What I Would Give to Be With You

When I lay in bed I night I see your face.  Whatever it takes I want to do it to be with you.  In the evenings I miss the times when it was just us.  You on the couch with your laptop in your lap and me either next to you or on the floor playing a game.  You would watch and make comments on how scary the one enemy was or do your very best to help me out of a jam.  It felt so good to know that all I had to do was look behind me and there you were.  Your beautiful eyes watching me and throwing me a smile anytime I looked back.  You would share what you found on your pinterest and get up every so often to refill our drinks.  I leave the window open next to the bed so that I can hear the cars drive by as it reminds me of the sounds of the freeway that was behind our apartment and how I could hear them go by as well.  Birthday week came and went and I can honestly say it was the worst I have ever had.  Almost like it didn't exist really and it only pushed harder on the fact of how much I miss you.  Being with you there was always an adventure to be had.  Every day I wake up I kick myself in anger every minute I'm awake for the choices I made and how I let it all slip through my fingers.  My fingers are stiff from being crossed in hopes that one day I will be given one last chance to prove myself and pick up where we left off to forge ahead with new chapters together that are even more wonderful than the last.  My mistakes haunt me, every day and reliving the very best of our memories in my head.  What I would give for that weekend together.  Going to Universal, hearing your voice, meeting your eyes, holding your hand, just feeling you next to me.  What I would give to just sit and talk it out to craft any possible way we can to work it out and reclaim our adventures.  What I would give to wake up in the morning to see you and having our own place together that you would decorate for Halloween again.  To watch movies with you and hear your opinions afterwards.  What I would give to see you playing a game again, taking your contacts out and putting your glasses on because after playing for a certain amount of time the screen begins to hurt your eyes.  I miss planning with you and looking forward to thing with you.  I miss loving you.  I hate the life that I fell into and am not myself in the slightest.  That person messed everything up and I let fear and confusion let it happen.  What I would give to share every single little thing with you.  I want you to sing to me from the bathroom as you get ready for work.  I want you to fall asleep in my lap as we watch television at night.  I want to make you breakfast and eat all the chili you make and all the tacos we can craft together.  I want to make you more art that you hang on your walls.  I want to take a few days off of work and come visit you and spend time with you.  I want to lay on the beach with you holding our pinkies together in the sand.  I want to be there for your birthday and hope that when you blow out the candles you make the same wish I did when I blew out mine.  I want to make faces at you over facetime and have you guess more music.  I want to make you laugh as we drive to new destinations to take pictures of us together.  I don't want to go to sleep alone without you anymore.  I don't want to experience anything new without you by my side.  I don't want anymore time to be wasted unless I'm having fun with you.  I don't want to go to any comic cons unless I'm holding your hand.  I don't want to celebrate anymore holidays unless I can turn to my side and see you right there.  You reminded me what love and happiness was and never let me forget it.  You changed my life in ways that I never ever got tired of.  You are always the one constant that just seeing your smile either in person or in a photo puts me right up to the moon.  You are why love feels the way it does.  I miss you so much and want to work things out and be together.  I know I've made a mountain ahead of me that seems impossible to climb but I'll take on Armageddon itself if it meant being able to hold you again.  You are my favorite darlin dew drop.  The love of my life.  I love you Megels sweetness.  Always.

Love, Your Edward
xoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo