The tired work days drag on but I keep rewinding hearing you laughing at the end of the call. The restaurant is called Ephasus and yeah I was picking up food and stuff while continously saying the name and spelling it lol
I'm thirsty and very tired.
But
Tonight I want to say that you are beautiful. You are the adorable girl who stands out in a crowded room whom my eyes gravitate to immediately and through the thick fog of people. I think I loved best, playing a game with you near me helping or watching something on tv with you on my lap and playing with your hair. While writing this the thought of a huge cowgirl porn stash under a bed is making me distracted lol.
I can't remember if you said you were reading Girl on a Train or Gone Girl before but I recommend Girl on a Train. I'm halfway through and it is pretty good and keeps you wanting to continue. Oh oh, here's a story:
So, dvds and blurays are coded to the region they are from such as North America is Region 1 or A and Europe is Region 2 or B etc
Well, they only work in players from those specific regions. So, a region 2 dvd won't play here in NA. Anyways, I was at work and saw a bluray set of Big Bang Theory seasons 1-7 and noticed that it was showing Region a,b,c and had a europe rating on it. So I brought it up to a coworker and manager and they said yeah no that's not our region and to just trash it out of the system and toss it. Well, being Edward I took it home with me and tried it out. Turns out it works in our region. So, due to my small mistake I now have a little bluray set of BBT seasons 1-7. Crazy. Small enough to save space and looks all good on bluray although I haven't watched anything of it because it's kind of our show. I also got Supernatural season 1 on bluray for like 2 bucks.
I remember a cute memory today as well of when we went to the mexican restaurant on McKnight and you told me about your bucket list. I miss looking at it on Pinterest and want to make sure you hit all those buckets.
I loved that laugh you had today and it made my year so far.
I feel so bad for Sammy and really hope there is a way to make him healthier or help him out, that dog is so well behaved and great and doesn't deserve to be ill.
Same with you, I really hope you don't get any more super disease sicknesses and we can get you back to super healthy yay megels.
I so tired so I am gonna turn in. I miss how immaturely excited I was when we tried sleeping naked together that one night down there because it was supposed to be better for us. lol, I always was and still am obsessed with naked megels.
Sleep very well, hope your sudoku went well, maybe i'll look into another phone game we can maybe play together. Have very sweet dreams and I shall write another for you tomorrow.
The moon lights the sky and even though miles seperate them, they are still lit in the darkness, their lives intertwined in ways few people are lucky enough to endure.
Miss you, love you, sleep well and tight and no bed bugs biting.
nighty night megels
Monday, January 8, 2018
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Way too cold and sleepy
Woke up in middle of the night after falling asleep after coming home because like I said, going to be at 3 all the time is having negative consequences. I couldn't remember what you said about trying to call super late and didn't want to wake you in the middle of the night. You did however say you wanted me to go back to daily bog posts for your cute sexy bum to read. So before I fall back asleep, I wanted to make sure I at least posted something for you.
I loved hearing your voice and I can't stop picturing you in your little mail outfit. And out of it. I don't want to write a little bit because I am dead tired and about to fall back asleep so let me write my little work day and some little thinger thangers to have you read about.
Half Price has gotten boring and am only there at the moment for the extra money for my bills but I do not plan on staying there much longer as I orignally said I wasn't. While I have been there though I have been able to find and buy a lot of stuff I've either been looking for or stumbled upon, such as the following:
Super Nintendo
Banjo-Tooie
Dreamcast
A number of blurays to either replace DVDs or to own like Miss Peregrin's school for peculiar children, the theatrical cuts of the orignal Star Wars trilogy, some old games and this baby--
which is the entire animated ninja turtles series that comes in a little replica of their turtle van.
All the Harry Potter books in hardcover including the newest one The Cursed Child.
The 3 illustrated hardcover harry potter books that have come out so far
and a number of other books.
This past Black Friday I picked up Spiderman Homecoming, Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, lego batman, guardians of the galaxy 2, the santa clause, and kingdom hearts HD collection on ps4.
The etsy store is still going alright with my 200th sale just happening. I have 7 tables to take care of at the moment and even put them up for sale on a site called artfire as well that have sold a few. I really miss your pinterest page because the ideas that you were saving were really getting me excited to expand my store. I would really love for us to really make a real business out of Geek Sense. Maybe even get on those light switch covers ;)
It feels so bad to hear about Sammy and it isn't fair. He is the best dog I've ever been around and is so well behaved and has such a personality. I wish there was something that could be done or bought to help and I can't even imagine the little man being sick.
Sucks that our 2018s are off to poo crappy starts but it will get better, I will make sure of that.
Falling asleep but am glad I was able to write something for you. I will make sure you get your daily love post and WILL NOT let you down. Please please sleep well and have the sweetest of dreams dew drop. Talk to you very very soon.
Love,
Edward
I loved hearing your voice and I can't stop picturing you in your little mail outfit. And out of it. I don't want to write a little bit because I am dead tired and about to fall back asleep so let me write my little work day and some little thinger thangers to have you read about.
Half Price has gotten boring and am only there at the moment for the extra money for my bills but I do not plan on staying there much longer as I orignally said I wasn't. While I have been there though I have been able to find and buy a lot of stuff I've either been looking for or stumbled upon, such as the following:
Super Nintendo
Banjo-Tooie
Dreamcast
A number of blurays to either replace DVDs or to own like Miss Peregrin's school for peculiar children, the theatrical cuts of the orignal Star Wars trilogy, some old games and this baby--
All the Harry Potter books in hardcover including the newest one The Cursed Child.
The 3 illustrated hardcover harry potter books that have come out so far
and a number of other books.
This past Black Friday I picked up Spiderman Homecoming, Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, lego batman, guardians of the galaxy 2, the santa clause, and kingdom hearts HD collection on ps4.
The etsy store is still going alright with my 200th sale just happening. I have 7 tables to take care of at the moment and even put them up for sale on a site called artfire as well that have sold a few. I really miss your pinterest page because the ideas that you were saving were really getting me excited to expand my store. I would really love for us to really make a real business out of Geek Sense. Maybe even get on those light switch covers ;)
It feels so bad to hear about Sammy and it isn't fair. He is the best dog I've ever been around and is so well behaved and has such a personality. I wish there was something that could be done or bought to help and I can't even imagine the little man being sick.
Sucks that our 2018s are off to poo crappy starts but it will get better, I will make sure of that.
Falling asleep but am glad I was able to write something for you. I will make sure you get your daily love post and WILL NOT let you down. Please please sleep well and have the sweetest of dreams dew drop. Talk to you very very soon.
Love,
Edward
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
The time when it all comes to a head
There are a few things I want to apologize for first before I get into the goods.
With it being a new year, a resolution is all nice and good but it doesn't come without acknowledging mistakes and being a better person so as to learn from those mistakes. This is the month I want it all to change and get back to who made me so very happy, make up for a lot of lost time and begin the new chapter entitled Happily Ever After Part 2. But before I am able to regail my favorite turkey leg with all the sweet nothings that I want her to hear daily, I must first detail all of what I know was not good or where I failed to be her other half to my fullest. They range from the insignificant to the quite significant. But all make me want to make up for them because when you are happy and my arms are around your waist and your beautiful eyes are looking up at mine....there is nothing I can think of that would make me feel complete than to return that feeling to you.
I apologize...
For beating New Mario Bros wii once you died so we wouldn't conquer it together.
Making you watch Sinister.
Not being there for your 26th bday, there is never an excuse to miss your special day esp when it wasn't far away. Which then goes to apologizing for missing your 28,29, and 30th. You don't know how badly i wanted to celebrate with you and I promise you I won't let it happen again. I still remember doing gifts over facetime when you opened Funko Potter and Are You Afraid of the Dark and Cinderella, replacing your wii sensor bar :D
I let job/financial anxieties get in the way of truly living and enjoying our time because time with you is priceless and one of a kind. I shouldn't have let you take any of the financial burden and tried even harder to get some sort of income while you worked away to help us stay afloat.
Any time I may have accidentally sounded like I was making fun of your tough time reading, I promise you I was never laughing at you. I love hearing your voice tell a story or take on a character voice when playing a game.
The Christmas that ended at the Casino because I could've joined in and had more fun instead of being a baby and sitting in a chair the whole time or making you feel bad for doing things that I wasn't used to, there was no reason to make you feel bad.
Not helping pay for the U-Haul, we both used it and even had a friend pay for it for us and it wasn't nice or right to not help pay for it as well.
Throwing another baby tantrum when Ellen offered to help redecorate our apartment.
Upsetting you on New Years when all you wanted to hear that I was sorry for any frustration and pain I had put you through and there was nothing I could think of that would make me happier than to continue to wake up every morning next to you.
Letting homesickness ruin your wedding excitement. You have my word of my heart that it's you and always has been you that I want to say I do to.
Letting the finances get to the point where your bills were past due so I could pay mine and figure out the rent when I was running out.
Annoying you with all the butt spanking.
Being difficult instead of helpful and understanding when Ellen had stayed with us.
Also being the same when your dad stayed with us. It was family and you once again were a very accomidating great person who went out of her way to help someone.
Not taking you out on enough dates, I love being at a table with you and looking across at you. Smiling.
Not taking more than one second to know that I wanted to be with you no matter what it took and that you were worth more than anything I've ever known.
Not being a stronger other half for you. You always believed in me and loved me more than life itself and while I felt exactly the same, I should've shown it more and done more for you.
Hurting you like a complete asshole over the summer when it was exactly what I wanted with you. It's shameful and embarrassing and I think of it every day as the stupidest I have ever been. To go through the next couple of months just ended up being worse for me as a sort of karma and I really would give anything to be near you again.
Not staying awake the best when driving on our road trips to and from states.
Any time I was ever upset or angry with you over anything no matter what it was. A life with you is worth way more than a little thing here and there that I may not like or enjoy because a life with you is so special and lucky that any little issue is just a raindrop on a beautiful sunny day.
I always wanted to be someone you were proud to be with and so many instances you showed that you really were in love with me.
Speaking of those times, now for the things that I still think about and want more of every single day. Happily there are a lot more of these than there are of the mistakes and if you could see the smile on my face while I write these. :D
Telling you my stories at Ponderosa and secretly looking forward to them just so I could talk to you for a little.
That magical momentous day that you came into Giant Eagle and smiled and looked back at me before turning the corner to leave the store.
Getting us the Wii U
Feeding you gummy bears while we gamed.
Playing mario bros wii and kissing you for the first time before work.
You getting a ticket on the way back to Ohio and texting me about it.
Giving you crazy directions to my house and showing you all my art while we rubbed arms together quietly falling in love.
You staying home another day just to spend more time with me.
Spending my bday with you at the museum and Hard Rock Cafe and the incline.
Watching all the Star Wars movies with you and having sex during Phantom Menace to make it a better film.
You introducing me to Supernatural.
Our little Christmas tree in my room where we traded gifts like Luigi's Mansion, a Supernatural autograph and when I got you Animal Crossing, Mystical Ninja, Banjo kazooie, Sims, and every year seasons of Supernatural and Vampire Diaries.
Working at the Limited with you and getting you coffee and staying there late to drive home to watch Are you afraid of the dark.
You making your soup that smelled up my kitchen.
Whenever you would put your glasses on after playing a game for a little because it started to hurt your eyes and pushing them up against your face with one finger if they slide down your nose a little.
How adorable you looked in your white winter hat.
Jumping all over the place during Sinister.
Going to comic cons and the pic with the black ranger and stopping at the Monroeville Alfred Angelo so you could see your old work friends.
You singing your little heart out to all the songs that you played off your phone.
Making plans to someday see Harry Potter world.
Your little journal entries that you kept when you went to Mexico for Ellen's wedding. And the naughty snapchat pic you sent me that still excites me ;)
The way you would hold me when you slept and how it felt to have you up against me and the smell of your hair.
When you found out that the quote in Banjo "eekum bokum" meant ouch my balls hurt.
Going to the zoo with you and you had on your little tube top shirt and I could not keep my eyes off of you, even when we went to TGI Fridays afterwards.
Visiting you at work and bringing you lunch or getting you Panera Bread and that wonderful welcome when I would show up "hey darlin"
When you would visit me at Giant Eagle and I couldn't wait to leave work to spend time with you.
Walking Sammy up in Avalon/Bellevue while we chatted away.
You inviting me to come with you to Florida and watching the Lego movie in my bedroom.
Putting together the Mario puzzle on my floor and then having sex near it.
Spending time with you before you left in your bed watching Clerks and then saying goodbye to you in the rain. I played Lego Star Wars all night trying to stay up with you so you weren't alone, even when you made pit stops. So cute.
Facetiming while you were there and masterbating together and getting updates from you while you were there.
Sitting in the middle of our apartment with all of our boxes eating Boston Market on the floor and watching Supernatural, our first night there.
Our shopping trip out to a small store to get the essentials like a trash can.
Showering together in our little shower and hearing your music play.
Getting our Fritos pizza and the chinese food delivered from across the road.
All of the movies we saw from Cinderella, Minions, Avengers 2, Antman, Ninja Turtles, and more.
The trips to Universal and your excitement to ride and quote the Mummy ride, Spiderman, Transformers, and Harry Potter.
The way we would hold hands and walk along the lake when the park was closing and our day was over.
Holding hands on every ride. Kissing while in line. Filling up our refillable cup.
Our cleaning dance party that you would make every so often to tidy up the apartment.
When I lined the hallway wall with all of my art.
Getting the cats and seeing their little selves running around and Harley battling every sickness imaginable for a while.
The big flea market near our apartment.
Walking on the beach with you and watching the sun go down.
Shopping at walmart and getting meat for our tacos and your chili and your tea packets and Faygo and things for our candy and snacks cupboard.
Making you the table that says Love.
You watching me play games at night and looking up walk throughs if I got stuck.
Our month of Halloween movies
Getting you your Dean shirt
When you thought I was going to tickle you in the hallway and you ran down giggling.
The bug on the railing outside
When you came up with Geek Sense
The hotel mix up that actually gave us a better place that had a comic con going on. With the little rave later.
The gaming con we ended up at with the awesome game room with video games.
Going to Ripleys believe it or not
Buying our first big real Christmas tree.
Your little bday ice cream that I got you.
You watching me draw
You doing your homework questions and me helping get pics and stuff for your powerpoint presentations.
Laughing and playing around in bed before going to sleep
Playing cooking mama in bed
Coming home on my lunch breaks and you already making me my tv dinners
Watching Friends and how i met your mother with you laying in my lap until we fell asleep
Sitting in our office chairs outside under blankets while you smoked.
Naked man
Slow head banging and thinking we were going to get pulled over for it.
when you broke the key in the door lock
Going through the wendy's drive through and you pushing your boobs up to try and distract the worker.
Getting you milkshakes at steak and shake while we watched american horror story
Picking you up from work and watching you change in your closet.
Going to Blue Dragon with you and looking at all the games and you being excited and proud to have a retron
Watching the force awakens trailer a ton of times
Getting a mani-pedi with you
Our in jokes from turkey leg to wallet and juice to diet coke.
But most of all, just how you made me feel. Being with other people I can say that there is something truly special about you. Something I have never seen again and always have on my mind. For one, you are beautiful. You are so pretty and your hair feels so silky and your skin so smooth. Your eyes are big and cute and the way you feel when I hold you actually feels like I am connecting pieces together to form a whole person. Your voice can sooth no matter what bad day I may have and you have the best smile I have ever seen. You make me laugh in so many ways whether it be a call back joke or just zooming in on your nose during facetime. I miss laying in bed with you on facetime until you fell asleep and it was great watching Netflix despite the distance. You have the cutest personality and a great great heart. More people need to have the kind of heart and kindness that you do. You instantly brighten every day and I take time almost every day to look at the pics we took together every day. You really mean a lot to me and I truly believe in my heart that you are the one. There is a connection and a realness to us that is more than special. Just like you wrote, which I totally agree, I do want my Ramona and not my Knives, the girl who goes to cons and not concerts, the girl who can kick my ass in mario kart and sing like crazy in the car. The girl who knows that she can actually be her real self with me and not worry and know that we have so so so much in common. I love you, I have you on my mind every day and have for years. I love the girl who has a ninja turtle on her pencil and wears nerdy shirts and shoes and knows all the Harry Potter spells off by heart. The girl who still hopes and checks in to read this and wrote me a letter that I look at still and reread constantly. Even if that door is open just a sliver where only a paper can fit through barely, then that's one door I want to do whatever it takes to get back inside.
You are my fire. My one desire.
Have I told you lately that I love you
Hello, is it me you're looking for
Don't talk to strangers
I miss you dew drop and this month I am going to make it my mission to change it all and do whatever it takes to get your heart right back where it belongs. It's hard to breath without you and I feel like life is flying by me, the important life where I am engaged to a beautiful brunette and am working on an animated movie and am seeing and cosplaying star wars with her. Can't believe I haven't seen Last Jedi yet. Getting late and I need sleep badly so I will continue but I do want to say, I miss you and love you and I can't think of anyone that I would rather have on my mind all day than you.
PS, I'm reading girl on the train right now and one of the main characters is named megan and she is missing and everyone is looking for her. Just like my dreams. You are quite the popular megels.
Have a very wonderful night, stay warm because Florida finally got cold, don't let the bed bugs bite and the sweetest dreams I can possibly send to you. Nighty night dew drop. xoxoxoxox
With it being a new year, a resolution is all nice and good but it doesn't come without acknowledging mistakes and being a better person so as to learn from those mistakes. This is the month I want it all to change and get back to who made me so very happy, make up for a lot of lost time and begin the new chapter entitled Happily Ever After Part 2. But before I am able to regail my favorite turkey leg with all the sweet nothings that I want her to hear daily, I must first detail all of what I know was not good or where I failed to be her other half to my fullest. They range from the insignificant to the quite significant. But all make me want to make up for them because when you are happy and my arms are around your waist and your beautiful eyes are looking up at mine....there is nothing I can think of that would make me feel complete than to return that feeling to you.
I apologize...
For beating New Mario Bros wii once you died so we wouldn't conquer it together.
Making you watch Sinister.
Not being there for your 26th bday, there is never an excuse to miss your special day esp when it wasn't far away. Which then goes to apologizing for missing your 28,29, and 30th. You don't know how badly i wanted to celebrate with you and I promise you I won't let it happen again. I still remember doing gifts over facetime when you opened Funko Potter and Are You Afraid of the Dark and Cinderella, replacing your wii sensor bar :D
I let job/financial anxieties get in the way of truly living and enjoying our time because time with you is priceless and one of a kind. I shouldn't have let you take any of the financial burden and tried even harder to get some sort of income while you worked away to help us stay afloat.
Any time I may have accidentally sounded like I was making fun of your tough time reading, I promise you I was never laughing at you. I love hearing your voice tell a story or take on a character voice when playing a game.
The Christmas that ended at the Casino because I could've joined in and had more fun instead of being a baby and sitting in a chair the whole time or making you feel bad for doing things that I wasn't used to, there was no reason to make you feel bad.
Not helping pay for the U-Haul, we both used it and even had a friend pay for it for us and it wasn't nice or right to not help pay for it as well.
Throwing another baby tantrum when Ellen offered to help redecorate our apartment.
Upsetting you on New Years when all you wanted to hear that I was sorry for any frustration and pain I had put you through and there was nothing I could think of that would make me happier than to continue to wake up every morning next to you.
Letting homesickness ruin your wedding excitement. You have my word of my heart that it's you and always has been you that I want to say I do to.
Letting the finances get to the point where your bills were past due so I could pay mine and figure out the rent when I was running out.
Annoying you with all the butt spanking.
Being difficult instead of helpful and understanding when Ellen had stayed with us.
Also being the same when your dad stayed with us. It was family and you once again were a very accomidating great person who went out of her way to help someone.
Not taking you out on enough dates, I love being at a table with you and looking across at you. Smiling.
Not taking more than one second to know that I wanted to be with you no matter what it took and that you were worth more than anything I've ever known.
