The new year started off with two people in love. A new world full of new experiences and wonder had just opened itself up to be explored. The cold temperatures of the winter season blew on with bitter cold breezes that annoyed all of those inside of it. When the sky wasn't dropping snowflakes to cover the ground in white powder, the freezing temperatures were attacking noses and numbing fingers. The best part of the winter season had passed and now it was the long trek towards the warmer season of spring. While the times spent with the most beautiful girl in the world seemed to be going well for Edward, there were things not going so well inside of Megels. Issues of career and contentment with her life were starting to take a little toll on her and the cracks in her own self happiness were starting to grow. She was unable to enjoy her life when it wasn't where she wanted it to be happy with herself and one night she made the decision to depart the relationship that was bringing her smiles every day. The night still draws pain when thought about and the memory while pushed down still is remembered. There was something there that she didn't want to let go and try as she might to put on the face of how things should be, she couldn't deny that it wasn't the relationship that was making her unhappy. The walk to her car that night still is fresh in the mind as I opened the door to her car so that she could get in for what I thought was the last time I would do it. Turning on the engine, she sat in the seat while her radio played on behind her. The lyrics permanently etched into my memory.
Say something I'm giving up on you.
As heartbroken as I was feeling, I still couldn't believe that that was what was playing around us as we said goodbye. She shut the door, drove off, and I stood on that sidewalk corner for what seemed like years. The cold biting around me all I could do was think that time stopped and wouldn't move again. She didn't seem upset that much which seemed to me to be a little bit odd. That turned out to be true as the next couple of days we would continue to talk and start to hang out more until it appeared like nothing had happened at all. Our hearts had left such imprints on one another that there was a permanent link between us that formed a chain of love that held us together. As we started to have more good times I can remember walking to her car again one night and her explaining what we were going to do the upcoming days and saying 'oh and we're back together if it wasn't obvious.'
Just those simple words almost had me sprout wings and float on up into the atmosphere. It didn't matter that it was cold anymore, I didn't feel it, I was warm from the inside out. With the winter season starting to slow down, we began our adventure together anew with more memories and fun together with things neither of us had done before. As an artist, she loved what I could create and because of that I loved making things to see her smile and be in awe at. An Art All Night event was attended together, a first for the both of us, and I thought what perfect piece to place in an exhibit for all to see would be the picture that I drew for her all those months ago while she was at work in Ohio and I wanted to send her something all day to keep her company. The drawing I did of Angelina Jolie. The night of the event we went and walked around looking at all of the pieces, searching out for mine and taking pictures of all the other pieces we thought were interesting including a framework structure that all could write or draw something on as they went through.
It was the first time since high school that I had had something be hung up for people to view. It was exciting and gave me the bug for more things like it in the future. The feeling of something I made being good enough to be shown at an event and something that meant something to me and held meaning as well. The piece I drew for someone I loved and bringing that person with me to view the showing was a night I will never forget and the kind of night I want to take her to more of. The winter weather was finally starting to calm itself down and with intense glee, we awaited any warmer weather we could get our hands on. The holidays continued and Easter arrived with her introducing me to a tradition that her family did with egg hiding at her house with her sister. It was really adorable to see how her family celebrated the holiday apart from how mine did with just coloring eggs and me drawing weird things on them.
With what life the cold weather had left in it, Megels made me laugh the best when one night she busted out a one piece feety pajamas that she wore to bed. The way she jumped around in those covered feet and zipped up her body in that soft suit had me feeling like a kid again. I couldn't stop laughing and was a little jealous I didn't have my own pair. She lamented the fact that it was a little difficult to zip up the front over her breasts but it was beyond sexy to me to unzip her naked body underneath. The nights continued while she worked on her homework on her online college classes and I toiled away at the grocery store job while my parents decided that due to finances and bills that they were looking to move and would be moving to a new house that upcoming summer. It wasn't a big deal as they were still moving in the area but I had felt powerless as I was unable to do much to help them out. I didn't have enough money to do anything for them and it was sad knowing that soon I would have to say goodbye to a home I had known for around 20 years of my life. Sporadic memories float around my brain, fragmented by emotions around me during that time. There was a small parting of ourselves again due to her being upset by where her life was going and that time I took it a lot harder. I opted to sleep on the floor next to my bed vowing that it wasn't right to sleep in the bed we shared without her. We tried to make a deal of how to part and when to talk for a break but it was still obvious that neither of us were going to hold one another to it. The days that went on without her were painful and empty like a piece of me had been taken from me. I remember I looked at a picture of the wedding ring she wanted and would tear up. There were some parting pains and she had taken to her friend and alcohol for some coping mechanism which resulted in a few of our shared inside jokes with one another. My favorite being when she called me saying she was walking to my house and was halfway there, so I left my house running to find her and to find her walking down the street finding a white dandelion and going 'and and and and phooooo' and blowing the white petals all of the flower. She would come to me and make broccoli soup which I always hated the smell but knew she liked eating. I'll always remember one night as I curled up under a blanket to have a warm quiet night alone, I started watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and ate cheez-its in my room when we started texting. She missed it and said what I was doing sounded like a really nice night. Credit to her friend that not too long after she called me to come down to a bar because Megels was there and she wanted us to talk. I went down and the seeds of our love were obviously tried and true and our hands linked back up again. To say I was happy would be the understatement of the year. When I'm with her everything seems right in the world. Food tastes better, colors are brighter, and I have an overwhelming sense of being where I'm supposed to be. She gives me energy, passion, and a drive to achieve anything and everything I set my mind to. When I look at her I feel like the person I'm supposed to be. I missed her. I missed her like nothing I would ever miss in my life. The amount of memories just from the beginning of that year have the best place in my mind that I can pull from to give me a smile anytime I need it. Megels wore a sexy outfit under her coat and came over my house to surprise me one night under the glow of my Christmas lights. Took me to Kohls to get a few pairs of shoes that I adored and wore for the next almost 5 years. We got lost driving behind businesses just to find Ikea and with every corner we turned, the back alley just kept going on and on. The backyard fire pit at her friends house where we would sit to try and keep warm while stories were told. Bringing her lunch and visiting her at the bridal shop where she worked, one time wearing my contacts to look even more attractive for when I visited. Any and every second spent with her was like an all access tour of heaven and I was the guy with the golden ticket. I was head over heels in love with her. With summer approaching, everything suddenly came to a screeching halt.
The combination of her own unhappiness, life path, job feelings, and home life became too much for her to bare. She needed to take a big break for herself to figure things out and get her own life on track before she was too unhappy to go on with anything else. Which meant that I had to unfortunately see her go once more. This time the pain was excruciating. This time I didn't know if I would see her again. The world seemed to go quiet. Then my family found a new place and we had to start packing for the move to the new place. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness without my loving Megels was taking on an actual physical form. The days leading up to the move were empty. Looking out around my room with everything taken out of it seemed like the manifestation of what my heart was feeling. Every memory that had occurred in that room was about to be left there, just like she had left my life.
All I could do before I left was take a moment to walk around, touching the walls and crying over the memories that were etched into that room. The place where she washed her face in the morning, the place where we watched the scary movies, sat on the floor and I fed her gummy bears, where I showed her my art, where we carved pumpkins, set up our tree, the places where we made love, the place where we exchanged gifts and gamed and held each other. I had to say goodbye to it all. It wasn't easy and when we left that house there was still a feeling in my heart that my love was still meant to be with the girl of my dreams. The move to the new house wasn't super bad, taking a couple of days and full of sweat from moving boxes upon boxes and heavy furniture as well. By the end of it, I was back to a new room in quiet, looking out the window at night wondering what she was doing and praying I would get to see her again.
If you had asked me before if I believed in God I don't think I would have an answer. In my young naive mind I would probably need some sort of proof or scientific reason why I should. But when you meet someone so perfect from your dreams that you had asked the night sky for every night of your life....your mindset changes. I believed. I believed because I started to run through my mind just how amazing the number of things that had to line up for us to meet and the sheer number of experiences, fun, and memories we had created in just that time we shared together. Plus there was a feeling in my heart that I couldn't ignore. Love isn't something someone can describe or put into words, it's a feeling that you get where you just know it. It's a crazy feeling of being so sure of something without even needing to think. It just happens and your body just knows it. It sends signals to your brain and nervous system that you never feel with anything or anyone else. Our hearts reached out to one another for a bit while I settled in to the new home but my heart received the worst stab of all when she sent me a message saying that she couldn't do this anymore and radio silence would be the best for us. Which is what happened after that. The time apart and not speaking anymore had me just trying to get by day to day. I rode my bike twice a week for miles, bought some games to try and feel better, and tried to catch up on many movies that had piled up. But it just wasn't the same. I wanted to share with her, see her again, and show her that my heart was all hers and nobody elses. I acquired a new job at a call center that I didn't like very much and after work I would play mario kart and ride my bike. The days just seemed like the same day repeated over and over with no feeling to them. I missed her. She was the bright spot on a dark and cloudy day.
Then something happened that reinforced my belief that there is a God.
Sitting at work one day I get a text from her saying that her friend moved to Florida and she didn't really have anything to do anymore and had quit her bridal store job and was a bit bored. She wanted to hang out and I couldn't have said yes any faster. This was my sign.
I had decided on the best way to see her again. A zoo date. Just like the beginning.
The story continues in part 7................
Missing you like crazy darlin. Not a second of the day goes by where you aren't on my mind. My heart is forever yours and the funnest adventure of life I know is in your hand. I love you so very much and miss you even more. The stars may be in the sky tonight but none shine as bright than when I am with you. My heart is yours and will always be waiting dew drop. Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoooxoxooxoxoxoooxoxoxoxo
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