Love for me is the meaning of life. The one emotion and feeling that all things feel and strive for. It is the one emotion that is the hardest to describe and the one emotion that feels the best. The feeling causes butterflies in the stomach, euphoria in the brain, and tingles all throughout your body. Love makes you do crazy things and makes you want to spend time with one person every single day. Love is the best feeling that humans can feel and December was full of it. Fresh off the heights of Universal, we took to the apartment each doing our own little redecorating. The kittens ran around freely, Harley being a bit of a little troublemaker and it was an interesting feeling during the winter season. For one, the temperature was about the same as it was all year round so there wasn't really any physical sign of winter nor did it feel like it at all. Christmas music would fill stores and areas but it seemed oddly out of place when the rest of the environment looked like summer still. The apartment was decorated with all manner of holiday cheer, my favorite being the mistletoe that she hung above the entrance to the hallway that led to our bedroom. The most important part of the holiday was the tree and this would be our first full size regular tree that we would set up in our living room. The trip to Walmart was fun, we picked out the tree that we liked best and would fit in our place and watched as the worker set up a little net hoop and tossed the tree inside of it making an instant net bag to hold/carry the tree in. Once we transported it home we carried it up the stairs to our door leaving a million needles behind us as a trail. Once inside we set it up in the corner by the balcony doors and then brought out the bin of decorations that she had and one night we spent decorating our new tree. While we decorated, we watched some Christmas specials including Garfield, tv show holiday episodes, and some celebrity roast old videos that Megels said she found funny when she caught some on television some time back. The kittens found this new tree something of a challenge to see just how many times they could mess with it or get inside it and climb around. They would sit on the edge of the couch and look at it wondering in what way they could conquer this new thing.
As with any tree, the star sort of pulled the top a little bit sideways but in the end it looked wonderful and we achieved our first tree together. We celebrated the season with some holiday movies like the Grinch and her personal favorite White Christmas. Before the end of the month we scheduled a few days to take a trip home to spend the holiday with our families as to see them for the Christmas season. We made all the arrangements at work and someone to stop in and check on the kittens while we were gone as Doggert was going to be joining us on our trip. The drive was another long one but this time it was like a real traveling experience because with each hour that we drove it became colder and colder the more north we went. Being around the warm weather so much it was going to be an adjustment to experience how cold it was. Driving was always a fun time for me even though the amount of time was long and tiredness would set in. There was something about spending time with that person and having so much time to just talk and sing and introduce some new things in the car like music, podcasts, and even some trivia. Most drives would start off with her music and singing and then slowly drop off to looking at things on the road and trying to take pictures of the state signs once we crossed over into them. We would switch off after every few hours letting the other one sleep but we would always not be able to since whatever the other person was listening to became so interesting we wanted to hear it. One in particular was when I would listen to Nerdist interviews and she was trying to sleep but wasn't and said that she wanted to sleep but these were so interesting to listen to. When we got home, there was some snow on the ground and the cold bit at us and we remembered just why we didn't miss the weather. We dropped each other off and spent time with our families, sending pictures and face timing at night to each other. The holiday was nice and it was nice to see family but they were behaving a little oddly almost trying to invoke some serious guilt on me for not being close to the family. It was starting to upset me and make me feel really bad. It wasn't fair, I was really happy and with the person I loved more than anything and they were making me feel like it was wrong and I was ruining the family. The feeling wasn't good and started to mess with my anxiety a bit. It wasn't long before I just wanted to go back and hold Megels at night while we watched TV.
The holiday visit was over and we were back on our way home, the feeling of arriving to warmer temperatures and being back at a place where I called my new home felt relieving. I actually felt like I belonged in my new home, like it was mine. Being with Megels down there felt right and that I had a place I could breathe and know that I was with someone who truly did care and have the same feelings of the future as me. A few days later we took a little afternoon date to the beach to walk around and just be out together. It was a beautiful evening and reminded me just why I fell in love with her and how special and amazing our future could be together. The ocean was the most soothing feeling and watching the water go in and out was better than hypnosis. Walking along the beach, the sand between our toes and holding hands was like walking through a dream. For the first time in my life I was in one of the dreams I would always have where I was happily with someone I loved somewhere I loved, but it wasn't a dream. It was real. It was another post I remember her posting commenting on our afternoon date and how much she enjoyed it. One that replays in my head over and over. True happiness is watching her standing on that beach, the wind in her hair, our hands together as the water spills over our feet and we are just watching the sun go down. The most perfect instance as to why love cannot be described. That moment, that feeling, being with her there is the best I have ever felt in my life. My heart beats so hard now just remembering how it felt.
Every moment spent with her is a dream come true. Megels has a way of making you feel like you belong and that you are safe with her. She reassures you that the future you are working towards is the best and funnest one there could possibly be. She has beauty beyond measure and knowing that I was spending my time with someone who felt the same as me about all manner of subjects and interests was the icing on the cake. It felt like all of my worries and issues were just melting off of me and the more I touched her, held her, the more those worries were deleted from my consciousness. Megels is a rare unique person who doesn't come along into life for no reason. There is nothing I wouldn't do to be near her, to be with her. As we stood there watching the sky turn pink and orange, I felt time around us freeze and it was just us alone in the world in that spot that nobody knew about. That moment was ours and would last and last. It was moments like that that further cemented the idea in my head that I wanted to put a ring on her finger. There was no doubt about it. I would walk a million miles just to see her. I would climb the highest of mountains just to be close to her. I would conquer any fear to be with her until the day I die. Love is the best feeling in the world and true love only comes along with the perfect soul mate. There I was standing on the beach with mine in my hand.
The story continues in part 13...................
I miss you dew drop. Every day I count as it goes by with memories of you and the fun adventure of a future we could have. Your letter in my hand getting me through each day. Every evening I sit by the window and remember us standing on that beach, hand in hand. My heart beats for you and believes that we are meant to be. I love you so very much and that will always be my heart's message to you. I will be here ready to stand on that beach with you again, always.
Love, Your Edward
Miss you darlin, a little drawing of us at Universal in our robes and with our wands.
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxo
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