Not being a stronger other half for you. You always believed in me and loved me more than life itself and while I felt exactly the same, I should've shown it more and done more for you.
Hurting you like a complete asshole over the summer when it was exactly what I wanted with you. It's shameful and embarrassing and I think of it every day as the stupidest I have ever been. To go through the next couple of months just ended up being worse for me as a sort of karma and I really would give anything to be near you again.
Not staying awake the best when driving on our road trips to and from states.
Any time I was ever upset or angry with you over anything no matter what it was. A life with you is worth way more than a little thing here and there that I may not like or enjoy because a life with you is so special and lucky that any little issue is just a raindrop on a beautiful sunny day.
I always wanted to be someone you were proud to be with and so many instances you showed that you really were in love with me.
Speaking of those times, now for the things that I still think about and want more of every single day. Happily there are a lot more of these than there are of the mistakes and if you could see the smile on my face while I write these. :D
Telling you my stories at Ponderosa and secretly looking forward to them just so I could talk to you for a little.
That magical momentous day that you came into Giant Eagle and smiled and looked back at me before turning the corner to leave the store.
Getting us the Wii U
Feeding you gummy bears while we gamed.
Playing mario bros wii and kissing you for the first time before work.
You getting a ticket on the way back to Ohio and texting me about it.
Giving you crazy directions to my house and showing you all my art while we rubbed arms together quietly falling in love.
You staying home another day just to spend more time with me.
Spending my bday with you at the museum and Hard Rock Cafe and the incline.
Watching all the Star Wars movies with you and having sex during Phantom Menace to make it a better film.
You introducing me to Supernatural.
Our little Christmas tree in my room where we traded gifts like Luigi's Mansion, a Supernatural autograph and when I got you Animal Crossing, Mystical Ninja, Banjo kazooie, Sims, and every year seasons of Supernatural and Vampire Diaries.
Working at the Limited with you and getting you coffee and staying there late to drive home to watch Are you afraid of the dark.
You making your soup that smelled up my kitchen.
Whenever you would put your glasses on after playing a game for a little because it started to hurt your eyes and pushing them up against your face with one finger if they slide down your nose a little.
How adorable you looked in your white winter hat.
Jumping all over the place during Sinister.
Going to comic cons and the pic with the black ranger and stopping at the Monroeville Alfred Angelo so you could see your old work friends.
You singing your little heart out to all the songs that you played off your phone.
Making plans to someday see Harry Potter world.
Your little journal entries that you kept when you went to Mexico for Ellen's wedding. And the naughty snapchat pic you sent me that still excites me ;)
The way you would hold me when you slept and how it felt to have you up against me and the smell of your hair.
When you found out that the quote in Banjo "eekum bokum" meant ouch my balls hurt.
Going to the zoo with you and you had on your little tube top shirt and I could not keep my eyes off of you, even when we went to TGI Fridays afterwards.
Visiting you at work and bringing you lunch or getting you Panera Bread and that wonderful welcome when I would show up "hey darlin"
When you would visit me at Giant Eagle and I couldn't wait to leave work to spend time with you.
Walking Sammy up in Avalon/Bellevue while we chatted away.
You inviting me to come with you to Florida and watching the Lego movie in my bedroom.
Putting together the Mario puzzle on my floor and then having sex near it.
Spending time with you before you left in your bed watching Clerks and then saying goodbye to you in the rain. I played Lego Star Wars all night trying to stay up with you so you weren't alone, even when you made pit stops. So cute.
Facetiming while you were there and masterbating together and getting updates from you while you were there.
Sitting in the middle of our apartment with all of our boxes eating Boston Market on the floor and watching Supernatural, our first night there.
Our shopping trip out to a small store to get the essentials like a trash can.
Showering together in our little shower and hearing your music play.
Getting our Fritos pizza and the chinese food delivered from across the road.
All of the movies we saw from Cinderella, Minions, Avengers 2, Antman, Ninja Turtles, and more.
The trips to Universal and your excitement to ride and quote the Mummy ride, Spiderman, Transformers, and Harry Potter.
The way we would hold hands and walk along the lake when the park was closing and our day was over.
Holding hands on every ride. Kissing while in line. Filling up our refillable cup.
Our cleaning dance party that you would make every so often to tidy up the apartment.
When I lined the hallway wall with all of my art.
Getting the cats and seeing their little selves running around and Harley battling every sickness imaginable for a while.
The big flea market near our apartment.
Walking on the beach with you and watching the sun go down.
Shopping at walmart and getting meat for our tacos and your chili and your tea packets and Faygo and things for our candy and snacks cupboard.
Making you the table that says Love.
You watching me play games at night and looking up walk throughs if I got stuck.
Our month of Halloween movies
Getting you your Dean shirt
When you thought I was going to tickle you in the hallway and you ran down giggling.
The bug on the railing outside
When you came up with Geek Sense
The hotel mix up that actually gave us a better place that had a comic con going on. With the little rave later.
The gaming con we ended up at with the awesome game room with video games.
Going to Ripleys believe it or not
Buying our first big real Christmas tree.
Your little bday ice cream that I got you.
You watching me draw
You doing your homework questions and me helping get pics and stuff for your powerpoint presentations.
Laughing and playing around in bed before going to sleep
Playing cooking mama in bed
Coming home on my lunch breaks and you already making me my tv dinners
Watching Friends and how i met your mother with you laying in my lap until we fell asleep
Sitting in our office chairs outside under blankets while you smoked.
Naked man
Slow head banging and thinking we were going to get pulled over for it.
when you broke the key in the door lock
Going through the wendy's drive through and you pushing your boobs up to try and distract the worker.
Getting you milkshakes at steak and shake while we watched american horror story
Picking you up from work and watching you change in your closet.
Going to Blue Dragon with you and looking at all the games and you being excited and proud to have a retron
Watching the force awakens trailer a ton of times
Getting a mani-pedi with you
Our in jokes from turkey leg to wallet and juice to diet coke.
But most of all, just how you made me feel. Being with other people I can say that there is something truly special about you. Something I have never seen again and always have on my mind. For one, you are beautiful. You are so pretty and your hair feels so silky and your skin so smooth. Your eyes are big and cute and the way you feel when I hold you actually feels like I am connecting pieces together to form a whole person. Your voice can sooth no matter what bad day I may have and you have the best smile I have ever seen. You make me laugh in so many ways whether it be a call back joke or just zooming in on your nose during facetime. I miss laying in bed with you on facetime until you fell asleep and it was great watching Netflix despite the distance. You have the cutest personality and a great great heart. More people need to have the kind of heart and kindness that you do. You instantly brighten every day and I take time almost every day to look at the pics we took together every day. You really mean a lot to me and I truly believe in my heart that you are the one. There is a connection and a realness to us that is more than special. Just like you wrote, which I totally agree, I do want my Ramona and not my Knives, the girl who goes to cons and not concerts, the girl who can kick my ass in mario kart and sing like crazy in the car. The girl who knows that she can actually be her real self with me and not worry and know that we have so so so much in common. I love you, I have you on my mind every day and have for years. I love the girl who has a ninja turtle on her pencil and wears nerdy shirts and shoes and knows all the Harry Potter spells off by heart. The girl who still hopes and checks in to read this and wrote me a letter that I look at still and reread constantly. Even if that door is open just a sliver where only a paper can fit through barely, then that's one door I want to do whatever it takes to get back inside.
You are my fire. My one desire.
Have I told you lately that I love you
Hello, is it me you're looking for
Don't talk to strangers
I miss you dew drop and this month I am going to make it my mission to change it all and do whatever it takes to get your heart right back where it belongs. It's hard to breath without you and I feel like life is flying by me, the important life where I am engaged to a beautiful brunette and am working on an animated movie and am seeing and cosplaying star wars with her. Can't believe I haven't seen Last Jedi yet. Getting late and I need sleep badly so I will continue but I do want to say, I miss you and love you and I can't think of anyone that I would rather have on my mind all day than you.
PS, I'm reading girl on the train right now and one of the main characters is named megan and she is missing and everyone is looking for her. Just like my dreams. You are quite the popular megels.
Have a very wonderful night, stay warm because Florida finally got cold, don't let the bed bugs bite and the sweetest dreams I can possibly send to you. Nighty night dew drop. xoxoxoxox
Sunday, December 31, 2017
New Year and the biggest most important resolution of my life
This New Year is the most important of all. The year ends and brings with it the relief of knowing that the worst is over. It was a tough tough year, well, past two years...and I for one am glad that the new year is coming with the feeling of excitement. A new time for a fresh start and to pursue what I want and what and who truly makes me happy.
This was something I should have said before to you and even though it's a little late, I am going to take now to say it.
I am sadly not holding you in my arms at the moment but believe me I am doing everything I can to feel like I am. We celebrated the new year down there together and at the time I was grumpy and messed it up and I feel so bad because your big beautiful eyes were looking up at me with such love. Well darlin, I want to say all of this to you now.
This New Year I promise to be the best me that I can possibly be. I know that I am capable of so much and can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. I am talented and creative and will always shoot for the stars no matter how many people tell me it's crazy. This new year I vow to grow and follow my heart. There is a beautiful brunette with the prettiest eyes. She is a cute shortie who is smart, educated, funny, and is the only person who has truly made me feel not only like I could do anything, but that I was cherished and wanted. Someone who actually made you feel like a team and work at making the other have a great day no matter how cloudy.
I haven't been myself for a little bit and have tarnished a reputation that I was proud of. I'm in love with a girl who to this day makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. I hurt her and not a day goes by that I don't regret that and feel terrible about. She is so kind and caring and the exact angel that I prayed for. I don't want to be without her and know that she is out there still thinking and hoping and I am too. This new year I don't want to go without her and my resolution is to make her happy. I've messed up too much and don't deserve someone as special as her but if given the opportunity, my resolution is to make sure she smiles every day and laughs more than she ever did. I wasn't grateful enough for the things she did when we lived together and acted like a child throwing a tantrum when I wasn't comfortable or liked what was going on around me. Through the thick and thin and the worst of times she still believed it was us until the end, forever soul mates.
I believe it too.
My resolution is to make things right. Correct all the wrongs that I have done and be the man I was always meant to be. I know she is still hoping, the same way I know she still looks and waits and hopes. Two lovers miles apart looking out at the sunset wondering if the other is doing the same and mentally talking to the other in hopes that they hear.
I was terrible.
I feel bad about being so rude and not helping enough and not doing everything and more in my power to take advantage of the gift that was presented to me when she was here right in front of me ready. It's hard to get up in the morning knowing the pain I've caused and the things I've messed up. But I can always sleep with a smile in the back of my mind knowing that she is still out there and one phrase keeps going through my head.
The door will never close.
A simple phrase from a hand written letter that I look at almost every day.
That is my hope and what keeps me going. The end is so close that it can happen any time now and it's about time.
My new years resolution is to love you like nobody else ever has.
I still believe it is us and love you so much it's crazy.
I'm making everything right and the light at the end of the tunnel is right there. The wait has been unfair and greedy and well, just plain shitty. But, I promise with all my being that I will make it worth it and spend the rest of my life making you the happiest girl, woman, wife, mother that I can possible manage.
Still true to this day.
Happy New Year dew drop Megels
It is closer than every before and my new years resolution is to make everything right and finish all of this as fast as I can so that you are in my arms.
I hope your New Years was nice and sweet and I cannot wait to take the next steps. Have a very wonderful night and Happy New Year, I love you dew drop <3 p="">
This was something I should have said before to you and even though it's a little late, I am going to take now to say it.
I am sadly not holding you in my arms at the moment but believe me I am doing everything I can to feel like I am. We celebrated the new year down there together and at the time I was grumpy and messed it up and I feel so bad because your big beautiful eyes were looking up at me with such love. Well darlin, I want to say all of this to you now.
This New Year I promise to be the best me that I can possibly be. I know that I am capable of so much and can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. I am talented and creative and will always shoot for the stars no matter how many people tell me it's crazy. This new year I vow to grow and follow my heart. There is a beautiful brunette with the prettiest eyes. She is a cute shortie who is smart, educated, funny, and is the only person who has truly made me feel not only like I could do anything, but that I was cherished and wanted. Someone who actually made you feel like a team and work at making the other have a great day no matter how cloudy.
I haven't been myself for a little bit and have tarnished a reputation that I was proud of. I'm in love with a girl who to this day makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. I hurt her and not a day goes by that I don't regret that and feel terrible about. She is so kind and caring and the exact angel that I prayed for. I don't want to be without her and know that she is out there still thinking and hoping and I am too. This new year I don't want to go without her and my resolution is to make her happy. I've messed up too much and don't deserve someone as special as her but if given the opportunity, my resolution is to make sure she smiles every day and laughs more than she ever did. I wasn't grateful enough for the things she did when we lived together and acted like a child throwing a tantrum when I wasn't comfortable or liked what was going on around me. Through the thick and thin and the worst of times she still believed it was us until the end, forever soul mates.
I believe it too.
My resolution is to make things right. Correct all the wrongs that I have done and be the man I was always meant to be. I know she is still hoping, the same way I know she still looks and waits and hopes. Two lovers miles apart looking out at the sunset wondering if the other is doing the same and mentally talking to the other in hopes that they hear.
I was terrible.
I feel bad about being so rude and not helping enough and not doing everything and more in my power to take advantage of the gift that was presented to me when she was here right in front of me ready. It's hard to get up in the morning knowing the pain I've caused and the things I've messed up. But I can always sleep with a smile in the back of my mind knowing that she is still out there and one phrase keeps going through my head.
The door will never close.
A simple phrase from a hand written letter that I look at almost every day.
That is my hope and what keeps me going. The end is so close that it can happen any time now and it's about time.
My new years resolution is to love you like nobody else ever has.
I still believe it is us and love you so much it's crazy.
I'm making everything right and the light at the end of the tunnel is right there. The wait has been unfair and greedy and well, just plain shitty. But, I promise with all my being that I will make it worth it and spend the rest of my life making you the happiest girl, woman, wife, mother that I can possible manage.
Still true to this day.
Happy New Year dew drop Megels
It is closer than every before and my new years resolution is to make everything right and finish all of this as fast as I can so that you are in my arms.
I hope your New Years was nice and sweet and I cannot wait to take the next steps. Have a very wonderful night and Happy New Year, I love you dew drop <3 p="">
Thursday, December 28, 2017
The Oncoming of New
The New Year is quickly approaching and brings forth the most exciting time for me. The plan and path ahead has been going better than ever and the upcoming new years eve will see me spending it with my parents by myself for the first time in a few years and it provides a nice open space of breathing air that labels yet another step to the immediate future. Christmas came and went rather quickly and as posted before, felt a little empty and just not the same. True it was spent with the family...sans one...and there was dinner and gifts and a general cheer but the feeling of you by my side had never felt more missed. I stand by my Christmas wish and am so close to putting it into action I find myself having a giggle here and there throughout the day. Making sure nobody sees me, short nerd giggling to himself looks oddly suspicious. The Christmas gifts went off well with the ever present double gift rearing its head. I had bought a new Tim Burton book at half price and was excited to show it to the parents and halfway through my gift opening lo and behold I open that Tim Burton book. I always feel bad when that happens because the person is so excited for the reaction of the giftee and I felt like the wind was taken out of the sails with that one. The rest of the gifts were great from a small little tin Star Wars lunch box to various video games and movies, one of note being the remastered all on one disc Lego Harry Potter saga for Playstation 4....I maaaay have asked for that one specifically for you to play :)
There is a girl who sits in the cube next to mine who looks just like you and came from Florida, her boyfriend is here with her up here and it is just so crazy how all of that is and right there next to me as a sign. I've had a number of dreams that involved you with a few notables being me at some sort of banquet and I didn't want it to start because I didn't know where you were. The seat in front of me was empty and all I could think was where are you? We can't start the dinner without Megels. A more recent one I can't remember but the one thing that did stick was I asked you what you thought about what we were looking at. No idea what we were looking at but I wanted your opinion. They range from us going somewhere or me looking for you, every time.
The dreadful cold stinks and I've just been head over heels for you more than ever. The year is just about over and I couldn't be happier. I want it out of the way and the new one to come. New everything and the long awaited super excited can't wait to start it end of this ridiculous path that I"ve been working through. I want to show you the world and have a blast making every day something you look forward to. The only time I feel butterflies in my tummy is when I think of you. What I would give to have the spider monkey maneuver happening on me right now. You really make me happy, in a way that is true and real. There's just so much about you that is real. I keep thinking about that image you took of me drawing while we watched tv and you wrote that you could watch me draw forever. Or that night we spontaneously played a bunch of rounds of old school Mortal Kombat. Or when we watched Under the Stars and the ending made us hug with serious love. Being with you made me feel accomplished, like I had the most gorgeous award and that I had a worth. The only thing I love more than you is making you smile and feel that love. It's so close it hurts.
You are what happens when a shooting star lights up a sky.
You are the inspiration that fuels the creative fire in an artist like me.
You are what happens when love becomes tangible.
Holding your hand is the most fun I've ever had.
Miss and love you so much. Nighty night dew drop
There is a girl who sits in the cube next to mine who looks just like you and came from Florida, her boyfriend is here with her up here and it is just so crazy how all of that is and right there next to me as a sign. I've had a number of dreams that involved you with a few notables being me at some sort of banquet and I didn't want it to start because I didn't know where you were. The seat in front of me was empty and all I could think was where are you? We can't start the dinner without Megels. A more recent one I can't remember but the one thing that did stick was I asked you what you thought about what we were looking at. No idea what we were looking at but I wanted your opinion. They range from us going somewhere or me looking for you, every time.
The dreadful cold stinks and I've just been head over heels for you more than ever. The year is just about over and I couldn't be happier. I want it out of the way and the new one to come. New everything and the long awaited super excited can't wait to start it end of this ridiculous path that I"ve been working through. I want to show you the world and have a blast making every day something you look forward to. The only time I feel butterflies in my tummy is when I think of you. What I would give to have the spider monkey maneuver happening on me right now. You really make me happy, in a way that is true and real. There's just so much about you that is real. I keep thinking about that image you took of me drawing while we watched tv and you wrote that you could watch me draw forever. Or that night we spontaneously played a bunch of rounds of old school Mortal Kombat. Or when we watched Under the Stars and the ending made us hug with serious love. Being with you made me feel accomplished, like I had the most gorgeous award and that I had a worth. The only thing I love more than you is making you smile and feel that love. It's so close it hurts.
You are what happens when a shooting star lights up a sky.
You are the inspiration that fuels the creative fire in an artist like me.
You are what happens when love becomes tangible.
Holding your hand is the most fun I've ever had.
Miss and love you so much. Nighty night dew drop
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Christmas Wish
This Christmas will be the last I spend feeling the emptiness of being without you. We have missed too many and the ones that I have spent with you have been the most memorable. True there are memories of growing up and waking up in the morning to see all the gifts under the tree and trying to guess what they were before the parents woke up and we could tear them all open.
A few notable memories are watching cartoons on Fox Kids in the morning while waiting for parents to wake up, getting Star Wars on DVD and almost dieing, and of course having Christmas Story on while we did Christmas....that's right, your favorite movie of all time.
But the ones that stick out to me are the ones that you were a part of because it felt truly special and like it really meant something. Whether it was a small tree that we got while working at Limited and taking a nap in the Home Depot parking lot, the one we decorated under the Christmas lights one beautiful night with the penguin ornament that stuck around every year or the adult sized one that the cats liked to be in and leaving needles all the way up to our apartment door. We took photos that one night that I have yet to ever take better of, this one being my absolute favorite that gives me so many feelings and a yearning to do it again.
There is just something about it that takes me back to that moment and even now still puts me back in the mindset of being in the holiday season and sharing such a wonderful moment and looking at you more than the tree we just decorated.
The holiday continued to deliver even in Florida where we got ourselves a real tree and decorated it while having on Scrooged and some random youtube videos of Christmas specials and the Bob Hope Roasts...of all things.
I miss laying with you while you played back the specials that you grew up with like Garfield's Christmas and the best of all
It felt like I was accepted into the most famous private club being able to watch those with you and it was so adorable how well you decorated the apartment for the holiday, even down to the mistletoe hanging above the hallway so we could kiss right before bed every time, not like we needed an excuse. The cold weather was always an angry villain to you and I cleaned your car off when I could and was even rewarded one night when cold little Megels came over in a buttoned up coat and made her way down to my room only to take the coat off to reveal a sexy naughty outfit that not only took me by surprise but actually made my heart skip a beat.
With this Christmas I am graced with knowing that the nightmare that has eaten two years of my life is finally clearing and I wish upon the holiday star to be able to make a trek down to what my heart seeks. Christmas just feels empty without you, like a vital part of my being is missing. There is no holiday movie viewing with a cutie next to me singing along to White Christmas or seeing your face brighten when you unwrap Luigi's Mansion, Supernatural autographs, or a Supernatural Jane Austin book combo. Don't worry I won't bring up the Casino....i mean, other than that....did I just fail? ahem
This Christmas I only ask Santa for one thing.
I don't want to experience any more Christmas' without you. I did like I said, get you something that is very meaningful. Also trying my damn hardest not to see Star Wars without you, avoiding spoilers is a nightmare.
So Santa, if you are listening.....I've made a lot of mistakes. I've hurt people and hurt the person I love the most. I've been blind and clouded like I've been addicted to a bad drug that has changed my mind and body to unhealthy states that I found it so hard to kick while those around me saw me going down and tried to rescue me. I've been a fool and an idiot and am ashamed and embarrassed that it took me this long to get it straight. It taught me a lot and while painful, it did help me to grow up where I needed to. There is a life that I know is for me and know where I can flourish and achieve great things and I had that life once. I also had the best other half anyone could ever dream of. I remember looking out my window at night when I was younger and asking God to please help show me my one. Lo and behold he made due on his promise. Santa, I know I can't take back the mistakes and pains that I have caused but, if you'd give me just this one wish I will spend the rest of my life making up for everything and more.
All I want for Christmas is you.
Merry Christmas dew drop <3 p="">
A few notable memories are watching cartoons on Fox Kids in the morning while waiting for parents to wake up, getting Star Wars on DVD and almost dieing, and of course having Christmas Story on while we did Christmas....that's right, your favorite movie of all time.
But the ones that stick out to me are the ones that you were a part of because it felt truly special and like it really meant something. Whether it was a small tree that we got while working at Limited and taking a nap in the Home Depot parking lot, the one we decorated under the Christmas lights one beautiful night with the penguin ornament that stuck around every year or the adult sized one that the cats liked to be in and leaving needles all the way up to our apartment door. We took photos that one night that I have yet to ever take better of, this one being my absolute favorite that gives me so many feelings and a yearning to do it again.
The holiday continued to deliver even in Florida where we got ourselves a real tree and decorated it while having on Scrooged and some random youtube videos of Christmas specials and the Bob Hope Roasts...of all things.
I miss laying with you while you played back the specials that you grew up with like Garfield's Christmas and the best of all
With this Christmas I am graced with knowing that the nightmare that has eaten two years of my life is finally clearing and I wish upon the holiday star to be able to make a trek down to what my heart seeks. Christmas just feels empty without you, like a vital part of my being is missing. There is no holiday movie viewing with a cutie next to me singing along to White Christmas or seeing your face brighten when you unwrap Luigi's Mansion, Supernatural autographs, or a Supernatural Jane Austin book combo. Don't worry I won't bring up the Casino....i mean, other than that....did I just fail? ahem
This Christmas I only ask Santa for one thing.
I don't want to experience any more Christmas' without you. I did like I said, get you something that is very meaningful. Also trying my damn hardest not to see Star Wars without you, avoiding spoilers is a nightmare.
So Santa, if you are listening.....I've made a lot of mistakes. I've hurt people and hurt the person I love the most. I've been blind and clouded like I've been addicted to a bad drug that has changed my mind and body to unhealthy states that I found it so hard to kick while those around me saw me going down and tried to rescue me. I've been a fool and an idiot and am ashamed and embarrassed that it took me this long to get it straight. It taught me a lot and while painful, it did help me to grow up where I needed to. There is a life that I know is for me and know where I can flourish and achieve great things and I had that life once. I also had the best other half anyone could ever dream of. I remember looking out my window at night when I was younger and asking God to please help show me my one. Lo and behold he made due on his promise. Santa, I know I can't take back the mistakes and pains that I have caused but, if you'd give me just this one wish I will spend the rest of my life making up for everything and more.
All I want for Christmas is you.
Merry Christmas dew drop <3 p="">
Friday, December 22, 2017
When Growing up Matters Most
2- While the flu attacks my body and I do my best to keep up with Etsy orders, my mind is full of memories and fantasies that are filled to the brim with your smiling face. Agreements and plans have been settled and the future that I know was meant to be is drawing near.
There is a commercial running now for Star Wars toys and it follows a little girl training dressed as Rey with her friends and at the end graduates to earning her lightsaber. She strikes it up and the look on her face fills me with such tear filled joy and a big heartwarming feeling of why growing up has changed my outlook on having a child. It's crazy to think back that just a few years ago I never wanted any believing they would take up all time and be way too much work to now wanting to have that connection and legacy where you pass things on, share experiences and grow with your child. Being able to do the things parents did, being on the other side.
I have been nonstop thinking of you and my mind has been running wild. What comes to mind most are the experiences that I relive daily to put me in a happy hopeful mood. Seeing the big Audrey Hepburn frame hanging on the wall and the black and white polka dot sheets. The way your hair smelled so good and infused with the fruitiest of shampoos. You playing Mystical Ninja eagerly and trying so very hard to defeat the robot boss and the look on your face when you whipped around at me in shock saying I Did It!
https://youtu.be/C8w8SAB5wxA
I still think back to just watching you. Watching you drive with one hand on the wheel and the other out the window, the sun reflecting off of your skin and your voice singing along to any and every song. The way you would be on your laptop doing homework and choosing which ones mattered more than others and the Powerpoints that you had to create, your eyes scanning over every little thing as your fingers typed away. I love the way your hair hangs over your eyes and the feeling of it slipping through my fingers when you would lay on my lap on the couch while we watched TV. I admit to having looked at you sleeping a few times because you looked so peaceful, during a rough time that you were going through it felt good to know that there was some relief in there that you were able to get to. I loved watched you out of the shower because the water laid on your skin in a way that screamed to be photographed. You looked adorable and sexy at the same time when we would go to Universal and you would wear the leggings or pants that only went down to just under the knee leaving your calves exposed and wearing your sneakers, there is just something about you that every single time I look at you I feel the same feeling of when I saw you for the first time. No matter how you felt about your self or what diet you would try, you always looked gorgeous and have the most beautiful eyes mine have ever laid themselves on.
