Middle of Night Missing You, Sweet Dreams to You

He couldn't sleep.  The feelings for her only grew and grew.  The way he missed her was escalating to new heights and tore at his heart like never before.  Everything had gone the way he had wanted it to go, true much slower than he wished but it was finally to the point where he was trying to get it to.  The only missing piece now was her.  The hole without her ached and he lay in bed alone thinking only of her.  The world was seemingly crafted for them and here he was by his lonesome ready to prove to her all of his love and more.  He had met her years ago and regaled her with stories to which she looked forward to on a weekly basis.  Their paths had parted after that only to meet up again on the most rarest and serendipitous times at a grocery store.  Everything in both of their lives had gone about in such a way as to meet up that fateful afternoon.  He can remember exactly how she looked and the sound of her beautiful voice.  They looked at one another right before she turned the corner to leave and his heart knew at that very moment that she was the one for him no matter what.  They met up again soon after falling for one another like no other person had before that.  He was so excited to share everything he could with her and the way their bodies touched that evening sent sparks throughout both of their souls.  It was undeniable that they were attracted to one another and that this wasn't just two people hanging out this was two soul mates who were feeling their paths together taking its first steps.  She was the only thing on his mind after that day in and day out.  That continued to this day.  He lived a nightmare the last couple years set into motion by a person that wasn't right for him and causing him to become lost on his path towards happiness.  This new path led to many a bad choice and callous decision that led him into darkness.  He was sad.  The depression ate at him every day and the more time he spent away from his true love the worse he felt.  So every night he prayed.  No matter how many times no matter how many tears he prayed the same thing every night.
Forgive me for hurting the one I love.  She means the world to me like nobody else I have ever met.  I fell in love with someone who has taken my heart to heights that I've always wanted to repay in spades.  She's the most beautiful girl I've ever met, with every part of her being fitting into me like the most perfectly designed puzzle piece.  My love for her goes into the stratosphere with the many many things I love about her.  She's the perfect height with the most perfect smile, she knows exactly how to make you feel better and relieve all stress.  She knows how to achieve what one wants in life no matter how scary it might be and while you take that ride with her it creates more memories than any book can hold.  She saw love and a future with me.  I am honored and lucky to have had someone see that in me.  I still see that.  I had the most beautiful girl offer me exactly what I wanted and I hurt her, if I could go back in time and fix the error of my ways I wouldn't even need a second to think.  She makes me happier than I thought I ever could be.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or our future and the fun we could have.  I miss our little apartment and how we made it our own.  From the art on the walls that she still hangs above her head to the nights spent with her head in my lap while we fell asleep to television.  What I miss most is being able to look to the side of me and see her.  Whether in bed clutching on to me or walking Universal Studios, knowing that the person next to me was my special someone was something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  It taught me just how powerful fear and anxiety can be and how defeating such a villain is key in achieving what you want in life.  I was fearful and let my anxieties choose for me instead of my heart.  I made mistakes, big mistakes that make me sadder by the day.  But I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the biggest mistake of all was to have her be the one that got away.
There is nobody in my life that I have ever come across where when I looked into their eyes I could actually see a future.  Just a meeting of our eyes, I felt a maturity and a safe and solid future where I knew it was all going to be okay.  That's something rare that most people don't come across.  One of the main things that gave me the courage to move states away with her was that feeling that when I looked at her I knew that no matter what happened, she would be there and we would be okay.  To say she is perfect almost seems like an understatement.  She's real.  She is the one person who I know that when together we can be our true selves.  Nothing needed to be hidden or embarrassed about.
I want to put a ring on her finger and feel the satisfaction of calling her my wife.  To take her to every comic con instead of every concert, to make sure she kicks my butt in Mario Kart, and when we are in the car that we sing as loud as possible to every Cher, Journey, and Pitch Perfect song.  I promised her my heart until the day I die and even then when we are ghosts and I intend to keep that promise.  One cannot atone for what he has done in the past and the pain caused but I am of the cleared and matured head now that I would without a doubt do whatever it took to please her and make it right.  I want to be near her and will move any distance to remedy that.  I want to hear her voice every day like the most serene music to my day.  I want to prove to her that her heart is in the best hands and she can be herself, her complete self nerding out in every way she wants.  I want to earn her heart the way a real man should for his woman. 
Most of all I miss her.  She was the best partner a man could ever ask for.  My dreams are full of situations where I am searching for her or spending time with her.  Every night another time spent with her.  Looking out into the night sky at night knowing that she is out there, hoping her heart still beats and reaches out into the night as well.  She's all I've ever wanted and crazy or not, believe that we are meant to be.  God always puts us together no matter how far apart or time spent away, always keeps one another in the other's head no matter what is going on, and always makes me feel like the best me I can be when I even just think about her.  The reason she keeps looking.  The reason she keeps reading.  The reason every time she sees a turkey leg, hears the Harry Potter music, or looks up at her day of the dead canvases.  I'm not perfect, never claimed to be and made choices to reinforce it as well.  But she always made me feel like I was and that my dreams were always something to shoot for with her full support.  That is the definition of an angel.  A beautiful girl who makes you feel complete, heart full of love, and helps you achieve your dreams.  I've never been able to be that angel for anyone but for her, I'd be more than honored to take her hand and make it all a reality.  I want to be there when she succeeds, when she achieves greatness, and be there right by her side holding her when we take big steps in life.  This beautiful girl had the power to make me excited about bringing a baby into this world and what their name would be and excited for how I would raise my little one.  When I lay in bed at night I think about those days we cleaned to music or held hands walking around a flea market.  The look on her face when I brought her flowers or bought her Luigi's Mansion.  The feel of her body on mine while we laid in bed, the sound of a lake outside our window. 
She made the best analogy anyone has ever made to me and wrote me a letter that I carry around with me to read every single day.  She truly is my Ramona Flowers.  I was the misguided Scot Pilgrim who was at first wooed by Knives Chau only to discover that she was too young and we didn't have any of the same interests.  In my dreams Ramona would always skate by and keep my heart reaching for her.  Scot wronged them both in the end and realized that he needed to mature, admit his mistakes, and let them both know how he felt.  Knives wasn't who he was in love with.  It was Ramona.  You were always my Ramona.  I will always be your Scot.  He may be a nerdy, video game obsessed, movie quoting artist.....but he knows exactly who he wants to be his player 2 in this game of life.  It's you.  You've have been and always will be my Peach.
My Zelda.
My Dean.
My lobster.
My Hermoine.
My Leia.
My Kazooie.
My weeeegeeeee.
My One.
My Only.
I love you more than life itself and no dragon is too big for me to fight off to ride in on my white horse to rescue you from the dangerous castle.  Whatever it takes, you know I'll be there for your heart and your hand.  You are the most beautiful, smart, caring, nerdy, awesome, fun, confident, amazing woman I've ever met.  I miss you like crazy and continue my dreams to you.  If you feel a little extra kiss on your heart tonight, know it was from me as I wish you very sweet dreams with feety pajamas and Lego Potter fantasies.  My heart is for you, my hand is for you, may you have a very restful sleep and a very good night my darlin dew drop.  Until tomorrow, my love to you.

Always.

xoxoxoxososadmissingyouloveyousomuchxoxoxoxoxox

and and and and ::blows:::