
You never judged me
You were just like me

There's nobody I'd rather spend every day with
Whether it was phone or video or in person
I felt alive with you
A feeling my heart can never recreate

You are the best thing to ever happen
The best all of it
My constant memory running through my head
The letter you wrote always by my eyes

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

When You First Held My Hand

If time could stand still
I'd freeze it here
So you'd always hold me, close and near
In your arms, where I'm meant to be

Filled with the perfect love you gave me, Megels

A bond so strong
A hold so tight
To know you're the one, my darlin dew
A blessing sent from up above

In you I had found my one true love

Our lives entwined to be as one
Upon this journey we just began
Where you and I will find no less
Than eternal love and happiness

The first time we met, I could see
That you and I, were meant to be
Your eyes were so gently
Your smile so true

When you first held my hand, I just knew

With time going by, through laughter and tears
Those days I shall cherish for years upon years
Those memories we have, shall never fade
For those are the steps, that we have made

That was the past, the future is near
I anxiously wait, for what will appear
New homes, more laughter, more memories
Everything could be wonderful

If only you were near, Megels

If only I could be yours once more
Missing you so much darlin

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxoxooxxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxox

You Are Proof There Are Angels

It is said there are angels

In heaven above

And they shine with the light

Of an inner love

Of these things

I had not a clue

But that was

Before I found you, Megels

For in you I found

A love that is so right

It shines all around

With the brightest of light

It comes from somewhere

So deep within

That it has no beginning

And knows no end

Your love is a light

That brightens each day

Of all of the people

You see on your way

Where ever you go

Or whatever you do

All see the love

That you have inside you

That God sent you here

To a place where you'd be

Sharing such love

With someone like me

Is proof for me

That angels exist

And are filled with a love

That no man could resist

I thank God each day

For finding the time

For looking down on me

And making you mine

So yes there are angels

In heaven above

I know because God

Sent me one to love

That one was you darlin

Not a second goes by

Where I don't think of your face

The sound of your voice

My arms miss you body

Lips miss your touch

Every single memory of us

Running through my head ever so much

Always

Love, Your Edward

xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox

I Day Dream of You

I was sort of hoping
That you would come along darlin
Like the answer to a prayer
And the music to a song

Like the kind of thing that happens
At a special place and time
That will change our lives forever
Like a fantasy of mine

The fantasy was there before
I ever knew your name
And now that I have found you
We will never be the same

So pardon, if I look at you
Forgive me if I stare
At the fantasy I knew before
I saw you standing there

For I was always hoping
That you would come along, Megels
Like the answer to a prayer
And the music to a song

Whenever I day dream
And day dream I do
In my secret garden
I day dream of you darlin

I day dream of you
In a faraway land
Embracing me tight
And holding my hand

Holding my hand
Touching my face
Just you and me
In this peaceful place

In this peaceful place
A pristine river flows
Where the unicorns run
A breeze always blows

A breeze always blows
And sings of a song
Our love in a place
Where you've never gone

Where you've never gone
Is as it would seem
From dusk until dawn
Whenever I day dream

And whenever I day dream
And day dream I do
In my secret garden
I day dream of you, Megels

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxooxxooxxo

Love That Awaits

I'd give anything to see the sun set on the horizon
I'd do anything to gaze at a full moon in the night sky
Even a rainbow would make me smile
And I'd love to swim in crystal clear waters
Of an untouched sea

Sometimes I'll see a shooting star
And try to gaze from afar
All the diamonds in the night sky
The mist on the mountains is breathtaking
As is walking in the rainforest
To see cascading waterfalls I'd do anything for

As to stand on the highest peak in the world
And look at the sights below
I'd love to soar on wings above the clouds
Across the bluest skies
I'd do anything to see
All the beautiful things in the world

Like a red rose blooming in the Sahara
Like a river twisting through a dusty land
All the beautiful things in the world
But I also know I am looking at
The world's most beautiful creation
Every time you smile, Megels
And every time I look into your eyes

A thousand fair suitors all stab at your heart
Those poets of movement and jockeys of art
The high volume vendors who hustle romance
Splashing their canvas with color and dance
The blasters of trumpets, gold banners unfurled
They offer lush gardens in glistening worlds
Bearers of torches and carvers of stone

Who whisper their sonnets and surrender their thrones
And there in your doorway, no shadow is cast
No lingering voices, no ghosts from the past
Just a cluster of walls, and a window of pain
Collecting the heartache like droplets of rain
Still I stand before you, with palms to the sky
No gold in my pocket, no thorn in my side

And all I can offer, where words have no place
Is a body that trembles, and this love that awaits

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Until My Last Breath

Feelings that were once hidden
Are now expressed to you
Days that once were stormy
Are now the brightest blue

Times that once were lonely
Are now filled with pleasure
All that once was mine alone
Are now things we both treasure

Nights that once were cold
Are now comforting and warm
Fears that once were very real
Are now gone with the storm

A heart that once was broken
Can now finally mend
A person once alone in life
Can now call you a friend

Dreams that once were longed for
Are now all coming true
The love I once thought was gone
I had then and forever in you, Megels

The sun rises above the hillcrest
As does the joy of my heart
Rays of warmth and love
From her I will never depart

Fresh dew upon the grass
Young birds chirp in their nests
I watch her gently sleep
My love to her I silently profess

I enjoy the stillness and calm
Watching as she smiles and dreams
She brings me to stillness and peace
Like that of a slow flowing stream

My heart and soul flow with love
And I smile as I quietly reflect
I've been handed a sweet princess
A sweet princess to love and to protect

A vow to myself I make
As she quietly sleeps away
To love and always cherish her
Until my last breath
Until my last day
To you darlin dew

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

You Walked Into My Life Darlin

You walked lightly into my life, Megels

Captivating and lovely to my mind

At first, I only told you stories every day

Now I don't know who I am without you

You kissed me

I felt my world change

You held me

I heard my heart awaken

You loved me

And my soul was born anew

You walked lightly into my life

Now my heart knows who you are

And with every breath

And every step

I take down lonely roads

Your hand is my staff

Your voice is my guide

Your strength is my shelter

Your passion my awakening

You walked lightly into my life

And all my pain

You took as your own

And all my fears

You cast into the sea

All my doubt

Lost in your eyes

You walked lightly into my life

And no matter how long I must wait

My life is forever changed

Just because you loved me

For a moment in time

And because I choose

To love you, Megels

For the rest of mine

If I knew how to write a song

I'd write one everyday

It would say that I'm in love with you

And why I feel this way

It would have to say you're pretty

And as rare as a desert rose

It would say you're a looker

From your head down to your toes

You are funny, dainty, fragile

And as feminine as can be

You're smart, charming, lovely

And everything to me

You're my comfort when I'm lonely

You're my peace when I need rest

Of all the women I've known

I must rate you the best

You're the orchard in the jungle

You're the better half of me

You're all of this and so much more

You mean the world to me

Still so much is left unsaid

It would take me far too long

I know how much I love you

If only I could write a song

I would tell you every single day

How much I miss you

Always

Love, Your Edward

xoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxoxoxoxoxoxo

My Heart Beats Because of You

I was once lost in darkness
A wandering nomadic fool
Teetering on the edge of reason
About to plunge into the abyss
Then a light shone down
Lifted me out of darkness
Touched my soul with grace
And beat love into my heart
That was when I met you, Megels
My darlin dew

For so long
You had continued to save me
Day after day
You gave me the reason to be
To live and to feel love
To go on and find my dreams
As long as you were there
I just wanted to let you know
That I could never fully express
How much I feel for you
When I love you
Seems so simple
How can you put into words
The power of desire I have for you
Pray to God
Channel the muse
And let my fingers type the words

My heart beats because of you
My soul is bright and alive
Because of you
And even when the trails of today
Seem to distract me
My love is always devoted to you darlin
It is eternal within my heart
Like a constant thunder in my soul
Your soul is like the vastest sea
And mine a darting fish
I lose myself within your love
I live within your heart
I breathe your love, it is my air
My element, my world

I know no other ambiance
I have no other dream
I know there is outside your love
A world of rocks and sand
And I could live there, too
How poor and thin each breath
How rich my world, how beautiful
Alive within your love, Megels
Each moment filled with dancing light
Refracted through your eyes

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

My World, My Heart, You Darlin

Just three little words
Don't seem like enough
For someone whose smile
Still brightens my day

Whose touch could make me forget
The rest of the world

They don't seem like enough
For someone who's always been there
To celebrate with me
When everything would go my way

To hold my hand
When my whole world
Seemed to fall apart

But even though I love you
Can't express the depth
Of my feelings for you, Megels
I know you know what's in my heart

Because loving you
Means more to me
Than anything in the world
And it always will

If there is one face I want to see
So beautiful, so true
One  smile that makes a difference
To everything I do

If there's one touch I long to feel
One voice I long to hear
Whenever I am happy
Or just needing someone near

If there's one joy, one love
From which I never want to part
It is you, Megels, my special love
My world
My life
My heart

I miss you so much Megels
I wish so badly to be near you again
Hear you
Feel you
Make you laugh

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxxooxoxox

Gaze Upon With An Open Heart

Regret flows from the depths of my soul
With the strength of a flood
I have held these gates shut for too long
And though tormenting, they should not be stopped

The thought of you far away, Megels
Even as I write to you now
Stops my heart cold
As well it should

What I see in front of me
Is a painting of our love
Its most thoughtful brushstrokes
Mottled by hurried abstraction and inattention

A person who had not seen this masterpiece created
Might think it to be refuse and pass it by unknowingly
Letting be obscured the deep beauty of its many scenes
By layers of the tarnish of mistreatment

But as the painter
I see beyond the dark smears
To recall the hours that I attended to the details
And wonder how I could let it become so discolored

The painting that took me my life to create
Has lost its divinity in my careless treatment
And even if I were to refine it
I fear you would always see it as it is today

So today I paint a new masterpiece
One inspired by the muse of respect
A work that you can love through our old age
One that you will look to each day for inspiration

This one will take some time
As I want my brushstrokes to be carefully placed
I need to move steadily to ensure that this time
My art represents my dream

This is my opus
Don't judge me on my past works
As I have never before had so much skill and inspiration
And never before have I wanted to please you as I do today

With you and my children as my muse
I will paint for you a lifetime, Megels
A portrait of devotion and friendship
A panorama of passion and admiration

All I ask is that you gaze upon it with an open heart
And you shall unquestionably love me again darlin

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I Want You As My Sky Companion

I think that I might fly away
In my hot air balloon
And hide from worldly worries
On the dark side of the moon

There's but one thing I need
Before I float into the blue
I need a sky companion
And I want it to be you, Megels

We'll fly beyond the storm clouds
We'll watch from up above
I'll cover you in rainbows
As we feel each other's love

You'll shower in the stars at midnight
In our special place
I'll dry you with a comet's tail
Kiss your beaming face

Dreamy drifting panorama
Changing every day
Every night your loving smile
Will be my milky way

The moon will wane before us
Sailing there in heaven's height
For nothing else can challenge
Our love's everlasting light

Venus shining on us
Glowing soft at our devotion
Our daily drifting dalliance
In love's celestial ocean

I'll write you lover's poetry
And you will be my muse
Orion and Andromeda
Will oversee our cruise

We'll sleep with clouds as pillows
Maybe steal an angel's wings
Then fly as magic lovebirds
Or slide around Saturn's rings

And should we tire of drifting
And the stars all floating by
We'll hook onto a meteor
And soar across the sky

Will you consent to be my mate
On our celestial ship
I'm ready, heart all packed with love
To last us for the trip

Take my hand and step aboard darlin
We're heading for the sun
We're flying until we find the place
Where our two souls are one

That's the place I want to be
Right next to you
Because with you at my side
I'll always be home

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoooxoxoxxooxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You Are My Sunshine, My Life

A solitary rose grew in the darkest corner of the garden
Surrounded by many others
Yet remained alone

Time passed and trials came and went
One dealt a severe blow
And the rose began to wilt and wither

Forgotten

Then as if by a miracle

There came a soft and gentle breeze
Followed by a ray of light
As all the other roses fell into darkness
The solitary rose began to shine

Shining with a special light
And watered by a gentle cascade
A cascade of love
A cascade of selfless affection

I do no now but forever
Said the rose to the sunlight
And there they remain
A rose in full bloom
With her sunshine smiling down on her

You are my sunshine, my life, Megels
My very soul
And I your rose blooming
Blooming in the light of your love

Missing you
Loving you
The memories of ours always in my heart
Beating day after day

Always

Love, Your Edward
xooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxxox

With You, I Was Home

How simple my life was when you were there, Megels
How I cherished each breath
How I craved the light
Craved the laughter you brought me

I had fallen in love without taking a step
Fallen into the sweetest of dreams
How I hoped no one would wake me
The simplest gesture wrapped itself around my heart

Where I would hold it forever

Each time we said goodbye, a part of me wept
Though I knew it was not forever
To my aching soul it was an eternity
I saw my happiness shine in your eyes

Every time you held my hand my heart skipped a beat
How sweet life was to be yours
How meaningless life was without you
They know nothing of the loneliness before you

Nothing of the empty tears I cried day after day
How did you do it, I asked myself
How did you banish fear and the darkness
You had made me see that nothing was that bad

That I was strong and worthy of happiness
You had saved me from myself
Everyday I woke up and smiled to myself
Knowing you were waiting for me

Knowing you couldn't wait to see me
How would I go on if you were not there to hold me up
To bless me with your love and light
How I was glad you had found me darlin dew

My life was complete
I was home
I cannot go a day without thinking about you
The life I would die to share with you again

Those weekends at Universal
Nights snuggled watching shows
Holding hands on the beach
Planning our future

I struggle so badly with the depression
The pain that I left that day
The mistakes I've made
All I can think about is your smile

And what I would do to have that again
I love and miss you so much

Always

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox