Christmas Wish

This Christmas will be the last I spend feeling the emptiness of being without you.  We have missed too many and the ones that I have spent with you have been the most memorable.  True there are memories of growing up and waking up in the morning to see all the gifts under the tree and trying to guess what they were before the parents woke up and we could tear them all open.
A few notable memories are watching cartoons on Fox Kids in the morning while waiting for parents to wake up, getting Star Wars on DVD and almost dieing, and of course having Christmas Story on while we did Christmas....that's right, your favorite movie of all time.
But the ones that stick out to me are the ones that you were a part of because it felt truly special and like it really meant something.  Whether it was a small tree that we got while working at Limited and taking a nap in the Home Depot parking lot, the one we decorated under the Christmas lights one beautiful night with the penguin ornament that stuck around every year or the adult sized one that the cats liked to be in and leaving needles all the way up to our apartment door.  We took photos that one night that I have yet to ever take better of, this one being my absolute favorite that gives me so many feelings and a yearning to do it again.

There is just something  about it that takes me back to that moment and even now still puts me back in the mindset of being in the holiday season and sharing such a wonderful moment and looking at you more than the tree we just decorated.
The holiday continued to deliver even in Florida where we got ourselves a real tree and decorated it while having on Scrooged and some random youtube videos of Christmas specials and the Bob Hope Roasts...of all things.
I miss laying with you while you played back the specials that you grew up with like Garfield's Christmas and the best of all

It felt like I was accepted into the most famous private club being able to watch those with you and it was so adorable how well you decorated the apartment for the holiday, even down to the mistletoe hanging above the hallway so we could kiss right before bed every time, not like we needed an excuse.  The cold weather was always an angry villain to you and I cleaned your car off when I could and was even rewarded one night when cold little Megels came over in a buttoned up coat and made her way down to my room only to take the coat off to reveal a sexy naughty outfit that not only took me by surprise but actually made my heart skip a beat.
With this Christmas I am graced with knowing that the nightmare that has eaten two years of my life is finally clearing and I wish upon the holiday star to be able to make a trek down to what my heart seeks.  Christmas just feels empty without you, like a vital part of my being is missing.  There is no holiday movie viewing with a cutie next to me singing along to White Christmas or seeing your face brighten when you unwrap Luigi's Mansion, Supernatural autographs, or a Supernatural Jane Austin book combo.  Don't worry I won't bring up the Casino....i mean, other than that....did I just fail?  ahem
This Christmas I only ask Santa for one thing.
I don't want to experience any more Christmas' without you.  I did like I said, get you something that is very meaningful.  Also trying my damn hardest not to see Star Wars without you, avoiding spoilers is a nightmare.
So Santa, if you are listening.....I've made a lot of mistakes.  I've hurt people and hurt the person I love the most.  I've been blind and clouded like I've been addicted to a bad drug that has changed my mind and body to unhealthy states that I found it so hard to kick while those around me saw me going down and tried to rescue me.  I've been a fool and an idiot and am ashamed and embarrassed that it took me this long to get it straight.  It taught me a lot and while painful, it did help me to grow up where I needed to.  There is a life that I know is for me and know where I can flourish and achieve great things and I had that life once.  I also had the best other half anyone could ever dream of.  I remember looking out my window at night when I was younger and asking God to please help show me my one.  Lo and behold he made due on his promise.  Santa, I know I can't take back the mistakes and pains that I have caused but, if you'd give me just this one wish I will spend the rest of my life making up for everything and more.
All I want for Christmas is you.
Merry Christmas dew drop   <3 p="">