I don't have to imagine or fantasize what kind of mother or wife you would be because I see and saw it every single day. You are a very unique and rare breed of person who has a heart that is like lightning in a bottle. I learned a lot from you, esp now. Growing up and knowing exactly what you want and what you want and need to do is very important. I want to be not only the man you love but the man you can depend on. I admit that I wasn't there before, I don't know what inside me didn't want to grow up or felt that I had all the time in the world for that later. I see someone who is my exact soul mate and has been there through the thick and thin of it. When I see you I see future and while hard to describe, I see right. That feeling you get almost like fung schwei, where you just feel it.
The girl who lays in bed and gets you to call off of work to spend the day with her and you are so glad when you do. The girl who kisses a piece of notebook paper and leaves it on the counter for you to see in the morning and plays Trivia Crack with you all week. The girl who doesn't care what is being watched or played just as long as she is able to sit next to you and just be near. The girl who buys food for a homeless person and their dog and offers her place to friends and family who have nowhere else to stay. The girl who dresses as a witch and fills a bowl of candy in a halloween decorated apartment even if nobody comes. The girl who works her ass off to make sure everything is good and continue an educational career that most don't even bother to pursue. The girl who has the confidence and bravery to take chances and believe deep down what she wants. The girl who crinkles her nose to get a smile and sends star wars reaction pictures through text and zooms in on her nose on facetime and watches Netflix together on skype and comments on twitch stream of any game I play. The girl.
She told me her vampire dream and I began to write it for her, she told me about the ghost of a woman she sees that I always wanted to see too, she told me all the places she has worked and the friends she made and how she believes that it's us in the end.
The special kind of girl who gets tipsy and punches someone because of how much they love you and want to show it even if you aren't even there and then comes home to tell you about it and proceeds to have you go get steak and shake milkshakes and 2 boxes of tacos from taco bell.
I love this girl with all my heart and more. When I saw her come out of her car earlier this year after not seeing each other for a long time, it was like no time had passed and was the most amazing feeling I had felt in a long time. One of the many moments with her that I wished could've stopped time so the moment never stopped. The preparations are being made and at the end of every day I still hold a pillow in bed like it is her and feel an almost psychic link to her like we could talk through our minds. I know where my true happiness lies. A lot of people can't say that but it's why I will always believe the meaning of life to be....Love.
and this:
<3 nbsp="" p="">
There is a commercial running now for Star Wars toys and it follows a little girl training dressed as Rey with her friends and at the end graduates to earning her lightsaber. She strikes it up and the look on her face fills me with such tear filled joy and a big heartwarming feeling of why growing up has changed my outlook on having a child. It's crazy to think back that just a few years ago I never wanted any believing they would take up all time and be way too much work to now wanting to have that connection and legacy where you pass things on, share experiences and grow with your child. Being able to do the things parents did, being on the other side.
I have been nonstop thinking of you and my mind has been running wild. What comes to mind most are the experiences that I relive daily to put me in a happy hopeful mood. Seeing the big Audrey Hepburn frame hanging on the wall and the black and white polka dot sheets. The way your hair smelled so good and infused with the fruitiest of shampoos. You playing Mystical Ninja eagerly and trying so very hard to defeat the robot boss and the look on your face when you whipped around at me in shock saying I Did It!
https://youtu.be/C8w8SAB5wxA
I still think back to just watching you. Watching you drive with one hand on the wheel and the other out the window, the sun reflecting off of your skin and your voice singing along to any and every song. The way you would be on your laptop doing homework and choosing which ones mattered more than others and the Powerpoints that you had to create, your eyes scanning over every little thing as your fingers typed away. I love the way your hair hangs over your eyes and the feeling of it slipping through my fingers when you would lay on my lap on the couch while we watched TV. I admit to having looked at you sleeping a few times because you looked so peaceful, during a rough time that you were going through it felt good to know that there was some relief in there that you were able to get to. I loved watched you out of the shower because the water laid on your skin in a way that screamed to be photographed. You looked adorable and sexy at the same time when we would go to Universal and you would wear the leggings or pants that only went down to just under the knee leaving your calves exposed and wearing your sneakers, there is just something about you that every single time I look at you I feel the same feeling of when I saw you for the first time. No matter how you felt about your self or what diet you would try, you always looked gorgeous and have the most beautiful eyes mine have ever laid themselves on.
I don't have to imagine or fantasize what kind of mother or wife you would be because I see and saw it every single day. You are a very unique and rare breed of person who has a heart that is like lightning in a bottle. I learned a lot from you, esp now. Growing up and knowing exactly what you want and what you want and need to do is very important. I want to be not only the man you love but the man you can depend on. I admit that I wasn't there before, I don't know what inside me didn't want to grow up or felt that I had all the time in the world for that later. I see someone who is my exact soul mate and has been there through the thick and thin of it. When I see you I see future and while hard to describe, I see right. That feeling you get almost like fung schwei, where you just feel it.
The girl who lays in bed and gets you to call off of work to spend the day with her and you are so glad when you do. The girl who kisses a piece of notebook paper and leaves it on the counter for you to see in the morning and plays Trivia Crack with you all week. The girl who doesn't care what is being watched or played just as long as she is able to sit next to you and just be near. The girl who buys food for a homeless person and their dog and offers her place to friends and family who have nowhere else to stay. The girl who dresses as a witch and fills a bowl of candy in a halloween decorated apartment even if nobody comes. The girl who works her ass off to make sure everything is good and continue an educational career that most don't even bother to pursue. The girl who has the confidence and bravery to take chances and believe deep down what she wants. The girl who crinkles her nose to get a smile and sends star wars reaction pictures through text and zooms in on her nose on facetime and watches Netflix together on skype and comments on twitch stream of any game I play. The girl.
She told me her vampire dream and I began to write it for her, she told me about the ghost of a woman she sees that I always wanted to see too, she told me all the places she has worked and the friends she made and how she believes that it's us in the end.
The special kind of girl who gets tipsy and punches someone because of how much they love you and want to show it even if you aren't even there and then comes home to tell you about it and proceeds to have you go get steak and shake milkshakes and 2 boxes of tacos from taco bell.
I love this girl with all my heart and more. When I saw her come out of her car earlier this year after not seeing each other for a long time, it was like no time had passed and was the most amazing feeling I had felt in a long time. One of the many moments with her that I wished could've stopped time so the moment never stopped. The preparations are being made and at the end of every day I still hold a pillow in bed like it is her and feel an almost psychic link to her like we could talk through our minds. I know where my true happiness lies. A lot of people can't say that but it's why I will always believe the meaning of life to be....Love.
and this:
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