Night Time full of Memories of Dew Drop

Days without you are the hardest days of all.  I would give it all just to spend a night with you.  Talk to you and work out anything and everything so we can have fun again.  Living a shell of who I really am was a stupid and damaging experience that I am ashamed was a hurdle I had to overcome.  I promise you that whatever it takes to have you in my arms again, I will make sure it is done to the best of abilities.  When something works and is meant to be it is the craziest feeling, a feeling that you just know and feel in the deepest part of your soul.  When just the mere thought of someone puts an extra perk in your step and a flurry of memories fly all around your head.  All day I relive more memories that we created, getting me through the day until night when I pray to the stars that my mistakes can be forgiven and worked through for us to be again.  I don't share this many happy memories with anyone I am even close with.  I can't remember the last time I laughed really hard or felt like I was truly appreciated.  I recognize that my mistakes are my doing and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't talk to God about what I have done and feel the pain of losing the one thing I want in life.  My favorite thing to do is recollect all the little memories and moments that showed me that happiness isn't an object or money but a short nerdy girl named Megels who carries the brightest sunshine in her pocket.
I still feel bad about continuing on and beating Mario Bros wii after you died fighting the final boss.
The power points that I helped you with during your online schooling.
Showing you the Walking Dead for the first time and you always getting reeled in by the cliffhangers at the end of each episode.
I love how the things you owned always had the same color scheme.  Black, white, pink.  From your bed sheets to your side lamp to how you colored your room.
Those cold winter mornings where I would sit behind you and watch you apply your makeup before you left for work.
The little gift things I gave you to try and make you smile.  The Notebook dvd with the scrapbook with it.   The little carrot guy dish scrubber that I messed up and replaced.
The painting I made of the couple walking down the rainy park path, making them look like us and how you said it was your favorite thing I ever made you.
The Nicole Kidman and Day of the Dead art you kept on your walls to be close to you at night.
Anytime I would fart you would always say 'Did you shit yourself?" with a sly smile on your face.
How spontaneous of a gamer you are, wanting to play Mortal Kombat one night and commenting on how realistic the graphics were in Beyond Two Souls.
I love how much you liked Spider-Man 2 and watched it again at your house with your sister one night, liking it just as much as the first time.
Taking me to Kohls where you got me three pairs of the same shoes that I wore forever until they just completely fell apart.
When I got bit by something and my shoulder hurt and you said to quit whining and it'll go away......which then got really infected and huge and the glee you had when you were tasked to pop it and do some excavation.  I still have a calloused spot there.
Calling me from work the minute after you got there so I could take you to the dentist because your tooth broke.
The way your eyes hurt after playing a game for a few minutes at night and how you'd push them up in the middle with your one finger.
When driving home from somewhere you just out of the blue said I was a really good driver.
Pulling through Wendy's at night and asking you to push up your cleavage to distract the worker.
Helping me through the dark caves of the Harry Potter ride with my glasses off so I wouldn't lose them on the coaster.
All the movie experiences at home that ran the gamut of emotions.  Fault in our Stars making us cry and hug at the end, Guardians of the Galaxy making us cry right away, you leaving a few minutes into Tusk hating it, how much Rob laughed during a Million Ways to Die in the West, our horror month in October, and you wanting to watch all my movies starting with the top and working your way down.
Lotioning up your back at night to give you a massage that made you fall asleep.
Going to eat at TGI Fridays after going to the zoo with you and the tube top you had worn that I couldn't keep my eyes off of.
The child like excitement we had watching you pick out the ring you wanted at the mall jewelers.
You singing to me in the car and in the apartment and me wishing I knew more of the words to join.
Banging the steering wheel when Journey came on.
I love how supportive and interested you are in my art and what I create and my future dreams.  Nobody has ever been my biggest cheerleader in that way.
Managing to find two kitties for us to raise and let me name them Harley and Quinn.
When we would come home from shopping, putting the bags everywhere and putting stuff away bag by bag.
My heart aches for us to be again.
Laying in bed is the loneliest place in the world without you next to me.
I want to share more and do more and experience more with you.
I know you shouldn't say what you wish for because then it won't come true but when I blew out my birthday candles I wished that we were able to work it out and really give it a chance for us.  I miss you in ways I have never felt before.  I feel like I don't belong and I'm not myself.  You are the special girl that brought out the real me, the one who has the dreams and ambitions to really make it big. 
Quoting Supernatural and Star Wars and Harry Potter.   To hear you say Wingardium Leviosa again.
Sending me that text picture of when the Cher song came on to your radio.
Tonight I pray to hear your voice again.
I lay here holding the pillow the same way I would hold you and promise to every single night.
Love is the most powerful feeling I have ever felt.
There's a lot of love out in the world and people throw it around a lot.
But true love....that's one of a kind.  Lightning in a bottle.
When I saw you, I saw that lightning.
Being with you I would marvel at the bottle full of lightning.
You're my true love darlin.
Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo