Too Hard to Sleep Without You

I cannot sleep.  Most nights I wake up and feel a sense of depression and dread.  Looking over and not seeing you there stabs my heart every time.  My dreams continue to include you whether I'm looking for you or somewhere waiting for you but most dreams involve you.  I am not handling the depression without you well and I miss the times when I could talk to you, hear your voice.  You were always there and promised you always would be.  I understand my mistakes and am broken down by them every day.  You know me more than anyone Megels and the true me.  It hurts so badly not to have our life together.  The trips, the laughs, the moments.  Every day I can't help but run through them in my head and seeing where I am now only makes it hurt worse.  Going to work is a test of how long I can go without breaking down and crying.  I miss you so much.  Writing to you every day in hopes that one night, one night, one will come across your eyes.  I think about you every day and something in my every days reminds me of you and us somehow some way.  We went through too much and had too much together for it to just be a distant memory.  I gave up it all to go with you and I'd do it again in an instant.  Being with you felt like home, like I was where God wanted me to be.  I will reach my hand out until it withers and dies because no matter how long it takes and how bad I must feel, if the end result is you it'll be worth it all.
It's so hard.  I'm so sad and depressed.  Every night I try and sleep only to dream of you.  I miss you darlin dew drop.  I miss our life.  As I try and sleep again I hope one of your dreams I can enter just to see you again.

Love always
Yours Always
Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoox