You're the one person I felt was the perfect match. There is so much I am dieing to share with you and wanting so much just to see your face again. The happiness I had when I was down there with you is a eutopia that I would give anything to return to. I do still read your letter and spend my nights thinking of you and the fun we would be having that night.
I miss seeing your face on facetime at night and spending time together. Each of us watching the other doing our little routines and chatting about our days and the various nerdy things that we were watching out for. Nights are so quiet and empty now.
There isn't a lot I want from my life. A career I've created with my art and ideas, starting a family and inspiring others, and you. You are a very special unique piece to all of that.
The awful feeling of how things were handled and how much was dropped out of my hands due to my own mistakes burns away at my core.
There truly is nobody like you.
I know new people have the leg up on me because they don't come with the blemish of having made mistakes and bad choices. They haven't hurt you. If given the choice of everything I want in life or taking back the pain I caused, I would choose the latter and do whatever I could to make it up to you and give you the best happily ever after that existed.
I want to give you those nerdy memories. To join hands with you as we travel to the different big comic cons. I want to lay between the sheets with you and play with your hair while we discuss what we think the next Star Wars movie will be about. Those wonderful audible memories that float through my head daily....
Hearing you start a game up. Trying your best to get through the many video games from your past. Watching me play and hearing you say that you missed watching me play and that you could do it every day.
I miss watching you succeed. You are a talented smart woman that I was lucky enough to watch pull herself up by her bootstraps and not let life keep her down.
The feeling that I get when I look at you is one that I never had felt with anyone until you. A sense of correct. Like I was where I was supposed to be and no matter how rough the seas got, I knew while our boat would rock....we would never capsize.
I miss bringing you flowers and visiting you at work. Just that little few minutes in the afternoon always meant the world to me and were always the highlight of my days.
I know I wasn't always the best person in some situations but I wasn't letting myself grow up where I needed to. Looking back on a few instances now, there would be a lot I would definitely handle way better.
The one thing that was always constant was your pure heart. You care and are more real than any person there is out there. You truly care. You put others before yourself and when anything bothered me you always tried to help or do what you could to fix it.
I need you now more than ever.
I miss being able to watch movies with someone who could intellectually talk about it and enjoy it. Hearing your opinion on things and being the nerd commentary for you on the many superhero films. The best part was all of our common interests. I miss sharing with you and knowing you were just as into it as I was. From Ninja Turtles to video games and just describing things to you made me so happy.
I miss getting you presents and seeing your face light up when you saw what they were. My favorites being the big Supernatural book, the autographs, Mystical Ninja, and Luigi's Mansion. You are my pop culture girl through it all.
Another great memory that I go back to a lot is when we went to the comic con where they had a room of video games and we played that old school mario game where you could be different nintendo characters.
How we got those 1up boxes delivered to us for a while was always exciting and you even claimed some of the t-shirts that came with them. I still haven't been able to wear the Universal T-shirts that I got there because they remind me of you and I can't do it without you.
I want to go to Universal with you dressed in Harry Potter robes and wave our wands around doing magic.
I would give anything for you to be in my arms right now. Laying next to me with a smile on your face that crinkles your nose before you fall asleep. Feeling you next to me and knowing that just being close to you I'll get the best sleep I could ever have.
You are my darling dew drop Megels. Forever.
I know I messed up the worst and I would give up all of it just to erase that.
You are the love of my life, my Ramona Flowers.
The girl who I want to go to comic cons with instead of concerts.
To have beat me at Mario Kart and sing at the top of her lungs in the car.
I miss you darlin. My heart just doesn't beat the same without you.
They may be new and different but they aren't me. Aren't us.
I had your hand ready for that shiny beautiful ring once and I will do whatever it takes to be lucky enough to be granted that again.
There's truly nobody like you.
The most wonderful heart mine has ever beaten with in such gorgeous melodies.
I miss you darlin dew drop so very very much.
I love you with all of my heart and am here waiting for that moment.
Always.
Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxox
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